[petuniafish]

Attended my second OA meeting today. I have 25 years in AA. I live in a rural area and so OA members are few, 3-6 people attending meetings generally. Unfortunately the next closest meeting would be 1.5 hours away.
This is difficult to ask but going to plow forward. I'm slim at the moment but have a long history of compulsive eating, and yo-yo dieting. I gain 40 lbs and lose it every 2-3 years. Know that OA is where I need to be.

The members in my group all have between 10 and 40 years in OA. Yet the majority are quite obese, infact really no one who doesn't look at least 50-200lbs overweight.
Feel that I'd have a difficult time accepting guidance with the steps from someone who has been at this for 30 years and yet weighs 300 lbs. Most agreed today that they have to "start" exercising. Is this the norm? I've listened to everyone in the group and while very nice people, I'd like a sponsor who works a good program but is not terribly overweight after 20-30 years. Am I not getting something here? I learn something from everyone in my AA group but I also choose those who have what I want. I don't want to be obese or even out of a healthy weight range. I want to eat healthy and keep exercising.

[merowi2]

HI petunia
We on this site could be a help to eachother, I too have had compulsive eating issues since age 13,am now 43,but have only ever let myself gain 25-30lbs,I exercise like crazy and seem to have an 80/20 diet yet I drop 10 then gain 10.
I really want to hit 150lbs by december and also gain control of my binge eating

[buckeyegal]

Hi Petunia....I think your assessment of the OA group you are attending is correct. They are not working the program. Sounds like it is more of a social/support group that allows them to continue their unhealthy lifestyle.

Have you ever considered attending an online OA meeting? They have them 24/7 online. Just google online OA meetings.

You know from being in AA what a good meeting is and what people who are working the program can mean to fellow members. Sounds like this OA meeting is not what will help you.

Best wishes to you...check out the online meetings.

One more observation: You posted your question on this OA sub forum a week ago. Where are the OA members? Why haven't they posted suggestions and supportive posts? Just wondering.........

[Palestrina]

Hi Petunia, I don't do OA but I can sympathize completely with wanting to be around people who are successful and I think your insticts are right - everyone at the meeting might have the best of intentions but there's no one there who's really made this program work for them and it's understandable that you're not able to find the support there that you are looking for. That's exactly why I follow Intuitive Eating, it makes much more sense to me to try to align my eating habits with those of normal eaters than it is to take advice from dieters who have gained and regained weight after every loss.

On the other hand, if you get really good at the OA stuff then maybe you can serve as an inspiration to the members who seem to be struggling. You know what they say, "be the change you want to see in the world."

[blog]

Physical recovery is important. And you'll want to find a recovered/recovering sponsor who's recovery you want to replicate.

Look, we are all addicts. And so I hope you'll forgive me for questioning if you are seeing clearly. Is everyone really 300 lbs? I'm not saying its impossible, but I've been to a lot of meetings, and while there are always some people who are at an uncomfortable weight, I've never experienced a group where most people are. Is it possible that some of these people are at a perfectly healthy weight but that they are not Hollywood skinny? Sorry if this is out of line, but I think its important to bring up the possibility. Our heads can play tricks on us - tell us things to keep us from recovery.