Hello world!!
Hello there. I just joined 3FC, and I've been reading up on the OA threads. I have been very interested in OA for the past few weeks. I have researched it quite a bit and have even purchased a few books/pamphlets from the OA website. I just got them in the mail last night, so I'm looking forward to getting started. Below you will find my story that I posted on my blog. This was actually very hard for me to do because I have never told anyone my story, not even my therapist, and now here I am telling 1000's of people I don't even know. But here is goes...
Hello there. My name is Brie. I am 28 years old and have 5 children. Ok once you start breathing again, I will let you know that I myself only have 2 children but my boyfriend has 3, so together we have 5. I have come to the realization that I cannot control my eating, and I’m having a very hard time with that. I have always struggled with my weight since I was a child, but then once I went to college, I thought I found the answer. I would binge and purge everything. It was perfect. I got to eat whatever I wanted and however much I wanted and I wouldn’t gain any weight! I was 180-190lbs when I entered into my sophmore year of college in 1999, and when I went into my junior year I was 120-125lbs. It was great. I thought I had everything under control, and I stopped purging after I ate because I didn’t want to be known as “bulimic”. I switched to only laxatives and told everyone that I was sick and everything I ate would just run right through me. This lasted throughout the rest of college, but I remained thin. Then I got pregnant with my daughter in 2002 at 22 and I stopped all of the destructive behavior, or so I thought. I trained myself to beleive that the only thing destructive I was doing to myself was the purging and the laxatives. So I stopped that. But I continued to binge eat, and told myself “I’m eating for 2″. I was 123lbs when I first found out I was pregnant, and almost 9 months later I was 207lbs. I ate everything in site. Once my daughter was born in October 2003, I turned back to purging and laxatives, except this time I added a prescription diet pill to the mix. I started taking “Phentermine”, and I ordered it online and it was the newest answer to my prayers. I have always been looking for an easy fix! I was taking the phentermine, and trying to never eat. When I would eat, I would throw it up and every night before bed I would pop 3-6 laxatives, and make sure I was getting everything out. I lost most of the weight by the time my daughter was 3 months old. I realized that this was not the way to live my life and I didn’t want to set a bad example for my daughter, so I decided enough was enough. I stopped for the most part, but I have been struggling with my weight ever since. I have turned into an “occassional bulimic” if there is such a thing. I wake up everyday and say to myself that “today is going to be the day I get my eating under control”. Then I mess up only a few hours after eating, and I decide that the day is already ruined, so I may as well start over tomorrow and continue to binge eat for the entire day. I do this everyday. I gain a few pounds and my clothes start to get too tight, and then I throw up and start with the laxatives again. I now have some health problems which I attribute to my purging and laxatives. I have irritable bowel syndrome, and pretty bad acid reflux. I am on medicine for both, but I am starting to hate myself because I have done all of this damage to myself, and I am still FAT! I just don’t know what else to do anymore. I am desperately trying not to go back to the throwing up or the laxatives. And forget about the diet pill thing, it made me pass out more then once, so that’s not happening again either. But I don’t know what else to do. I desperately want to turn my life around and live a healthy lifestyle without ALL of my destructive behaviors, but I just don’t know if I can! I am looking into Overeaters Anonymous to see if I will fit in there. Who knows anymore. Anyway, this is a little blog about who I am, and beleive it or not, I’ve never told a soul about this, and it actually feels pretty good to get it out!
That's a little bit about me, and I'm truly hoping that I'm not the only person out there who has gone through this struggle for so long. I'm embarrassed that I actually have to admit defeat here, but nothing else is working! Thanks everyone!!!
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Welcome Brie!
