[searsha]

One hour at a time is how I handle this time of year. Abstinent days are building up, which is wonderful, but I’m saved from complacency by the deep inner awareness that I’m not ‘cured’, and I need a lot of help to keep this precious gift.

Christmas has its lovely elements, but it’s also a time of high emotion. I’m keeping it very simple. I’m actually working on the 25th – or at least on call, which suits my program. I have lots of nice family outings planned around the hols, and will cook an abstinent meal for an OA member later on Christmas Day.
OA works.
Last night, I had another of those moments of grace that Tommy talks about between the compulsion and the act of picking up the food. Was doing ok one minute, at a small office function, the party food had not bothered me much, I had eaten my meal earlier, but suddenly I was hit by a wave of compulsion. It was savage.
I could feel myself disappearing into the food, and how good it might make me feel. But I took a moment. I said the serenity prayer.
Went to another part of the building. I could not leave altogether as I was due to start my shift soon. I drank some water, still half deciding to break out. Stinking thinking took over – delusion – what harm would one little break out do, blah blah blah!! You know the script!
Then a thought struck me. If I eat this food, my whole Christmas will be ruined and I won’t want to even engage properly with my own lovely daughters. That was the turning point. By the time I rejoined the group, I was back on track, though still shaken by what had happened. I’m beginning to see that I can survive tough emotions coming up and not have to bury myself in food. That is nothing short of a miracle. I’m learning too that COE is too big for me to sort myself. I need OA like I need water. Later, I had an early enough night after work, because Christmas makes me tired too, and tiredness puts me in immediate danger of relapse.
I hope to keep sharing here throughout the season because I really need you guys. Looking forward to my Saturday morning meeting here in Dublin. Wishing you all happy holidays.

[sidhe]

Searsha, it sounds like your HP came through for you! I'm so happy for you, it sounds like you got just what you needed.

[tommy]

Searsha- thanks for sharing that hurdle and your success. I like to jot these times down in a little notebook and when things are looking bleak, I pull it out to remind myself that it "works when I work it"
PS: I am a girl (I find guys don't tend to journal)- Tommy is one of my tortoises

[marny]

searsha-
You went through an entire process. You made the choice to move away from the food so that you could work through the feelings and thoughts-- what an awesome choice!

I will be doing a lot of the same. At holidays and with family, I make a lot of quick trips to the bathroom (where I can be alone with my thoughts for a moment). There, I talk to God, talk myself through, and can even make a phone call.

Thanks for sharing.

[Malinki]

That is great Searsha; that grace is just the most amazing thing - the time to think between being hit with the desire to eat and actually eating to such a blessing.

I am really excited about Christmas this year! Normally I kind of dread it, I used to binge for a week, feel awful, make a new year's resolution to diet, stick to it until the 3rd January, binge until mid February, diet until April and then binge/starve in cycles from then onwards. Knowing I am not doing that this year feels good.

I am looking forward to spending Christmas with my family and seeing my grand parents. I have a plan in place for food over the festive period and I am feeling like it is totally possible to have a great holiday without over-eating with help of the programme and my HP. Yay!