My sponsor's nephew died suddenly last week. She is taking some time to grieve, work through her emotions, and focus on her family.
She emailed me yesterday that she can't be a sponsor right now. I totally understand and support her. I love her and want her to take care of herself.
At the same time, I'm devastated.
I'm in shock at the sudden loss of my most important confidant. I spoke with her nearly every morning for over the last year of my life. No matter where I was or what I was faced with, I knew that she was only a phone call away and would support me.
She can't talk on the phone yet. I feel cut off from my life line.
My feelings are sadness and loss.
Logically I know:
She will probably come back when she is ready. I am not alone. I have incredible support from my OA family. She was not my program-- she was one tool, and all the rest are still there. God is right here with me as always and has a plan for me.
Yesterday I was torn between my feelings and my logical thoughts. I was confused as to why I felt so sad when I supported and understood her. I was also ashamed that I was feeling so much pain about my own loss when her loss was so much "greater".
I cried a lot. I don't remember the last time that I cried. This also surprised me.
The awesome thing is that I could call my dear friend Jennifer who is going through the same loss because she had the same sponsor. Talking to her really helped.
Last night I thought about drinking. Instead, I called an AA friend and asked her to meet me at a meeting. I chose to reach out and use program tools.
I'm going to be okay. I need to accept that I'm going to be sad for a while-- and that's okay. I need to continue to reach out and use my tools. I need to do what I would suggest to someone in my position.
Oh, Marny, my heart goes out to you. I've had my sponsor for "only" 108 days, and if I lost her I know I'd feel adrift.
I admire the way you are handling this. You're right in saying that she is not your whole program, she's one of the tools. Do you feel that you need another sponsor to turn to, or do you feel that you can use the other tools while she takes this break? If you have ANY sort of hesitation at all about continuing your recovery without a sponsor, can you find another for the interim? Possibly you and Jennifer can support/"sponsor" each other?
You know, of course, that you can always come here, and we will support you, too.
Yep, I could get another sponsor. I may do that. I don't feel quite ready yet.
Yes, Jennifer and I are supporting each other. In fact, my sponsor had even requested that we do that.
No, unfortunately it isn't common to have a sponsor for life. People change, grow, leave program, move away etc. I also had never thought about losing her...it seemed impossible. Most likely I wasn't willing to think about it as a possibility.
I admire your sponsor for being honest and taking care of herself. Every sponsor I have had in AA ended up using me as their sponsor when problems came up. So I ended up losing them as sponsors anyway. My sobriety date is 1/3/91.
I'm assuming you have an AA sponsor you can talk with about wanting to drink. A 10th step will help.
I finely found the willingness to call someone about being my sponsor. I'm not quite ready to call her my sponsor, but we agreed on a time that I can call her. I'm still holding out some hope that my sponsor will come back.
At the same time, I'm moving forward. I don't feel like I'm standing still in shock anymore. I feel better.
That's good Marny, I'm glad you called someone. Sometimes sponsors just get overwhelmed with life and can't do it anymore (for now). Don't take it personally. You are doing the right thing by reaching out to others. I know I always use to personalize everything into this private **** of rejection, forgetting that God has been who has kept me sober, not these people. There have been times I used 2 sponsors so I had more than one person to talk to.
I am so scared to get a sponsor. There is so much yuk inside of me I hate to even think talking about it. I remember a long time ago (>20yrs) when I was in OA, someone said, ..."it's not so much about what you are eating as what is eating at you"! I think that is still true today.
I started my first step last night and used the work book and the Big Book. I lost track of time almost 1and1/2 hours. Very intense.
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Yep, it's scary. But, I wasn't doing okay on my own keeping it all in. I knew that if I had any hope for recovery I had to let someone in. I had to let someone help me.
I asked someone to be my sponsor after last nights meeting and she said to call her.
Our meeting last night was awesome because we discussed Step One and everyone shared so much about themselves, lots of tears and laughter. I love my group.
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Hi Marny,
I did and got her vm. So later that evening another person who I really wanted to ask to be my sponsor called me. At the meeting she said she was only available as a tempory sponsor so I did not ask her. While we were talking last night she said she is availble to be a full time sponsor and we just hit it off and she said she would be happy to be my sponsor and got me right on schedule. We will talk every night around 9pm and I must give her my food plan for the next day and did I follow the food plan for this day
I am on my way. Thanks for checking on me Marny.
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lost my sponsor
Wow Marny, I'm sorry you lost your sponsor. (((hugs)))
