willing to be well by joining OA - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community


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Old 06-19-2007, 06:15 AM   #1  
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Lightbulb willing to be well by joining OA

Hi everybody,
Thank you all so much for your honesty on this OA forum.
My name is Searsha and I believe I am a compulsive overeater. I have what I consider a lot of insanity around food - bingeing or severe dieting. Most recently, I lost 8lbs in one week by using food replacement sachets, but felt very physically drained in the process. It scared me because although I felt unwell, I was exhilarated by the weight loss.
Ironically, I discovered this site while on that rigid plan. I've tried OA before, but allowed myself be put off by certain personalities. And I should know better. I've been given a wonderful life through my long term commitment to AA, and I know that it's about principles not personalities.
Seeking balance around food does not come to me through my own efforts. I've been inspired by the threads on this forum, by the courage to change that is evident. When I read about people like Marny and her commitment to OA and all that it offers, I feel that I've been struggling on my own with this problem for long enough. It's time to change but I am TERRIFIED.
My binge eating knows no bounds. I can quite easily plough through five chocolate bars in one evening, and that's just desert! Along with that, I'll eat fried food and fast food and lots of meat and high fat food and overdose on carbs. It's all tied up with stress and emotion and denial for me. If some life situation upsets me, I'll pretend not to be bothered but hours later find myself POWERLESS over food.
I'm 43, five foot 1", and am 30 lbs overweight. But it's my denial of who I am that causes me most pain. That's why I eat the way I do. I need help to get more honest and to stop people pleasing. I need to acknowledge that I don't just sail through pain and stress, on the contrary, I can find situations so fearful that I have to eat with insanity. OA will hopefully help me cope with reality.
Yesterday, I wrote to another OA member. I signed up for a yearly subscription to Lifeline magazine. I'm going to a local OA meeting on Saturday, and today I am willing to be abstinent, even though I have not defined that fully as yet. And this new commitment is today giving me the courage to at least try to be abstinent one-hour-at-a-time!
If neccessary, I'll post again on this site rather than begin a binge.
But just for today, I'll eat three healthy meals and one snack. WW points has helped give me discipline in the past, so I may combine WW and OA. My priority though, is to re-connect with God through you good people. I need a God of my understanding to help me every second because I find this area so incredibly difficult.
Today, I'm going for a long walk by the sea, because I need to start looking after my stamina. My treat will not be food orientated but maybe I'll wind up the walk with a jacuzzi and sauna in my local gym. Sorry for going on so long. Thank you again for your courage. I feel hope.
Searsha.
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Old 06-19-2007, 11:31 AM   #2  
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Good luck to you Searsha Thanks for being so open with us!
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Old 06-19-2007, 12:56 PM   #3  
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Hey Searsha-

You are making huge strides towards recovery through your honesty, willingness, sharing, and commitment to go to a meeting. You are so very welcome here, and I'm glad that you found us.
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Old 06-19-2007, 04:55 PM   #4  
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Hi Searsha- Great to meet you!
I hope you have a lovely walk by the sea and it gives you a boost to get through the rest of the day--they way you want it to be!
See you here again tomorrow!
~Mabela~
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Old 06-19-2007, 05:49 PM   #5  
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Welcome, searsha! My sponsor says willingness is most important, so I guess you're starting off great. I look forward to getting to know you here.
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Old 06-20-2007, 06:37 AM   #6  
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Thank you Sidhe and Mabela and Marny and Pink Tiara,

Happy to say I'm still in the spiritual solution. I am now one day in recovery from the horrors of compulsive eating. Overeating. Need to say it like it is. I work in journalism and have a great capacity to dress things up prettier than they really are.
And there's nothing pretty about the disease that takes me to low places, where I wilfully put my God given health in jeopardy. And it is wilful - because like most people with food issues, it's not a lack of information I suffer from - my obsessive nature means my head is like a store house of info about nutrition.
Hopefully, with the help of OA, I can now put this knowledge to good use, instead of it being just another stick to beat myself with. I'm done with shovelling addictive food into my body, and feeling so so guilty because I know I could be setting myself up for diabetes or some other illness.
I'm keeping it really simple and focussing on today, yet looking forward to Saturday so I can actually attend an OA meeting.
What's helping me feel peaceful is prayer - like I keep wanting to obsess about how I'll ultimately define my abstinence with help from OA, but that question makes me nuts very fast, so instead, I keep my food plan very much in today, simple and nutritious and non-sugary, and I hand over the final version to God.
I'm being looked after, and getting some lovely signs of that - I was out walking the coast road, keeping that promise to myself, feeling my head slow down, and the next thing I bumped into an AA member who asked me to chair a meeting early next week. 2nd time that happened in 24 hours - I get called on to do service just when I most need to be 'kept out of my own way'.
Night time compulsions are a big thing with me, but I just keep handing over to the same power that puts good stuff like the above my way!
I am so grateful for the peace of this moment; but I don't take it for granted; this peace will not last for me unless I keep surrendering to OA.
Surrender to win as they say in AA.
Thank you all for being there. Wishing you a good day.
Searsha.
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