Hi everybody,
Thank you all so much for your honesty on this OA forum.
My name is Searsha and I believe I am a compulsive overeater. I have what I consider a lot of insanity around food - bingeing or severe dieting. Most recently, I lost 8lbs in one week by using food replacement sachets, but felt very physically drained in the process. It scared me because although I felt unwell, I was exhilarated by the weight loss.
Ironically, I discovered this site while on that rigid plan. I've tried OA before, but allowed myself be put off by certain personalities. And I should know better. I've been given a wonderful life through my long term commitment to AA, and I know that it's about principles not personalities.
Seeking balance around food does not come to me through my own efforts. I've been inspired by the threads on this forum, by the courage to change that is evident. When I read about people like Marny and her commitment to OA and all that it offers, I feel that I've been struggling on my own with this problem for long enough. It's time to change but I am TERRIFIED.
My binge eating knows no bounds. I can quite easily plough through five chocolate bars in one evening, and that's just desert! Along with that, I'll eat fried food and fast food and lots of meat and high fat food and overdose on carbs. It's all tied up with stress and emotion and denial for me. If some life situation upsets me, I'll pretend not to be bothered but hours later find myself POWERLESS over food.
I'm 43, five foot 1", and am 30 lbs overweight. But it's my denial of who I am that causes me most pain. That's why I eat the way I do. I need help to get more honest and to stop people pleasing. I need to acknowledge that I don't just sail through pain and stress, on the contrary, I can find situations so fearful that I have to eat with insanity. OA will hopefully help me cope with reality.
Yesterday, I wrote to another OA member. I signed up for a yearly subscription to Lifeline magazine. I'm going to a local OA meeting on Saturday, and today I am willing to be abstinent, even though I have not defined that fully as yet. And this new commitment is today giving me the courage to at least try to be abstinent one-hour-at-a-time!
If neccessary, I'll post again on this site rather than begin a binge.
But just for today, I'll eat three healthy meals and one snack. WW points has helped give me discipline in the past, so I may combine WW and OA. My priority though, is to re-connect with God through you good people. I need a God of my understanding to help me every second because I find this area so incredibly difficult.
Today, I'm going for a long walk by the sea, because I need to start looking after my stamina. My treat will not be food orientated but maybe I'll wind up the walk with a jacuzzi and sauna in my local gym. Sorry for going on so long. Thank you again for your courage. I feel hope.
Searsha.
Thanks for being so open with us!
