Hi to all!!

I've been away from all of you for far too long. I must admit I have been lurking in the shadows from time to time. So much goes on here it's hard to keep track of everything. I have missed everyones support and upbeat personallities!!

I fell off program and had such a hard time getting back on track with any type of program. I finally took the bull by the horns and joined a program ( thinking that I needed to be accountable to someone other than myself) I joined in the later part of September and have lost a total of 25 lbs .. I am proud of my success ... however .. my fat cells (all 75 lbs of them) seem to be rebelling against me and are refusing to comply with my requests I seem to be fighting a loosing battle between my psycological need for food and my desire to loose weight I hate myself the way I am .. but for some weird reason I keep sabotaging myself .. I can't even blame anyone else for doing it! I know alot of it has to do with the stress of the many foster monsters I have in my home .. but to be honest with myself and to all of you .. I feel that I don't deserve to be thinner .. my god I'm one sad cookie .. How could it be that I would feel this way???
So I have once again decided to not give in to my stupid thoughts .. isnt it amazing what we do to ourselves?? So now more than ever, I need your support, friendship and wisdom to reach my goal .. I need to learn to be accountable to ME!!!

I will try to post daily .. however .. its not always possible for me. And I will keep my head up and my hands out of the fridge!!! I will do this for ME because I deserve to look and feel great!!

Its so nice to be back .. and I know you will all welcome me home.

Laura

So nice to see you again. I've often wondered about you and thought of emailing you. (Mods have everyone's email addy!)

Hang out when you can and post. As you know, this is a pretty solid group of folks.

(((Goomba)))

Hiya Goomba!

I think you've got it all wrong--I think you are under so much stress from those kids and the lifestyle you are leading that you are emotionally absorbing all the negativity around you and placing it on yourself. I think you've practically convinced yourself you can't do this! You really need to make time to get in touch with yourself and find your inner beauty and only that way can you get the courage to continue with your weight loss journey. Treat the problem, not the symptom, know what I mean? How about joining a yoga class or meditation class? Once you learn the principles, you can set aside time to do this yourself, everyday. Once you reagain your confidence, you can embark on the weight loss journey. But I'm afraid you're right, the conditons that are going on in your house make it very difficult, that's why I'm suggesting going out to do this. You gotta start somewhere Goomba and maybe this "emotional" hump is what is stalling out your weight loss.

Sorry for being so preachy, but honestly, I was EXACTLY where you were. And it's only in the last few years that I have felt strong enough emotionally to commit to this. So I hope what I had to say doesn't offend you, but to help you instead. Best of luck and welcome back!

Welcome back Goomba!! (I love the name!!!)

I too fell from the wagon with self sabotage!!! but am getting back and trying very hard to lose the almost 30 that i gained from my lowers (trying to see virgin territory again (in my dreams) )

the point is that you are back and here. we will handle you with kids goloves for the first say 5 min the start cracking the whip

Welcome back Goomba!!!!

I think alot of us have fought the ghosts and lost........many many times.

Time to make time for yourself, your health and your sanity.

I agree with pooky, and we are here to help you!!

Robin

Hi Goomba. I am new here, so I don't know much about you, but something that you said struck a chord with me. Self Sabotage and deserving happiness... Self sabotage is a big one for me too, but please don't EVER think that you are not worthy of health and happiness. Try to say something positive to yourself each night before you go to sleep and then again when you wake up. This has done wonders for me. Something like "I deserve to be healthy and happy." Just those words to yourself twice a day can help you regain perspective when living in difficult conditions.
g

thank goodness you're back!!! i missed you!! all your stories and perspectives... as for the rest, i can only echo and agree with what everyone else is saying. it's time for YOU. and stop beating yourself up. if a friend came to you with the same pile of stuff on her plate that you've been dealing with, would you be nearly as hard on her as you are on yoursefl??? NOOOOOOO!!!!!

so, STOP DOING IT TO YOURSELF!!!

ok? no more soapbox. at least for now

I'm new here also and just getting to know my way around the site!! I do know that these ladies are full of compassion and have truly been there. I related to your story so much. I too am a stress eater and have been my own worst enemy in the food department. It seems so difficult for women to not feel the weight of the world on our shoulders isn't it?? I cannot even imagine how difficult your life is. What finally helped me to get back in control ( most of the time of course ) was to admit I couldn't do this alone. I found this site, finally asked my husband to be a part of my healing journey and have started to educate myself. The essential step for me is to just do the day. Forgive myself for past behaviors and not to put off life unti..( i lose weight or become more fit or whatever ) I admire your courage and welcome you back!!