I need your help and advice, chickies. (loooong, sorry)
Like most of us here, I have a weight problem. Every single member of my family is obese ('cept my little grandbaby, Heather... *knock on wood*) but my niece is way out of control. I won't ask her and she wouldn't tell me but I'm guessing she weighs close to 500 pounds. She's a beautiful girl and she's just 21 years old. She's getting married in October to a real sweet guy who is also very overweight. I saw my niece last weekend for the first time since Christmas and I believe she's gained at least 50 pounds in that amount of time. Her father died when he was in his early 30's from a heart attack and I'm so worried about this kid. She's always been overweight, even as a baby but up until the last couple of years she always seemed okay about it and had lots of self esteem. Now she can't find any clothes to fit her and it's so hard to feel good about yourself if you're wearing the same outfit every single day. She's been on medication for depression for the last year and not getting any support from her medical doctor other than drugs. In the town where she lives (I know this sounds unreal) she CANNOT switch doctors. In order for her to see another doctor she has to go to another city. That may happen. We used to do everything together. We used to get subscriptions to the ballet in Toronto and go see 5 or 6 ballets every season. We did that until she got too fat for the seats, we used to love to go to Canada's Wonderland and ride the roller coasters, too. Same problem. Everyone in my family has said at one time or another that this kid should have been mine. We are so much alike. For example, we are very, VERY, good at getting what we want. If I can convince her that what she and I both want is to be able to look normal and go shopping for clothes and actually have fun... I think half the battle would be won. Her boyfriend will do whatever she says so there's a bit of enabling going on there. When I saw her last weekend, it was all I could do to keep from crying. This gal is so messed up. As a typical kneejerk reaction from Aunt nora, I asked her to come and stay with me for a month to see if we could help each other change our eating habits. She came up with a couple of reasons why she couldn't and I came up with a couple of solutions so as of right now, she's coming. I've ordered a set of scales that go up to 500 pounds (they should be delivered today) so at least she can keep track of how she's doing. *dear God, please don't let her weigh more than 500 pounds* I'm putting together some meal plans of foods that she likes and this is about what I'm basing her daily food plans on... 225 grams of carbs, 170 grams of protein, 75 grams of fat for a total of 2250 calories a day. I only have one day done so far, this is harder than it sounds as she is a very picky eater. I do plan on having 4 or 5 more daily food plans for her and I'm also looking around for sewing patterns for her. They would have to be very simple patterns if I'm going to show her how to sew. LOL!!! Anyway, she won't go out of the house so she doesn't walk... I'm hoping that she'll at least get out in my back yard and do a few laps around the garden. The bonus here is that my backyard is totally private so she may end up doing that. The lake is just across the road and she's a water baby so maybe I can talk her into going for a dip with me after I get home from work. I have a couple of Dr. Phil's motivational books. they just came this week so I'm hoping that we can glean some help there... Anyway, she seems pumped about comiong here and even if we don't lose a whole lot of weight together it'll be great having her around for a whole month. My Mom and her Mom and I are all going to be on this with her but we won't get quite so much to eat... our food plans will be more like 170 grams of carbs a day, 130 grams of protein, 60 grams of fat, for a totla of about 1700 calories.
If any of you have any suggestions on ANYTHING that will help any of us, we'd all be so grateful. Wish us hard work and good energy and big payoffs and mostly fun, please.
Your neice is so lucky to have an aunt that cares so much for her.
Your plans sound like a Win-Win situation, great for both of you. Being together and accountable to each other would be really great.
Do you have any of the walking in place videos, I am not sure who makes them, but I have seen some on infomercials. Since she is not comfortable going outside, this may be a good way of exercising inside.
Okay, smack me if you want, but I believe when we get to be super morbidly obese (gosh I hate the way that sounds.) We need to take drastic measures, please this is just a suggestion. Have you or she ever looked into weight loss surgery? I think you know that both Jiff and I had it done in January.
It is so hard to get the weight off and keep it off when we have so much to lose. I know that in Canada the wait for the surgery is quite long, but it is doable.
With your neice's dad passing away at such a young age, that does not sound good for her. I know you are worried about her. There are risks with weight loss surgery, I had severe complications, but I would do it all over again. I feel like I have been given a second chance at life.
Nora there are a couple of web sites, with lots of information on weight loss surgery, the best is www.obesityhelp.com there is a message board, connected to Carnie Wilson it is at www.spotlighthealth.com it can get a little, how should I say this, *****y at times, but there is good info on there also.
Nora, I hope I am not stepping on any toes by suggesting this, it is just an option to look at.
Oh nora, ((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))) to you for taking this on!!! It is so important that family support each other--please encourage her to come online and talk to us!! The more isolated she makes herself, the harder it is to get the help!! Does she have a computer? If not, can she afford a second hand one? Nothing is worse than being trapped in your house!
There are a ton of websites out there with further information/recipes/success stories--here are a few and I'm sure the other chicks can add more!
Nora, sending you many hugs and as much love and support as you can stand. You and your niece certainly have a special bond and the time that you get to spend together this next month will be special to her (and you) I wish I had any more practical advice than the excellent advice you've already gotten. The one thing I wonder about is that I have heard that some antidepressants can actually lead to weight gain, so maybe you could get her brand checked out on that. You take care of yourself and come on in here and talk about it whenever you need to. Hey, that's what we're here for.
Good for you to be concerned about your niece! I suppose it would be easy to throw up your hands and say "what could I possibly do? This is WAY out of control!" For a lot of us, that amount of weight seems unreal.
I was glad to see Pooky posted a few lo-carb sights as I'm a big proponent of the lo-carb lifestyle - Actually, now that I think about it, I guess I found it kind of strange that your diet plan seems rather high in carbs to be posted on the lo-carb section! For me, the magic of lo-carbing is that it eliminates my cravings, which are my big downfall, even moreso than emotional eating.
But it does sound as if your niece is indeed involved in a lot of emotional eating and there are probably many areas that could be explored there ... For instance, you said she seemed to have gained about 50 pounds, and I'm assuming this was during a period when she has been engaged or at least on track to be engaged ... Could there be something in that relationship that's causing it? And I don't necessarily mean some kind of cruelty on her fiance's part -- As a for instance, maybe she's not completely sure about marrying him and in essence is trying to make herself so big he'll dump her. Or eat herself to death so she won't have to deal with the problems.
My heart goes out to both of you. I hope you've checked out these websites ... and while I'm not big on the weight loss surgery, I do think that in certain cases it may be for the best. Yes, there are horror stories, but look at the statistics. I don't know the odds, but I think there may be fewer horror stories than success stories, I'm not sure. Investigate!
And about the anti-depressants: she may not be able to go to another doctor, but surely there must be some kind of therapist or psychiatrist close by? Personally, I don't think medical doctors have any business prescribing anti-depressants without a referral to some sort of therapy -- even the pharmaceutical companies recommend that these drugs be accompanied by some sort of behavioral therapy.
Oh, and another thing: if she's going to be alone in the house while you're working, you probably should make sure she has something to do! I know I would go nuts if all I had to do was watch TV all day ... Perhaps you should help her make out some kind of schedule - structure could help.
I believe that it can only be done when the person involved is ready..hopefully she shares your enthusiasm, though it sounds like you may have enough for the both of you ....
I don't have any advise for you, it sounds like you have thought out all of the details....but since you ask I caution you to remember that no matter what you are prepared to do to help her she has to want to help herself....
Sheesh, goilfriend - and you think I am nuts! What a great thing to do! When will this happen? I may work in a trip to your place to see you in action. (Nora is TOUGH, chickies!)
I think any food PLAN will be helpful. The one you have selected is a tad high in fat but may still be less than what your neice is eating now. Maybe you can swap some fat grams for protein.
Regarding carbs - it is a LOWER carb plan. Canada's food rules recommend 300 grams of carbs a day so 225 is cutting back as she is probably eating more carbs as well.
Some drugs do cause weight gain. Can you find out what she is on? Lots of smart chicks in here know drugs! Her doctor needs a boot in the *** or a bop with a chicken purse.
I am not using my Lesley Sansome tapes this summer so can pass them over to you when I see you in July. That may help her get started on moving.
This sounds like a really big project - no pun intended - but if you can save this girl, you will have many stars in your crown. At the moment, she is on the road to disaster.
Nora, I know how you feel, my sister is over or very very close to 400 lbs and my heart breaks. I had one sister leave me to be with the lord (but not because of weight) I can not withstand another one. We talk all the time but you all know and I don't have to explain how difficult it is.
There is nothing I can tell you to do because it seems as though you are doing everything one possible could.
But I will say this "DON'T GIVE UP ON HER" your probably the only one who understands how she feels - deep inside.
She needs to go to the doctor with you and YOU should yell at him if she won't ... insist she try another antidepressant. I've heard Welbutrin is good and it also helps with the appetite. I'm going next week to my doctor to have her switch me from Zoloft to Welbutrin. Tell your neice she is so worthy of a happy life. We all are.
As far as her eating, she really doesn't need a plan, at her weight all she needs to do is cut down and she will start to drop. Then once she does she might want to find a "plan" that she would like to be on.
Please keep us posted.
Huggs Friend !! you've got your work cut out for you. Please stay strong for Heather, your family but mostly you.
Love, Leens
PSSSSSSSSSS: I have some richard simmons tapes that she can have. She can do them in the privacy of her own home. They are the dancing ones which I think I have 1, 2, and 3. They are fun and she might enjoy them. Email me at work if you would like them.
Nora check out the site plussizeoutlet.com It is full of very large womens clothes and not just solid colors. And even their sizes run large. I have order some stuff from there both for myself and my D-I-L.
Lots of luck. I know what you are going through becuase that's how I was with my DH. He couldn't exercise because of his medical problems and then he just keep gaining. He weighed 577 when he had his bypass surgery. He's lost about 85 pounds so far, but is still not able to do much exercise, but he'll get to the point where he can. I'm sure of it.
ohhhh....Nora, where did you get scales that go up to 500 pounds. Alvin is trying to weigh on two scales at the same time and add them together, One would be much more accurate, not to mention simplier.
Your responses have me overwhelmed. Thank you so much.
Jenny, thank you for your kind support, what a sweet person you are. I took your advice and ordered Leslie Sansone's walking videos today, they should be here in the next week.
Debkay, you sure aren't stepping on any toes by suggesting weight loss surgery. We've talked about it a lot and my niece has decided that she will do that after she's tried everything else. The bonus for her is that she's young and her metabolism may kick in and do wonderful things. We'll have to wait and see. I've met Jiff and I can see what incredible positive changes weightloss surgery has done for her. She's an inspiration as I know you are, too. It may end up coming to that but she really hasn't placed too much energy on finding out what's eating her and why she needs to eat all the time. I was talking to her Mom today and she says that Sarah (DN) has cut way back on her eating already so let's hope she can find the motivation to keep going. I really appreciate your comments, Debkay. Thank you.
Pooky, she does have a computer and I will show her your links. Sarah is very vulnerable and defensive about her size and I honestly don't know if she'd post here. She may lurk though so I will definitely send her the 3FC URL and the others that you suggested. thanks very much.
Adoannie, thanks for the great suggestion about her meds. I will find out what she's taking and find out the side effects. What a wonderful practical bunch of chickies you all are!!
Pen, to a certain extent I *will* be throwing up my arms and saying "What can I do?". Sadly, this is Sarah's responsiblity to make this happen, all I can do is offer encouragement and a few tools that are available. She will have to do this for herself if it is to be. She really has to see that she is responsible for her size just as she'll be responsible for her thinness when it happens. Nobody else. On being busy around the house, she'll be doing my housework (I love it) and learning how to sew. She's a computer hound as well and my computer is in the baby/sewing/ computer room and it's also the only room in the house that has an air conditioner so I expect she'll be in here lots. LOL!!! I really do thank you for your response, Pen. You've given me lots to think about.
Liz, you are so right about her needing to be ready. She's not coming until July 19th so she has time to at least think about it. I've asked her to keep a journal and jot down everything she eats, she says she's doing it and that's good enough for me. Sarah means so much to everyone in our family and our friends. She has an indomitable spirit, she's got an amazing sense of humour (she loves the Backstreet Boys. HA!) and she's just as focused as a person can be when she wants something. I just hope that she wants this for herself as much as we want it for her. Thank you, Liz. Your support feels wonderful. ))
Roofie, mi casa est su casa. You are welcome here anytime, my friend. I'd really love it if you came and chatted with our dear girl. ) I agree, her food plan is a tad high in fat but I honestly believe that if she sticks with this for a while, she'll see results. I think I read somewhere that you need to eat 4000 calories a day to support a 450 pound body. This food plan is about 1800 calories less than that so it should work. At least until she gets down quite a bit of weight, anyway... I've just bought the Leslie tapes, Roofie. Thank you so much for offering up yours. What a sacrifice you'd make for my dear, darling niece. OY VEY! *snork*
hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know, I'm a *****. hahahahahahahaha!!!! I love ya, Roofie. )))
Leens, thanks so much for the site, there's a pair of cotton cargo pants in there that I know she'd wear. I'll send her the site and see what she says. I feel for you and your sister, it's hard on everyone. It seems sometimes that we care more about our loved ones than they care about themselves, doesn't it? Is your sister a religious person, too, Leens? I'm not terribly religious myself but I do try to let God handle my big worries. I firmly believe in that old adage, "If you pray, why worry? If you worry, why pray?". I do a lot of praying, I even pray that I won't worry so much. LOL!!
I came up with a food plan for her because she really doesn't know what constitutes a healthy diet. She's such an obsessive bugger, I hope she grabs this one and rassles it to the grround. She's like that. A steamroller when she gets it in her head to do something. LOL!! GAd, it's no wonder that I love that gal so much. She really is just like me. ))
I will find out what drugs she's taking and I'll see if she'd like to see another doctor while she's up here. I know her doctor, he was mine before I moved away from that city. He's a judgemental, opinionated bonehead and he has no idea how to treat her. Well, I guess we shall see what we shall see.
Give that cutie pie Gracie a hug for me, she's such a perfect little thing. Thanks for your insight, Leens and thanks for the offer of the Richard Simmons tapes. I don't know if she'd sweat to the oldies or not. LOL!!! I know I would. )))
thanks again, everybody... what a wonderful, caring group.
I sure can relate to what you and your poor husband are going through. It hurts when the ones we love are so bummed out about their weight and all the associated problems that come with it. You take extra special good care of yourself, too, okay?
Okay, the scale is a Siltec PS500L and I bought it from http://www.scalesgalore.com It was just under $200 US but by the time UPS got it to me this afternoon it was over $400 cdn with the exchange and all the taxes we have to pay. *grrrrr*
If it helps her get going and keep going, it'll be money well spent. Thanks for the plussizeoutlet.com URL, I'm going over and have a looksee right now. Thanks very much. ))
you are astounding!!! overwhelming!!! one of the world's fabulous people.
so, when are you going to talk her into posting on 3fc??? the 100 pound club chicks are a really great group, with a tremendous focus, and constant discussion of the psychology of eating. what makes us binge, what makes us lose track,all that stuff.
and you KNOW that debkay, barb, and i will answer any and all questions about wls.
BUT. please PLEASE try to get her to the pulmonologist. if she's snoring, chances are she has sleep apnea. is she tired a lot? taking naps? if so, she probably has it. and needs the breathing machine. it'll make such a difference in her weight loss.
as for clothes, debkay and i are merrily dumping our 5x and 6x clothes/30-32. they fit me when i weighed 500 pounds. i have two dresses, one that i wore once, and the other is never worn. i'd be happy to send them along.
and i think there are some pants around here as well. and i can part with my baggy tops for such a good purpose [although i will miss them,. i DO have to get over this!!!!]
and i even have some summer pajamas!!!! yes, i love them, but they're falling off!!
now, exercise. does she need a cane? would it help her balance? it was essential as i recovered, and i needed it to lean on to relieve some of the pressure on my knees. and it helped keep me moving.
there are also walking tapes available, at different speeds. not sure she's ready for the distance thing, but it could be fun, especially to keep her motivated after she leaves you.
at some point, she's going to have to become involved,and then responsible, for her food. planning, shopping, prep, everything. and we all know that some low fat food can be so yummy.
and i'd even part with the family recipe for spinach-stuffed chicken breasts, which is one of my all-time favorites. and freezable!!!!
whatever you need, whatever questions, help, anything. just ask. but you knew that.
Nora you are such an angel!!! I can not add much more than the girls have already added . Ijus twant to add the web site i found that was very helpful in forming and getting to goals. it is very good and helps keep you focused if you follow it. even ifyou do not some of it sticks and helps.
Hiya Jiff. I will also give her the URL for 100 pounds forum, maybe she'd post to that. It would be great if she had some alternate sources of support.
I don't know if she snores or not, she sure does get tired but I think that's because she stays up all night and then has to babysit at 5 in the morning. LOL!! I'll ask her about snoring, though.
You are such a generous, wonderful person, Jiff. That is so nice of you to offer up your bigger sized clothes for my niece. I know how hard they are to come by and they must symbolize something deep and cathartic for you. Cocoons and butterflies come to mind. Thank you. If we can't make the sewing thing happen, I'll be begging you for those clothes. LOL!!! The 6x/32 connection was something I needed to find out, thank you!! This pattern
comes in a size 32 and I had no idea what size that was as my niece goes by the x sizes. I think that if we get slightly stretchy material, this pattern may work for her.
Thanks for the exercise tips, I'm pretty sure that as soon as the pounds start to drop she'll be more excited about getting out and walking. She's still fairly mobile so I don't think she needs a cane but it's good to know that's an option for her if she needs it.
We've talked about WLS and she isn't ready to try it yet. She may be at some point but right now she wants to try lowering her calories and I upping her activity level. It's good to know that you and Debkay and Barb are here for a personal account if that's something she'd like to try later. Thanks again. ))))
Thanks you Nasus, it looks very good, we'll definitely give the 30 day free download a go when she gets here. ))
I need your help and advice, chickies. (loooong, sorry)
Nora how wonderful of you!
....
Her doctor needs a boot in the *** or a bop with a chicken purse. 
