I'm going to the dollar store and I'm buying a mirror and sticking it on the frig.......so every time I go to open that door whoooa mama EEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKK ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
that gives a whole new meaning to the term "extreme eating"
I read about this on another board. It was for people who are having trouble getting a handle on their body size. They put a paper bag over their head (I assume (ha) that they cut out little eye holes) and stand nakey in front of the mirror. It is suppose to take the "me" out of looking at the body!
So listen, Do you have shades on your windows in your kitchen?
I'm just imagining me "nakey" and wearing the paper bag with eye holes! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE
I'd rather look at the little piggie on my fridge than a pic of me, ewwwwwwww, even the pig is cute! I might be fasting more than once a week if I was smiling out from the door!
This may sound a little strange coming from the fingers of a woman who weighs 268 lbs., but I did not always "see" myself as a fat person. Let me try to explain. 15 and 1/2 years ago I weighed 125 lbs. I started putting on weight after I had a partial hysterectomy. People around me began saying things like ,"your getting a little thick around the ankles" or "that shirts a little tight on you". They started seeing me as a fat person right away, but I didn't "see" it. I always felt like a thin person. When I imagined myself accomplishing some wonderful goal, I accepted the award as a thin person. When I went to sleep at night, I dreamed I was thin. I could visualize myself as thin anytime I wanted to. I continued to play softball on 2 teams, volleyball indoors and out...I went dancing, I wore the style of clothes I liked (continually larger sizes), but I never bought into "fat woman should not go sleeveless" or any of that bull. I never let being bigger slow me down...until it slowed me down. Over the last 10 years I went from 170 to 292 lbs. Gradually I began to drop the activities I had always been passionate about. I didn't care about my clothes or any part of my personal appearance really. I never checked my self in the mirror. And in retrospect, I realize I had stopped looking at my self in the mirror along time before I reached 292 lbs. I think it was a way of denying what was happening to me. I can remember even being shocked when someone would show me a picture of myself. I did not recognize the woman in the picture as being the same one I saw in my dreams, in my imagination or as I visualized myself being. It was catching up with me in every way imaginable. Physically I could not do the things I loved to do...even sex was a chore. My cholesterol and trigylcerides were through the roof. I developed sleep apnea. I couldn't shop at regular stores any more. (Most only sale up to a size 24, some 26-28's in some stores...but they're too small after one washing). Mentally I had fallen into a state of clinical depression. They gave me pills and told me to lose weight. There's a revelation. But of it all, the worst part came from the emotional aspect. I started to "see" myself as fat, like everyone else saw me. I looked in the mirror and saw the real me. A morbidly obese, 40 year old woman who let everyone down including herself. I tried to lose weight for a year from the day I stood in front of that mirror but I couldn't do it. I couldn't lose weight or even get pysched enough to start a decent weight loss program and I know why...I could no longer imagine myself thin. I dreamed of a fat woman and all my attempts to visualize myself as thin fell far short. I turned 41...and finally had a revelation. I have now lost 24 lbs. and when I look in the mirror, I see changes. Not a thin person, but a thin person in the making. I can dream about being thin now. And I visualize myself standing on a scale and seeing 125 all the time. It feels good, but you know what...I still hate mirrors. Not because I am fat, because I am turning gray. Oh, brother!
I am so glad that I read your post. Everyone thinks I'm crazy when I say that I don't see myself as a fat person (293 at my top) which was just the first of this year... I guess I still haven't come to the point you have. But I KNOW that's why I have such a hard time keeping on a diet, I mean, I just have a little to loose Anyway with my DH having to have weight loss surgery to regain his life, I decided that maybe I do need to loose a little, (maybe a mere 150 pounds).
Wow does that all sound familiar!
I remember before I got married, seeing Oprah at her biggest and thinking, Boy is she big!! I'm not sure, but I think I have passed her highest weight?!?!?!
At 212 I never thought I looked THAT fat! Maybe a little big, but not FAT! Then I saw a show about weight loss. There was a woman on the show that said she thought she was chubby. (She was big) the Dr. told her she was in denial and wait until she sees herself on tv!! I was horrified to imagine I must be in totally denial and everyone else sees me as a huge cow!
To this day, if I'm out and have done my hair and my makeup and think I'm looking good, if someone (ok a man) looks at me, I have to remind myself, "Don't flirt, you'll look like a fool. He's not looking at you because you look good anymore!" I still see myself as the cute little 135 pounder I was 7 years ago!
BUT....I don't care, thats what gets me through the days! And thats the person I am inside...someday, my fat self will shed itself a little more, and cute chick will come through enough to be able to flirt again!!!
McMom, you are killing me! "Don't flirt with him, you'll look like a fool!" LOL, it's true, so true! There was once this reallllllllly good looking guy and he was checking me out. I smiled at him just as sweetly as I could and thought to myself, "You've still got it." Yeah, I got it, all right, but it's covered up with so much fat I'll never find it! Anyway, he turned to his really cute thin girlfriend and said quite loudly, "Fat women are so disgusting!" I grew wool I felt so sheepish!
I too have a distorted body image. I'm waaaaaaaaaaay bigger than I think I am. When I see photos of myself I don't even recognize the fat lady in them. It's sad! I wish there was some way we could fix ourselves without being skinny, I wish I could be more accepting of myself without having to change first.
I know what you all mean... I really don't see myself as being as large as I've actually gotten... having a gazillion pictures taken with Mya has sure given me perspective. I have a picture of the two of us on my fridge, it is one that I like, but it still shows that I'm about 5x the width of the baby.
(I didn't choose the one of me and her that highlights my extra special double chin though.)
MB what a powerful post. I do know that I am in denial myself, I often see the reflection in the mirror from the shoulders up and do not see the "whole picture." I received a reality kick when walking with coworkers. One gal I always figured was about my size was walking with me to another building, our shadows caste on the sidewalk in front of us and OUCH, my shadow looked twice the size of hers. I was so depressed.
Thanks MB for your testimonial of how so many of us feel,
Good luck to you and to all of us as we journey on!
I don't see myself as fat because when I look in that teenie weenie, itsy, bitsy mirror I only see my eyes and not my body haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa talk about optical illusions. Seriously I don't look at my body, I tune it out.
Now ME NAYKID ? NOT EVEN FUNNY. I swear to you I look like the Stay Puff Marshmellow Man. Peachie, I have blinds, shades, low lighting, curtains, etc in my house (nosey neighbors lol ) I would be mortified if anyone saw me in the buff. My dog even runs when I'm getting dressed.
I have a mirror across from the shower, which affords a naked view of me every night! Oy vey!
But, maybe I'm different but my weight isn't an issue with me. Nor do I have a distorted image of me as I see it all the time.
My DH teases me all the time that he can't let me aone anywhere that I attract men! He'll go and buy some soda and when he gets back, I'm chatting with some guy of any age. Okay, I'm not bragging because I haven't figured out what's going on. Here I am, going on 60, overweight by at least 60 pounds and handicapped.(I walk really funny!) . I've asked DH what it is that makes men want to talk with me and he said that he isn't sure! I don't mind unless some guy starts coming on to me...and that doesn't happen often.
Maybe it is because I have accepted myself and my body...fat, scars and all. Maybe I'm relaxed and I don't judge myself or others by appearance. That is not to say I don't try to look nice when I'm in public, but, I don't think about it.
I have a pretty warped perception of my bod; I feel like I'm about 150 and tan and that my tatoos still look good on me. The sad thing is, all of my wedding pics show otherwise. My mom made my dress and it was beautiful Italian silk-but from the moment I said "yes" to the wedding day I went haywire and ate at all of the parties and showers. Then, alot of stuff happened (mom w/brain tumor, Sept. 11th) and I decided I don't care. Now, I do look like a pillow with 2 strings tied around it in my dress, but in my mind I'm a beautiful bride, nobody commented on my weight and I had a great time. Too bad those pics are all over the house.
Mirror, Mirror on the Frig
ROFLMFAO!!!
