I've been struggling for years with lacking motivation to look good. I'm referring to wearing nice stuff, jewelry, hair, makeup, etc.
I've always said it's because I have this "this is me and it's what you get" type attitude. Maybe I've been lying to myself though and am just lazy, who knows.
Do you notice that you start to care more as you start to lose weight? I've been somewhat stagnant in my job for a few years and am starting to wonder if part of it is my appearance. I can afford to look better, and I could do more if I woke up earlier, but i just DON'T. I mean I don't wear ripped stuff, but I'm sure I could do better than solid color long sleeve t-shirts that are the same all week, but in different colors.
I do care more, now that I've lost weight. When I was gaining, my daily routine used to be more about "what still fits", "is this too tight" or "do I look too fat". My scale moves slowly these days, but I always have something that fits (as long as I continue to stay OP). My self esteem is improving as I prove to myself day in and out that I CAN do this.
Funny, just this morning I was thinking "just because you're going to the dump and over to help mom doesn't mean you can't look nice." I chose a belt with a now too big favorite shirt, grabbed a new pair of jeans that fit right and decked out with my favorite turquoise jewelry. It feels better because I feel better.
Oh, and "how" do I find the motivation to do it? Hmm...I guess by acknowledging that it helps me to feel better about myself gives me the motivation to take a little extra time and "just do it".
I definitely have found I care more. I didn't become horribly overweight till I was in my 40's, and before that I cared a little about my looks, but was mostly very casual. Of course as I got heavier, it did become about what fit and not what was flattering. Once I could tell I lost a size, I became a little manic and bought a ton of new clothes - mostly at Goodwill. For me, it was so exciting to not just have to buy what fit, and to actually have choices, the inner "girly girl" that I never was has been unleashed with a vengeance. I am still going a little nuts shopping, but the fun has partly come out of it. It's one thing to buy the next size down because you can, another to HAVE to buy the next size down because your clothes are way too big. I did not realize how much I would mind baggy clothes, as I always tended to prefer them a little bigger even when I wasn't huge. But now I've worked so hard to lose this weight, and I care a LOT if my clothes fit, and and flattering, and show off what I've worked so hard to achieve.
Honestly, I'm having a lot of fun with it. I will never understand Fashion, but I am having a lot of fun with Style. I care about shoes, hair, makeup, jewelry, purses etc in a way I never did before. And for me, making myself look my best keeps my motivation up. I don't think I'd feel as motivated to keep going if I was always in the kind of basic "legally dressed" clothes I used to wear. It's really really fun to rediscover your style, and Goodwill, where most things are $5, is a great place to do it. Especially since you will cycle through several sizes before you're done. It's win/win!
I actually find that I care less about my appearance now. Before I would make sure that my hair and clothes were impeccable because I didn't want to be a stereotypical slobby fat person. But mostly I hated how I looked with my hair up, and since I have curly hair that has a mind of its own, wearing it down requires me to wash it and style it.
Now I really just don't care. I wear my hair up a lot more and I actually LIKE how I look with it up. I'll go out in a hoodie and jeans, sometimes I'll just go out in my gym clothes if I'm coming straight from the gym, .
I don't wear makeup, never did, never will. I have my own reasons for that.
Pay yourself. or plan a wonderful vacation as a reward for doing good for yourself.
talk to a supportive friend who can help you do these things when you dont feel like doing them.
take baby steps, dont expect it all to happen overnight. do a little at a time.
It's one thing to buy the next size down because you can, another to HAVE to buy the next size down because your clothes are way too big. I did not realize how much I would mind baggy clothes, as I always tended to prefer them a little bigger even when I wasn't huge. But now I've worked so hard to lose this weight, and I care a LOT if my clothes fit, and and flattering, and show off what I've worked so hard to achieve.
Oh, I ABSOLUTELY agree with this! If something is a little baggy now, I hate it. I have worked my behind off, and no way do I want to look bigger than I am!
To the OP, I think appearance really can affect your position in the workplace, and whether or not that's right, it's smart to address it. I think putting a little variety in your wardrobe, maybe trying a new hairstyle, or a few nice pieces of stylish jewelry, etc. couldn't hurt. You don't have to get an extreme makeover or radically change what you do to look more polished.
I really think my appearance is the only thing holding me back now professionally. I have worked very hard to get where I am professionally and have the right mix of education/work experience/awards/published articles etc... I feel like professionally I can conquer ANYTHING... BUT.. I feel like my appearance is the one place I have really never excelled and I definitely feel like it is a big negative in my career.
When I go to court (I'm a paralegal), I am the only one not wearing a suit, I'm usually wearing slacks and a decent looking top (the pull over kind not a button up kind etc)... I always wear flat shoes because I want to be comfortable.. I always wear short sleeves and never a jacket because I'm hot ALL the time... and for that same reason I always try to have my long hair in a bun...
Even when I was thin I was never into makeup or anything like that... I don't like to wear jewelry, I prefer comfy clothes over attractive clothes etc... Now, even though I am just at the start of my weight loss journey, I feel like I am excited to look better and dress better... some days I make a huge effort, pick out a nice outfit, wear jewelry and a small amount of makeup, and other days I put my hair in a bun, wear no makeup, no jewelry and throw on whatever is most comfortable... I have nice jewelry and nice makeup, just some days I really can't be bothered...
I tell myself that it doesn't matter, I rock at my job and thats what matters and that wearing jewelry and makeup and high heels is simply a distraction from the actual work that I am doing... Its all just excuses... I know that when I put a little effort into doing my hair nicely so I can leave it down rather than pulling it into a bun or taking 5 minutes to put a little eye makeup on or even slipping on some jewelry etc, I feel like a million bucks and it motivates me to lose weight so I can buy new clothes that look better...
I want to be able to wear a suit and look like my peers when I go to court as well... sure I can buy a suit in a size 16 or 18 but god knows I do not want to!! LOL... maybe when I'm a size 10 I will buy my first suit...
People aren't supposed to be judged for looks but who are we kidding...
Last edited by LittleBrownBike; 01-20-2012 at 09:20 AM.
Yep, I'm right there with you. I believe that we are judged by appearances at work, and yet we still don't make that effort.
I think some people believe overweight people are discriminated against in the workplace, but is the truth really that it's the weight or the general appearance of someone?
You can't wear your degrees on your shirt despite how we may wish that. Somehow we need to find a way to convey that, and appearance is one way.
Your career is probably one of the worst ones for this topic. I'm a software developer, so we're a bit more lenient.
One of my family members is a prominent attorney along with his wife who is probably a good size 18. She wears suits all the time and looks fantastic.
Why not go out and try a suit? Just try one on at the size you are now and see how it feels.
Easier to say than do, I know - but i actually did put hot rollers in this morning for work, so maybe something is happening....
Today I have a bar mixer afterwork so I actually did my hair, have jewelry on and have a decent outfit on... I brought makeup and heels to wear for the mixer and will put the makeup on before I go and put the heels on when I arrive there... I've felt really good all day...
I know I can get suits in my size I just realllly dont want to lol... I'm so hot all the time, I have no interest in wearing a jacket either... but I want that all to change... I have several big trials coming up later in the year and I really want things to be different by then, and I know they will be... maybe I'm being delusional because this is my first weight loss attempt and I see so many people have failed and re-started and gained everything back etc... but right now I'm feeling very positive and determined NOT to fail!!
But I do think making the extra effort really makes you feel better in the long run...
I do not like to mess with my hair. I wash it, put in a conditioner and leave it alone (it's curly). I rarely wear makeup because it feels dirty, it's full of bad chemicals and my husband hates it. Jewelry bugs me so all I wear is my wedding ring and sometimes my beaded hamsa or star of david that I made.
The better I feel about myself, the better I treat myself. When I feel confident, I tend to eat better, exercise more, all of that. So, for me, I put the effort into my appearance because I know it will help me out in the long run. Whenever I fight with regaining back some, or just aren't feeling that great, my effort slides, and I feel every extra pound even more.
I've always been a very natural kind of gal- casual clothes, little makeup, not a whole lot of attention to my hair. And that worked, for a long time. Until I gained weight. I realized that "casual clothes" become frumpy when you're overweight, little makeup looks lazy when you're overweight, and natural hair looks lazy when you're overweight. I have been working hard to put more attention into my appearance because I don't want to fit into some sort of slobby fat person stereotype. Whether that is my own mind, or other people's, I feel much better when I feel like I look like I care about myself.
I definitely agree with some of the other pp's here. As I've lost weight, I definitely put more effort into how I look. When I was at my highest weight, I frequently wore sweatpants/workout capris and t-shirts or hoodies if it was winter. Honestly, that's about all that fit and looked right. I was embarrassed to have to buy size 18 jeans/pants, so I just didn't unless I had to. My 16's didn't fit, so the only thing that wasn't uncomfortably tight was sweats and t's. Because of my really casual clothes, my hair was usually up in a ponytail or bun and I only wore enough makeup to not look scary.
Now that I can actually buy and wear cute clothes, I'm finding that I am much more attentive to hair and makeup. Of course, I still have lazy days where I'll just throw on sweatpants for class, but they're now the cute Victoria's Secret sweatpants, so I still sort of look like I tried. It all boils down to what others have said...if I don't feel good about myself, I don't put any effort into looking good. Looking back, I wish I had not been that way. But you live and you learn!
I've always tried to dress neatly and appropriately. And I like pretty clothes.
But I am the kind of person who would rather spend their money on books than clothes. So I dress neatly and appropriately in pretty clothes, but I only have a few.
What I'm finding as I lose weight is that I haven't changed. I still have other priorities that outweigh fashion. BUT I'm much pickier about how something fits. And if it's not exactly what I want, I have the luxury of walking away from it because I can choose from any store now.
And if it's not exactly what I want, I have the luxury of walking away from it because I can choose from any store now.
i have this issue. but i get so excited when things fit, that i feel like i NEED to buy it. while buy less clothing, wear plainer clothing, and find it easier to look neat without spending tonnes of money, i find that when i find somethiing that fits me (even not perfectly) i HAVE TO buy it. it's terrible.
The better I feel about myself, the better I treat myself. When I feel confident, I tend to eat better, exercise more, all of that. So, for me, I put the effort into my appearance because I know it will help me out in the long run. Whenever I fight with regaining back some, or just aren't feeling that great, my effort slides, and I feel every extra pound even more.
I've always been a very natural kind of gal- casual clothes, little makeup, not a whole lot of attention to my hair. And that worked, for a long time. Until I gained weight. I realized that "casual clothes" become frumpy when you're overweight, little makeup looks lazy when you're overweight, and natural hair looks lazy when you're overweight. I have been working hard to put more attention into my appearance because I don't want to fit into some sort of slobby fat person stereotype. Whether that is my own mind, or other people's, I feel much better when I feel like I look like I care about myself.
I agree completely!
I always was the type to wash and go and while I was thin, it was fine. I looked casual but still okay. As I gained weight, I just looked shabby and like I didn't care. Then when I did make an effort, I felt like I looked like I was trying to distract others from being fat!
It was a no win situation.
But now that I've lost a lot of the weight AND gotten older, I don't know how to dress or do my make up or hair.
The fact that I fit a lot better into clothes and look nicer helps offset the fact that I don't wear a lot of make up because I don't know how to put on make up (yikes!). I don't do my hair because I exercise every day and I have too much hair, so it's a pain to dry it nice all the time. I'd rather run a hairdryer through it, then grab a ponytail holder and call it a day.
One of the things I do want to reward myself with is a class on how to do make up for myself.
Lastly....... and SADLY..... women who take the time to look good and are at a healthy weight make MORE money than women who don't. I wish it was a question of how well you do at work, but it's not. That was a minor motivation to improve my overall health and look too.
How do you find the motivation to look good?
.
You don't have to get an extreme makeover or radically change what you do to look more polished.
I wish it was a question of how well you do at work, but it's not. That was a minor motivation to improve my overall health and look too.
