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Is anyone else this nongirly?
I have always been this way and I don't know of any other woman as ungirly as me unless they are a tomboy and even then, I think I top it.
I consider myself very feminine and I love being a woman and love dressing like a woman. But, beyond that... I'm not girly. Here are things I don't do: 1. I don't seek out pink or buy pink or even like pink (or purple). Now, I have some pink and purple and those are all recent additions, but I prefer greens and blues and reds. 2. I do not paint my nails or toenails - ever. 3. I do not give myself manicures or pedicures or pay anyone else to do it either - never been done. I trim them and file them when it's time, but that's it. 4. I don't pluck my eyebrows (I'm fortunately to have nice eyebrows naturally. 5. I rarely wear makeup and when I do it's eyeliner (pencil smudged), mascara and blush. Maybe a nonshiny lip color in a natural tone. 6. I only shave when necessary - like summer. (my husband really doesn't care and I'm blonde and it's barely there). 7. I don't process my hair. I don't dye/bleach it, perm it, straighten it. I basically go in for a cut once or twice a year and toss and go. 8. I don't wear jewelry besides my wedding ring and perhaps another ring on the other hand. 9. I don't wear perfume unless going out on a special date/event. 10. I don't use creams and lotions - EVER. 11. I don't spend hours to get ready. Even when I'm getting dressed up from start of shower to out the door can be 45 minutes. 12. I don't wear high heels. Unless you consider Dansko shoes high heels. 13. I don't wear (and never have and never will) sexy 'going out' clothes. Everything I wear is very tasteful and hopefully flattering. 14. I don't get into all this gossipy girl stuff. I don't pay attention to stars fashions and trends. 15. I have never purchased makeup anywhere other than a grocery store or a big box store. Nor have I ever had a makeover. 16. I've never worn a formal gown - didn't get to go to either of my proms (wanted to, but no date) and we basically eloped when we got married. and 17. I don't know how to flirt like most girls do - no batting eyes and giggling and coy looks. It makes me feel silly. I'm sure there's WAY more. Why am I such an odd duck? I went to the salon today to get my hair trimmed (after 8 months) and the stylists kept asking me if I needed this or did that... and I realized more and more, boy... I am soooooo not girly! I just don't get into that stuff! I guess I should be thankful I was born with naturally straight teeth, well-shaped eyebrows, easy to wash and go hair and married a guy who is glad that I'm not into all that girly stuff either. Please tell me I'm not alone. |
I do a lot of girly things, but I rarely shave my legs--I'm naturally blonde and there's nothing their! The stubble isn't prickly at all, and my hubby has never noticed. I don't wear a lot of makeup--powder, mascara, lip stick. I'm just now wearing blush.
I only started wearing moisturizer when my thyroid went crazy and my skin got super dry. I do love lotions though! |
I don't think you're alone in the least.
I rarely wear make-up. I don't shave unless it's for special occasions. I don't read women's magazines. About the only thing I do to my hair is wash it and then brush it after it's dried (and that's air dried, too... no hair dryer for me!) Some things I like might be considered girly, but I just don't often think about it being girly or not girly. I just like being me whatever that involves. |
I'm probably in between you and a girly girl. I notice that I become less "girly" in proportion to my weight. The higher it goes, the worse I feel about myself, and the less I pay attention to my looks or take care of myself. When I lose weight I start putting on some makeup, shaving my legs, and caring more about my clothes. Oh, and I can be ready to be out the door in ten minutes-- I'm not a morning person.
Are you saying you wish you were more girly or that you like being the way you are? While there's certainly nothing wrong with not being girly, maybe you should give something girly a try like getting a pedicure-- not because you need to be girly but because it's a new experience. You might like it. What's not to like about a foot massage? Also, you might go try on fancy dresses. As I'm losing weight, I like to go try some on at a department store every couple of months even though I have no intentions of buying. It's just fun to see how you look dressed up. It makes me feel good about myself, and I always leave with a smile. :) Again, there's nothing wrong with being un-girly, but you could give some of these things a shot just to try something new. |
I exhibit girly behaviors, wear dresses and whatnot, but I don't "get" how to do lots of girly things. I also have an extremely strong urge to learn how to do "manly" things and resent my femaleness from time to time.
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My husband has often told me that I am the "least feminine woman he knows," and he meant it as a compliment
I guess it's true, because instead of getting upset as most women I know would have, I just laughed and told him that must make him a closet homosexual. Of course, he never one to be bested in a joke-war, said "That would explain why I get so much attention from the gay guys at the bar." |
I am kind of in the middle of the girly scale in proportion to how much time, money and motivation I have to be girly. Kaplods, you and your husband sound adorable!
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i think i'm kind of in the middle range too....i wear jewelry - i wear my gold wedding band, a silver Tlingit carved bracelet which is like DH's family "wedding band" passed down through generations, a necklace with my engagement ring on it, and five ear piercings...but i dont constantly change my jewelry out like some women...i wear the same earrings until they're junk and need to be replaced and the rest are always on me....my nails and toenails are always painted, usually green or purple, and i'm always shaved...my hair is always cut short and dyed dark red but the cut is something very easy to wash and style....
but i dont wear alot of make up....i dont do pedis and manis...i dont even like bubble baths because when we were poor and lived in a crappy apartment, the tub was always full of spiders and you never knew when another would crawl up the drain so i NEVER took a bath, just quick showers, and to this day, baths make me nervous lol i dont care what i wear out of the house but then again, everything i own is somewhat appropriate to be seen in public (not like those people of walmart pictures)...i dont like gossip and i hate drama...i enjoy working with men much more than women because of that whole issue... it's interesting to hear how some women are more girly and others very less so.....in my beliefs, we've all spent more than one lifetime around here and often as men, often as women....i myself remember some of three lifetimes as men (well, one of them as a boy because i was killed as a child)...i also like to talk about past lives...lol i'm not crazy, i promise :) |
I think it's interesting that you're conflating girly and feminine.
ISTM that a lot of what you're describing, from the gossip to the wearing of pink and purple, is kind of a high-school definition of girly. I mean, I know a lot of women, most of them heterosexuals. And very very very few of them regularly wear heels or take hours to get dressed or dress up like something from a music video. |
An apology to those who don't have an interest in linguistics (in which case, this probably will just sound mostly like static).
I don't think it's conflation (a logic error), I think it's a matter of synometry and degree. Girliness and femininity can be seen as synonyms, but rather I think the first is a sub-type of the latter. Linguists argue that there are no true synonyms, that even words with the same denotation or literal definition, have different connotations or emotional context, and that's what I think we're dealing with here is a matter of connotation rather than denotation. Rather than synonyms I would argue that girliness is a type of femininity, one with a juvenile connotation. So I think that the word girly would primarily be associated with the high school (or even much earlier) years, as when you get beyond the teen context, you're not talking girliness any longer, but rather a more adult femininity - in other words womanliness. |
Originally Posted by berryblondeboys: The idea of ‘femininity’ fascinates me. I’ve read a lot of Judith Butler and Simon de Beauvoir’s work and I agree with them that gender (femininity and masculinity) is socially constructed. Rather than men being innately masculine and women being innately feminine, we are conditioned to believe that these traits are natural to our sex and that if we do not behave in a masc. or fem. way then we are somehow out of the ordinary. I buy pink, but I also buy blue and red (and green’s my favourite). I pluck my eyebrows but I also have a male friend who does that too (he hates his monobrow!) and many female friends who don't. I process my hair but then so do a lot of my friends (male and female) and my boyfriend spends more money on a haircut than I do. Anyway, I’m not sure if you want to be more girly or if you’re happy the way you are, but I would say don’t worry about it. You can be feminine and not do all of the things you mentioned or you can just forget about trying to be 'feminine' and just be you, which I reckon is always the best policy :) I do feminine things, masculine things and sometimes things that are a blurry incoherent mix of the two. It's not a big deal and in fact is a lot more fun. |
The posts are interesting. Well, maybe some people think these things are high schoolish in character, but I observe people. And I see how different I am.
I could add to my list, 18. I never feign weekness and I am strong (or so I believe). I can lift and carry and do so on a regular basis. I don't wait to ask my husband to do it. I do it. 19. I am mechanical and use tools to build and fix things (that i know how to do). In college, I bought a set of basic tools so I could put things together and take them down by myself and not have to wait for a dad to help out. 20. I don't do flowery, girly purses or diaper bags (like Vera Bradley or JuJuBe) Anyway, I live with my mother in law. She's always slathering on creams and perfumes. She does her hair up and always remembers to put her necklaces back on and so on. When I belonged to a moms group they all had painted toenails and would talk about self-tanners. They would be wearing cutesy clothes, carrying their Vera Bradley purse or their JuJuBe flowery pink diaper bag and so on. I just realized I don't fit in! Sure, OK, I could 'do' all those things, but that would be from peer pressure, not wanting to do those things. And, I'm too lazy to do all taht stuff. I'm clean, with presentable hair and face and so on. I just can't imagine wasting so much time, effort and money on girly things. It doesn't matter what size I am or at whatever age. I've always been this way. Maybe it's no coincidence that almost all my friends in high school were men. Made more girlfriends in college. I prefer working with men than women too. I don't get into those catty discussions. Once in awhile I meet a nongirly, feminine woman and we usually INSTANTLY click, but they are few and far between. And yes, feminine is different that girly. Girly are like the things mentioned above. Feminine is the type of relationships I have, the way I communicate, the shape of my body and and the curves and the soft, longer hair. I dress in skirts and very womanly clothes. In summer, I wear skorts (the skirt with the built in shorts), and I wear slacks with flattering to my curves tops/sweaters in winter. And I love artsy clothes and I adore (practical) purses that are a bit artsy. I love getting dressed up and feeling pretty and all that stuff. I just don't need to do all that self pampering to feel sexy or pretty. I'm much more of a natural girl. Maybe that's what it is - I'm a nature girl? instead of the gussied up girl? And i'm not saying there's anything wrong with doing all the girly stuff. I just don't get it. |
There as many ways to be "girly" as there are girls and women. Everyone has their own style. As for your list... I have all the same but 3.
I would put it as "I'm a low maintenance woman." I don't spend a lot of energies or time on more elaborate fashionable looks, because I prefer a natural look that is less work. That's the bulk of it there. I know there are other women who do like a higher maintenance look and go all out -- and that's fine too. So you aren't alone, but I wouldn't worry about it. Just be the woman you are and be cool with it. ;) A. |
I never used to think I was particularly girly until I gave birth to two sons, lol. I've recently begun to assert myself as a female presence in the house. I'm not all-out girly like Kim Kardashian BUT I like pink and purple. Always paint my nails (hands and feet), wear makeup except when I'm working out or at the beach, color my hair, shave every other day (I'm 75% Italian, you do the math, lol) and various other things you listed. But that being said, I don't think it makes a difference one way or the other how girly someone is. I love myself (after many, many years of not) and so do my sons and DH. Although I will say that many a man has been surprised at my strength to lift and carry heavy things, the usual assumption is because I'm not a very big woman, that I need help lifting things...NOT SO. :D And though I'm somewhat girly, I've always gotten along better with guys. There's always an air of competition with other women I've found: who's prettier, skinnier, taller, bigger boobs, has a nicer house, better-looking husband, cuter kids, more money, etc. With men, it's just 'hey, how are you?' I have the best time with my hubby's friends, we laugh for hours on end, seriously.
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I am an independent, strong-willed feminist AND a bit "girly."
I can use power tools, change a kitchen faucet, a lighting fixture, carry heavy things, kill bugs without screaming and basically anything that doesn't require a professional license (plumbing, electrical, etc.). I like doing these things because it makes me feel secure and confident. I have a professional job and value my career. I make enough money to be financially independent. I will ALWAYS stand up for myself with a man and make sure that the relationship is equal. I have feminist beliefs on women's rights and the way that society treats us. These are things that have been part of my personality regardless of my weight. However, the part that seems to be changing in me is my level of outwardly "girliness." I used to pride myself on my lack of maintenance. I was a LOT like what you describe above. And I liked it that way. Maybe I am going through a phase (in fact I'm probably certain of it) but, being on my own now and having lost weight, I am enjoying getting back in touch with myself and finding that I do like "girly" things. I am wearing more feminine clothes (skirts, ruffly tops, trendy shoes) and makeup (colored eyeliner, eyeshadow that's not just gray or brown, lipstick and not just lip gloss). I never thought I would be one of those girls that does these things. I always felt like these were things that the "pretty girls" did and I was not part of it because I was overweight. I tried to keep a sense of pride by saying that I was better because I was not that way. Now, I am more relaxed about that and realize that it's just fun. It's playful and gives me something light hearted to enjoy. My nails are pink and sparkly. It makes me smile. |
I grew up around my uncles, and so girly wasn't really an option. They would sort of terrorize me...haha (you know how silly uncles can be = P)
so I had to be tough. Also, my father didn't really put up with the girly girly stuff, and so I just learned to be somewhere in the middle. I've grown more emotional as the years have gone on, but there are plenty of things on your list that I also don't do. I've always been 'tough' and given off that 'tough' vibe, even when I was a size 4. Spiders, bring out the girl in me...(I usually freak out and scream like a girl). Ick. But that's about it. I like to power through everything else. I've been through a lot and that has made me even stronger. And I'm proud! Woot! :D I was bred to save money, not spend it, and so my only 'expensive' items (Vera Bradley, Coach) were gifts. I do pay attention to my appearance, and do often wear makeup. However, I try to do it in a more natural way. For instance, on a normal day I will put on some cover up (LOVE Bare Minerals. It is the ONLY thing I will splurge on.) and mascara. I don't usually leave the house without a little mascara. It's easy, and does wonders to just bring out your eyes a bit without looking bad. Other than that though, I only gussy up for work (I'm in sales) and special events. The rest of the time, T-Shirt and Jeans. Besides, it makes me look better when I actually do dress up! Hahaha. :D The nice thing about being less girly is that men often appreciate it. They see you for who you really are. Also, they love it when you're in to some of the things they are. Most men can't relate with vanity. Haha. I've always been a video gamer, and so when I met my man, he was more than happy to play along with me. Also, we're big hockey fans. It sounds like you snagged a good one as well. :D Gossip is a whole extra subject, that really honestly sucks. I have almost no girl friends left from high school and college because of the gossip. It's just annoying. I always ended up being friends with a bunch of guys, because guys are *usually* honest during those times. Sometimes it's a little frustrating when you just want to have a girls night out, but I don't have to put up with the stress of competition. I can just forget about it and be me when there's no parties to attend. Its simpler. Overall, I think it is all about balance. I really love dressing up, but I'm never afraid of a day of hard work, even if it is sweaty and dirty. I like to wear makeup and look/feel pretty or sexy in a cute little cocktail dress (in a few LB's...) but I never flirt with the line between sexy/sophistocated, and skanky. It is ALWAYS tasteful. Nobody needs to see that. Sorry. :p Even if I was 50lbs lighter, I still wouldn't dress like some of the people I went to school with. I don't think having maximum skin showing (unless you're on the beach) is flattering at all. You always attract the wrong kind of attention. Sometimes it's awesome to go out to the nail salon and get a deluxe pedicure or schedule a massage, or some other beauty treatment. However, I personally like to do it as a treat, not as a necessity. You don't need the spray tans and fake nails if you don't want them. Who cares! To some, they may be a necessity (which is fine). To me (and it seems like you) they are not, and just a waste of money or time. :carrot:You are who you are and that's what makes you awesome and beautiful! :carrot: You're not alone! P.S. Ugh... can I talk. I'm not offended if you don't read the book that I just wrote. And... sorry. It is a bit too long. |
I am a girly girl to the MAAAAAXXXXX... until... it comes to gossiping and the "valley girl" personality. I am pretty light hearted and dont let things get to me. My husband and I joke like best friends, I like getting dirty and LOVE being outside. Like you Berryblondeboys, I do things on my own and think that I am strong.. but..
I LOVE LOVE LOVE getting dressed up, I get my nails done every two weeks and my hair every six weeks. I wear makeup 5 days a week because I LIKE it. But I have no issue in going all natural either. My entire childhood and most of my teen years, I was a TOTAL tomboy! Then probably about 16- I started getting into the girly stuff... So I like to think that I am a good mixture of the two! :D |
Yes, I am that nongirly - more in some areas and less in some areas. Some of my female colleagues (engineering/science) are just as nongirly but none of them are even moderately girly. It's all relative so I don't feel like I stick out much.
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I'm sort of down the middle.. I'm very feminine in how I present myself but not so much in my hobbies.
For instance, I love dressing up, wear only skirts and dresses in public, wear makeup(not a whole lot- winged eyeliner and some mascara will do), dye my hair jet black and love curling it into ringlets and caring for it with lovely oils and putting flowers in my hair, etc. However, I don't "do" manis/pedis, makeovers, salons, hate gossip/care not about anything to do with celebrities, hate being flirty, can't stand chick flicks... None of that sort of stereotypical girly stuff appeals to me. I definitely tend to make much better friends with guys than I do other girls, and the girls I tend to befriend are usually all-around tomboys. |
Yeah, I'm that non-girly.
The only things on your list that I do are 1) wear jewelry, and that I only started recently, when I started my new job. I can't figure out how to dress myself and jewelry seemed like a better way to dress myself "up" than any of the actual dressier or business casual clothes out there. 2) pluck my eyebrows, and honestly, I do such a bad and infrequent job of it that it would probably be better if I left them alone. Further nongirliness - I'm in a male dominated career. You should see me at conferences. I'm OFTEN the only woman in the room. - I don't decorate. - I can and do do the heavy lifting home repairs. I re-roofed the woodshed. I installed the new sink and toilet. (And I married a man who does the dishes and vacuums.) - Although I don't love them, I'm not overly squemish about bugs, dead things and vermin. - This ties into the gossip thing, I think, somehow. I'm not sure how to explain it, but there are social emotional reactions associated with woman. They're stereotypes, but with a grain of truth. Women overreact, are too sensitive, easily feel snubbed. I just don't do that. - I like getting dirty. Gardening, building, hiking, whatever. Dirt doesn't bother me a bit. - I loathe "men are incompetent at child and home care" talk. And yeah, it often means I don't fit in. I just read your second post. I'm not sure, by your definition, that I'm very feminine either. I'd prefer to wear clothes that flatter my curves, and prefer to look nice, but when it comes to it, I don't often make the effort. I'm not masculine though, either. I AM womanly. My body is womanly. I'm motherly to my son, am a caretaker. While in casual interactions, I'm often more comfortable with men, my very closest friends are women. |
My toenails are so long, crooked and chewed up looking right now, it's not even funny. However, I do enjoy a pedicure every now and then. As someone else mentioned, this is just a relaxation time for me. This doesn't constitute "girly, in my opinion, seeing as how a guy would recline with a beer in his hand and one down his pants...well this is my beer and lazy-boy, so-to-speak.
I do get my nails done, now, and I choose stand-out colors (fluorescents, pastels, etc.) just cause it's fun and not boring like neutrals. I'm an athlete and an adrenaline junkie. Before I broke my arm I couldn't have nails because I rock climbed. I didn't miss them or need them, they just made me feel good (since my natural nails grow like how my toenails look right now.) I also can't reach my hair with my arm, so I don't do my hair anymore or my makeup, but I have lots of make-up and miss putting it on. Again, it made me feel porcelain and pretty, and allowed me to do it up with what I'm wearing. Make-up was more of a fashion statement or accessory to me than a cover for my natural "ugliness"...I feel just as comfortable with it as without it. I don't shave my legs. I'm a brunette, but my hair is so fine, so it's invisible against my tan skin, and you can't feel it either. I shave my underarms, but that's just gross, in my opinion, not to. I guess, overall, I'm more of a laidback/openminded tomboy. I don't scoff at anything or object to wearing anything. I LIKE dressing up, because it's a rarity and it's fun. I think it's even more fun when you're out partying in heels and then decide to go mudding or something in the jeep... I say be openminded and try all those things out (except maybe the gossip/magazine thing...because those ARE ridiculous.) You live once, so might as well take advantage of being a woman and all the cute clothes they sell for us. |
Originally Posted by berryblondeboys: Originally Posted by berryblondeboys: Originally Posted by berryblondeboys: Originally Posted by berryblondeboys: Originally Posted by berryblondeboys: Originally Posted by berryblondeboys: Originally Posted by berryblondeboys: Originally Posted by berryblondeboys: Originally Posted by berryblondeboys: Originally Posted by berryblondeboys: Originally Posted by berryblondeboys: Originally Posted by berryblondeboys: Originally Posted by berryblondeboys: Originally Posted by berryblondeboys: Other things I'd add - I'm a geek. I love technology, math and science. - I like bags versus purses but I bought a purse recently out of novelty. I'd prefer though just to use a messenger bag as they are more functional than purses. - I love lifting weights and heavy weights. I'd love to have visible muscles but alas I am a little too plump for that. - I don't bake - I don't have any fancy little nightgowns Oh and I'm sure there is more as well. |
I'm not exactly a girly girl. And I don't think it has anything to do with my weight. Even when I weighed a lot less, stuff like shopping and makeup just didn't interest me. And the older I get, the less interested I am in this stuff.
I don't ever wear makeup. On special occasions I might put a little lipstick on with my finger tip to add some color but that's about it. It's impossible for me to wear too much makeup. I was a bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding and we got the full facial makeover. Utter nightmare. I just didn't feel like me and as soon as the day was over I washed all that gunk off. I hate straightening my hair, as most women seem to do these days. I'd rather put it up in a pony tail or leave it down and wavy on special occasions. I don't pluck my eyebrows. If they grow too long, I'll brush them up with an eyebrow comb/brush and snip the longs ends a bit. Makes them look groomed enough and that's good enough for me. I like my nails short and unpolished. I can't stand long nails. And I can't stand color on them. Not even clear polish. I love video games. Science and techy stuff. I don't get the point of shows like America's Next Top Model. I'd so rather sit down with an episode of Dexter or CSI. I'm fiercely independent and I hate cooking. I want to marry a man who will cook for me (I don't mind doing the dishes if he cooks :p ) And shopping bores me to tears. I don't really fit the definition of girly-girl or tomboy completely, I guess. |
Good thread and great replies!
"girly" is defined by the beholder, apparently. To each her own. I would recommend the term "greatness in being a female" (as if that term even exists). What makes us great females? Again, to each her own. IMO, what makes a female great is someone who sees her strong points and emphasizes them. IMO, "girly girls" define themselves by subjective character. Meaning, they see what society defines as feminine and they materialistically define themselves that way by doing what is popular for pretty girls at the moment. In the past, that meant wearing certain colors, mani/pedi/facials, etc., not lifting heavy, doing aerobics or step classes, yoga or pilates, etc. ALL ARE FINE. However, I think what the OP was stating was that she wants to exemplify her feminism by doing her own thing that emphasizes her strengths which can be interpreted into what her beauty is. There is nothing wrong with either example of beauty. Personally, I find beauty in strong women - both mentally and physically - paired up with an ability to support her good man (don't support a man you don't believe in) in a way that exudes her strengths in a positive way for mind, body, soul, community and faith. And not in that order. Beauty, to me, is balance. Not everybody has it and nobody has it all the time. It is something to strive for and can be found in every single aspect of someone's life. It's all dependent on what the current focus is. Make your focus the combo of everything listed and I believe everybody can be beautiful all the time in some aspect. |
I can tell ya from experience...most guys aren't in to "tom boys" cause they like to be with girls. if ya know what I mean...
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Originally Posted by Rockrz: That hasn't been my experience at all. In my experience, heterosexual men have as varied a preference in potential partners as heterosexual women do (and for that matter as varied as gay and lesbian people do). Different people value different things in a partner - and no matter who you are, and what your personality and preferences are, there's someone out there with compatible attributes and preferences. Growing up in a mostly lower middle to barely middle class suburban/semi-rural community, tom boys were extremely popular with the boys (they could dress and act like boys, and it didn't diminish their popularity so long as the had an obviously feminine figure in those boyish clothes). Often the girls would complain about the apparent preference for tom boys (complaining that many of the boys seemed to want "boys with boobs.") |
I'm a complete walking contradiction :)
On the outside, I look very girly. Long hair, which I take care to always look good. I always wear make-up. I take care of my nails. I wear lotions OR perfume. I whiten my teeth. For goodness sakes, I even wear lash extensions, lol... I very much like looking a certain way. If you saw me though, you wouldn't think of "dolled-up", so much as very put-together. At all times. On the inside, I am quite masculine, and I know this. I am not a flirt. I very much speak my mind. Most men I know have been quite taken aback at how I act compared to how I look. My girlfriends will make jokes about it, but I know that they respect me for it. So yah, maybe a contradiction. But that's just me, and I've always been this way, ha ha ha... |
Originally Posted by Rockrz: Aside from the obvious nonsense about needing to act a certain way to attract a man... I couldn't tell you what "most" men want, because I can't tell you what "most" women want even though I am one. People are people. They like what they like. They do what they do. Sometimes a little more typically, sometimes not at all typically. |
I guess I don't consider myself overly feminine.. I do love pink, though. So much so that I painted all the emblems on my car hot pink.. But maybe because I was doing my own car work, it cancelled that one out? lol.
I use lotion all the time, but only because it's my mission to prevent the signs of aging, and to moisturize my skin because I have the worlds driest skin.. I don't buy makeup at the drugstore, because my skin is so sensitive. I generally shop at a specialty store, usually Sephora. I always end up fixing things around the house, but only because my husband has no american idea what he's doing. I had to learn that stuff when I was little because there was no one else to do it. I have to shave, I'm 3/4 italian and if I don't, it's not pretty, lol. I do my hair, highlights and whatnot. My mom was a hairdresser for 40 years, lol, I had highlights at 7... :rofl: I don't dress girly, I'm not a dress person. I wear jeans, tshirts and flip flops most of the time. I don't wear heels - except to my wedding. I wore flip flops to prom, lol... I have to pluck my eyebrows, if I didn't, the folks at work would flip out. I work with mainly guys (my dept is about 60 guys and 3 girls, myself included) so I've gotten used to being less "girly"... I do get pedicures, though... because they are sheer heaven!! :D |
I always thought "tomboy" was a derogatory term applied to children rather than adults, and generally about penalising girls for not fitting well enough into prescribed gender norms?
Anyway, I'm not girly either. Some of it is about personal style, some of it is about feminism. I don't feel comfortable with describing adult women as "girls", for instance. I feel it's part of the strong cultural tendency to infantilise and thus disempower women. And yep, I find the involved beauty routines that some women, and come to that some men, follow to be fairly mind-boggling as well. I had a male flatmate years ago, when we were 21 or so, who was very into his skin-care routines. I think there was something involving splashing a lot of neat tea tree oil about (nooooo!) and three types of moisturiser. Between that and his love of velvet fabric, his friends were all convinced he was gay. He really wasn't. He wasn't all that sexually active, and I wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be asexual, but when he was interested in anyone it was women, and I never once saw him show the slightest bit of interest in men. It's odd how people make assumptions like that. I enjoyed wearing make-up to go out back then (and probably would now had extreme fatigue, eczema and a crappy social life not got in the way), and wore skirts fairly often, plus I've always had long hair, so I got quite a few people telling me I was too girly to be queer. Er, nope, still happily bi, and my sexual orientation has never had anything to do with whether I was in the mood for painting my face or what clothes felt comfortable! Ironically, my ex-girlfriend, who is a lesbian through and through, presents as far, far girlier than I ever have. As for pink, my mother went through a big fuchsia phase when I was a child and successfully put me off pink for life. I am trying to train myself to use it in my quilting in the interests of not limiting myself artistically. I don't colour-code quilts by gender, of course, I can't stand the "girls MUST have pink quilts" school of thought. I made a turtle quilt for my cousin's baby daughter where the background was turquoise, the borders were blues and greens with a bit of orange and yellow, and the turtle itself was red, yellow, orange, deep pink and green. I was very self-conscious about those bits of pink, let me tell you. When I gave it to my cousin, one of the first things she said was, "Oh thank God, it isn't pink." Levels of pinkness are in the eye of the beholder! |
Ok,so you're not into girly stuff,that's who you are,no need to apologize or explain yourself! :) I am your polar opposite,the more glitz and glam,the better,but Ive been that way since I was little.To me it isn't conforming to what society thinks I should be like,for me it makes me feel good,and what I do for a living makes women feel good about themselves as well..Vanity drives my business so thank goodness there's alot of girly girls in this world,or Id be out of a job! LOL!
Anyhoo...I wouldn't call you a tomboy! You're a natural girl! If we were all the same how boring would that be! |
Originally Posted by fitness4life: My friends are mostly not girly girls, because, well, they're my friends and are therefore more like me than the general population. My friends are also of the sort to shield, to a greater or lesser degree, their young children from overload of media images/messages. However, amongst my friends young daughters, there are plenty of girly girls. These kids were not pushed into it. We're talking little kids here, so they're obviously not tweezing and shaving and flirting. But they love pink. They love dresses. They love princesses. Don't like getting dirty. Love playing house and with dolls, don't much care for trucks and wrestling. I guess I think girly-girls are a natural phenomena. Maybe the specifics of what a girly-girl does vary with the times in which she's growing up, but there's something innate. There are gender differences between boys and girls. Perhaps society's emphasis on the girly-girl comes from the fact that girly-girls are a more prevalent variety of girl. That said, they're certainly not the only variety of girl, as this thread proves, just as the macho boy isn't the only variety of boy, and thank goodness. And to the poster who thinks guys aren't into tomboys? All the guys I ever dated were. :) |
I think young children are hugely susceptible to outside influences apart from their parents! School, friends, the media, you name it. A friend of mine jokes about her six year old's "patriarchy-infested brain", as despite being raised by two couples who are very definitely not pushing gender stereotypes, she is mad for pink and princessy stuff. So is her young male cousin, come to that, but as that boy grows older he is going to encounter a lot more people telling him that little boys mustn't like pink and girly things, and I expect that he will give in to the increasing pressure to conform to some extent. I also hear a lot of parents complaining that even if you want to raise your children without gender stereotyping, the society we live in makes it very hard. Try outfitting a girl in the shops entirely without pink, for instance.
When I was a child, it didn't occur to me that I had a choice about playing with dolls vs. wrestling. There was no indication that there were any other options, and I was too young to think of rebelling. Being an enthusiastic child in a general way, I took part in girly activities with equal enthusiasm, because that's what there was available to do. As I grew older and developed my own personality, I had the chance to explore options which fitted me better. I was an only child, and my mother was definitely pushing girliness - it was a huge relief when she took down the floral wallpaper and painted my room plain white when I was ten, and I still had to put up with annoying pink floral furniture for years. My second cousin, who has two brothers, remembers me as being relatively girly as a child, which surprises me since I never saw myself that way. Oddly, I see her as more girly than me now, but I shouldn't make too many assumptions based on her choice of handbag! I'm never entirely sure where the line between gender as construct, the idea of a gender role, and core gender identity are drawn, but most of what the world thinks of as masculinity and femininity is a social construct. I've never in my life heard anyone transsexual say that they realised they should have been born into the body of a different sex based on whether or not they like pink. For starters, the idea that pink is for girls is relatively recent, the Victorians assigned pink to boys (watered-down version of good strong masculine red) and blue to girls (associations with Mother Mary). Even when you're in a position of relative privilege - male, cisgendered, or straight - social pressures concerning gender are still restrictive. I enjoy many of the things we think of as girly, but I do so aware that they are a construct. Gender performativity is fascinating and more to the point, it's fun. I like painting my face when I'm in the mood for it; I don't like being pressured to do it every day. I love seeing men and women in drag, and it certainly makes for the best parties. I love seeing men who manage to look macho while wearing eyeliner. I will happily drool over women in top hats and tails (and so will some straight women, may I add). I love androgyny, even though it's not my personal style. I love the way that masculine and feminine clothing can be combined on one person in a way that is incredibly sexy, and I love seeing people broaden their horizons. |
Just on pink: there's been a lot of pink in men's clothing in the last few years. We have the shirts and the socks here to prove it. Actually, my SO bought the pink shirt specifically to wear to school events as subversive education. The DB was about 6 and there was a lot of "colour-coding" (his term and we use it still) around at the time.
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Originally Posted by zoodoo613: I don't find anything wrong with either way. I'm an athlete. Yet I always wear makeup to my athletic events. I love being feminine, but my closet mostly contains black - it looks better against my blonde hair. What do I feel inside? Tomboy. |
Originally Posted by BeachBreeze2010: Berryblondeboys, do you work outside the home, and if so, what is your workplace like? My grooming on weekdays over the past 30 years has pretty much reflected the environments in which I've worked. Currently, although I work in a male-dominated office, the women that do work there have a fairly polished look & even those that wear minimal makeup have styled & likely processed hair, & do wear jewelry. At the IT consulting firm that currently employs me, the dress is a bit more casual than it was at IBM, my previous employer. When I was in grad school, I dressed differently from when I was a newspaper reporter. And when I worked in a corporate law firm, I dressed & groomed even more than than I do now. A woman's style & self-presentation is partly a gender choice but also part of her aesthetics, too. Everyone's an artist when it comes to her hair & clothes. Personally, I find clothes, makeup & hair very expressive tools, and often I'm very conscious of what my choices say. At times feel like a bit of an actress or performance artist. Or like every day is Halloween, only the character I'm playing is much, much more subtle than what people try to interpret on Halloween. There is an artistry involved & I appreciate when other people are thoughtful dressers. It's like knowing another language, being able to speak through your appearance. |
I do all the girly girl stuff, but can also be a tomboy when necessary!
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Originally Posted by saef: Now I'm back in an office, and struggle to figure out how to dress myself. The men here have a uniform: chinos and a polo, or chinos and a button down. (My mom, who I often shop with, and who is a physical therapist, also wears this uniform, and is a relentless advocate of it.) The woman, on the other hand, are across the board. Some dress very professionally. Some are quite casual. A disturbing number go for hootchie, which I can not get used to. I'm forever finding myself thinking, "Really? You're wearing that to work?" Short-shorts with platform heels? Tight mini-skirt with a chunky zipper that goes all the way up the back, from hem to waist? Is there some confusion about our profession around here? So I have trouble figuring out where I should fit in in this gamut. Casual can pretty easily cross the line to sloppy on me. I guess I'm not tom boy enough to embrace the male uniform. Hootchie is out. Professional just doesn't sit that comfortably on me, especially since it's not what the professionals in my profession wear. So I've been on the look out for a look for myself. Every now and then I find something I like, and I'm hoping that I can just build on that, and eventually have a collection of things I like and dressing myself won't be such a struggle. |
Interesting post.
I don't consider myself "girly." I'd say that I'm more low maintenance with a leaning toward "plain." Hair Removal: I pluck my brows, but only for special occasions. I don't shave my legs because I'm Asian and don't grow hair on them. TMI, but I do keep my girly bits neatly trimmed. ;) Hair Appearance: I wash, air dry and brush my (long) hair for special occasions. Most times, it's just yanked back in a pony tail. Clothing: Around the house I wear baggy jeans or shorts and oversized tee shirts. I will wear this to the supermarket and for errands, too. Going out for a special occasion, I'll wear a dress or skirt (Hubby's preference). I never wear pink. Actually, I never wear color. My wardrobe consists almost entirely of black clothing, with a few brown items. Makeup/Lotions: None. For a very special occasion, I will maybe use mascara and lipstick. I will moisturize if my skin is getting dry, but not as often as I should. Sometimes my hands are cracked soooo bad in the winter. I do try to keep my toes painted in the summer when they are exposed, but I never do my fingernails because they get chipped almost immediately (I am not scared to use my hands.). Jewelry/Perfume: Wedding ring/band and a cross ring I wear for religious reasons. Earrings for a special occasion. Nothing else usually, unless I am really dressing up for a big event. No perfume, but sometimes scented lotion for a special occasion. Overall Attitude: My personality tends to be more stereotypically "masculine." I don't like romantic movies, I prefer violent action films. (My favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard.) I like to think my actions are based on logic and reasoning rather than intuition or emotion. I am outspoken and very blunt, to a fault. On the other hand, Hubby does all the manly chores around the house. My posse is a group of very hands-on guys, and there's nothing I love more than watching a bunch of guys do manual labor (like build a deck or shed) with power tools and wood screws. For some reason, this really brings out my feminine side and makes me feel all girly about it. I do know how to flirt and did so a lot when I was younger, but these days I don't do it at all. As someone who can skirt both sides of feminine and non-girly, I'll make this observation about myself: When I am at a weight where I feel attractive and when I think my body is looking good, I am MUCH more likely to wear skirts, wear heels, actually do something to my hair, etc. In addition, if I am going to a social setting in which I know men who find me attractive will be present, I am again more likely to dress up for the occasion. Even though I am happily married, I think this does speak to the idea that femininity, to a certain extent, is a social teaching designed to help us attract men. |
Wow you just described me! I HATE makeup so much that I almost didn't wear it on my wedding day lol but don't worry I was convinced to let someone put some on my before I left the house:) My husband always says to me, "you're such a guy" *sighs* but that's ok because I like not being a "slave to society" and my husband loves me me just like this too. :)
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