My daughter had to walk home recently along a fairly busy road. She told me she had guys, men, even OLD guys beep, wave and call out to her. She was kind of flattered, kind of creeped out.
I know. It happens to me when I jog the same route, but at age 41 it actually pumps me up! LOL
So I told her my best advice to her was to ignore it. Don't respond in any way. Then I went on to other advice about life.
Well, after a little while she told me that was enough advice for the moment. LOL! She's a typical teen.
Anyway, if you had one piece of advice for your daughter, what would it be?
Aside from the sex and drug talks which I think are pretty much standard, I would talk to her about self esteem (if I had a daughter). I have had self esteem issues for most of my life, and this often makes me act as a door mat for others. I'm rectifying my issues now, but it's been a hard road.
Oooh, this reminds me of this super cool book I saw in Bed, Bath and Beyond! It is titled "Things You Should Know When You Leave Home" or something similar.
I read through some of the pages while I was in the store and it had *great* advice about everything under the sun....everything!
I am 36 and have been living on my own since I graduated college and I was tempted to buy the book for myself. I might go back and get it, actually.
Yeah, the sex and drug talk gets beat into the ground over here. I've been talking about those topics openly with all my kids since they started school - age appropriate, of course.
But I was asking for something more specific.
Like, 19 years ago when I was at the grocery store, some really ancient lady noticed my engagement ring and offered me unsolicited advice. Advice that I really REALLY should have listened to. It was to "take all of my fiance's worst qualities and multiply them by ten. If you can live with that for the rest of your life, then marry him. Because it doesn't get any better than the first day you marry." Boy, was SHE right (in my case).
So any favorite bits of advice?
Last edited by fitness4life; 06-05-2011 at 11:05 AM.
I wouldn't force a sex talk on your daughter, but maybe foster an environment where she knows she can come talk to you about these things without feeling embarrassed. For instance, try and avoid showing negative gut reactions to depictions of sexuality in movies/tv, and don't make her feel like you believe sex is "icky", or something to be ashamed about. Be frank, open, and honest, and once she gets past the initial blech factor of imagining her mother/parents ever having done the horizontal tango, she'll be more open to discussing it with you.
At least, that was my experience. I've always found it difficult to talk to my parents about such things, because they always seem to have such a negative, visceral reaction to sex scenes and any talk of sex. It makes it seem like they feel it is shameful or disgusting, and it's like a small mental punishment when they make a remark about something sexual being "gross".
I agree, you should definitely assure your daughter that she can come to you with things like this in the future.
When I was in 8th grade, I was walking to school and there was this guy masturbating on my route. It was a residential route, walking past houses. And no one was to be seen within two blocks. Imagine being 13 or 14 and being shocked out of your mind to see something so crude. He asked me my name. I ran. I have never told anyone in my family or even my parents about this. It hasn't really impacted me much but I don't think I'll ever forget it.
I still don't feel that conversation about sex, etc is something I can handle with my mother.
being on the other end of the spectrum because i don't have children...My mother was always very open about everything sex, men, drinking, drugs. I feel that being exposed to those things earlier then the age i would actually think about doing them or bringing them up and discussing them openly as they were happening and not after made me very "street smart" and actually less interested in them as i got older. I get a lot of compliments about how wise i am for my age today. So make sure your daughter know she can talk to you about anything but let her come to you lol
weight4me, yeah, good advice, but if I didn't initiate conversation, she probably wouldn't even speak. He friends come over and we talk with them normally, but when we're alone, I get nuthin.
Probably because I'm trying too hard. I'll back off. Thanks for that advice.
goreplz, how aweful for you to not feel comfy sharing that sick experience!
As far as the walk itself is concerned. I would want her body language to reflect, confidence and calm assertiveness. Head up, eyes forward, a nice confident stride. An iPod is ok, but the volume should allow her to also hear what is going on around, and especially behind her.
This point of view comes from one of sons, who is a cop. While the honking, waving and whistling for the most part is flattering, there are also creeps out there. Creeps prefer to pick on people who look weak and look like good victims, head down, shoulders hunched, little shuffling weak steps, etc.
I'd tell her what I wish people would have told me when I was that age. It's wrong for them to do that. It's sexual harassment and it isn't her fault in any way. And there is nothing wrong with changing your route so that is less likely to happen
I'd tell her what I wish people would have told me when I was that age. It's wrong for them to do that. It's sexual harassment and it isn't her fault in any way. And there is nothing wrong with changing your route so that is less likely to happen
Best advice for almost 15 y.o. daughter
