Sometimes there's pain...
To feel like yourself again!
I know I'm not alone in having tattoos I regret. I loved my first, though I only got it to try to impress the group of friends I wanted to be "cool" with as a naive 18 year old. It was followed by two more, and the last was a disaster!
The artist was the apprentice of the one that did my first two, and not only didn't do the design I asked for, but screwed it up! It was meant to be a tribal outline of fairy wings going down my back, in flesh tone to be sort of a mystery and because with my very pale complexion, I don't like the look of thick black ink lines. Well, he did a BIRD wing outline in navy blue! Not only that, but it was the kind that looked like a little kid with a pen and tracing paper was just doodling. Some spots where the needle skipped over completing the line, and absolutely no straightness at all. When he took a break ( which I later found out was to smoke pot out back ) I looked in the mirror and cried. Thankfully I didn't have to pay a cent except for this horrid design covering almost my entire back!
I tried tca peels, but they were too painful and ultimately did nothing but scar my skin.
I finally caved today and had my first laser session. 30 minutes of **** on earth... it felt like I was awake while someone was carving into my skin with multiple blades at once. I was shaking and in a cold sweat by the end of it, but I impressed the practitioner that did it as I not once asked for a break or complained of pain. I just wanted it over with!
So, tonight, it feels like I've a bad sunburn on my back and right ankle, but with any luck, the wings will only need one more session.
On another self improvement note, my hair is growing back like wild fire!
I actually only ended up wearing the wig twice, to see my now ex boyfriend. (He cheated, lied, and compared me to his dog...first time I ever stood up for myself and was the dumper not the dumpee) He never found out that I shaved my head, and probably would have been incredibly unsupportive. I have love hate days with the short spikes at the moment, but the wig adhesive not only didn't hold the wig in place as it was supposed to, but ripped out skin all along my hair line! I had two weeks of cuts that I was hiding under makeup around my entire hair line, not just forehead to temple.. neck/nape was included! So, I'm being brave and going short all the time out in public! As insecure as I am letting the double chin hang out there, people seem to actually really like it, especially my grandmother and mother. (My father said I looked like a man and said he'd rather my hair magically grow than I lose weight and get rid of the tattoos)
Unfortunately though, I decided to postpone the LASIK. It just seems too much of an expense and with the short work week I have, I'd rather save the money I have and keep price shopping on it for maybe a winter gift to myself. I'm so used to saving money and not spending it, that I couldn't bring myself to spend almost 6k in one day. It's just more than my frugal shopper brain can handle!
But, despite the tattoo pain, I can't wait to finally see more of the person on the outside that is inside, especially as I'm off my plateau!
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