I recently posted a thread over at the 100lb. Club about how I have been feeling really sad a lot since I've been losing weight (yuck, I'm getting teary eyed just typing this). I feel like I don't know what to do and it's getting worse, yet I REFUSE to give up this time! I thought I would ask some of you who have lost weight and kept it off if you went through this at all and what you did to manage it.
Specifically, I am wondering how you magaged and dealt with your feelings - or how you still do, since it is an ongoing process. I don't know if it's just that I used to cover up my feelings by eating and now I'm feeling everything. Or if it's that I'm just being awakened and becoming more aware in so many ways (the two of which go hand in hand, I suppose).
I am exercising vigorously and that helps to a point - for a few hours. Then the feelings come back. And maybe it's my diet? I am struggling with getting in enought fruits and vegetables, although I am working on that. I know I am definitely getting enough whole grains and protein and healthy fats. I also take a multi-vitamin every morning.
I am just sort of out here grasping at straws trying to find a little relief and trying to learn some coping skills. All of you maintainers seem so wise and helpful and I admire you so much (yes, I am always lurking around). I hope to join you here someday!
Thanks in advance to any advice you may have. Right now I need it more than you know...or maybe you do know, since you have been where I am before!
Journaling helps me a LOT with those types of feelings - instead of picking up a fork, you can pick up a pen and paper and LET THOSE FEELINGS OUT. I've probably used at least 15 or 20 books (just the college ruled spiral bound Mead ones - like schoolkids use - nothing fancy, for the most part) since 1990 - I've got most of them stored away, except for the one I keep in my nightstand (the latest one). Some days I've written PAGES...it really helps tremendously!
Thanks, MrsJim. I've been feeling like I should write down my feelings and that it might help me a lot. I don't know why I haven't tried it. I think sometimes I'm scared of my own feelings, if that makes sense.
I think I understand about feelings being scary and that's one of the hard things about losing weight. Like you said, a lot of us used food to stuff down our feelings so that instead of experiencing an emotion, we substituted a nice, soothing carb coma.
I second MrsJim's idea about journaling. A lot of times problems sort themselves out when I write them down. Perhaps it's because it forces me to put my thoughts in some kind of order rather than just a whirling dervish of emotions? And I have to put names to feelings?
Isn't it funny how we all thought that losing weight was all about our bodies and instead it ends up happening in our heads ?
Seriously, you're right about the feelings and how most of us used food to quiet them. I still want to cram handfuls of granola into my mouth whenever I'm mad, unhappy or anxious. Unfortunately, sometimes I do. Losing weight doesn't change you, but you need to manage or change your behaviors. I also journal in a private online location.
Reading and answering posts here at 3FC, working out, and staying busy help me avoid the food blues.
Just my 2 cts worth, since I am dealing with emotions a lot these days. What I do and what helps:
1. Journalling. My theory is that also by writing it down you force your less emotional R hemisphere brain to take some stance. And this kind of helps to get things in focus.
2. Do not equal emotions with yourself or your actions. If you feel bad, or do not want to do it, just do it. Motivation comes after action, not before.
3. Do not put yourself in a sad mode by listening to sad music, reading a sad story or whatever. The mind has a bias to remember sad things if it is in a sad mood, and this can brings you into a negative spiral. So: sad mood
causes sad memories, not the other way around.
4. This works for me but I can imagine it is not anyones cup of tea: I do the meditation CDs from the "full catastriophe living" book. This helps to teach you to take some distance to your emotions. To me it is helpfull to be able to say to myself: "I know this, this is a panic attack. It will leave all of its own in 20 minutes" (I have timed them), or "This is sadness, that is OK, it will pass". So, taking a step back to observe my emotions instead of participating in them and acting emotionally from them works for me. I find that I can handle the difficult emotions better if I can step back.
On one of the CDs it says something like:
"Remember, there is more right with you than wrong"
and I also find that a useful thought.
Meg - I like how you call it a "carb coma" because it is so true - and very sad for me thinking of how I have been living all this time. Also, I have known for some time that losing weight is all in my head and that's the difficult and scary part because my mind is so good at playing tricks
Mel - Glad I'm not the only one who cries a lot. Sometimes I feel like a freak. I like your idea that losing weight doesn't change you, but it's the behaviors you need to manage and change. This rings very true for me, and it's a little hard to accept, too, because it's easy to think that once I lose weight, everything will be better and I will be "cured". Of course I know that's not true, but sometimes I still get caught up in that kind of thinking.
Rabbit - I really like some of the ideas you had. I especially like the stepping back to observe my emotions. I think this alone could really help me if I remember to do it. I think journaling can help me with that as well. I never thought about journaling from the perspective you suggested (different brain hemispheres). I really like thinking about it that way - it just makes a ton of sense for me personally. Thank you so much for that.
I may be totally off track here, but I thought I would add my 2c worth anyway.
I'm not sure how hard you are working out, but you did say 'vigorously'. I have just (in the last couple of days) come to the realisation that I was working out WAY too much for what I was eating. On Monday I went to school and was EXHAUSTED all day - not what you need when you face a class of 7 year olds. I could hardly stand, let alone string two thoughts or words together to make any kind of sense. It was a very disconcerting feeling. I thought long and hard, well as hard as I could, because I wasn't thinking straight at all. I actually felt as though I had been awake for over 48 hours straight. Anyway, after all that thinking and talking with a number of people, including my dietician friend, we decided that I had been pushing myself WAY too far. Somehow I had not upped my food intake at all, but had managed to pretty much double my exercise and REALLY increase the intensity. I had NO idea that there was anything wrong with this, because it just felt SO good to be working out so well. Although the 'high' I used to get from exercising didn't last anywhere near as long as it used to. I would be exhausted again fairly quickly. And I was almost always exhausted before I started exercising.
Well... I took a couple of days off work and have done NO exercise since Monday morning. I gave myself permission (and was on STRICT instructions from my friend) to not exercise for the next 2 and a half days. Well, at first this terrified me, because I am so used to doing it and I had reached the stage where I thought I NEEDED to do that much. I actually got the jitters when it was time to go on the exercise bike and I couldn't go on it.
Today, after two days of rest, I have been more 'awake' than I have been in a LONG time and I am feeling SO much more in control of my emotions. I had been getting very sensitive, teary, emotional, snappy... etc, over the past few months. I didn't really know what the problem was. I had blood work done and was low in Vit D and B12, so had been taking supplements, but they didn't seem to make any difference and nothing else showed up as being a problem.
Anyway... that was a VERY long way to let you know that there could be another cause for your emotions going haywire. It may just be something worth looking into. I truly never would have believed that this was my problem, but knowing how I feel tonight, compared with how I've been feeling for months, I figure that we pretty much came up with the correct 'diagnosis' for me. It may not be the same for you, but keep it in mind.
Thanks for 'listening' to me ramble on. Good luck with finding out why you are more emotional lately.
Zelma - thanks for your ideas. I actually think I may have been pushing myself too hard on exercise and not eating enough calories on most days. I have just given myself a few days off and I'm feeling much better emotionally. I'm not sure how much of it is due to the break or how much is due to the fact that I haven't been eating great either. But I'm glad that you figured out what was going on with you! I am a teacher, too (high school), so I know how exhaustion and teaching don't mix well!
It's been difficult, but I am in no way giving up - in fact tomorrow it's back to exercise. I just really needed a break. I also think that losing weight is very hard on my body. When I lost weight before I always felt like my body was under some kind of strain, even pain sometimes. I was feeling that way again lately, so for the last few days I've been focusing more on maintaining than losing, just to see how it would make me feel. On the one hand it feels good but on the other hand I feel lazy and like I am a failure. But a short break may have been just what I needed. I don't really know if that makes sense.
The possibility of overtraining hadn't even crossed my mind until I read Zelma's terrific post (thank you!) I think we all tend to push overselves too hard because we're so afraid of gaining the weight back. But it's important to take mental and physical breaks and to listen to our bodies.
Fingers crossed that a little break was just what you needed, Sunrose.
Question About Managing Feelings
A lot of times problems sort themselves out when I write them down. Perhaps it's because it forces me to put my thoughts in some kind of order rather than just a whirling dervish of emotions? And I have to put names to feelings?
