Hello Maintainers!

I have been lurking, but not posting, I'm sorry I haven't been more present but I've been very busy this summer! Working a new job along with a move to a new town, I have been non-stop. I've missed you all, but feel in touch since I check in often to read.

I started a new thread out of frustration with myself. I do not understand why I do this, but here is my little rant. Four weeks ago I went BACK TO BASICS, as I've heard Meg say many a time, and I stuck to clean eating taking it one day at a time. Happily, I lost 7 or so pounds and got back near my goal (I had hit an all time 3 year high). On Friday, I felt on top of the world, like I finally "got it," everything clicked for me, yada yada yipee!

My husband & I went away for the weekend. Friday night I had a nice dinner, nothing too indulgent. Saturday night I had a big dessert, but still, not awful. Sunday brunch I ate everything in sight and I haven't stopped eating since...why?!?! I don't want to be eating this crap, and I really don't feel I deprived myself the past 4 weeks but for some reason I just keep finding myself in front of the fridge and I'm sooo darn scared right now I broke down in tears. It's ridiculous.

So as of right this second I've resolved to get back on plan. I know how great I felt and I want that feeling back immediately. I'm just hoping you all will share some stories of how you recovered from this type of situation, even if you've told the story before. I don't want this slip to turn into a landslide, you know? I'm so humiliated, so frustrated with myself.

I'm thinking of you all and I will be posting more because I really miss this forum.

Anne, everyone of us has stood in front of the refrigerator in tears at one time or another. Just like you, feeling scared and not knowing how to stop. Deep breath ... it's OK. You're not alone and you're NOT going to gain the weight back. I promise!

A lot of us -- myself included -- are like alcoholics. Except with food, and especially with sweets. One bite and we're binging. I have to constantly remind myself that one cookie is too many and a dozen aren't enough -- in other words, I can't stop once I get started. Moderation works beautifully for some people and I envy them, but it just doesn't work for me. That dessert would have set me off too. And buffets are just the worst -- I HAVE to stay away at all costs!

As for personal stories, I've fallen more times than I can count. It certainly is humilating AND humbling because it makes me realize, over and over again, that I'll never be 'cured' of my food issues. I've accepted the fact that this is something that I simply will have to manage - with thought and care and planning - for the rest of my life.

OK, like you said, this episode is over and done with, as of today. Tomorrow is a brand new day and a fresh start. Sit down tonight and write out your meal plan for tomorrow. Put in up on your refrigerator door and post it here if you want. Check off each clean meal as you eat it and then come back at the end of the day and tell us how well you've done.

Anne, you've come so far! Without a doubt, you know exactly what to do and you know how wonderful you'll feel with one good day under your belt. We know you can do it and we're behind you all the way!

Please come back and tell us how tomorrow goes for you!

Oh Anne we all do that. For some reason I think: ''GREAT, I've lost ''x'' pounds, I can eat like a normal person!! NOT, NOT, NOT... We/me cannot do that

When I notice myself slipping I write my ''Todo Today'' list ( I made one this morning ): 1. drink water - 2L
2. eat clean
3. eat 5 meals
4. gym 2PM
5. run 4pm with the girls
6. clean drawers
7. wash floor, toilets,

So now everyone will know I am cleaning toilets today

I guess we just have to keep reminding ourselves how good it feels to eat right or how awful and tired we feel when eat crummy. I know we've also talked about this several times but it is the line in the sand when I reach that magic # that I will NOT cross at any expense. That line is very very VERY important to me I buckle down at that point.

Hi,

I personally try to avoid temptations. Like I am totally sure when something I really crave is in the house, I am going to eat it. Even if kids join, I will beat them on the amount.
One of the examples is happy hour at work. They server chicken wings, sweets, ice cream, veggies and fruits. When my mind keeps on it - I stay with fruits and veggies, but most of the time - you get it, I clean up wings and quishes, sweets, etc. So my latest resort was to work from home on Wednesdays, when happy hour occurs. I noticed that when I did that, my weight stayed the same, while when I come to the office - I usually gain by Friday. So it is work from home on Wednesdays until mind clears and scale cooperates!

Sandy.

Hi Anne,
Meg wrote my post . I've spent many nights crying in front of the bathroom mirror after having eaten clean all day, then blowing it on a large sized bag of peanut M&M's, an entire jar of peanut butter or something equally stupid, And then doing the same thing the next night, and the next... In fact I'm just coming out of one of those episodes.

For a while, I had to even make sure I had someone with me when I went grocery shopping because I would take a taste of honey roasted cashews in the bulk food section; one won't hurt, right? Wrong! Next thing I'd do would be to fill a plastic bag and munch it while shopping. I'm pretty sure there are security cameras all over the place, so not only am I stuffing my face, but I'm a little worried that I may be picked up for shoplifting as well

I don't have any fantasies about every eating like a normal person. Food is my drug of choice. My sabotage isn't normal. I think the fear will always be there for most of us former fatties. We know how easy it is to put the weight back on and how hard maintenance is.

Like Ilene, I have a "line in the sand" weight, but I crossed over it last weekend. Today I'm back there after 4 days of totally clean eating. Physically, I don't like the look even though no one else can really see the difference that 2-4 pounds makes, I don't like the way I feel, but more important, I don't like the mental feelings of having constantly let myself down. I don't like admitting to myself that I failed.

There's a big difference, though, between going out and enjoying a meal with your husband and sitting in a dark grocery store parking lot trying to cram in as much junk as you can before you have to drive home. You need to give yourself enough slack to enjoy your life and not live in fear.

Next time, don't stand in front of refrigerator. Brush, floss, grab a book, or come post! Send one of us a PM, hop on an exercise bike, go for a walk.

Remind me of this post next time I look at a bag of peanut m&ms.

Mel

I am not at Maintenance (yet!), but I wanted to add my support, Anne. For my own self, I try to analyze why something happened and I try to do it in an objective fashion. (Otherwise, I put myself down and that accomplishes nothing and leads to more destructive eating.) For me, dessert the night before would have been the trigger to the binge the following day.

Good luck, luv!
Glad

How are you doing, Anne?

Anne,

Please report in ! I think everyone has some episode (or more episodes) like this. You feel safe, everything is going your way and -- WHAM life gets to you.

maybe like you, once I have tasted the good foods of life I crave for them. So I try, like sashenka, to avoid them. If I don't give in, I have an easier time in keeping on the clean eats.

The point is after a slipup not to be to hard on yourself. These things happen and are normal. The thing is not to persevere. One night is not going to break you, but two weeks of despair afterwards can !

Take a deep breath, and hang in there again.

You don't have to feel good about it, or be motivated, just hang and avoid stupid things until you feel better again.

And come back to post !!!

Rabbit

Hi,

Work has been crazy, it's been difficult to get back here!! But I'm thrilled to say I've been eating clean for 2 full days and feeling great again. I think I was so scared the other night that I "blew it."

Thank you so much for your support. Just reading your encouraging messages is so motivating! Mel, you crack me up -- I have that same shoplifting problem sometimes.

I'll be back later! I hope everyone is well.

Anne,

Good from you to report in. Also Great on the 2 clean eat days. Keep it up!

rabbit

A little late on this one but wanted to thank everyone for responding.
This issue has never completely disapprears for some of me. It is one that after 13 years I still dance with. I am in the avoid at all cost camp but have tried moderation at times. I have never succeeded at the moderation part, a few days in and binge happens. I still ponder over which method is the most effective.
A postive note is that I can come here and read this issue being discussed by people who live it. The support and compassion are "priceless".

Glad your feeling better Anne.