[tolose85]

Hey all!

I recently posted this in the 100lb forum and my friend Meg suggested that I post it here for some additional advice. Since you all are experts in my eyes.... can you help???

I’ve lost the drive, the determination. Help me get back on track.

I’ve been on again off again for about 2 weeks now. Not making terrible choices, not gaining weight but I have totally lost the drive and excitement of it all. I feel blah.

I wish I could find the “spark” the “pep” as I felt before, I was so passionate about being healthy and allowing no wrong food to pass into my body. I was obsessed with exercising, drinking water and taking vitamins. The past two weeks, I keep telling myself that I’ll do better tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes! I’ve made wrong choice after wrong choice.. I am scared to gain any weight back. I look in the mirror and even though I have not gained, I think I see my stomach getting bigger. I feel totally disgusted with myself. Only a few weeks ago, I felt so good, fit and trim… Today I feel bad, saggy and fat! I want to get to goal.. I want to be healthy…

Today I start anew. I think I’m on track and on target but I’ve felt that way many times before these past two weeks and it seems to take a wrong turn somewhere between lunch and bedtime. I need a swift kick in the rear here. I’ve usually been a pretty positive person when it comes to weight loss. I have definitely fallen off the bandwagon. To any of you who have gone through this… what did you do to get back on track and how can I get refocused??

[Meg]

Hi Gretchen! I’m so glad you decided to come and post over here because I know that every one of the Maintainers has gone through what you’re feeling right now.

Let me tell you something important:

You can’t be obsessed forever!

You’ve hung around here with us long enough to know that this way of life is FOREVER. Motivation comes and motivation goes for every one of us here, just like with you. The key is to accept where you are right now and to fit weight loss and maintenance into your life as it is. None of us can spend the rest of our lives obsessed with weight loss – it simply can’t be the centerpiece of our lives the way it was in the beginning.

But … dieting doesn’t have to be center stage any more. You don’t have to be obsessed to make it work now because you know the nuts and bolts of weight loss -- you’ve lived them for the past eight months. You know what works and what doesn’t, right?

I know you want that spark and drive back, when everything was perfect and you were 100% focused and nothing and no one was going to stop you. You might not want to hear this, but I don’t think you’re going to get that back again - BUT I think that’s natural and normal and perfectly OK. No one can sustain that level of intensity for very long without burning out. Trust me, you can’t live the rest of your life with that degree of obsession with dieting – it’s way too high of a standard to set for yourself.

Your body and your mind are telling you that it’s time to move into the next phase of weight loss. Try to stop comparing yourself to the past - to how things used to be when you first started losing weight - and turn around to look ahead to the future (and it’s a beautiful future!) Let go of how you used to be and accept yourself for who you are right now. Take a minute and think about all you’ve achieved in the past eight months and realize that you’re gone through huge physical and psychological changes. You’re not the same person as you were eight months ago, when you started this journey, right? Things are different now and that’s OK.

Now I’m sure that you realize that some people would say that you’re already at goal. But I know you want to go lower, so it seems to me you’ve got two choices – neither one is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ – you just have to decide what fits you best.

One choice would be to take a breather and practice maintaining. This does NOT mean eating whatever you want or stopping exercising, of course. It means cutting yourself a little slack and easing up a bit and not beating yourself up quite so much. All the while watching the scale and taking immediate action if it starts to go the wrong way. When you’re ready to gear up again, then you can jump back in with both feet. Many people think that’s the best way to lose weight – lose, maintain, lose more, maintain, etc. Eventually you WILL get to goal! Our Karen here is the perfect example of doing it that way – maybe she’ll stick her head in and talk about her experiences. Needless to say, it’s worked very well for her since she’s our ‘oldest’ maintainer (15 years), by far!

OR – the other choice is to push through to goal NOW. If you think you’re ready for that, physically and mentally (without losing your mind or forcing your body to do something it’s just not ready to do), then my suggestion is to go back to Weight Loss 101. That’s what I call the basics of everything that works: planning meals, weighing and measuring food, writing all the food down, writing down workouts - charts, graphs, check-off lists, goals, journals – my dining room table looks like the War Room in the Pentagon when I do this! (all I need is the giant world map ).

Only you can decide what’s right for you right now. All I want is for you is to stop beating yourself up and feeling like a failure and thinking you’re doing something wrong. You’re not! Feeling like a failure is a fast ticket to putting the weight back on, IMO. Forget the way things were in March or two months ago and just think about where you are RIGHT NOW, where you want to go from here, and what’s the best way to get there.

[MrsJim]

Yup - Meg's right, as usual!

(hey I like that "you can't be obssessed forever")

Obssession - what comes to mind is that poem that we used to read in school by (I think) Edna St. Vincent Millay, you know the one about 'burning the candle at both ends'...

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends
It gives a lovely light!

The thing about obsession is, that like a candle burning at both ends, it's very VERY bright for a short time and then POOF! ya lose it.

What I would suggest - along with all of Meg's comments above - is that you shift gears from 'drive' to 'neutral' for awhile. Kind of like jogging in place, ya know? Be happy with where you are NOW. Maintain at your current level...

There's a FAB piece written by Michael Fumento from his book Fat of the Land titled "Get Thin Slowly". I've quoted it SO OFTEN, that I ended up posting it in the Ladies who Lift Article sticky thread. You can find it at this link - just some good advice from Fumento!

[Ilene]

Gretchen -- Firstly, to you!! Secondly, my gosh but you are gorgeous !! Thirdly, it's a very good idea to cut yourself some slack for a white... Meg and Karen ALWAYS have the best advise, 99.99999% of the time ...I did just what the girls said, in the month of August and September... Just coasted, maintained, did the right things, exercised, ate the right things... October and specially the last 2 weeks *bam* I'm suddenly loosing again... .... Like Karen said being happy with where you are is good for the moment, no need to worry your drive WILL come back,I can almost GUARANTEE that...

Hey, something interesting I just thought of, the initial loosing weight "high" is like a "honeymoon"... It's not always the "honeymoon" phase during a marriage...Once you get home from the honeymoon and he starts leaving his underwear on the floor the bubble has burst, the routine sets in, it's ho-hum sometimes. That's when you have to work at your marriage to keep the "drive" ....but once in a while he picks up after himself and does the dishes or just plain helps around the house! Then you go... HMMMM..... there's that spark again ... Same with healthy eating some weeks are the "honeymoon" other weeks are the "Honeymooners"!!

Another suggestion, I'm sure you already know is keep coming here, read the old posts, (which I have to read that link Karen just recommended), I trully do NOT know what I would do without this site.... Just keep coming and we, me and the 3FC community will help you muddle through this phase...

I sure do hope my ramble made sense

[jansan]

Dear Gretchen, food/eating/weight is an on-going relationship in our lives. Perhaps in a broad sense, just like that with a constant mate. In the beginning its wonderful and entrancing. After the honeymoon period is over, there can be some definite up and down days/weeks, even months. But if you continue to be mindful of it and to work on it in whatever way you can, even though there will be peaks and valleys during your lifetime with it, in the end you will have had a wonderfully satisfying relationship with it. You just happen to be in one of those disquieting, irritating, but to be expected, valleys. And you will come out of it.

Perhaps you might wish to cut down on the entire list of things you expect of yourself for a day or two. Decide to do only one or two things so you will have a sense of completion and satisfaction with those. Perhaps exercise for a given number of minutes, no sugar during the day for example, or eat 3-4 veggies (depending on your eating plan). The easier you make it, the more likely you are to succeed and be able to do more the next day.

Remember, MFA, Motivation Follows Action. Do what you can and if you succeed with these smaller steps, the motivation to do more will follow. And in all things, be kind and gentle with yourself.

Jan

[almostheaven]

What I would suggest - along with all of Meg's comments above - is that you shift gears from 'drive' to 'neutral' for awhile.

I second that. I stopped trying so hard to lose and just stuck at 150 and maintained for many months. Then I got a renewed interest and kicked it in and dropped another 10. Now I'm kinda sitting here a bit. But the interest will kick back in again. Sometimes we need a rest so we don't burn out.

[pyxie]

Hi Gretchen -

There's such wonderful replies to you already, but I'm moved to add my 2 cents.

Recently I've fallen off the bandwagon. I took 2 months off for a foot injury (1 month was all I needed, but being lazy became comfortable again). It took a lot of self-talk to convince myself that I was worth any effort to keep my health, that I would re-dedicate myself to the notion "whatever it takes".

I had lost 114 lbs to goal, then lost a few more - maintained for 6 months and then took the time off. About 3 weeks only 5 lbs came back, then before I knew it I was 20 lbs up. I didn't feel bad about being a size 10 rather than the 8. After being a size 25 pants, and 3X top - there was no way I would beat myself up about gaining a few back. Life still went on, the sun still shone, friends still talked to me. Actually nothing changed except I was wearing a few pounds more than a few months ago. I didn't panic, or get depressed or get negative with myself. I just figured I was still 90+ lbs to the good and still healthier than before. I also knew in my soul that I would get back on track, and I also knew that it would be difficult to change the lazy momentum that had built up, and how comfortable it was to slack off and eat the extras.

I started by taking a half hour walk every other day (still testing my foot), and cutting back on the sweets and fats. I had found that eating chips with hubby while watching tv was still enjoyable. I decided tho, that I wanted goal weight more than I wanted chips, so I started with just 2 handfuls of chips. Now a month later if I have any it's one handful and it's only once a week, I can have more if I want, but I know I'll have to work it off or wear it around. I make that bargain with myself before I eat the food. It helps me to realize the consequences of the eating behavior. It's only pounds - not a statement of my personal value or worth in this world.

I wanted support so I went on-line and found this site. I really felt welcomed and at home. Deep within myself I know that I am still a good and worthy person even if I carry around a few extra pounds, but I prefer the look and feel of my body at goal weight. It's been about a month now, and I'm back to my 1 hour walks 4-5 times a week and some floor exercises.... but there isn't the excitement like the first time I was this weight again. This time it's kind of like "old-hat" and routine. Now I know that to be thin it's going to be a lot of dull routine - and that's it's glory. I can set aside the work of the weight loss and revel in the glory of it's simplicity and direct my attention to seek rewards and excitement in other facets of life.

It's time to set aside the yearning for the newest and best diet book or pill. Time to quit watching the info-mercials with their alluring weight loss claims. Time to quit searching for the next exercise video that will sculp me into a lithe beauty. I've found my own plan that works great for my body and personality. It's giving up the hype of the "newest" and "latest" and realizing that I have found it within myself.

It's like when I grew up and gave up my dolls. Part of me has grown up and is ready to accept the routine of maintenance..... when I get back there. Got about 10 lbs to go to hit top of goal range.

One thing I did do to jump-start myself back into action was to buy a gift for myself that would help me get back on track. I wasn't sure what that was, so I went to stores like Target and Wal-Mart looking in the sports sections. I decided on a real small pedometer. I thought my old one was a bit bulky and I didn't like the buldge so I quit wearing it. So, I got a real small one and wore it around for about a week, and it worked it's magic. It reminded me with every step (cuz you can hear a small click) that my goals and dreams are important to me .... that I was not going to give up my desires and I was not going to give up on myself.

Allie

SW 258 CW 156 GW 145