Hi All,

While I was losing most of my weight a few years back (that journey almost started 4 years ago), I was great at turning down extras: a piece of cake, chocolate, a second helping of pasta etc. People would always comment on my willpower. I never thought it was just willpower alone.

Recently as I restarted to commit myself to healthy eating for life I reflected on this a bit and realize part of my success was not just looking at the temptation, but my overall goals. So yes while in a sense I would turn down the piece of food perhaps demonstrating willpower, but I felt it was more of being true to my goals. I factored in treats to my plan so I never felt deprived.

I viewed weight loss as a journey. I committed myself to a journey to lose weight. I never viewed a piece of cake as something that would make/break my journey and if at that point felt that a piece of cake was detrimental to my goals I would skip it and sometimes I didn't, but regardless I was still on my journey. Looking at the big picture helped me make great choices. Now as I went down the hill a bit, I am back on the journey, I have committed myself to this.

I guess my motivation also acted like a wind on this journey. Most of my motivational goals were kind of shallow, but important to me. I did also lose weight for my health (I think my mom taking three hour naps a day scared me and I realized I could be like that <she no longer does that and has also lost weight>). Every week I stepped on the scale and my weight was down just added more wind and so did the compliments and the smaller clothes.

Now, my question goes out to anyone here who has lost weight/who is losing weight or whoever might want to chime in. How did you stay on your journey? Did you look at your long-term goals? Do you think it was willpower alone? What was your motivation? Did you not have any specific long-term goals and just went day-by-day?

I think part of the reason I gained after losing my weight were a lack of goal and not viewing it as an on-going journey.

I hope I didn't ramble on too much. I just have been thinking about these things a lot lately.



Ali

How did you stay on your journey?
I think the question should be how do I stay on my journey. I've finally convinced myself that this IS for a lifetime. There is no begining or end... Once I reach my goal #, I won't change my eating habits or my exercise plan at all.

Did you look at your long-term goals?
I do look at long term goals all the time... Long term meaning for me 12 weeks I'll take pics or measurements, etc...Long term in the sense that I will be an active 70+ year old, still working out. HOw's that for looooong term!

Do you think it was willpower alone?
I think it's determination at all times. It may come and go at times depending on my mood or the season but I try to never stop being determined to be on top of things...

What was your motivation?
Health for LIFE, it's an ongoing process...

Did you not have any specific long-term goals and just went day-by-day?
Sometimes it's minute-by-minute...Bite-by-bite...

Something has just struck me about all your questions! You are asking them like there IS an end.... Like in the past you were on DIET then you stopped. For me it's not a DIET it's a LIFESTYLE.

Okay, here's some heresy for a bright and sunny Sunday morn.

I think there is an end to the journey. (Gasp!)

We've reached the end of the weight loss juorney when we no longer crave food that will harm us.

When eating a balanced diet consisting of just enough calories to sustain us is something we can do without even thinking about it.

When going out to "exercise" is fun and not "working out," maybe not even "exercise" anymore.

When good, healthy, properly prepared food becomes a source of pleasure and not another form of medicine.

When taking the time to prepare food properly isn't seen as just another chore.

When junk food really and truly looks like the disgusting pile of crap that it actually is -- without our having to convince ourselves of that ev'ry time we wander past an open box of Krispy Kremes or suchlike.

When McDonalds is just another building on the side of the road, one that we don't even notice.

I could go on with this list. So could just about every person here. We all know how healthy people live. We know how to do it.

But it takes time to develop new habits. And some of us need to burn new neural pathways in our brains. That takes time, too, even if one uses the help provided by SSRIs. (How long? Oh, months, years. Certainly more that the six weeks spoken of by the HMOs and pharmaceutical companies.)

I know that I will reach this place. So can you. But you have to give yourself plenty of time. Stop and smell the roses, pet the doggies, that sort of thing.

I don't believe I will ever get to that point. And I think the same is true for a lot of us here as well. This journey hasn't changed who I am, just the way I handle these situations. I will always have issues with food; I have accepted that. But now, at least, these issues don't control me anymore, I control them on a daily basis. And I'm okay with that. Sure, it sucks that I may never have a normal relationship with food but what I have now... there's no comparison.

Beverly

So, maybe whether or not we will ever reach the so-called end of the weight-loss journey depends on how and why we started that journey in the first place?

If your body has formed an addiction to a certain substance, well, we all know that recovery from addiction is a life-long process. Addiction is a twisty, knotty, mangled, frayed body AND brain problem; good luck to the researchers trying to figure it out.

But how does one know one has a true addiction, and not just a deeply-ingrained very bad habit? Does one go into withdrawal when the addictive substance (sugar, say) is withheld? (i dunno, either.)

My current state of obesity is part of a whole raft of self-destructive behaviors that I've been engaging in for, oh, forty years or so. It's true that behavior that helps you survive as a child can do you in as an adult. Not taking good care of myself in order to show others that i agree with them re: my intrinsic unworthiness ... well, that behavior has come too close to achieving its ultimate goal one too many times. And forty years of it is more than enough, wouldn't you say?

So, one would think I'd be able to just drop those bad habits of thought and action. Ah, but, no. The lovely human brain has a way of molding itself to our thoughts, it seems. According to the latest research, we aren't just born with a certain kind of brain -- no, no! We make it!!!!! Our own thoughts carve little pathways in our gray matter; the longer we hold to a way of thinking, the "deeper" the path. Supposedly this is why emotional responses are the most difficult to change.

(Am i making any sense here? i suspect not. After all, my B.A.'s in History, not any of the sciences.)

So anyay. Back to weight-loss.

My brain is at odds with my body. my body wants to go for a walk, dance, eat small portions of good food, do all kinds things that would have kept the weight off had i been doing them all along. If i feed my body at McDonalds, then my body reacts with violent indigestion an hour or so later. If i feed my body a bowl of tomato soup with kale and shredded carrots and maybe a forkfull for creme fraiche, then my body is happy for several hours.

My brain wants to go to McDonalds. Failing that, my brain wants to stay curled up in bed with the shades drawn, not moving at all, never mind exercising. (Actually my brain wants to do both at the same time.)

So, yeah, i do indeed understand long, long journeys of change. Hopefully in another five years or so my brain will no longer be telling me that i can't go out dancing or that the fresh berries are too expensive even at the height of the summer season. (G*d*mn*t, i am so worth it!!!)

Other people have made this journey before me, and they all say the end of it is a fabulous place to live. This is one case in which the arrival not the journey matters. I hold on to that for dear life, as i move forward, slowly ever forward.

have i said too much? i suspect so, but, well, maybe some part of it will help one of the lurkers, if no one else.

Krispy Kremes look like fat and sugar to me. ugh. never could abide them, not even fresh out of the oven. but then, i was one of those kids who would scrap the frosting off my slice of birthday cake (unless it was chocolate frosting) and trade the frosting to some other kid for their cake. even the parents thought i was nuts. oh, well.

mmmm. homemade, fresh burgers!!! we don't have IN-N-OUTs here in D.C., more's the pity. Plenty of other burger joints -- all bad. Too greasy. And I keep comparing them to mine, in which i put minced garlic and onion and an egg for binder. mmm, with dijon mustard and baby spinach and a tomato slice on a whole-wheat bun! Durn it, Noodles! you've made me hungry!!!! :P

That seems to be the trick, to control our love of good food and not vice versa. To eat only the good chocolate! (I like Lake Champlain Chocolates, myself. just one bite of their dark chocolate bar is enough. ooooooooooo! )

hm.

i didn't get to the grocery store yesterday. and now i'm out of milk without which i simply cannot do.

hm.

My daughter does this!! She didn't even want a cake for her birthday. Future maintainer here???

Illene: Oops, I stated my questions wrong, you are right, it is an on-going process... I should have clarified or edited the questions better


Overall

I was just trying to look more at the psychological aspect of our chosen lifestyles... What inside of us has changed, how did we make these changes permanent. It is an adjustment in thinking..

Now to be fair, I never ever thought I could go back to the way I used to eat and thank god I haven't. I didn't hit goal and stop (my body kept losing weight while I was first trying to maintain). I knew and know that my eating lifestyle had to change, Life changed a heck of a lot for me from when I was losing and I didn't quite handle it as well as I should have, trust me the bad habits didn't all turn up one day, it happened slowly, adding this and that.... I look at it now, accepted the fact I made mistakes and am now moving on and am trying my darndest to get into a lifestyle I can mostly maintain for life (being realistic I want at least 2 kids, so I'll have to gain some at some point, but I gotta remind myself I am not in Hollywood type who can afford a personal trainer to come to my house and whip 60+ extra pounds off my frame in two months, so I'll try and be sensible about eating if I do get preggers). I have to make sure the lifestyle I lead is very adaptable to inevitable changes in my life.

I think I have to think of my reasons to stay healthy for life:

1. Family history of health problems (joy, I even get to discuss this tomorrow with my mortgage insurance company, I hope they don't increase our premiums)

2. I feel better being in excellent shape, I wake up perky and generally am more positive about absolutely anything and everything (actually I have turned into my cheerleader self again, it feels good).

3. Although I like clothes shopping, I only ever would like to buy in one size and not have 3 sizes of wardrobes at my house.

4. I like the way I look when I am very lean (I am getting there, my arms and legs and back are getting their definition again)

5. I'd like a long life (my grandmother turned 91 yesterday and she's as sharp as ever)

I look at my motivation and know this: I will have times that living this lifestyle will be harder than others. There will always be challenges. I have learned A LOT by falling, I have learned a lot about myself too.

Quinn: my BA is in History too.

Cheers!

Ali

How did you stay on your journey?
To quote a phrase, I just do it. It helps that I truly enjoy my regular food and exercise. That doesn't mean I don't go out and have a burger and french fries once in a while-- I like that stuff too, I don't demonize food-- but I can't eat it often. It's as simple as that.

Did you look at your long-term goals?
In the beginning, the amount I needed to lose seemed overwhelming. So I decided to start by taking an aqua-aerobics class to reduce stress, and try to eat healthier. That took off 30 pounds in 2 years. By that time, I had the time and energy to devote to a more structured eating and exercise plan, which I worked out myself. I'm always tinkering and experimenting with "the plan," however. It has become a rewarding hobby.

Do you think it was willpower alone?
I don't know what "willpower" is. To quote Yoda: "Do, or do not. There is no trying." I think if I were internally conflicted, then yes, I'd be engaging in self-sabotage. But right now I feel pretty literally single-minded about the whole thing. If I started to feel conflicted, I'd consult a shrink.

What was your motivation?
The original motivation: my health was going south rapidly, and I started to go bald. We're talking serious wake-up call here! My motivation now: I like my way of life now better than the "fat way." It's similar to the way I lived for most of my life, before I hit my late 30's and gradually became obese.

Did you not have any specific long-term goals and just went day-by-day?
Both. I have goals, but they are flexible-- they change as I learn more about myself. I believe in being relaxed, fluid, and Zen-like about the whole thing. It's a permanent way of life, so it can't be stressful. I want to be happy and free.

Ali, I should have noticed by your signature that your were in this for the long haul.

Seek said:
That's my goal too.....

SweaterGirl — this doesn’t really address your original question, but I want to respond to Quinn's very interesting posts.

Quinn, you seem to be saying that you believe that weight loss is a journey with an end and when we reach that destination, we’ll have a healthy relationship with food:
I have to tell you that, speaking from personal experience, that hasn't been the case for me. I’ve maintained a 122 pounds weight loss for two years now and STILL have the same relationship with food that I always did. I love to eat, want to eat for the wrong reasons, crave the wrong foods, would eat way too much if given a choice, and have a wicked sweet tooth. All the things that got me fat in the first place are still part of me today. None of that has changed but nevertheless I don’t consider myself a failure at weight loss.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned as I lost the weight and maintained the loss is that this IS indeed a journey for me that probably will never end. For a long time, I beat myself up because I couldn’t cure myself of all my unhealthy food issues. I thought that once I reached a normal weight that I’d automatically have a normal relationship with food. I had a naïve and idealistic mental picture of the kind of person who I would be once I reached goal. Ah, one who craves broccoli and tofu. Is repulsed by rich chocolate desserts. Wouldn't dream of eating a whole package of Girl Scout cookies.

WRONG!! Once I got there, I felt like a failure because I STILL couldn’t stop at one cookie and craved the dread Krispy Kremes (disgusting little fat and sugar bombs though they are ) and, if given half a chance, would happily eat 3000 calories in 15 minutes. It would sure make life easy if I HAD morphed into that kind of Food Wonder Woman … but I didn’t. I’m still the same person inside when it comes to food issues as when I weighed 257 pounds.

Now I’m OK with it and accept that this is who I am and probably always will be. I’m not a bad person because I still want to pig out on sweets or binge when I get mad at my kids. It’s who I am and how I’m wired — so what? The important thing is that I’ve learned that I control my actions, regardless of my thoughts or cravings. As Noodles said, I control the food rather than it controlling me.

Quinn, you’re at the very beginning of your weight loss journey and I’m afraid you’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you hold yourself to those kind of standards. Hey, it would be awesome if you do lose the weight and end up as you described in your post! But once you reach goal, I wouldn't want you to feel like you had somehow failed if you don't achieve the food nirvana that you describe.

Unfortunately, we don’t live in an ideal world and I don’t know of even one maintainer who says that they’re cured of their food issues once they reach their goal weight. Instead, like me, they learn the strategies and techniques to successfully cope with their issues and get on with the important work of keeping the weight off and living their lives.

Good luck to you in your journey!

Anyhoo, back to SweaterGirl’s original question about motivation.
I think the point you’re making is that so much of this journey is in our heads, not our bodies — it’s all the Head Stuff that Karen loves to talk about. I agree 100%. I suspect that most of us professional dieters know the nuts and bolts of weight loss pretty well — it’s sticking to them, especially over the long-term that’s the challenge for all of us.

For me, willpower or whatever you want to call it sure did and does play a big role in keeping the weight off. As discussed, I’d dearly love to revert back to my old style of eating (if there was no penalty, of course! ). So it’s a constant process of talking to myself, planning, strategizing, using all the tricks and techniques that I learned to get the weight off. I think anyone who reaches goal has to have developed a “tool box” of skills and tactics and strategies that they used and will keep right on using to maintain. And I’ll bet it’s going to look different for each of us.

Some of the things that worked for me (and still do) are both short and long term goals, not necessarily weight goals. I like fitness goals: doing a real pull-up or squatting a certain # of pounds, for example. Clothes are a huge motivation for me! I love ‘em and love to be able to wear styles that I couldn’t before. Just going clothes shopping will kick my butt back in gear if I start slipping because I absolutely refuse to buy a larger size. Other things: check lists, telling people my plans so that I’m accountable to others, motivational music and songs on my MP3 player, looking at old fat pictures. And exercise is a motivation because I find that when I exercise I want to eat right and when I eat right, I want to move my body because of all my energy.

One final thing that motivated (and motivates me) — and it may be unique to me: I refused to fail again. I spent most of my life failing at weight loss. Being fat was a huge frustration to me and I wanted to conquer it more than anything. Now that I’ve fought and won, failure is simply not an option, as they say. I will not go back to being that fat and unhappy obese woman — there’s nothing there but pain for me. In the end, remembering what it was like and contrasting it with my life now may be the best motivation of all.

It's weird, I felt kind of lost before I focused and lost weight. I thought my weight was the cause of all my woes. Why I couldn't get a good part-time job (I was a student at the time), why I didn't have a boyfriend (okay young guys tend to be shallow), why I was passed over for good parts in plays etc. I had no idea what I wanted to do in life..

But losing weight for me was kind of like getting my act together.. Now, I want to go to Law School and people actually do think I am smart I also gained confidence too and my outgoing personality re-ermeged! I have a good job, after kissing too many frogs I have found a prince too

Lanaii: no worries, yup I am in it for the long haul, even when I did slip... just wished I hadn't taken so long to take stock on what was going on.


Seek: that is my most favorite quote. So true

Meg: Well said. You and Karen and anyone else who has maintaned well are good role models for the rest of us! It can be done! It's true, I know how to lose weight, it's the head stuff I know I have to work on!

Cheers!

Ali

Ali I see you're from Ottawa! I'm in Cornwall....