Hey, Iris!

Allison - one of my friends from high school has a 7 week old, litter box trained boy kitty up for adoption. I almost drove to LaG and got him this weekend. I'm not at the place where I'm ready for another cat yet, but he almost pushed me over the edge.

Birchie - I'm glad the exercises are helping your hip. A lot of the women in my family have bursitis, I'm glad your physio doesn't think that is it.

Michele - I have had to shift my arm up to where it is on top of my pillow when I'm on my side, and have to be reallly careful not to turn too far and tweak it.

JayEl - I've been thinking about something you said to be last week, about people needing help they are unwilling to receive, and it being harder as we age. I'm struggling right now with my MIL and her health, we have a doctor's appt this Friday with ID - after six weeks of cultures, they should have us a treatment plan, o we feel like we are right on the brink of being able to make significant progress. She continues to not take care of herself - not eating which makes her feel weak, over exerting if she does feel well - and we have to constantly remind her to do the things that she needs to do. We very much feel like we've become the parents in the situation. So close after my grandfather's death it is harder for me than it was a few weeks ago. I need to figure out how to get back the patience I had with it earlier in the year.

I started weight lifting again last week, with super light weights compared to what I've used in the past. Every muscle I have is loudly complaining.

Open enrollment started today, so I'm out in the restaurants all week. It is pouring down rain, so the 45 minute drive took almost two hours. I slept poorly, super tired. Can't get out on the break and walk around, still raining. Draggy.

Birchie, I have similar pain due to chronically tight ITBs, and my piroformis is partly to blame. When I routinely do figure 4 stretches, cross-legged sitting, pigeon pose etc., the pain diminishes. I also don't sit in a regular chair at work, and that's helped a lot.

I had an interesting birthday weekend: I had agreed to run a relay race with a few of my coworkers. At the last minute, one of them was injured (he crashed his motorcycle) so I volunteered DH to take his place. I had to work late Friday, then we drove hours to stay at a cheap motel. It was noisy because a livestock show was happening in town, and we had to get up at 4:30. So none of us slept much. Then we ran in turns to the coast 65 miles away.

The best part was the scenery, it was so incredibly beautiful running through the forest and mountains. There was one waterfall that was like a mini Niagara, so pretty. The weather mostly behaved - one of my runs was in the rain but the sun came out toward the end. But the 25 mph headwind as we approached the coast was a monster.

I suppose it was a good way to celebrate getting older. One of my coworkers, Liz, is 60 and she ran some very fast times during the relay. She is so fit - she bike commutes a 30 mile round trip every day. Plus she swims and runs. An inspiration. Meanwhile I'm still dragging from the weekend. Running on pavement is terrible, my ankles/achilles and feet are destroyed. I'm a bit worried because the ultra I've been training for is in three weeks.

My coworker just posted her photos from the trip. I was ultra bloated (thanks TOM for starting during my first run!) and boy does it show. Ugh.

We've recovered from losing our old boy dog in February, and have signed on to adopt a senior dog again. Yay!

Hi, Shannon. I've been through a few of these situations, and it does indeed wear down one's patience as well as make relationships strained.

One of my sisters wanted our elderly mom to do more things. But she didn't really understand what it's like to be older and have physical problems and lack of motivation. So she just ended up kind of carping at mom to do more. This was when she came to town to visit--the rest of the time she was living elsewhere.

My other sister was Mom's primary caregiver, and she was close to burnout. She really couldn't provide the level of care our mom needed, and both of them were unhappy. They lived next door to each other, but my sister had a full-time job. Mom got anxious whenever my sister was gone. My sister was exhausted all the time.

Finally mom agreed to try assisted living. (I can hear everyone howling as I type this. I don't mean a nursing home or rehab hospital, I mean an assisted living apartment in a good facility.) Mom resisted it, but once she was trying it out she found it was OK. She had regular meals with other people, exercise programs (which she went to voluntarily every day! Go figure!), outings, activities, transportation if she needed it. Her retirement income was almost enough to pay for it; she needed to spend some of her savings, however--mostly because of the cost of her medications. She did better, and my sister did better, even though my sister did drop by once or twice a day, sometimes, to check on her.

I think it was only a little over a year after that that our mom passed away. The thing is, she got the care she needed without feeling like her family was browbeating her. And we all felt better since we didn't have to feel like we were "failing" her or she was "failing" herself if she didn't do what we said.

I know not everyone can go this route, but it doesn't hurt to see what's available. There may be in-home help available as well.

JayEll - I'm not howling at the suggestion of it, if this treatment doesn't get us back to some better quality of life we are going to have to consider it. DH and I are seriously burned out. We are also having to look at it for my grandmother with her dementia, as my mother is just about worn to a nub. I think with my MIL and my grandmother that both of them feel like we are being mean to them, but if they were getting the same care from an outside source they might see it differently. Heck, they both respond better to other outside caregivers and helpers than they do to us already. It is so hard, thanks for your thoughts on it.

Looking back at my parents when they started getting older...Both of them were convinced that my Mom was the healthier of the two and would outlast my Dad. My Mom had it all planned, when my Dad died, she'd move into an assisted living center and sell the house. She looked forward to it! Instead, Mom died first and my Dad refused to leave his house. At the end, he did have live-in "help" in the form of an older single man who needed a place to live. Without him, I don't know how long my Dad would have lasted. He hated my SIL stopping by to help him with his meds (she is an RN) and other items. He was becoming a hoarder and refused to put anything away in it's proper place because "I'll just get it back out tomorrow" type of excuse. That meant absolutely no counter space to work on because the breakfast dishes were here, the dinner dishes there, the cooking utensils all over the stove. It was a mess.

I would never ever howl at the idea of assisted living. My FIL's long, slow death from vascular dementia was ten years of misery for my MIL. Prior to his move to a group facility, we were so afraid that my MIL would succumb from the exhaustion and stress of being primary caretaker. The employees of the assisted living facility were angels on earth. I wish our country could find a way to financially support these facilities and their employees at an acceptable level.

Allison - that sounds like it was a difficult situation with your dad.

JayZeeJay, I love the race for your birthday! I love the thought of running in such nice scenery, although I did a cross country race one time and it was pretty brutal. I may stick to running on the flat surface and hiking otherwise.
PS... adopting older dogs rocks and warms my heart. <3 I'm so sorry for your recent loss.

JayEll, before I went back to school I worked in an assisted living home. There was a pretty large spectrum of independence as far as the people who lived there. There are some very nice places with independent apartments, and it can be really good for people to get involved with things that suit their speed and age. I hope it's a good experience for your mom.

Allison, I fear my parents future will be similar to what you described. My father is similarly stubborn. Of course they keep hinting that they want to move in with me when the time comes...

I'm going to get serious about getting back in shape this week. I think cutting out my nightly beer or two will solve the majority of the problem, but I really want to figure out a way to have more time for exercise for my mental health as well as physical health.

Aaah, it wasn't that bad. My Dad was extremely stubborn his whole life. Thinking back on it, there were times when it was quite funny. Like the fact that he was blind in one eye, needed a cane to get around, fell often...and he'd call me and lament about the fact that 1) he couldn't drive any more (we took away the car after he totaled it), 2) Mom sold all his "things"--golf clubs, bowling ball, bicycle. As if he was able to use any of those things! 3) he couldn't go downstairs any longer (SIL forbade it due to frequent falls--but on one occasion, he disobeyed and determined that the basement had flooded. How long would it have taken to discover that if he hadn't disobeyed?) 4) he couldn't get on the roof to do anything--like a 93 year old should be on the roof? Really? The only thing that I disliked was the fact that he felt that it was necessary to own a gun. He hadn't shot it since he was in WWII and at his age and frailty, if someone were to come in to rob him he'd easily be overpowered and probably be the victim of the gunshot. We were at ease when the gun went missing (he thought the housekeeper took it). It reappeared a couple years later. Apparently, he'd been sleeping with it under his pillow and it had fallen and got stuck between the bed's headboard and the wall. I really don't remember what my brother did with it after that, but I hope he took it to his house so no one got hurt.

I'm another to sing the praises of the angels that work in assisted living (also those who work with Hospice care).
We thought my mom would outlive my dad as well, but cancer had another idea. Dad had never ever taken care of himself-- ate poorly, no hygiene, took meds if and when he felt like it, smoked for 70+ years....

When my mom died, we didn't really give my dad a choice-- we were afraid he'd burn down the house as he'd fall asleep with a cigarette in bed all the time. We moved him into assisted living and assumed he'd last a year at most. Nope.... with regular meals, monitored medication, (forced) bathing, outings (they took him bowling, shopping, to lunch), he lived over 7 years longer. Financially he bled us dry though! We sold his house and used the proceeds to pay for his care, which still wasn't enough. He was a WWII veteran with a purple heart-- I fought with the VA for 1.5 years before they finally started giving him some pay for his care which helped greatly.

My parents were much older than dh's parents. Now his parents are getting there and I'm worried what will be in store for our future once again. Stubborn doesn't begin to describe my FIL, and my MIL has dementia and many medical issues. I'm not sure which one going first would be the more difficult. They live in Houston, which is where my dd lives, but the last things she needs or wants is to have to care for her grandparents. My hubby is the only sibling in the US-- both of his brothers live overseas and I doubt they'll be any help-- except to complain and give us their two cents from afar.

Sigh....

Depressing conversation! Anyone have anything happy to share?
Crossing my fingers that my dd's house will close on Friday-- she is selling it and like every other home sale, there have been complications so I'm praying it all goes through....

Michele - Happy to share... happy to share.... the sun just came out where I am and I'm sitting next to a window with really pretty roses outside. Earlier I sat in my car while it rained and did my Headspace meditation for the day to the rain soundtrack. I feel oddly peaceful.

That sounds really nice.

Dagmar

Happy sharing... it's finally starting to feel like spring! I just wore a sweater today, no coat, and had the windows down driving to work. Little things to make me smile!

Love the happy sharing!

I need to get back to doing Headspace!

Two nights in a row sleeping in the other direction (not directly on my shoulder) and I feel a big difference. Hoping this takes care of it soon! My neck hurts today though so I'm sure it's all an adjustment....

Happy sharing: Just made reservations for a vacation in September! That's seems like a long way off but it's not--plus this place fills up fast. Going to the cool North.

Jay - September is right around the corner! We are about to schedule something for November I think, because it will be here before we know it.

Michele - when I shifted my sleeping it made my neck hurt too, I ended up having to replace my pillow. I got one of the shredded memory foam bamboo ones. It weighs a ton, so you have to get it settled where you like it before you fall asleep, as there is no easy squishing it around during the night.

Iris - I immediately thought of the Miss Congeniality scene about April 25th when I saw your post. It is hot outside here where I am, I'm about an hour and a half from home where it is raining and cool. I'm sitting in a cold restaurant dining room all day, so have on a fleece shirt.

Dagmar -I've been thinking about Trixie, how is she doing?

I'm at our furthest out location for open enrollment today. Hopefully almost done so I can get on the road to home.