I'll get on the May weight loss train too, starting yesterday. All of the birthdays are done and we don't celebrate Easter so there should no longer be any celebratory obstacles. I have that high school reunion thingee on May 10th and I supposed the shorts are going to be coming out soon too. I know I fit into my work shorts but my "formal" ones might be quite tight. Not a good look - chubby thighs in tight shorts.

Dagmar

All Aboard !!!

Boarding the May train with you... hopefully I won't derail it with my Birthday on April 29! I think I am going to do a 5k on the 28th that is a fundraiser for ovarian cancer research - this way I will be motivated to get back into my running.

Dagmar, I have a friend who does not drink at social events, but she always asks for ginger ale in a wine or champagne glass. I've taken that lead from her, or ordered just diet coke or cranberry juice when I'm holding back. Sometimes people just don't understand it when someone doesn't want a drink.

Shannon, what a mess with XW. I feel so bad for your step son with all the mental anguish she is causing him. Hopefully the counseling with be of help for the sake of everyone involved.

Silverbirch, I had to read that section about your "feral cat suit" three times before I got it. At first I was picturing some kind of weird cat costume... lol. Anyway I sympathize with your plight. I have an important interview on April 20 and I need to kick it in gear if I want my nice suit to fit again.

Jessica, I hope the tests all come out normal. I guess it's good that we have this kind of technology now, but it does scare me a bit to think what might be lurking in my genes!

Megan, I think the icon we need for "ravenous hungry beast" is Garfield the cat shoveling lasagna into his mouth -
sometimes that's the only way to describe the way I feel, anyway!

I am SOOOOO glad Angie never has more than one drink and would always rather drive, anytime, than sit shotgun!

I am a lucky guy

Sure, I'll have another......

Words of wisdom from someone who's frequently wise.

I'm working on watching my handfuls of dry-roasted almonds this week and I've got no trail mix in the house.

I'll see what happens on Friday morning weigh-in.

As for me, I'm descended from binge-drinking coal miners on one side of the family, and there was one of those genteel female "drinkie-winkie" alcoholics on the other side. The latter scared me more than the men.

I know from my behavior with food that I've got an addictive personality, so I always thought it was a good idea for me not to get too fond of drinking. I don't drink unless I'm out at dinner and someone quite knowledgeable orders wine. Then it's a half-glass. (Glasses at restaurants are way too large -- much larger than the antique wine glasses we have at home.)

I have had to defend myself zealously when weekending with hard-drinking friends who start at 11 AM, go all day, and can't believe I can limit myself to a single glass each evening.

It's kind of like how I have to take care of myself when I'm with friends who like to eat a lot, the way I used to.

They may be larger, but most restaurants (at least the fancy ones) only serve 4 or 5 ounces per glass, per serving. That way they really stretch the bottle (and when serving what I know is a $10 bottle of wine, can REALLY stretch it into 5 to 7 $6-$8 servings).

Your DSS is already figuring things out, the less you do (no matter how hard it is) to eliminate saying ANYTHING against his mother at his age, the better off your relationship will be with him in the future.

I can tell you that Angie and I never said anything bad about our kid's other parent and I can tell you that Angie is closer to my kids than their mom and I am closer to my step-d than her dad....it can be hard to .... but it will be worth it.

Don't worry so much about birthdays and stuff on "her" days...make your own special days with him

Very good advice, Gary. I second it.

Gary that's really insightful advice. It's great to have a bunch of objective people in this group who can offer cohesive advice. I think a lot of what troubles us and we post about relates back to eating/not eating. Being able to have someone point us in a different direction is terrific.

I'm happy all of you are here and readily offer your support!

Dagmar

Almost invariably, my table gets a bottle -- more often, usually they get at least two -- and someone at the table pours after the initial glasses are filled. That person always pours generously, which is when I notice how huge the glasses are.

This is what my antique wine glasses look like.



Shannon, I do sympathize and wish I had more to offer you, but I do want to say that, in the middle of this, please do not doubt your own value as a person. Which is considerable. Though I don't know you, I know you a little from this board, and I can see your tremendous and rather exhausting effort in these relationships. Only a good-hearted person would be capable of all the work you put into this.

I suspect sometimes it seems futile to you, as if you're dealing with forces that are beyond you. The short-term payoff seems small, but everyone is right, I see this being a long-term emotional investment and one that eventually comes right. But oh, in the here and now, this kind of triangulation is one of the worst situations to deal with, ever. To constantly bite your tongue, to edit yourself, to be a kind of actress at times, to try to prolong this fictional construct of the child's mother as a loving, selfless and sensible caregiver, just for the child's sake -- this is clearly very tiring. As everyone here is saying -- those with a lot more experience in this situation than I've got -- the son is apparently figuring it out for himself and expressing his unease and anger in the only way he knows. His understanding will keep growing as he himself grows up. That will be your reward one day, and it will be like paying off a mortgage.

And yes, I do echo someone else's post. How is your husband helping with this, since it cannot all rest entirely upon you?

YES. That is exactly it. Now I'm envisioning fat Megan escaping from the closet and diving into lasagna Garfield-style, lol. I was fighting the beast all day yesterday as I was just starving. I ate a little extra healthful, OP food, and the scale rewarded me this morning! (However another lb down is not "official" in my book until I've seen it for 3 days on the scale.)

I am hooking my caboose to your May train! Although I'm just trying to get through March, let alone April, so I'm taking it one day at a time. On top of the usual social obligations I've got a weekend-long bachelorette party, wedding, intensive sampling and some short-distance traveling for work. In other words, real life. This is always the time of year my new year's diet resolutions completely crumble. Not this year.

Iris, a 5K sounds like a great motivation to get your run on. GL!

Shannon, I like Gary's advice too. I don't have any personal experience to offer, but I am sending positive thoughts and s of support your way.

A group of friends has a joke about one of our friend's wine glasses. If someone says "but I only drank 1 (or 2 etc) glasses of wine" the response is almost automatically, "yeah, but were they Kim-sized?" Her wine glasses are enormous, and when she pours they get filled up much more than a normal glass.

Shannon, Gary is absolutely right. I know it is hard dealing with this jealous, insecure , and yes, frightened woman who unfortunately is DSS mother.
My situation was a little different , I had a stepfather that I couldn't stand. one day when I was 16 my stepfather said something really lousy about my father. I remember it to this day. My father died when I was very young so you can see how hurtful stepdads comment was. I will not forget.
You don't have to praise DSS Mom but try to never say anything that even in the slightest sounds negative about her. Bite your tongue and go in the closet and scream.

Thanks for the good wishes guys. I can't remember if I posted about the results of the first round but it turns out I am a carrier for cystic fibrosis and my tay-sachs test came back inconclusive, so DH needs to at least have those two tests done. It's possible we'll need more tests as well which is why we're going to the counselor before having DH's blood drawn.

Shannon, sounds like you are getting some great advice from everyone. Hang in there!

Iris, I like that image, but Garfield's lasagna doesn't look like any lasagna I've ever eaten! Now I want lasagna though.

Megan, let's get on the March train together. I can't think about May yet, it's too far away. If I can make it through March then I'll consider April.

I succeeded in getting under 1400 cals yesterday. This is greatly helped by the fact that DH has decided to gradually get his eating habits more under control. DH isn't overweight, he's kind of a bottomless pit though and he often finds himself just shoveling food in his mouth because it's there. Watching him eat always makes me hungry. In any case, he's decided we should only eat at the table, and he will only have one serving of dinner (if he's still hungry, he can eat other things). This really helps me only have one serving of dinner as well, and if I can make it upstairs earlier in the evening and spend an hour or so reading, it takes me away from the kitchen and temptation.

I have to buy a ticket for the May train, too. I got to ticker weight one day and weight started creeping back on. I may have to come to the realization that goal weight is where I need to be, but I want that ticker weight again, I did it before . I want it again and for more than one day.

I love the Garfield lasagna image.

Thanks for all of the thoughts everyone, and you are right - I typically do a pretty good job of not saying anything at all negative about his mom, I really do. Friday morning I felt like I had to say something to make sure that he knew that I would have come if I could. She has in the past told him that I was too busy to come to events, and he has questioned me about that and asked why I didn't care enough to stop whatever I was doing for his party, school play, whatever. Friday felt like we were getting very close to that again when he started asking why I wasn't coming to lunch and asking if mommy was coming because I had to work. (Rationally several days later I know that he was trying to make an excuse for why his mommy was acting that she was, Friday I just saw one more way she was telling him I didn't care enough to do xyz) She is being more specific now with the 'her or me' answer, which is better than the 'she doesn't have time' answer or her implications in the past that I didn't want to do these things. I need to just trust that he sees that and not say anything that makes it more confusing for him. But I will not allow her to lie to him about my motivations again without saying something, so hopefully we don't get back to that place.

Saef and Birchie - DH takes his own share of flack in the situation. She isn't the most pleasant person to any of us. He has stopped her from referring to me in front of DSS using curse words and offensive phrases, and talks to her when these things come up. They just keep coming up...

Thanks again - I know that I don't really 'know' any of you guys either, but from what I know from here I know that I have gotten great advice from great people.