Hello I am a binger/overeater/emotional eater/comfort eater/etc. With the help of one of my very special MFP friend's and finally getting to the point of the book "The End of Overeating" I had an epiphany today.
JUST SAY NO! Change your HABITS. Sounds easy almost condesending right? But let me tell you a story. Even though I've lost 130 lbs* (120 since gaining back 10lbs this year) I could not figure out for the life of me why I still struggle with binging and over eating. I've changed my lifestyle, I am educated on every facet of fitness and nutrition, I eat as cleanly as possible, but still the triggers remain and still I struggle. But finally I've realized when I look at my binging situations they are ALWAYS the same, they are a habit. So I just need to change the habit right? But how? If it was that easy I'd have done it already. But that's the thing, it's not easy to change a habit you just have to do it.
That sounds terrifying doesn't it? Well it does for me. I get so much comfort from binging I can't even begin to explain the anxiety that begins to build when I think about no longer having that outlet to use as a coping mechanism. But here's the thing. When I started losing weight I developed some rules, non-negotiable ones. For example, at work people constantly bring in cookies, we constantly have candy and it's always someone's birthday. I used to partake in ALL of those things ALL of the time. So once my journey started, the rule was NO, no candy at work, no cookies at work and no thank you to birthday cake. Was it hard? At first, absolutely. But that was almost 6 years ago and today I still say no, everyone including myself expects me to and it feels like second nature. There's not deprivation about it, no regreting, no cravings, no longing, no feelings with that decision. It's not easy everytime, but I'd say 90% of the time there's no thinking involved, no decision to be made the answer is going to be NO.
That's not to say I never indulge and have a cookie or piece of cake, but in that triggering situation I don't. So I survived that and I changed that habit, so there is no reason why I can't do the exact same thing to the binges I seem to battle every single weekend. Of course it's more complicated than that, but does it really have to be? Say no, it's gonna suck, but say no enough and it WILL become habit. Are you gonna slip sometimes and say YES? Should you? Absolutely! But make it worth it, make it YOUR choice and enjoy it!
Thanks for listening, I had to get my thoughts written down somewhere and I thought someone else may gain something from it.
I think all of us who've lost a lot of weight and gained some back (I lost 120 pounds and gained 50 back, but haven't gained it all back in 6 years) made a lot of changes.
And then many of us had other things we thought we never could change. We didn't change those things. And for a long time, we didn't need to change those things.
But then we start to realize that what we are doing isn't working. So... we have to look at changing the things that are perhaps most dear to us... or most challenging... or whatever. We resist that change... we don't want to make THAT change after so many others.
For me, one of those changes is not eating sugary carbs. I never gave them up in my initial weight loss and maintenance. I thought I never could give them up.
But this summer I've tried going without them and the difference was... remarkable. I was able to lose weight again because the cravings vanished. It was a whole new world. It IS a whole new world.
I'm still trying to figure all the details out... is this forever? What is a sugary carb.. etc.
But it can be done, and I think it's the secret of my new success.
I'm rambling, but I guess I'm saying I understand where you're coming from.
Maybe you've seen the ad where someone quitting smoking is unable to drink coffee--keeps spilling it, missing his mouth, etc. It's funny--But if you're a smoker, you do have trouble drinking coffee without smoking. You have to learn. The same way you learn to read a book, talk on the phone, watch TV without smoking.
When a heavy drinker gives up drinking, it's hard to imagine how you can come home from work, relax in the evening, go out to dinner, or go to a party without drinking. It's not comfortable at all, but you have to learn.
(It can actually be very dangerous for heavy drinkers to stop drinking all at once--sometimes the metabolic shift causes seizures and even death! So be glad that you don't face that situation. )
And it's the same with the habit aspect of binge eating. You just have to learn how to go about your days and evenings without doing it. It is most likely not going to be comfortable, but you can learn. It will become more comfortable over time, just like saying no at work.
When I started losing weight I developed some rules, non-negotiable ones. For example, at work people constantly bring in cookies, we constantly have candy and it's always someone's birthday. I used to partake in ALL of those things ALL of the time. So once my journey started, the rule was NO, no candy at work, no cookies at work and no thank you to birthday cake. Was it hard? At first, absolutely. But that was almost 6 years ago and today I still say no, everyone including myself expects me to and it feels like second nature. There's not deprivation about it, no regreting, no cravings, no longing, no feelings with that decision. It's not easy everytime, but I'd say 90% of the time there's no thinking involved, no decision to be made the answer is going to be NO.
I really identified with this part of your post. Years ago after reading an article in the New York Times by Michael Pollan about how animals are treated on factory farms, I decided that I would no longer eat anything from an animal raised on a factory farm. This meant that unless I could find organic, humanely raised meat, poultry, and pork, I would not eat it. Since most restaurants serve only factory farm meat, chicken, and pork, I always order either a vegetarian dish or seafood when I go out to eat. In fact, I'm not even the slightest bit tempted to eat even the most scrumptious sounding meat dish in a restaurant because knowing what the animal has suffered turns my stomach. I just wish I could somehow develop such an aversion to sweets!
The point is, though, that now not eating meat in restaurants has become second nature to me. Something clicked. I think that's what has to happen with most habits. Something needs to "click" that makes us say to ourselves, "That's it!" Perhaps years of following a habit even though it's hard to do so will lead to that point. Who knows?
Habit has alot to do with it, when I started dieting, I had too many rules. When i let some of those rules go during maintenance, I gained 10lbs back. But I learned there were certain rules which became habits, that I will never change. One of them was, not eating after dinner, I started this habit 3 yrs ago. It's just habit that I never eat after dinner.
Binging became a habit for me also, w/ junk food on weekends especially. It's like the weekend was the time you should just enjoy yourself w/ food. I discovered a way to take my mind away from crappy food all week, I cook healthy meals every night & occasionally do some healthier versions of baking( especially if I'm hungry for sweets) I eat every thing I make and stay as close to my calorie range as possible. I don't deny myself of anything I make myself. I love to cook, it passes time & you focus on healthy food. It has become a habit! I have no desire to binge, cause I know if I'm hungry for something i can make it and eat it! I don't even want to buy store bought crap anymore, if you make it yourself, you know what's in it! LOL
I basically eat what I'm hungry for without deprivation & I continue to maintain between 114-118lbs.
I will admit that being part Italian, comforting carbs are part of my culture. That was always my downfall: bread, pasta, rice, etc. I loved carbs - plain and simple. You just have to get in the right mindset and like you said -change the behavior. I love what Dr. Phil always say: 'You can't change what you don't acknowledge'. Excellent advice IMO.
ncuneo, thank you for posting this. I have seen your posts around the community and I appreciate your openness and honesty. I struggle with binge eating and specifically the past 2 days have been bad. This is just what I needed to hear (I seriously need a kick in the a**). Thank you and I hope your weekend is going well.
And then many of us had other things we thought we never could change. We didn't change those things. And for a long time, we didn't need to change those things.
But then we start to realize that what we are doing isn't working. So... we have to look at changing the things that are perhaps most dear to us... or most challenging... or whatever. We resist that change... we don't want to make THAT change after so many others.
For me, one of those changes is not eating sugary carbs. I never gave them up in my initial weight loss and maintenance. I thought I never could give them up.
But this summer I've tried going without them and the difference was... remarkable. I was able to lose weight again because the cravings vanished. It was a whole new world. It IS a whole new world.
I'm still trying to figure all the details out... is this forever? What is a sugary carb.. etc.
But it can be done, and I think it's the secret of my new success.
Very insightful post.
It took a great many behavior changes to get me to Maintenance,
and it has taken even more behavior changes to stay here,
The maintenance process continues,
and it NOW looks like it is going to take even more behavior changes to keep me here.
I am also....finally..... having to look more closely at my own carb details.
Last edited by Bright Angel; 08-27-2011 at 09:52 AM.
An overeating/binging epiphany
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