Maintainers' check-in/accountability thread
 

Ok, so now that I'm officially maintaining, I'm having a bit of a hard time figuring out where my new virtual "home" should be. The logical place is here, in the Living Maintenance forum, but which thread? I don't log my food or exercise here (I use FatSecret for food and nothing to track exercise), so the "Maintainers Moving" and "No Excuses" threads aren't right, and the "Weekly Chat" doesn't seem to discuss weight maintenance issues at all. So, in the interest of finding my niche, I'm creating this thread as a place for daily- weekly- or monthly- "check-ins" on how the whole maintenance process is going. I intend for it to be primarily for posts related to actual weight maintenance issues and challenges, successes, insights and (hopefully) tips from those of you who've been successful for longer periods now.

This is officially my second week of maintenance at goal. I'm weighing every day, but using a kind of rolling average of daily weights for the last week to gauge how well I'm doing, because my weight can jump by more than 2 pounds overnight from variables like how much weight training I've done recently, how many grams of carbs I ate the day before, and even how hot and sweaty I got overnight.

So my average weight for the last 7 days is 120.6. Not totally perfect but I'll take it. I'm eating between 1400-1500 cal/day and exercising 30-50 min. 5 days/week, split between cardio and weight training. I'm planning to stay at this level of diet and activity for at least a month to see if I'm truly stable or if I have a tendency to drift up or down. Do any of you know if a "slow weight creep" will manifest over that time, or if it takes longer than that to figure out if you're truly at steady state?

I'm working on some behavioral issues that I think have gotten me into trouble repeatedly in the past. I've sworn off eating after 8 pm - even veggies- because it seems to trigger binging (or at least, over-eating) for me. I'm also working on my habit of eating parts of meals while walking around the kitchen, or jumping up a dozen times to do stuff in the middle of eating, because I'm sure I don't notice and appreciate my food nearly as much when I do this (though it DOES force me to slow down; eating too fast is another of my bad habits). Do any of you have bad habits you're working on, separate from actual calorie/food moderation issues?

Ok, that's it for now. Here's hoping some of you find this a useful thread to join!

I guess I must be the only one feeling a need for this kind of thread.
Well that's ok, I'll just post here when I feel the need to check in.

Still averaging right around 120.6, and managing to keep daily calorie totals right around the 1450 mark. Some days though, it's definitely a struggle, especially on days I do 30 minutes of high-intensity, interval cardio (with or without another 15-30 min of non-HIIT exercise). I figure the HIIT adds maybe 150 extra calories burned to my usual total, so it would be completely counterproductive to eat an extra 250 due to extra hunger, yet that's what seems to happen on some days.

Total fail recently on staying continuously in the sitting position while eating dinner, and I've notice more of a tendency to graze while I'm prepping food for dinner now that eating after 8 pm is off limits. And, oh yes, a deep desire to keep eating between dinner and 8 pm (regardless of satiation) to compensate for the loss of food after that time. It has been a struggle to eat only what I planned at dinnertime and then stop. My mind has not been my friend lately.

Who else is wrestling with a shifting set of "bad behaviors?" I combat one bad habit only to try replacing it with another.

Neuro, have you tried gum or tea for those after dinner hours?

Hey Neruo, FWIW you are welcome to post maintenance updates on the chat thread. We used to do it more than we are doing it lately.

Maintenance is a slow and steady plod for some of us. Not really worth posting tha same stuff over and over again. Which is why the weekly thread seems to be all over the place sometimes. It's like a book club - there is an overall subject there but we veer off on tangents.

I think we are all welcome to post, start new threads, do whatever we need to maintain our weight in whatever form we choose. that's why so many of us at 3FC are succesfully keeping the weight at bay!

Dagmar :dizzy:

Neuro - we have a food & exercise accountability monthly thread, too. Though it was just Jessica for awhile. :)

I do need the accountability - I'm trying to get back into it. Absolutely.

Neuro, I swear the weekly chat isn't just actually a pet chat in disguise. Really. As Jessica said, we used to post more about maintenance and still do sometimes! I personally have posted less lately bc I've been such a broken record. I've said "this time I'm really going to take care of this regain" about 20 times in the last two years. I felt bad so I started talking about other things. :p Feel free to post whatever you want, whenever, in any thread! I also would like to use the accountability threads more, but find in the summers I really only have time to check one thread so I stick to the main chat usually.

I also struggle with evening snacking. As midwife suggested, sometimes gum or tea helps me. Sometimes I really need to just go to bed, bc it's really the tired me that wants food (and if all I have time for is to eat, then surely I can go to bed). How about a brisk walk around the block to enjoy the summer evenings, or a few sun salutations or warrior poses if you're into yoga? I also do needlepoint to keep my hands busy - literally, anything to keep my hands busy! If I can get past about 20 minutes sometimes the urge to eat disappears.

A month sounds like a reasonable amount of time to gauge if your plan is keeping your body in maintenance. You can always reevaluate at the end of the month, see what's working and what isn't. Maintenance certainly isn't static!

Another evening snacker raises her hand :o. Usually everything I've powered through in the day catches up with me (as the caffeine leaves my body) and I can only drool in front of the TV for the last hour of the day. I can't go to bed until 10 p.m. or I'll wake up even earlier the next morning (as I rarely sleep until 5 a.m. as it is).

I found a big pot of tea in the colder months helps a lot. Not sure what I'm going to do in hotter weather but I suspect it will involve "baby" vegetables.

Dagmar

Don't listen to them, Neuro! That thread regularly descends into pet chat, dress chat, etc. etc. ;) I think an actual accountability thread would be good. Hope you can keep it that way! :lol:

Jay

Hehe - our weekly chat has become pretty life centric and less about accountability. Like Megan, I don't always want to say 'I'm gaining weight again but ate ice cream last night again'. LOL

I'll put my money where my mouth is:

My weigh-in -- which occurs every Friday -- left me happy this morning. It began to turn in the right direction last week.

Three weeks ago, I'd thought I was headed back to the five- to 10-pound thread, but I've dropped nearly five pounds in the past two weeks & am back where I should be.

This is likely due to my wonky menstrual cycle settling down, rather than my taking a more disciplinarian approach. I can say, though, I've made a conscious effort in three areas:

- I am trying to get to bed earlier & get a little more sleep.
- I'm trying to eat more protein in snacks, which has meant more lowfat cheese, nonfat cottage cheese & hard-boiled egg whites, rather than using nuts much of the time.
- I have felt better at work lately. More secure than since losing out on a promotion.

The other payoff is that my arms seem to have changed shape almost overnight & suddenly I am getting compliments & comments about them.

I think it was IHatetheSweatPants (do I have her name right?) who said that her boyfriend or husband said she was as fascinated by her own "guns" as a 14-year-old boy. That's how I am behaving; I see it in myself. I feel up my own damn arms sometimes during a boring commute to Connecticut.

This is one thing about weight loss that I'm not sure is good. I sometimes worry that, in me, it feeds a narcissistic tendency. Rather than obsessing over I, me, mine (my body, my arms, my weight), I should turn to the larger world. Rather than bettering the world or creating art, I am focused very much on creating a body for myself as a kind of artwork. This can't be good in the larger scheme of things.

Wow, a veritable bounty of posts in the last 2 days, since I resigned myself to a monologue! Thank you guys. Yes, I realize I am welcome to post these sorts of things on the regular Maintainers' weekly chat but Mudpie, Shannon and Jayell have pinned it down- maintaining for years is really monotonous, and nobody who's been doing it for a relatively long time is going to be intrigued by more of the same. It only stands to reason that after a time, life intrudes and things like pets, jobs and relationships - the stuff of real life- dominates. Since I'm pretty new to the whole maintenance thing though, I need to focus on it a bit more, and didn't want to bore those who prefer a more low-key approach.

So, the after-dinner thing right now seems to be a real hydra. Yes, I have successfully used tea/decaf/gum to get around the craving for more more more after dinner, but it is far from perfect, especially gum, which for me seems to trigger a need for more sweet things as soon as the flavor "wears out" (~10 minutes). The best tactic for me by far is finding something else to do right after dinner and getting out of the kitchen. If only I had a maid to clean up after meals, I'd have the problem all but licked, but I can't let DH do it every night considering he often makes dinner, and I just don't have the time to clean it before I head to work in the morning (not to mention, eww gross). Last night was a total FAIL- had a lovely dinner with fruit for dessert, then managed to eat 4 graham crackers, 3 rice cakes and 1 1/2 cups of Kashi Go Lean cereal (all washed down with herbal tea). Predictably, was bloated, constipated and up a pound this morning from the carbo-load. UGH. Did much better today at staying on plan but this type of moderate overeating happens to some degree at least twice a week.

Weight this morning was 123.2. UGH. 7-day rolling average slightly lower at 122.5 but definitely way up compared to 2 weeks ago. The only day in the last 2 weeks that I've been over 1500 calories was today (my youngest son's 6th birthday; I ate too much of everything, then topped it off with a cupcake). I think my weight shot up because I was on hospital duty this past week, and apparently just being on my feet for 10 hours a day is no substitute for actually doing an hour of weight training and/or cardio 5 days a week. Since this quick weight gain (over 2 pounds in 8 days) never happened during prior hospital weeks, I conclude that 120 pounds is just not a reasonably maintainable weight for me.

I hate that feeling that I'm on a slippery slope; if I accept 123 pounds as my goal weight, that means I can bounce up to 125. If I bounce up to 125 then the odd water-retention/TOM weight gain will take me to 126-7. Now suddenly I'm almost back to the 130 I swore I would never see again in this lifetime. I am really anguishing about this and wish I knew how to take a calmer, less "drama-filled" approach to the whole maintenance issue.

Not so good for me today. Up four pounds over last Friday.

I think it's stress related. I was very stupid to agree to a friend staying over for three days on her business trip. I got up at 4 AM, went to the gym, saw her at breakfast before she left, worked all day, saw her at dinner & tried to keep chatting & entertaining her (movies, visit to Trader Joe's, stroll through my neighborhood) till bedtime, which was later than usual. I found myself wiped out. And then work picked up & became insane.

Yesterday was some kind of nadir. I found myself shoveling in too much plain nonfat yogurt mixed with sugar-free, fat-free cheesecake-flavored pudding mix after dinner. That was supposed to be dessert. I felt too full afterward. I have not eaten in that mindless, methodical way to fullness for quite some time. I thought I was over it. When I finished, I stopped & knew I had to go to bed because I was overtired.

I feel so down today. Have been online working since 5:15 AM.

I've been on this same slope for the last year - I went from a mnx range of 119-124, up to 121-126, up 124-129, now I tell myself that I'm okay with less than 130 with a swing up to 132. Unfortunately for me it has led to currently weighing 135.4 for my June average. Which is above the 130 I also swore I wouldn't see again. I was mellow about it for a while when my pants still fit the same at the 132, but now that I'm at the 135 they don't and I'm not nearly as mellow.

Neuro, do you have a maintenance range/red line? It's just not humanly possible to keep yourself at the exact same number on the scale every single day. Why not give yourself a range of weights which are all okay? So you goal was 120 -- suppose it's okay for you to weigh anywhere from 118-124. Then when you get to 124, you have to do some work to get back down, but as long as you are below it, you're okay and you shouldn't worry about it.

Saef, what a great dessert idea- I love the idea of pudding mix in nonfat yogurt. I know exactly what you mean about the "shoveling it in" in a mindless methodical way. That's exactly what happens to me as I start to transition from normal eating toward binge eating - for me, it's the step one step away from disaster. I hate that feeling, as well as the tight-belly, hard-to-inhale feeling that follows overeating (and the knowledge that I've lost control yet again). I've gotta ask though: was it really a bad idea to let your friend visit and enjoy her company, or was the bad idea to try to get in your customary amount of exercise and extra worktime along with it? I cringe at the idea of getting up at 4 am not because I'm not a morning person, but because as a doctor with a keen interest in healthy lifestyle research, I know that most folks need at least 7 1/2 hours of sleep a night, and those who exercise more than an hour a day need on average an extra 45 minutes to feel and function at their best.

Shannon, exactly. Did you keep raising your maintenance range because you found it impossible to lose back down to the prior goal weight, or because you said to yourself that you still liked what you saw in the mirror so there was no need? Did you start gaining pounds while keeping calories and exercise levels identical?

I refused to weigh myself today because of overeating last night, and knowing I'd be too demoralized by a yet-further gain. Instead, I have exercised every day since I got off hospital duty (all of 3 days, I know) and ate 1200 calories today in an attempt to compensate for yesterday, and will weigh tomorrow.

Yes. :)

Seriously - initially I got breast implants, six months after entering maintenance, which gave me an extra 2.4 pounds right out of the gate. I adjusted maintenance range for those. Moved up to 120-125 then as I remember.

Hung out fine there until about October of 2009, taking me to the first year of maintenance. During that time I started running and really amped the strength training. After the first year I started to slide up. Moved the range up to adjust because I still felt great and liked my look, was actually a little smaller even than the year before, and three sizes smaller than when I started maintaining. About May of 2010 I gained a few pounds and dropped two inches off my waist, so moved the range up again, I think that one was to 123-128. I also believe it was from the strength training I had added in during the previous year. I felt firm. Noticed over the next six months that I stayed in the higher part of that range and that my water retention days were at 130, taking me to the end of the . Moved the range up to 130 at the top because I liked my look still, pants were still great. Towards the end of the year I started to feel squishier - I know that I ate more then, and have for the last six months or so. I'm working now on coming back down. I'm okay with the 130 on heavy days, not the 136 I see sometimes now.

So, to the main question - did I keep my cals and exercise the same and gain? Initially, yes, at least from what I had been. I was one who ramped exercise up when I hit goal, instead of the other way around. I know that I gained muscle during that time - I was running and lifting weights. Moving my maintenance range then didn't bother me a whit.

In the last eight months, but particularly the last three, I've kept my exercise the same and increased food and gained. Not a big surprise there. I moved my range up earlier this year, more as a feel good than anything else. Now I'm thinking it gave me a false sense of security and it is going to come back down.

Shannon, thank you that was enlightening. It's interesting to see that there are both "good" and "bad" reasons to move the maintenance range up. I fret quite a bit that many women in my height range have goal/ maintenance weights that are often 10 pounds lighter than mine (and are sometimes aiming lower still), but I'm reasonably happy with my shape at this weight and suspect it is exactly because I too have incorporated weight training along with cardio for many months, and have substantial muscle mass.

Jessica, I believe my maintenance range is exactly what you suggested; 118-124. My problem is that I'm really scared to let myself get even to 124, and seem incapable of getting/staying below 122, which makes my "real life" range only 2 pounds; 122-123, and THAT is extremely difficult, as you indicate.

I am leaving for a 2-week trip to Paris on July 14th; just me and DH, though the first week I am attending a Neurology conference and will be quite busy all day. Still, it will be awesome to go back to Europe for the first time in over 5 years (not counting London, where I have family).

Weight maintenance is strongly on my mind; I will of necessity be doing only jogging and body-weight training during our vacation, and the food options will be mostly out of my control. Do any of you have experience with ordering food in Paris? Will they put the dressing on the side, leave off the sauce and grill instead of fry if you ask? Are there certain types of places that are more apt to have lots of (steamed; grilled; raw) veggies in their food? Did you end up gaining more than a couple of pounds?

Have a great 4th of July everyone.

I think

Shannon, we've known one another for most of this brilliant transformative journey of yours. I remember when you took up strength training seriously and the excellent results you got. What I also remember is that you were here a lot: posting about your results, excited, discussing hiccups along the way.

And then I noticed I hadn't seen you for a bit, or at least as much. I wondered what had happened. I suppose I put it down to a busy real life or something like that. And the weight training board has dropped off rather.

You've told us here that you've been eating more for the last six months or so. Have you got any comments about the last six months? Is it private stuff to do with your real life? (That's looking for a yes/no answer, no need for detail if you don't want.) Were/are you bored? Was 3FC offering you the right kind of support? Anything that can help the rest of us? Anything that we can help you with?

For what it's worth, I have put on rather a few pounds in the last couple of months. We can summarise the reasons as being lack of time/fitness to put in sufficient exercise (doing physio exercises not my usual ones), sheer bloodymindedness (this is childishness associated with my dear SO's undear family and will soon be over), and work frenzy/boredom in my business world.

neuro :wave: Interesting things emerging from this thread. Thanks for starting it.

Birchie - thanks for your post, it made me tear up a little. The last few months have been busy at work and busy in my personal life, both of which combined together to equal not talking as much, per my usual pattern. I tend to withdraw when I'm in that place - stress leads to withdrawn leads to not as much of a support network leads to eating too much leads to more withdrawn and stress and not talking, though then more out of shame than stress. I have been still exercising, I just haven't talked about it as much, particularly in the weight training thread. At least lately I have. :)

I have been working to get back accountable and open in the last few weeks, but have had moments of crazy that interfered.

I also may not have talked as much lately because I've not been doing anything that I feel is particularly new. No new exercises, no new routines, just the same ones I've done before. I sometimes don't post about that because it seems a little dry, even to me. There have been a lot of discussions lately about boredom with maintenance, and maybe I've found myself a little bored in a lot of areas. I need to spark myself back up. I've also found myself in a spot where I've felt like everything was futile, nothing was making a difference anywhere so why bother. Am coming back out of that, too. Slowly.

3FC has been very supportive when I've been here, and lots of great folks have noticed I've been stressed and asked questions, which has been fabulous. I've also found another board that I post on as well, and they have been supportive, too. I've just not taken the opportunity to utilize that support.

I've actually wondered about you lately, too - how are you doing?

Andrea - when I was in Paris I didn't worry too much about the food, so I don't know how they will be with special orders or changing. I do know that I did a lot of walking, so somewhat bad for me food didn't hurt me and I actually lost weight. Things were fresh most everywhere, so I didn't feel like everything I ate was stocked with preservatives. Oddly, my favorite food while I was there was from a Greek restaurant. And I don't think I had fried food at all during the eight weeks I was in France, except for the day we went to McDonald's. :) Have a great trip!

I see I typed a random "I think" down at the bottom of my post. Didn't realize I did that- not even sure now what I was thinking. Sorry.

Thanks Shannon; I'm encouraged to hear that you lost weight in Paris (not holding my breath there, as bread and crepes are probably my favorite foods in the world). Yes, I've heard that the French tend to use fresh ingredients and make things from scratch more than us Americans, but also that they put butter and/or cream in just about everything.

Weight average is still 122.4 for the last 7 days. Guess I'll call that acceptable. Shannon and Silverbirch, I admire both of you for not quitting when the going got tougher. Surely, weight maintenance can't be the sole focus of one's life, but for those of us who are not "naturally thin" (whatever that means) it takes a constant vigilance that you can't let slip. It's that tension between needing to pay attention to everything else, and never ever being able to stop paying attention to diet and exercise that makes it such a challenge. I remember being asked at work, a few months after the birth of my second child, what I thought was the hardest part of my job as a doctor. Without hesitation I replied that my hardest day on the job was still easier than being a mother, because I got to GO HOME from my job, but I was "on duty" as a mother every single night, relentlessly and permanently, no nights off ever. And that is pretty much how I see the task of weight maintenance. Not necessarily a horrible thing (I love being a mother), but it needs to be kept in mind even when life tries to get in the way. And you are both doing that.

Have been allowing myself to have an extra serving (or two) of Kashi cereals after dinner the last few nights, before my 8 pm cutoff. Not terrible, but not part of my plan for the day and I really need to stop. I'm committing right now to NO FOOD AFTER MY PLANNED DINNER until I leave for Paris. Which doesn't mean I'm planning to binge in Paris, just that I know I won't have pre-planned meals there.

Shannon. :hug: Sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. Thanks for thinking and asking about me. I think I'm stronger than I was. My thighs are bigger which is a source of annoyance. It's muscle pushing out fat and I'm finding it very difficult to lose this fat. My tummy goes up and down in fatness (up at present) but my waist is pretty small (about 28"-29") so I'm pleased about that bit. I've picked up this back/leg injury over the last 8 yrs or so and I'm working on ironing it out and retraining the mind-muscle pathways so I can run again. But I think I'm moving quite well (I pretend I'm a dancer a lot of the time) and my posture's good which contributes to people thinking I'm a lot younger than I am. Water, veg, a much younger partner and a young son all help too, in my opinion.

Maybe it's part of the ageing process, but I'm more interested in the (positive) health and happiness angle of weight loss than in (negative) fretting. This could also explain why I'm not a very good or efficient loser!

I seem to have rambled a bit. Here, rambling roses are in bloom and I do have the English rose complexion so that's appropriate, if you'll permit a bit of licence. We've off on a national tour (his fam & a wedding, my work, and a bit of R&R) but I'll be reading.

Neuro, bon voyage! I don't know how you drink coffee but the Parisian for 'cafe au lait' is 'un cafe creme' or, better, 'un creme'. (Can't do accents here.)

Andrea - I have to be very careful with the Kashi cereals. I love them, and will very quickly overeat them if I don't weigh everything out carefully and limit myself to the planned servings.

Birchie - it was a good cry, one of those 'people notice' moments that made me feel good. ;) Enjoy your travels!

Maintenance definitely does take vigilance, I agree with that. I would like to think that it didn't, but over time it seems to take more attention rather than less. Maybe that is because over time I am tempted to let my good habits slide so have to work harder to keep them back in check?

I'm back comfortably in my normal pants v. my one size larger bloated and gross pants and I like it. So the extra attention has helped, and must continue.

So my planned dinner tonight was miso soup, scallops, rice, stir-fried veggies then a 1/2 c. of Breyer's Blast cookies and cream (130 calories). I was feeling fine before the dessert (comfortably full) but felt like I was "owed" my planned dessert, so I ate it. As soon as I finished it, it triggered a desperate mouth-craving for cereal and nuts. I ended up having a cup and a half of Kashi puffed cereal (dry) and a tablespoon of almond butter right out of the container. The only reason I didn't have 2 spoonfuls is that my husband came home in the middle, and I was too embarrassed to "double dip." So much for my resolution (see above post, all of 3 nights ago).

I used to be able to have a small after-dinner sweet treat and be satisfied with it. Why now am I getting insatiable "more, more, I'm still not satisfied" cravings from rational portions of desserts? I can't stand the out-of-control feeling I'm getting at the end of/right after dinner each night. I feel like I'm just a baby step away from a full-on binge NEARLY EVERY SINGLE EVENING. And even though I manage to pull back from the brink, I still end up consuming 200-300 extra calories, which amounts to most of the calories I've burned during my exercise session for the day (and, oh yes, I didn't get to the gym today either). The trigger isn't even always a full-on dessert; even the wearing off of a sugar-free gum's sweetness can set it off, as can certain complex carbohydrates (esp. pasta and bread). I adamantly refuse to eat a low-carb diet because I don't think it's healthy, and I shudder at the idea of having to give up all sweets. I keep thinking that I've managed to lose 40 pounds without resorting to extremes, and I shouldn't be turning into a neurotic mess now. Part of me wonders if all this intense self-scrutiny is part of my problem.

Thursday's weigh-in punished me with 123.2. Back to 122.6 this morning but 7 day rolling average reached 122.8.

Hey, guys! I lurk here a bit, and noticed your post, Andrea. Can I butt in for a second?

I have no idea if this will help you, but over time I have noticed a definite correlation between a high protein/fat breakfast and my end-of-day cravings. Specifically, the lack of cravings. On days when I have my egg sandwich (1 egg+1or 2 whites, thin slice of sharp cheddar, turkey bacon on 2 pieces WW toast) I am much less likely to have that "munchy/craving/sweet" feeling at the end of the day. On days when I'll have a breakfast higher in carbs, with the same approximate calorie count (banana and PB on a WW wrap; yogurt and fruit with oats) the after-dinner sugar jones often shows up.

I don't eat low carb, although my food choices have become more low-ish carb, around 150-200g per day. That's more for blood sugar reasons than anything else. I feel better around that level.

So, throwing it out there, could it be when you're eating your macronutrients, not what they are? Or, I could be crazy. Always a possibility. :)

For me, anyway, a binge or near-binge is rarely about the food. It's about unexpressed anxiety, often not even articulated clearly within my own consciousness. Something is weighing on me. I need a release. Or I feel I deserve to be soothed & compensated. Sometimes bringing the worry to light helps. Unfortunately sometimes it doesn't. Even while eating, I say, "Yeah, right, this is not taking care of your fear of not getting it all done/presenting at the all-company meeting/handling three projects simultaneously till noon today." And still continue for a moment longer before pulling in the reins.

My most recent binge -- stopped in the middle, as they all are these days, though this was the first one that proceeded that far in maybe a year & a half -- came about late after a horrible day at work, which had started at 7:45 AM & lasted until 7:30 PM. I got home feeling worked over, inadequate, too wiped out to hit the gym. (That was the first sign: Usually I can work off tension through cardio. But I was beyond that, in some new red zone of stress.) That unresolved tension played out finally a few hours later through my overexcited consumption of the dessert that I'd "deserved" to have because of my hard day. I knew what I was doing, decided to proceed, and then just as clearly, decided to stop myself. I was so clearly "acting out" that it was apparent even to me.

This may not be true for you, but I know it's what happens with me. Recently I've been on a Red Alert for Bingeing: This past week, my state of tension & anxiety had mounted to that certain level where I am more likely to binge. I have not, but by now, I know the premonitory tremors.

It's not about the food. The eating is an expression; it is a metaphor for permitting myself to lose control & to seek oblivion through pure sensation, through tasting. It's a sign I've abdicated from all the standards that I tend to hold myself to.

I wish it had to do with carb consumption, but the only connection between the binges & carbs is that restriction of something makes me more likely to choose it for bingeing later. Because to express myself, I have to use the Forbidden Thing, the Thing I Restrain Myself From Having. It could be any foods, but carbs are what I watch, so carbs are the food of choice to show that I'm not being vigilant anymore.

Andrea - I find myself with the 'more, more, more' cravings in the evenings a lot, too. I initially thought that they were triggered by other carbs, but that isn't consistent. I am less likely to hit a sugar crazy when I've eaten a lot of protein during the day, and oddly, when I've had 100oz or so of water. I wonder if I'm just too full of liquid on those days to crave anything else. Like Saef, if there is a food I'm limiting I find that it is the first thing I run to on the cravings, so I try not to cut anything out completely.

The self scrutiny might be a trigger - I find on days I am more specific (read obsessed) on tracking food that I am more likely to pop off into the candy drawer before bed.

Thanks for starting this thread Andrea. I've tried to post in the "chat" thread from time to time for accountability, but find it hard to keep up with everything and everybody. I just don't (usually) have time to post to each person individually like they do. I just want to spill it out and move on to the next crisis!

So my crisis now? Binging. I've been in binge mode since my "anniversary". After reading Saef's post, I think I'm trying to self medicate again. Why do I do it?. Today I weighed 148. 8 pounds over my ideal weight, 5 pounds over my red line. Last night I ate peanut butter by the spoonful right out of the jar...until it was gone. (Plus some yucky cookies I don't normally like, and puffy peppermint candies that I have NEVER liked.) I didn't think about it as being anexiety until I started thinking about what is going on right now. My dear Father-in-law is very ill, and has been refusing to go see his doctor. I went behind his back and made an appointment for him, and my husband is on his way now to take him in. He's been passing large amounts of blood and is so weak he can hardly stand. He's ready to die...wants to die at home, and wants us to sit and "deal" with it.

We were supposed to leave Saturday for our New York City vacation and I'm pretty certain we won't be going. I'm actually pretty certain at this point dear FIL won't be coming home...He's 90 and hasn't been doing very well for awhile now. Dear MIL is a basket case, and depends on us so much. We have been driving to Lincoln several times a week now, (80 mile drive) and they refuse care from anyone except us. I'm sad, mad, angry, then feel guilty that I feel upset with 2 little people who have been so kind to me for the last 25 years...Food is not the answer...Food is not the answer....Food is not the answer....Food is not the answer.

Today I will not binge, and I will remain in control to support my husband.

Hugs to you and your family Lori.

I found myself in a moment of stress yesterday and once again sought out food. We had our annual AC service yesterday morning, got home around 11:30 last night and found that the downstairs zone wouldn't come on, the system wasn't pulling with the same volume as yesterday morning before the tech was here, and the temp just wasn't as cool. I immediately went to a 'one more expensive repair to the AC like the last two years' place and DH went to pick up food from McDonald's. We were going for ice cream but they had the machine down for cleaning, so we ended up with nuggets and fries. At midnight. Because food obviously will fix the AC.

So it's 4 days now since I got back from Paris. I weighed 124.4 this morning, which is 1/2 pound over my red line (and 4 pounds over my real goal weight). Today's calorie intake was just over 1100, and I got in a 30 minute jog before work. I have also started logging my food again on Fatsecret, which is tough for me to keep up but I think will be crucial to staying honest with a goal calorie intake of 1200-1300/day until I get back to 120.

I loved the experience of being in Paris (and Honfleur, and Pont Aven, and Mt. Saint Michel, and Carnac) but I am absolutely flummoxed by how French people manage to stay thin on the utterly crappy diet they eat, at least based on my extensive examination of restaurant fare. And I refuse to believe they walk it all off. We maintainers know all too well how impossible it is to compensate for bad eating with exercise alone; and let me tell you, from what I saw, the average Frenchman/woman easily consumes over 2000 calories a day, about 2/3 of which come from full-fat dairy, very non-lean meat, and bread. Not to mention alcohol. I can only assume that the offerings in the innumerable French bistros, restaurants and brasseries are not typical of what French people actually consume when they are at home (just like we don't eat burgers and fries as in-home staples).

Coffee and cigarettes, and it probably helps that most Frenchmen/women have never had weight problems or been overweight/obese. I wonder the same thing about Japanese people often when I see 95 lb women chowing on 7-scoop ice cream sundaes at Haagen-Dazs.

I've been back in NY for about 30 hours now and I'm all messed up. Eating and exercise has been good so far. I went to the supermarket and was blown away at how massive the vegetables here are! Seriously those peppers and bok choys can't be "real."

My food so far has looked like this:

8/1, 2 am: Dennys breakfast slam (1 wheat pancake with butter and syrup, some grits, egg whites, chicken sausage patty), 1/5 of a caramel apple crisp dessert

8/1, 4 pm (one hour after waking): Hometown diner: 1/2 fillet baked sole (hold the butter), cup of chicken soup, salad with fork-dipped bleu cheese dressing, a couple bites of green beans, a couple bites of mashed potatoes, part of a "Bavarian cheesecake" monstrosity

8/2, 4 am: Huge bowl of plain spinach, bell pepper, some goat cheese crumbles

8/2, 7 am: Banana, followed by a 3 mile runwalkjog

I picked up a silly temp job within 6 hours of arrival - I'm to sneak around pretending to be underage and try to buy cigarettes and alcohol from local stores, taking note of whether they ask for ID.

Neurodoc - There's a book on this subject called, "French Woman Don't Get Fat" - http://mireilleguiliano.com/section/sub/41

It's a cookbook, but I think the basic premise is "portion control". Here's an excerpt:

With French Women Don’t Get Fat, Mireille Guiliano wrote the ultimate non–diet book on how to enjoy food and stay slim, sparking a worldwide publishing phenomenon. Now, in her first-ever cookbook, she provides her millions of readers with the recipes that are the cornerstone of her philosophy—mouthwatering, simply prepared dishes that favor fresh, seasonal ingredients and yield high satisfaction.

Organized around Mireille’s three favorite pastimes—breakfast, lunch, and dinner—these recipes emphasize pure flavors, balanced ingredients, and easy cooking methods. Eating pleasurably is just as important as eating healthfully, and Mireille does not neglect dessert and chocolate (essential components of any French woman’s diet) and incorporates advice on entertaining, menu planning, and wine selection. And once again, Mireille offers tips and tricks to reduce one’s waistline (including a secret family recipe from Mireille’s beloved Tante Berthe for a delicious breakfast that melts away pounds effortlessly).

Filled with stories from Mireille’s childhood in France, her life in Paris, Provence, and New York, and her extensive travels and meals for business and enjoyment, The French Women Don’t Get Fat Cookbook is a beautiful, practical lifestyle guide to living well, eating wonderfully, and getting the most out of life with the least amount of stress.

I kinda believe the books theory because the same is true for me (albeit I'm not French;)) I guess it's all a matter of what you deem "bad" foods. I don't believe the french believe animal fat to be "bad" and I think I great point has been made about their lack of "stress" which I believe can cause obesity in itself. I also know that stress is a leading killer, but doesn't get the credit it deserves. So perhaps we can learn something from the French. Avoire(sp?):D

Welcome back, world travelers!!!

Krampus - I'm fascinated by your temp job. Let us know how it goes.

Andrea - when I was in France I lived with a family for a semester. We didn't eat a lot of the cream saucy, bad for you food. We did have full fat milk, shelf stable stored in boxes, so didn't consume much of it. We had a several course meal every night, with lots of fruit and small amounts of cheese. We might have three fruit courses scattered in. We did a lot of hot tea and had crusty baguettes with every meal, but the same large one usually lasted several days with the four of us. Didn't eat much at a time. The father had recently recovers from open heart surgery, maybe we were unique?

I'm pretty sure that the French can't possibly eat at home what I saw in the restaurants on a regular basis, or they really would have serious weight problems. But I also don't buy the "French women have less stress" theory either; why would they? Don't they work, raise children, deal with financial headaches, family problems, etc, just like us? Portion control may be part of the answer, but if the trick to eating like them and not getting fat is that I can only have 2 spoonfuls of whatever rich, saucy food is being served for dinner, that's not going to keep me satisfied for long- I note Shannon's comment "didn't eat much at a time."

Not making any headway whatsoever on weight loss back to goal; still weighed 124.4 this morning (after bouncing up to 125 for a few days). But I'm also not being too successful at staying under 1300; have been hovering near my usual maintenance calories (1400-1600) with only moderate exercise thrown into the mix. It is SOOO painful to go back to 1100-1200 calories a day again, and the feelings of deprivation and self-pity come to me really quickly when I do that. Need to cultivate a different mindset though, or I'll be above redline for months to come.

Krampus, your food log made me laugh; I've so been there and done that (jetlag from Asia leaving my sleep-wake cycle totally topsy turvy). Are you finally adjusting to EST?

Andrea - I'm struggling with keeping my calories down, I also get the feelings of deprivation and self pity when I go too low. Then I get the feeling of frustrations and self abuse when my clothes are snug. I need to figure out how to lose both of those feelings, or I'll be living with you above my redline.

I've been okay for the last two days, and am planning for a good day today, too. My weight is down a little bit, and I would like to keep it that way.

Today was ick for me. It was one of those mornings where I just didn't get satisfied and full. I started off great, a little banana and pb and my morning coffee. Then grabbed for the watermelon. Then pb calling my name on a nice toasted bagel....it's homemade, less processing and fat, so that's alright in my eyes :) But uhoh, than I found myself in the cheerios. Stop that. Alright. Wait, put in some gum. Make some muffins. Oh, they smell good. Open up the peanuts. Eat way too many of them. Then feeling guilty. Way too guilty.
So then I hop on my elliptical, in a pathetic attempt to discount at least some of those calories and make myself feel better.
I'm better now. Tomorrow morning will be better, it has to be :)

Wow, BakingChick- you do the exact same thing I do, only at the other end of the day. I have gotten much better in the last 5 weeks or so, but was having huge overeating issues in the evening, after dinner. One thing would lead to another, just like you're describing. I finally put an absolute moratorium on any food in my mouth after 8 pm, which actually sort of worked, especially since we're not eating dinner until close to 7 at my house these days. Perhaps you can declare breakfast over at a certain time, with no more food until lunch (no mid-morning snack)?

I finally got 2 days in a row with weights below 124, so I'm feeling a glimmer of hope. I have NOT been successful at getting calories to 1200 though; 1400 is as low as I seem to get. I KNOW this will not get me back to 120, so I'm considering options like eating a Kashi frozen meal + piece of fruit as dinner every night for the next 2 weeks as a means of better evening calorie/portion control. The big drawback is that dinner is the one time of day my entire family sits and eats together, and I'm always making a big fuss about the kids eating what we eat (not making separate, usually junky, kids meals like mac and cheese), so it would be very hypocritical. But I really need to get dinner down to like 500-600 calories total, which is proving highly challenging. Do any of you use packaged meals to help with portions?