[Loving Me]

I've had a few things I wanted to get down but wasn't sure where to post. In the forum, in the weekly thread, Operation 5-10 or elsewhere, so thought I'd try to do a post here of my own, hope that's ok.
Firstly on Saturday morning I had a mini meltdown and I'm hoping you're all not going to look at me aghast because I really need to know I'm not alone or totally over the top During my weight loss journey I adjusted to having small portions of the things I call treat foods, and only occasionally. At Christmas it was hard with all the foods that we only can find here once a year, but on the whole I did great. We bought a Stollen (sp?) which is sort of a sweet bread, dried fruit and marzipan topped with icing sugar. We never ended up opening this until the weekend before last and I had one slice on the Saturday and one on the Sunday and enjoyed every mouthful. There was about half of this stollen left which I wrapped and put away for this last weekend, thinking I could do the same and would be happy I'd had my fill til next Christmas. Friday night DH was working a late shift and that stollen was calling me very loudly, but knowing what I'm like with my old binge tendencies and eating alone I knew it could turn ugly, so told myself no and promised myself to wait and have my share with DH and DD over the weekend. Saturday morning I got up, felt great, was already looking forward to that slice of stollen to come. I came downstairs to find a plate on the side in the kitchen.... icing sugar on that plate..... I told DH I hope he hadn't eaten ALL the stollen because I'd been saving it for us to share over the weekend. He had... I completely went into meltdown mode! For a start, DH needs to lose weight, like 40lbs, but just like I couldn't lose the weight til I was ready, it seems nothing I can do encourages him to do it either. But he'd eaten approx half of the stollen alone! I ranted that he was selfish and told him how I'd not eaten any myself the night before. I told him that he should know how much I love stollen and how I'd been looking forward to it this weekend. And then I went upstairs and cried...
I actually felt panic and despair because I knew that I wouldn't be able to get anymore of this stollen til next Christmas!
Now granted, after about half an hour I calmed down and told myself that at least I'd been able to have some the week before, and it was one less temptation to face this weekend, but still, I couldn't believe my extreme reaction to the whole thing, it actually frightened me. After all, it's an item of food!
And before I go off now and hide from the stollen meltdown police I wanted to ask, how do you all post replies on the other threads and not miss anyone out? I see all your posts on the threads and I feel like a really bad 3FC chickie because I don't often reply to others, but I just can't seem to do it. Do you have two windows open and read through the thread in one and forumulate your reply in another so you can reply to everyone in order, or is it just that I really can't multitask? I lose track of who's posts I've read and by the time I get to the end I can't remember who said what and feel all confused!

[Shannon in ATL]

Deep breath sweetie.

On the stollen, I can't say I wouldn't have reacted the exact same way if I had been looking forward to something that didn't happen. It has happened to be before with special food items, actually. In most cases, it is because I didn't communicate that I was looking forward to it so people didn't know not to eat it or to wait and share it with me later. Something you love and can't get until next year is probably harder, too. Yes, it is a silly food item, but that doesn't mean that the disappointment isn't real. You mention that DH needs to lose weight - could it be that some of your frustration came from him choosing to eat half of it by himself when you think he needs to watch his diet? Or maybe a little resentment that he felt okay eating half of it when you worry so much about eating even a little of it? The latter would probably be what motivated me - I sometimes resent other people who feel more free with the foodies. Or, it might boil with me to a straight loss of control response - when my plans change I flounder for a few minutes to recover, even if they are something as simple as what to have for a snack.

On the replies to posts - I click 'go advanced' when I'm responding and can scroll down through a good bit of the replies and can respond individually. If there are more than can fit into that screen then I click the 'here to review the entire thread' and go between the two windows. No way I could just remember what everyone said everywhere! Even with that I sometimes miss someone or mix up replies. No worries, people are understanding about it!

[saef]

I'm not aghast, but here's a hug because, based on recent posts, it appears you're having a difficult time coping just now, and you're experiencing more self-doubt than you've felt before. What has brought this on? Was something recently added to your usual load of stress? Are you weary of keeping on with your current routine, and in need of a change of scenery?

[xty]

*hugs*

I am no stranger to mini-meltdowns, or full on melt-downs for that matter! As saef, ever so wise!, noted - its likely this was the culmination of many things: increased stress in other areas, etc.

At least you didnt binge and eat the whole thing yourself. There are worst fates than missing out on a treat, but I do totally get why it would upset you.

Hang in there and see if you can spend a little time this weekend doing something you find relaxing

[ubergirl]

LM-- I completely get it, and I too send hugs. Don't be hard on yourself....

Regarding DH, I think you need to really think it through and decide how you feel about it. I went through a period of resenting my DH because he has a very flexible work schedule and ends up working a lot less than me and getting lots more vacation. He got to stay home with the kids, even though he didn't really value it that much, whereas my heart was hurting because I wanted more time at home. Could it be the same thing with you? Do you feel kind of jealous at some level that he is not so worried about his weight and is still eating whatever he wants?

Sending hugs-- you are AMAZING.