I havent really faced this before....I have had MANY comments, and usually follow a simple plan: accept the compliment, dont offer more info than I want to discuss, change the subject!
I have also dealt with comments that were unintentionally rude. Such as the "wow you look great, but dont go anorexic on us!". Ugh, yes that is annoying and uneducated and actually very rude, but the speaker doesnt mean to be rude so I follow the same simple plan (with a possible education opportunity if appropriate).
But this weekend I had what I think is an actual first - a rude comment not at all couched in a compliment.
I went to my neighborhood deli (where I was formerly addicted to homemade blackberry muffins) and one of the owner/workers looked at me like I had a disease. Convo that followed:
me: "hi Lynn, its been a while so nice to see you!"
her: "you have lost a ton of weight" (not in a happy tone)
me: "yup, about 10lbs, feeling great to get the last couple lbs off!"
her: "can I be frank?"
me: "umm, I guess"
her: "you dont look good, you look sick. you looked healthier before"
me: stepping away from register and pointing at legs, jokingly "well some parts need more work than other, thanks for your concern, but my doctor thinks Im doing well and am perfectly healthy!"
Maybe it was the fact it was super early on a Sat am, I had no makeup on, was in workout clothes and hadnt had coffee yet. Im sure I didnt look my best, hah. I also realize I left myself wide open, but I just didnt see it coming!
And frankly with a body fat% in the mid 20s and my weight in the 130s, I shouldnt be setting off people's skin and bone alarms. She is a pretty petite woman herself, smaller than I am for sure.
Has anyone else experienced this and how did you deal with it? I was polite, but it actually irritated me.
I think you handled it great because you stated to her you're doing fine & you intend on continuing what you've been doing. You should be proud of what you've accomplished & never let anyone second guess your healthy lifestyle habits. For those who are overweight & making rude comments I usually assume they're jealous & unhappy with their bodies.
I've also learned that humor has helped me deflect these rude comments. Here's 2 conversations courtesy of my aunt who makes it a point to criticize everyone's weight in her family by usually calling them FAT (her daughters & grandkids included). I need to mention she lost a lot of weight herself & has recently gained most if it back:
A few years ago when I initially lost 35 lbs of weight:
her: "you look weak & skinny"
me: "i'm not weak i'm strong" as I flexed my arms to show her my bicep muscles. She just laughed & walked away.
A few months ago I was doing a little more strength-training on my legs to get through my runner's knee injury. As a result my legs were looking more muscular:
her: "you got fat" (pointing to my legs)
me: "that's not fat...it's muscle" She just laughed again, walked away & proceeded to tell my other cousin how fat she looked
However, for those who are not overweight I feel their issues are more complex & deep rooted. I've mentioned this before but my MIL is a prime example - looks good for her age but very unhappy & insecure. I find I need to stand firm & be more "matter of fact":
her: 'you could lose a little more weight'
me: 'no...i know i look good' - to my surprise she actually didn't have anything to say
It all comes down to how you handle the criticism because it'll never end (although it'll get less as everyone gets used to the smaller you). That said, it's very empowering & liberating to get to the point where you don't care what others think about your healthy lifestyle choices.
Wow - I could learn a lesson or two from the both of you! You have handled these situations with grace & strength. Nicely done.
I am always flustered at what to say when people make such strange comments. It is their own insecuritites typically coming out, but still, it makes me so uncomfortable. I try to stick with a focus on my health vs. my appearance. That seems to stop the conversation so I can redirect to something else.
workingmom - your aunt is a real gem. Holy moly, that woman would reduce me to tears in a heartbeat. Wow...really, that is all I can say. You are a STRONG woman & I applaud your incredible responses. Way to go!!
Are you kidding me?!?!!!! How rude!!!! Some people have no tact and just say whatever comes to mind and no regard for someone's feelings. It's NONE of her business anyways! I see your "stats" on the side there and looks like you are in a healthy weight and I think you did terrific!!!! Forget her. I cannot believe some people!
Last edited by LindseyLou; 10-06-2010 at 08:42 AM.
I think you handled it very well, much better than I did the first time I got a similar question. I stumbled, stammered out something like "You really think so? I think I look fine" and then wandered off. Now I'm much better at it. I tend respond with the 'my last physical looked great and look how strong I am' kind of answers like working mom. And it still irritates me every time.
These people when found on the internet are called "concern trolls". They want to rile you up anyway (for whatever reason) and instead of being confrontational their approach is pretended anxiety.
I remember on one of the threads here someone said that their response to rude comments from someone was always to to enthusiastically thank them as if they had just given a great compliment. She said at least if it didn't shut them up at least it resulted in entertaining reactions.
A lot of people are constantly telling me I look "sick." Especially at work, I hear snickers and gossip around the office. Before, when I was the chubbiest one on this floor, no one ever noticed me, now I'm headline news. And since I'm 7 months pregnant now, I get the whole "Is she gaining weight again, or is she pregnant? What's going on with that girl?" I merely respond, "Neither, I swallowed a watermelon" People like that have too much time on their hands, and I take everything with a grain of salt. I'm telling ya, we were either too fat before, or too thin. What about how WE feel about OURSELVES? Until someone walks a mile in our shoes, and sees and feels the work that we put in to get here, they will never understand. But at least none of us are alone!
I went to my neighborhood deli (where I was formerly addicted to homemade blackberry muffins) and one of the owner/workers looked at me like I had a disease.
Hehe. The owner you say? If you were formerly addicted to one of her products and no longer spend lots of money on that product, she's probably just missing the income on her blackberry dope. If it happens again, I guess you could say something like..."Yeah, instead of blowing my extra cash on your muffins, I'm spending my money on smaller clothes at the boutique down the street.
I actually have a very similar situation. There is an evil witch that runs the local greasy spoon/bar/grill/tobacco sales place in the small town nearest to us. Since I quit drinking, smoking and eating crap, we hardly ever go in there, and since we were pretty spendy customers, I'm sure she has felt the hit in her pocketbook. She is my worst critic. She spreads lies and tells tales on all the mysterious ways I have lost weight. But you can be sure that she never shares the biggest secret of all...I succeeded because I quit buying her crap.
A wise friend once told me, "Rude comments like that say more about the commenter than you."
I too have alot of people talking behind my back. I am also no longer included in the occasional co-worker happy hours. Just yesterday a co-worker invited another co-worker to a group happy hour, but did not invite me, in front of me...
Me and my family live in different countries and today i send to my parents pictures of my weight lost journey, my mother and my father got really excited about it. REALLY EXCITED and asked me to send those pictures to my brothers cause they donīt believe that iīm losing weight, so i did it.
The answer by my big brother was:
Quote:
Congratulations! Keep it up!... shame that the arms looks the same.
Without kidding, you look great, keep the spirit and desire to continue your journey.
I got so mad... took a deep breath and answered back:
Quote:
No, my arms are smaller but they have sagging skin, do not worry much about it because since the invention of plastic surgery I already have a solution and I have the OR reserved: P so no need for you to feel sorry or shame, thanks for your best wishes!
I think sometimes, people dont expect people to change. They like them just where they are. Us being the "fat chicks" becomes almost a label or something associated w/ us. I think when we lose weight, it can be shocking to people who havent seen us.
I dont know you, and Im new here, but from your profile pic you dont look unhealthy to me at all.
And you handled the situation very well. You are a much nicer person then me. LOL. She shouldnt have said what she did, it was very rude.
Just today I heard - "They must be anorexic" scoffed an overweight female co-worker (describing 2 of my "naturally thin" female co-workers). A client brought us all identical lunches (noodles, beef, rice, veggies) from a chinese eatery & they couldn't finish their entire lunch because the portions were so large. I ate all of the veggies, most of the beef & only had a few bites of the noodles & rice & I was full too. Guess I must be anorexic too
dealing with intentionally rude comments
I cannot believe some people!
The owner you say? If you were formerly addicted to one of her products and no longer spend lots of money on that product, she's probably just missing the income on her blackberry dope. 
If it happens again, I guess you could say something like..."Yeah, instead of blowing my extra cash on your muffins, I'm spending my money on smaller clothes at the boutique down the street. 
