Hi guys. I have myself under better control. Scale 127.

Following Becky's disclosure, I'll share a bit more. My dh is a wonderful person, prob a better person than I am. He is kind, has a dark dry, fabulous sense of humor, is a great father and supportive husband. But he is extremely cranky, depressed, procrastinating, resentful, does not follow thru and has not been able to carry his share of the financial burden since our dating days. And only recently, have I stopped pretending that he does. Or helping him make excuses for himself.

I started my weightloss journey (this one) because I needed to get my body looking good in order to "be back on the market (with 4 young boys, no less!)" after a possible future divorce. Of course, now I at least feel better about myself so I am at least that much better off. It is not a lack of love. I don't want to separate but boy, there is seemingly unending stress, resentment and frustration, (punctuated by occasional levity and pleasantness) and I get so darn tired of it.

SO now the cat's out of the bag. Feels kind of good to get it out there. Thanks for all of your support. Sometimes I feel like it may be one sided because I get so stuck in my misery. But you chicks really truly are wonderful and I am grateful for having you in my world.

*many teary hugs*

Kitty and Becky, sorry to hear you have DH troubles. Have either of you thought about marriage counseling?

I did my run yesterday even though I totally wasn't feeling like it. OTOH I ate too much because I was inexplicably hungry the rest of the day. Probably due to TOM. At least today's weight is still stable.

Both DH and I have had therapy prior to marriage and we did couples therapy after engagement. At this point we have neither the time nor the funds for therapy. We know what the issues are. Maybe if things became so so so so bad that if I really did think about the big D again, we would. But for now, we are trying to just. get. thru. it.

all round.

(I have just spent the morning and part of the afternoon walking round an old, old park with an old, old ex whose wife is threatening to leave with the children.)

Kitty - you are talking Big Male Volume in your house!

So no lunch for me (see above) but I've just had an apple and hummus for my afternoon snack. Onward!

Thanks for the support guys! I have to tell you, it meant a lot when I popped through over the weekend and saw the responses. I love having somewhere to go to vent to people who understand my mindset. I got some cleaning done over the weekend, got in a good run at the park, took a long bath on Sunday, then we went out with friends Sunday night. I am in a better place emotionally right now, and feel more equipped to deal with the calories. Stayed OP yesterday, and somehow managed to get enough protein even with another meat free dinner at home.

Megan - I've learned not to get on the scale during TOM at all. Don't let the number today throw you for a loop, it won't be there long.

Jessica - good swim! Weekends are tough for me, too. Two higher days, even if only one is the 'cheat' meal can definitely slow things down.

Becky - That sounds like a tough situation to be in and you are doing the best you can in it. You aren't a moron for wanting to stay put and do right by your son, not at all. I will say, there may come a point when the best thing is to not stay, but only you can know that. I was the child in a relationship where my parents stayed together for the sake of myself and my brother, and there were times I really wished that they hadn't. They made it through us and are still together, but there were some miserable times in my youth. It is hard no matter how you look at it. Harder still with your DS being gone so much right now. Good luck to you.

kitty - I hope you are feeling better today and things have calmed down a little.

Midwife & Birch, and anyone else I'm missing!

I totally missed the last page of posts when I put mine up...

Kitty - that is a hard one, too. The ups and downs must make you crazy. Good for you for taking care of yourself.

Jessica - on the run!

Birch - that was very kind of you to spend time with your ex talking about his situation. Still friends then, I guess?

Hey, y'all! I am still working on my ... er ... 15.

I am feeling pretty good. I made it through my son's birthday party without eating cake (or anything else not on plan), although there's still 1/2 a cake sitting here, and cupcakes in the freezer. The cake is stale and gross by now, though, right?

I am also ever so slowly inching down closer to my goal weight. I think I was 133.6 this morning. Tomorrow I will finish up stage 4 of NRLW and the swimming is going well, too. I can't wait for the temps to nudge up a little so I can get outside to bike and run. C'mon, spring!

And I don't know how, but I missed the last page, too.

kitty and Becky -

Shannon - yes, still friends. We've known each since about 1980 & should never have become involved. It was 7 ridiculous years but I suppose I learnt a lot. And he's helped me out at various desperate points in my past.

Ward - please throw away that cake for the sake of everyone's health! (And good to see you here!)

Ward, yes, that cake is stale and gross. Get rid of it! Nothing wrong with 15... got about 15 friends myself (several watery friends this week, too). The important thing is that we've addressed it and are working on it!

Kitty, to you also for a difficult situation. We're always here to support you!

Birch, sounds like you & your ex are good friends to each other to listen to each other's problems. What are friends for?

Dragging from my early wake-up. The good thing is, I sort of have time for a nap before rehearsal tonight. "Sort of" b/c there are dishes to be done and laundry to be folded... but my nap takes priority.

Ward - No stale cake. It goes in the trash with my stale candy!

15? What about 18?

Afternoon!

I think Megan asked if anyone else had a mini-goal in view. Well, I do. It's to lose 5lbs (1 already gone!) to get to 150 (10 stone 10 for me). There's no time limit on this but I'd prefer these pounds to be gone sooner rather than later. I think you know what I mean.

(I'm still basking in delight that I managed to lose the previous 5lbs during February. Pretty good going but I suppose this hideous virus had a part to play. Every cloud has a silver lining.)

Hope you're all en pointe this afternoon.

Good morning to those on this side of the pond (good afternoon Silver!),

I actually got 8 hours of sleep last night, and had time to wash dishes and fold laundry to boot on top of everything. Feeling more energized today. No stinkin' scale will get me down! The last 2 days were strength training and weight focused, so today will be cardio (running) and abs.

How is everyone feeling today? Hugs to those who are uber-stressed and running around crazy. I hope you get a minute to breathe. Have a great day (evening) all!

Allison, Ward, 15, 18, 20, or more, we're not judgemental!

I have been starving all week. I'm hoping it's because of TOM, which seems to always make me hungry. I probably went about 300 calories over my limit last night due to still being hungry after eating my planned foods.