Hi Maintainers,

(I stole the thread title from maryblu, who is awesome!)

Anyway, I think many of you know me from my years here, approaching 7 years of my lifestyle change, although I've been sort of scarce the last few months. There've been some ups and downs with my weight as I've been through two pregnancies and small children, and one of the things I've come to learn is that life brings stuff, and what worked yesterday may not work tomorrow, and adaptability is good.

Having said that, I'm struggling. It's been about 4 months and work and personal stress is eating me alive. Maintenance is nearly second nature to me, and a good day follows a bad day most of the time, so there hasn't been much weight gain. But weight loss isn't happening either, and frankly, I'm so brain fried from all the stress that I could just care less a large fraction of the time. And that scares me more than anything.

So I've tried jumping back into plan, I've tried easing back in, and nothing is really sticking. I have lost any sort of consistency and I need to get it back. I don't see the stress going away any time soon, and I have small children (4 & 1) who need a lot of my time, so I'm just maxed out. Exercise is my saving grace, and even that isn't as consistent as it could be.

So, after this long, rambling post, help please! I need ideas. Going back is unthinkable, but I'm not getting where I want to be either. I feel like I'm on the edge.

Thanks,

Anne

Anne, I completely agree with your thread title. I've had ups and downs too, in the last two years.

First, maybe drop in with the "Operation Take 5 (or 10)" thread!

Second, try to keep your fridge and cupboards stocked with the friendly foods. I know that I'm in trouble if I run out of baby carrots, lowfat cottage cheese, celery sticks, lowfat popcorn, apples, other fruits, etc.--because I will get hungry and want to snack.

And I guess the last thing I'd suggest is, make things as easy as possible for yourself in the food department. If that means bagged salad instead of cleaning lettuce yourself, allow it. If it means frozen microwaveable vegetables, allow it. I have no idea how you usually eat, but anything that makes meals and snacks less stressful is a good thing.

Good luck!
Jay

What a fabulous coincidence!

I'm in just about the same boat as you. Not the small children part but life interference? I hear ya!

Eyeballing healthy food is not working. Thinkin' I'll jump on the elliptical on a regular basis ... not working either.
I've just refreshed my fitday account. I've gone back to packing a magnificent salad for work.
The basics ... packed into life as best I can.

And that is all you can do too.

BTW ... 4! A four year old! Time sure flies.

Hi Anne!

You said you're working out somewhat consistently, so it sounds like food intake is more of the problem here. Am I correct there? Is it that you're eating too much, there's more temptation around, that you're tired and give in to that temptation more often...?

First I would suggest if you haven't already, reaffirming to DH that you would like to take off some of the post-preggo weight, and are having some trouble. Ask him if possible to help you keep healthier food options in the house, cook healthier meals when he's cooking (or pick up healthier options if you're getting take-out), and keep an eye on the kids occasionally so you can go for that bike ride or run. Not sure how things work in your house and who does what chores, but it might help to talk about it. Remind him a healthy lifestyle is still important to you (and will help the whole family in the long run).

Like Jay said, I think taking advantage of convenience options could help. Baby carrots, pre-cut veggies, frozen or canned veggies, rotisserie chickens, cuts of meat already in marinade, pre-made hummus or salsa... not sure how much food you might normally make from scratch but there's nothing wrong with taking advantage of the convenient store-prepared foods that are still pretty healthy. Grocery stores come up with new food items all the time - maybe your store has started carrying some convenience items you haven't noticed. Also, if you're cooking anything, if possible double the recipe and freeze half. It could be a quick dinner in a few weeks. Would sitting down and better organizing a grocery list of foods for the week help you?

I can't imagine or relate to how hectic life might be as a working mom w/ 2 young kids, but I do believe that it is very very busy! Hang in there! We're always here too.

I second that.

I like to get fresh veggies, clean & cut them myself, make my own dressings, etc., and save money and feel better about the food. But ...

If I'm struggling at all, the first thing to do is stop sweating the small stuff and get the big stuff right. My first thought is, ok, what can I do to make it *easy* to stay on plan? *Not* how can I *make* myself stay on this "perfect" plan.

Also, I think in your situation, it's critical to apply that same thinking to the rest of your life.

And one final idea - maybe make sleep your first priority. That's critical for me for so many reasons. Really actually do *all* those things the sleep hygiene people say.

Oh, ok, one other idea. Think about what is truly your bare minimum important on-plan stuff. I do this more in relation to coping with depression, but I think it's helpful. What are the core things that keep you from being sucked down the drain? The things that may not produce great progress, but keep you from going backward.

For example, for me, when it comes to food, I focus on getting veggies every day (rather than on what I *shouldn't* eat). If I do more, great. But having a minimum set of things you meet every day can help you feel successful instead of always feeling you've failed. And I always do better when I'm already feeling a little good, instead of when I'm trying to "motivate" myself by focusing on the bad.

It helps keep me away from the black and white thinking that leads to alternating good and bad days. I don't have to choose between perfect and throwing in the towel. Instead, I can choose between perfect and my bare minimum, and feel good about that.

I think there's a great big difference between staying the same because you alternate good and bad, vs. staying the same because you're consistent with a smaller, more limited baseline set of standards that you can build from.

I cannot believe your older child is 4! Wow!!

Yes, do come join us on the Take 5 (or 10, or whatever!) thread. I got tired of dicking around with the extra weight. It might light a fire under ya!

Life is just busy. But here's the thing: we can't be all things to all people all the time. We just can't. I know where you are coming from. I have 2 jobs right now (DH is a full time student---which means he is super busy all the time!), 4 kids, 2 dogs, a house that is messy more often than not (my bathroom should be condemned at this moment). I live by the motto: I can do ANYthing, but I can't do EVERYthing.

So I've started saying no. No, I can't be an officer in the booster club this year. No, I can't be a liasion for a conference right now. No, I can't do X,Y,orZ.

Half the time I feel like I am riding swells in the ocean. As long as things are just right, I ride up and down with the waves, going along. But, man, if my groove gets off balance, I am choking on sea water and kicking like a maniac to just stay alive, much less try to get back in the groove of things.

I try to plan and have as much structure as possible, but also to be flexible within that plan/structure. I try to keep a wide range of proteins, veggies, carbs, fruits, etc. Cause that way if my plan for A & B for dinner doesn't work out, I can do C&D. For example, I was going to throw chicken in the crock pot this morning before I walked out the door for work. I pulled out the crock pot. Dead spider in it. I didn't have time to actually wash the crockpot, so we will go with plan B....not sure what it will be, but will probably involve ground turkey over roasted veggies. The chicken in the crock pot will happen tomorrow. If I wash the crock pot, cause, yeah, the dead spider is still in there as I type.

It's okay if the passion isn't there 100% of the time. Going through the motions gets results too. Oh, wait, we weren't discussing sex here. There are a lot of days that I fake it til I make it, that I look at the laundry and want to cry, that I am exhausted to my very bones. And sometimes it can be hard to care about my health and my weight. Sometimes I just tell myself "It's important" and sometimes I don't believe myself, but I go through the actions. Success begets success, and one on plan day often leads to another for me. I think I need to stop telling myself "It's important" when I think about my food and exercise. I need to shift that thought to "I'm important." Because the bottom line is that, I am, and my health and well-being are important, not just for my family or pregnant ladies, but for me.

I don't have all the answers either. I'm not sure I have any actually. But you are definitely NOT alone.

You're important, Anne, not just as a mommy or a wife or a scientist, but because of your own unique existance.

Hi Anne:

You alway have such great advice and input for everyone. I hope my advice helps you in some way. It's probably not what you want to hear but, relax...
Right now try and accept a maintence number and go with it. The stress relief from not focusing on losing my help reduce the bad days between good and that could be enough to get the consisitance going again. This is a hard piece of advice, but with your responsibilities and stress level right now maybe giving Anne a little break could help. The next thing I would suggest is adding back some steps that you know will help get you one at a time. Adding back the steps slowly will help you feel less overwhelmed and bring back that sense of accomplishment. Sometime on this journey I start with drinking more water, its easy and I usually can succeed. Remember to reward every step you take in the right direction. When life gets to me I easily revert to junk as a reward its easy, cheap and usually readly available.
To combat that I keep gift cards, pre-written greeting cards to Reg, home made gift certificates available. I try to have rewards that can give immediate gratification, sometimes saying I will go for a pedicure tomorrow isn't enough I need something tangible to get me through today.

I have full confidence that you will make it to all your goals. Try and remember that the longer the journey the more detours and pot holes we hit,
but we know the road back and can pick up speed to get us back to where we want to be.

Regards,
Gina

Maybe what you actually need is a CHANGE. Find some healthy on the go kind of things that you haven't really had before, try some new stuff, why not? Shake things up a bit with new flavors and give your eating plan a makeover. Maybe even bring back in some stuff you haven't had in a long time.

I know when I start straying it's usually because of boredom, which I rarely realize until I get some new on plan stuff. If I have new healthy stuff to eat that I can look forward to I find staying on plan to be a breeze.

Thanks guys. Some good ideas here.

Anne

Anne,
I wish I had the words to help you. When I was at a critical point on my journey, I found your sage advice, at it was a turning point for me.
I only hope that you find what works for you this time around.
Blessings!
You CAN do this!


Laurie

Hi Anne,

How are you doing?
I missed your post earlier. 2 small kids & a job: Been there, done that, etc.

I second the advice to lower your standards and put yourself at priority every now and then. Do stuff that you enjoy every now and then, reward yourself with a little me time instead of mom time.

"Just maintaining" is actually not bad in your situation. A 1 year old is very cute and very time consuming, and a 4 year old also consumes a lot of energy.

I was helped a lot by the books of Kabat-Zinn (the full catastrophe living) in a stress period in my life. This may sound weird, but meditation really really helps me cope a lot more because it makes it much easier to put the small stuff in perspective and focus on the big stuff. Even just 10 minutes a day works for me.

Drop in & let us know how you are doing,
Rabbit
(also 20 pounds over the red line)