I think with her it's more of a case of SHE isn't the only thin one of the office anymore, and I'm getting attention she used to get.
I think you pegged it right there. Jealous and insecure, feeling at a loss because she isn't the center of attention anymore.
I would talk to her, after I calmed down. Ask her why she would tell people something that was untrue about you. You live in a small town as I recall, she had to know that you would find out about the comments.
I definitely wouldn't put her on my 'friend' list anymore...
Mindi, you're absolutely right. She's mad that YOU are thin now, too. From her perspective, she has to SHARE her secret title of being "the hot one" with you and she doesn't like it.
You look amazing. She's threatened. She needs to grow up and get over herself.
On a side note, people who weigh, like, 101 pounds who swear they're fat truly do annoy me. When I was fat, my opinion was that anyone who didn't shop in the plus sized department had no right to gripe about weight.
it is probably an attention thing-what i think you should do is talk to her-let her know that you know what she said, and tell her that you dont have time for that kind of immaturity. i think you should tell her in a professional and calm manner-because YOU are the bigger person in the situation and need to remain there-dont stoop to her level-she isnt worth the effort!! keep your head up sunshine-we all know that you worked so hard and are proud of you!!
OMG...I totally feel for you because almost the exact same thing happened to me last month, and for a few days I have to admit it had me fuming and kind of burst my bubble. Weight-loss surgery or not, it's all hard work, but somehow people get the impression you took the easy way out with surgery....they can justify your perseverance with an excuse of how you managed to do it. (A compliment with an insult attached...oh so popular in my area) In my case, a gal I recently trained for her position as Village clerk came up to me at a fund raiser and just flat out told me that EVERYONE was talking about my WLS. I was shocked. I never had WLS, I never knew people thought I did, Certainly no one ever ASKED if I had WLS. I did say something stupid like I'd be happy to let them check out my stomach for surgery scars...ugh
If I remember correctly, we both live in Rural America...there is nothing better for people to talk about! We have the leading roles right now, just wait until next week when Joe Blow is sleeping with Mrs. Sleaze, or drunk Darren gets another DUI, we'll be old news.
Oh I didn't realize it was a coworker as well, I thought it was just a friend of yours.
I agree I would come up to her and ask her why she's saying you had WLS when you didn't. That's very rude, EVEN IF you had WLS it's not her business to tell other people IMO.
Yeah, if she is thin already then by saying she needed to lose weight, she was trying to draw attention to herself. It is hard for some people to switch roles in terms of being the 'thin one' versus someone else competing for that role.
Oh, Mindi. I am just so, so very sorry this was said AND got back to you. I totally, TOTALLY know EXACTLY what you are feeling since I have also experienced it. Yep, me too--worked my XXX OFF to get where I am and to have something so demeaning suggested made me want to punch someone's lights out.
I told them THEN AND THERE--"here have a a look at my stomach--NOPE, no scars--just stretch marks from my babies!"
I have had a couple of friends that did do WLS and I know it's no walk in the park either--but very, very different from my own journey.
A friend of mine, who I met while working out for 45 minutes to an hour a day, five days a week, for over a year....who RUNS the workout center where I worked out, called me this morning. Her first question was "Are you the only one there?" So I knew something was up...
She was in the post office yesterday and overheard a conversation that one of my co-workers, who I've worked closely with for FOUR years and KNOWS better, was having with another person. She overheard the other person tell my co-worker that she "wanted to be as skinny as Mindi" because I looked very good. The other guy in the room said he thought I was too thin, and my co-worker said, "Well, she wouldn't feel as bad as she does if she hadn't had that surgery."
I am a little disturbed because you got this information second hand from someone that overheard a conversation. That leaves a lot of space for errors. Remember the old children's game where one person whispers something in the first person's ear, who then whispers it into the next person's ear, etc... The final version is always something quite different from the original.
You may want to take this with a grain of salt and take a wait and see attitude. How is this co-worker acting in the office? I think that I would make a joke about people thinking I had had WLS, and see how she reacts.
Ooops, just realized that I posted to the maintainers forum and I am a long way from maintaining. I am sorry if I offended anyone!
Last edited by time2lose; 05-01-2009 at 09:23 AM.
Reason: Ooops
I'm with Ms Time2Lose --
You really are taking someones' word for what they overheard. It may not have been what was said at all. And you have to wonder why this friend would be so quick to phone you and tell you about something she overheard, knowing it would upset you.
You can't control what people say about you. But it DOES hurt when your efforts aren't recognized, which might be the reason why you are so upset. And that is completely understandable -- you worked HARD and darn it, you need a pat on the back!
Give your long-time cheerleader and supporter the benefit of the doubt. I would, because at the end of the day, this is a reporting of an overheard conversation and seems completely out of character.
I would cool down a bit, and maybe next week talk to your friend, and explain what happened. Without anger. Just to clear the air. Phrased in terms of "I" --"I got a call from someone who told me that she heard you say X about me. This really is hurtful to be because I have worked so hard to get where I am, and I really need my efforts to be acknowledged. I know you have been my biggest supporter, and I appreciate it, so I just wanted to let you know what has happened..."
Something like that...
IMHO!
Kira
I am a little disturbed because you got this information second hand from someone that overheard a conversation. That leaves a lot of space for errors. Remember the old children's game where one person whispers something in the first person's ear, who then whispers it into the next person's ear, etc... The final version is always something quite different from the original.
You may want to take this with a grain of salt and take a wait and see attitude. How is this co-worker acting in the office? I think that I would make a joke about people thinking I had had WLS, and see how she reacts.
Ooops, just realized that I posted to the maintainers forum and I am a long way from maintaining. I am sorry if I offended anyone!
I was going to say something similar! I also live in a very small town and everyone knows everything about you before you do. Gossip spreads like wildfire, and as a consequence something you hear might be totally fictitious! Remember comments can easily get misconstrued if someone isn't hearing the total context that they're said in. I know you want to believe the friend who told you that your co-worker said you had WLS, but take it with a grain of salt.
I think making a provocative comment referring to the incident is a good idea - if she reacts, you'll know she said it, if she doesn't, she'll may think you made a sort of odd comment but it will stay at that.
If she is going around saying you had WLS, I agree with what everyone else said! You've got a right to be upset!
Ooops, just realized that I posted to the maintainers forum and I am a long way from maintaining. I am sorry if I offended anyone!
Time2Lose - if you've lost one pound and you are determined to keep it off - you are already a maintainer. You are always welcome!!! I think it's important to think about maintenance at every stage of the journey
Mindi - if the conversation was reported accurately, she's either jealous or loves attention - one of those "ooooh, listen to MY scoop." Telling people you lost weight via diet/exercise isn't very juicy, weight loss surgery - THAT'S some juicy news.
Definitely jealousy and/or feeling threatened, I think.
I understand how you feel. In itself, there's no shame in having surgery, but I tend to imagine what's happened to you as, I don't know... it's like you've been working your *** off for months to enter a prestigious school, and then someone comes and tells everyone you've only been accepted in because you're the headmaster's cousin or something. It belittles your hard work, and *this* is never a pleasant feeling.
(Time2Lose -- Glory said it well enough: you do have your place here. Maintenance doesn't only start once we're at goal, IMHO it's a process that deserves to be 'worked on' while we're still losing, in order for us to not feel helpless and regain once we're there.)
