Having the 3FC maintance section where we can get reminded daily what we need to do to maintain is a huge help.

Humans are not good at self-sacrifice. Isn't that what it boils down to? How many things can you really do "forever"? Something that requires constant hard work with no tangible rewards, the only motivation being to not regain weight, is not something most people are able to sustain.

I agree with those earlier who said they were somewhat panicky about regaining the weight. I can wholeheartedly agree with that because it's happened! And the past is likely to repeat itself.

I've managed to keep most of my weight off since 2004, with small relapses here and there. What keeps me going? Vanity, organization, and obsession.

As far as I can remember, I started my 1st "diet" when I was 12 yrs old. From then on it's been a non-stop on again, off again vicious circle. And believe me, I wish I had read all this back then!

I stumbled into 3FC when I googled for a recipe (go figure!). I started reading posts and was so happy to have found such a place. But the O-M-G! moment came when I started reading the maintainers forums.

I have to admit that I always feel a little out of place here b/c I'm nowhere near being a maintainer, right now I'm just trying to be a loser. But the information and support here is like gold. Had I known all this when I was 12 I would've done things differently. Nobody tells you that diets don't work, they all tell you the DO work. Nobody mentions that what you do today to lose weight you have to keep doing for the rest of your life. Nobody talks about the hard work after you lose weight.

Even now with all the information available, people don't seem to want to know, that's just what I think. My best friend and I are on the same boat, but unfortunately she's still of the mentality of dieting for a period of time until you lose the weight and then go back to your old lifestyle. I've had asked her to come in here and read maintainers posts, but she's just too busy and can't be bothered. I try to tell her to pick a diet she can see herself doing for the rest of her life, but I think what I'm saying just goes over her head. She does work out a lot, which is great. Right now she's on Jenny Craig. Worked for her before, but she's already saying she can't wait to be done with it? Anyway, I know now that I have to change my habits for good, not just for now, something I never really thought about before.

I'm scared, VERY scared about losing weight yet again. I don't want to gain it back. I'm counting calories b/c that works for me. My overall diet is mostly clean food, but I'm far from perfect. I confess having a love for glazed stick donuts... ugh!

It's so easy to slip back into your old habits. Losing weight is hard, maintaining is harder. I personally need to come in here and read about the maintainers, how hard they work, the rewards that come with that. I need to keep focused. And like Faerie said, I keep reminding myself this is forever. I can't go back again, it's too painful. I don't want to!

I always thank you maintainers for being here. Honestly, you make all the difference for me.

Why are we different? Who knows, but I bet there are several elements involved.

Adolescent crack pushers aside, we are inundated with reasons to BE FAT. We are still in a way, eating like we are working the fields and raising livestock and doing hard manual labor as was the case ages ago. I've also talked about this "give me that it's mine" mentality that has permeated the American culture and of course this is reflected in how we eat.

So what made us go against the grain and say enough is enough? I can tell you that I have never seen an end to this. I will never stop "losing weight", or at least I will never give up that mentality (hopefully). I'm terrified of being the way I was, even though I haven't eaten fast food in YEARS and will never eat it again, even though I've gone from "inactive" to "active" and maybe because it was important to my parents that I eat my veggies?

I feel a bit fraudulent, though. This was my first attempt at losing weight and even though I have had gains in the past 4 years, I consider myself successful. I have changed jobs, moved in with a man, and have had life events that would affect my lifestyle. I have not had children yet, which concerns me to no end.

I do have to agree with a previous post about how I think we have placed maintenance up there with the "big events" in life: marriage, jobs, children, etc... and I'm absolutely convinced that is totally necessary and the sooner people understand that, the more successful they will be.

In the very first post of this thread Meg mentions accountability.

Now bear with me ... I've been struggling with this notion all morning. DS is sick of hearing me rephrase.

Even in this thread, posters are apologising for sounding know-it-all-ish ... conceited ...

If you have lost xx lbs and kept them off for yy years, you should take credit, you are responsible for that. You own that losing journey and what happens next is entirely your responsibility.
Read back a few posts or go do some reading in the maintainers forum. Successful maintainers are not cowed by that notion. They are confident in taking credit for what has already happened (including the weight gain) and what they will make happen from here on in.
If it is to be, it's up to me ... kinda thinkin'.

On the flip-side ... what if Losing Lucy is not entirely convinced that the weight gain was all her doing? You know ... I've had three children, one troublesome pregnancy, I work shift, we were poor, I take medications, I quit smoking, I hurt my hip ...
--or even--
She could be unable to believe herself capable. The weight loss could be thanks to Jenny Craig or the second car breaking down ...

If it isn't mine all mine ... something could happen and I'd lose it.

Susan, what an excellent post. These are words that are repeated in this forum often, for a very good reason- accountability, personal responsibility.

How fascinating - I used to think that being heavy is something that happened TO me. I used to say I had big bones, slow metabolism, genetic tendencies. Basically it was my DESTINY to be fat and no matter how much I tried (whatever ill-conceived restrictive diet I was attempting at the moment) I would never lose weight permanently - I just COULDN'T. I mean, I had tried for 20 years, I had tried "EVERYTHING" (how often do we hear THAT).

After serious introspection, I realized I truly hadn't tried "EVERYTHING" I had never tried permanently giving up crap foods like fast foods and potato chips and soda. I had NEVER started a diet with the intention of following it FOREVER. I wanted to diet for a little while, endure the hunger, restricted eating, boring diet food and then EAT NORMALLY. How did it take me 20 years to figure out that my normal way of eating made me fat?? Why did it take me 20 years to realize that healthy eating doesn't have to be punishment?

When I ate junk all day, I was heavy. Now that I eat planned, portion controlled, good foods all day, I am slim. I made myself fat and now I keep myself thin. I really see a lot of truth in Susan's post, I couldn't do the work to be healthy and slender until I could SEE that it was my work to do.

Perhaps, on average, it takes 19 unsuccessful tries at weight loss before we get wise enough to be successful at the 20th. Some people "get it" at the first try. Most people fall for the fantasy of easy, fast permanent weight loss. Effortlessly maintained, like somehow during a diet they are going to be transformed into someone who won't eat the whole box of girl scout cookies after they try one. I know that I have believed that at some point it would become "easy" and "natural" to be thinner, and in some ways it has and in others I will always be at odds with my inner fat girl who does in fact want to eat a whole box of thin mints. I think the thought that those who are thin are able to eat unlimited junk while I couldn't really hung me up for a long time, until I started to work with a group of "naturally" thin women and saw how little they ate! I've only maintained for a year, and at times the weight has gone up more than I would have liked and never just dropped without me trying to make it so... so it is not like I have been always on maintenance level calories during that time, there are times when I've gone back to ground zero to regroup and lose a few...

I think the BMI is a lousy measurement.... It totally misses that different people of the same height can be wildly different in what they should weigh. I know people who have a normal BMI and a body fat of over 30%. I know people with an overweight BMI and a low body fat.... Seems like an arbitrary and bad measurement....

This is SO TRUE!!! I remember people asking me excitedly "how did you do it?!" and then when I told them the answer, they immediately lost interest. It's like they were looking for the magic beans that instantly make you slim.

Pink Geranium, well said! I'm not maintaining yet, but I've lost a significant amount of weight mainly due to the fact that I've spent the last two years digging DEEP into why I was overweight in the first place. Losing weight is challenging, but nothing has been harder than confronting myself and past hurt, pain, and frustration. I'm in a much more stable place and that is making all of the difference.

I knew how to lose I just didn't know how to maintain that loss. I have been on many diets and lost successfully but always gained it back . Since reading these forums I learned a very basic and simple fact. You keep the weight off by doing the same things that you did to lose it !!!!!!Who knew?

I haven't been maintaining for very long, but I can tell you the things that are different this go around.

1. I journal daily, not only my food intake/activity log, but about my life. EVERYDAY and EVERY NIGHT. I write for about twenty minutes when I wake up and twenty minutes before I go to bed. This only has been the most instrumental in my weight loss success. Writing about everything gives me a forum for all the stuff in my life (good and bad) and I don't feel compelled to eat things to work through joy or pain.

2. Finding a workout activity I actually like. I love the treadmill. I love belly dancing. I love taking long walks and counting my steps with a pedometer. I don't really like strength training so I only do it the minimum required.

3. Having specific body goals that go beyond "looking hot". As in, "I want to be able to paint my toes without snapping my back" or "I want to be able to belly dance for an hour" or "I want to be able to do a back bend". Focusing on specific skills rather than weight or sizes has really helped me while I waited to drop that dress size.

4. Becoming body connected/confident. Just learning to take delight in all that my body can do and really pampering myself with bubble baths (which I take daily) mani-pedi-facials and basically having a weekly afternoon (usually Thursdays) where I watch a cheesy movie and pamper myself silly.

5. Taking myself on dates. This has been mindblowing! Once a week I take myself out on a date. Usually it's just me going to Barnes & Noble for a chocolate cupcake and trashy mags, but other times it's been going shopping, or a movie. Last week I modeled for an art class (in the NEKKID!)

6. Developing skills unrelated to my body. Like learning French, archiving all my college papers and projects, starting my own cheesy cover band! Becoming a body language expert (of sorts!)

Those are the things that have helped me stay focused in a light, productive happy way.

Whoa, and how was that? Was it drafty? How many people? Was it hard to sit still for so long? *tries to imagine the amount of personal shaving/lotioning that would be necessary for me to stand nekkid in front of a room full of people*

Modeling nekkid? I would have to have a LOT of Vodka to be able to do that.

so simple, so obvious, how come it took me 50 years to learn this lesson?

Thank you so much for your wonderful answers everyone! I think finding 3FC has been the difference that will help me keep from regaining this weight - finally. Realizing that it IS a lifestyle change, that I can never go back to my old ways was an aha moment for me.

I am confident that I have learned the secrets of maintenance. Journaling, weighing daily, being accountable to myself and others through this community, changing my exercise and eating habits, ridding my home of "trigger" foods, understanding mindless and emotional eating, learning to love veggies and healthy foods, etc. So many wonderful lessons learned and habits formed.

Everyone here is so inspirational. Thank you for your willingness to post and share your journey with the rest of us. It is a huge help for those of us that aren't quite there yet.