am I awful?
 

I feel bad now. I hate talking about my weight SO MUCH with other people and someone (with good intentions) asked me what my dietary secret was and was I just cutting calories? And I said yeah but that I just don't like to talk about it.
And he asked if it was cause I don't want to jinx myself..and I said yeah that I just don't like to talk about it. Then I told him I'd see him later in a nice voice and I hope he wasn't offended. I just kinda wish I was never heavy in the first place, then it wouldn't be an issue, at ALL, what my dietary habits are. Not with coworkers, not with family, nobody. I feel like I was rude, but I also feel I shouldn't have to talk about something I don't want to talk about..... :(

Edited to add: I sometimes have those fantasies about moving far away where nobody ever knew me before so I could just be left alone on that issue and just be me...not known as a "former fattie" :(

Well, of course you don't have to discuss it with others if you don't want to. If I get asked something I don't care to discuss I try to give a humorous answer and change the subject .If someone should say " how did you lose so much weight?" I might say " very carefully, what is your favorite movie?Another comment might be " you have lost a lot of weight"
I might respond "And I hope I don't find it again, what are you doing this weekend?"These are just examples hope it helps. Remember you don't have to discuss anything you don't want to and a little humor helps to change the direction of the conversation.

Sure doesn't make you awful in my book!

I mean, come on, hardly anyone would think to ask a slender person how they stay slim or inquire about what they do or don't eat.

I don't understand why it's always open-season to pry into the lives and habits of heavy people trying to lose weight and make better/healthier food choices.

Our food fight is just so transparent... Losing weight isn't like trying to quit drinking/smoking/abusing drugs - when we cut back our intake and begin to lose weight it shows... Fun, fantastic but also rather unfair, if you ask me!

Bottom line, it's NONE of their business and if you don't want to talk about it you shouldn't feel obligated.

I think you handled the situation perfectly. Remember, THEIR lack of manners and/or tact isn't YOUR problem!

He probably wanted to chat you up without a clue as to how to do it... Again, his problem, not yours.

Congrats on your progress!

Hey lipidful,

You absolutely do not have to talk about your weight! As long as you were kind in your reply, his feelings are not your problem.

This topic comes up often on 3FC... other people and their comments. It's unfortunate in some ways that weight seems to be something that people feel OK commenting on-- whereas they would never say something like "Oh, I notice your hair is thinning, have you tried medication for that?" or "Gee, you've really gotten that acne all cleared up!"

That said, a lot of folks don't say anything, even when they know someone has lost weight, because they don't want to seem rude. It really is a minefield to try to make the right comment about weight.

I actually did move after I'd lost my first big chunk of weight. It's kind of a double-edged situation--because on the one hand, no one who runs into me now tells me how much thinner I look; but on the other hand, no one tells me how much thinner I look! No, I said that on purpose--I don't like it when people focus on my weight, but at the same time I did like compliments sometimes. Eh! what a dilemma!

Jay

Thanks for your kind replies!
I actually don't even like the compliments. It makes me uncomfortable. I just want it to be a nonissue. Honestly.
It is a minefield, because some people feel badly (understandably, for them) if nobody says anything.
I just want people to forget about my weight and focus on ME! :dizzy:

And it does stink that weight is such a public thing. So visible.

I guess I'll be the "odd man out" here. I acutually liked to be asked
how I lost all the weight. I have been mataining my current weight
now for about 2 years and the questions have stopped so maybe
it just takes time for people to adjust to the new and improved you.

I am very proud of my accoplishment and if I can help someone or
encourage them by my story then I gladly do. ;)

I too feel that way sometimes as well. I don't always like people commenting about my weight loss. Yes I look different but that isn't what I always want to be the topic of conversation.

It's been about 2 years for me, too. I still get the odd comment now and then and occasionally a few "concerned" comments from family members, even though I've been the same weight now for so long and I'm clearly healthy.
UGH

I understand you completely lipidful. You are more then entitled to feel that way. I like the idea of glossing over it and switching the subject.

I think people are just amazed when they see people who've lost a lot of weight. The truth is, sadly, it just doesn't occur all that often. It does boggle the mind as to why people think it's perfectly acceptable to comment on someone's weight and their eating habits and what not.

I remember the first time when I banged into somebody and they didn't mention my weight loss. I had already banged into her several times and she had mentioned it each and every time. But this one time - she didn't. I remember thinking, it's a non issue, she's USED to me being this way. It felt kinda nice. Almost normal.

The compliments ARE nice though. I wonder how long they will go on for. It's so part of my life right now, I can't imagine life without them. I really feel I don't need them anymore.

I understand where you are coming from, and I agree with everyone who says - just don't talk about it if you don't want to. I particularly liked Bargoo's ideas of changing the course of the conversation :)

I'm with Stacey though - I don't' mind people asking, and in fact it has become a real joke between my husband and I - BECAUSE we have really noticed how people's eyes glaze over and they stop listening when I tell them that I count calories and run. Most people seem to want a 'quick fix' answer - like maybe I have found the magic pill to take once a day and lose ten pounds a week while sitting on my butt and eating lots of pies! Hubby always tells me I should start telling people something crazy... but I never have... yet! ;)

If you aren't comfortable talking about your weight loss, changing the course of the conversation just makes sense - good luck! (and congrats on your loss so far!) :)

Heather :D

I'm proud of what I have accomplished and don't mind people asking. This is a place where you are d....d if you do and d....d if you don't - some get bent out of shape because other haven't commented and others is someone does. Just gloss over it and go on.

Ah, the glazed over eyes. I've seen it almost every time I've answered how I lost weight. It doesn't seem to matter if you answer it about cutting back on calories, adding exercise, or like me, changing medications. No one seems to want to hear the answer to their question.

Perhaps, it's just that people have a hard time just saying "You look great." that they change it into, "How did you lose it?"

This weekend, I went to a party where the 16 year old son obviously had gotten rid of 20 lbs around his stomach. Instead of asking him the dreaded question, I told him, "You're looking really atheletic." He beamed and then on his own told me how going out for soccor had helped him to take the weight off. I let him tell me as much or as little as he wanted to and smiled at him the whole time with eyes well engaged.

I don't like to discuss it because I don't like the attention. I also think that a lot of people are really hoping that I did something less healthy to lose the weight (or are looking for that magic pill) so when I say I counted calories and watched my fat intake they look bored.

But I think there are people who do want the recognition (click on the photo to see it larger):

Attachment 27708

No matter what weight you've gained or lost, or what your personal situation is, how you lost it, etc, you are not OBLIGATED to explain anything to anyone. I think we tend to feel embarrassed to say things like "I don't really like to talk about it" because we feel like we are letting down or failing others, but really, the best way to take care of yourself is to set boundaries.

It is OK for your boundary to be not talking about your weight loss. Yes, it is uncommon in our society to see someone who has lost a lot of weight, and it makes you somewhat of an oddity, but you have the right to set boundaries for yourself that it isn't up for discussion, and enforce them.

I'm on the fence with this one because I do like the compliments and the shocked looks from people who haven't seen me in a while, but I do long for it to be a nonissue as well. And you can't have both. I know eventually people will be used to me this way and it won't be as much of an issue, and that's happened for lots of people already. I'm happy about that.

The way to get people to stop asking you how to lose weight is to tell them the harsh reality of it, because it's not what they want to hear. They do get that glazed-over look in their eyes, and sometimes they even change the subject because they get uncomfortable when they start thinking they might actually have to work at it instead of just popping a pill. Sometimes I just let them think it's all because of the running, because many of them would never run in a million years and then I don't have to talk about it anymore. I can just be that freaky person who actually ENJOYS running, and they can dismiss me as weird and move on. :lol: If I can tell that someone is SERIOUS about weight loss and really wants help, though, I always try to be honest with them and give them specifics about how I've lost the weight. Sadly, however, those people are few and far between.

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

I agree the glazed over look is amazing.

"How'd you do it?"
"Diet and exercise"
"Oh"

What cracks me up is when people compliment you, ask how you did it, you tell them, their eye do glaze over, and then they offer you food. Junk food at that. Then they seem offended that you don't want it. Hello?????

We moved recently and I don't talk about it too much, but I still get funny looks when we go out to eat with people. Eating healthy seems to be a foreign concept to most people.

Oh you are all so right.

When I first started to lose weight the bigger people in the family ( those that need to lose well over 100lbs ) wanted to know the secret. They wanted the magic pill, power or potion. When I said well, I watch my fat and calories and carbs to an extent. I now do at least 1 walking/aerobic video a day and while I let myself have a snack everyday I make sure it fits into the plan I have made for myself. I call it the "Rennie Plan" lol. Their eyes start to glaze over and by the time you get to allowing yourself a snack everyday they don't hear a word.

They don't want to hear about doing without this if you want that until it doesn't seem like doing without. It seems more like making better choices.

I never mind talking about it. Most know the weight came on because of meds. Every once in a great while someone does listen and it helps them. That makes me feel great. My niece has lost 10 lbs this year. I am so proud of her and let her know it each and every time I see her. She said you were right it isn't hard it is just about making better choices. She has learned a lesson that will last her a lifetime.

At Thanksgiving, my aunt cornered me with the "how did you do it" question. I told her (calorie counting and exercise). She proceeded to tell me about no less than 3 different "things she'd read" and gave me the following advice:

1. Drink warm water with lemon when you wake up and before bed to "detoxify" yourself, room-temperature water before meals, and ice water the rest of the time.

2. Counting calories doesn't work because carbs are more important

3. Everyone overweight should be taking a variety of supplements, including calcium, green tea extract, and Vit B-12.

And I countered her and countered her with my experiences (i lost my weight counting calories and not carbs, i drink my water room temperature at all times of day, and I don't take supplements), until I realized she wasn't interested in how to really do it, she just wanted validation of her own miracle cures. She stopped talking to me when she realized I wouldn't give it to her. The whole conversation made me sad.

Amanda, it always amazes me when people do that. They see that you've successfully lost a ton of weight, and then they try to give you miracle cures. I always want to say "Um...I think I've got it figured out, thanks. Isn't that why we got on this subject anyway, because you noticed that I already DID lose the weight??" I've had people say "So, have you tried Hoodia? That's supposed to REALLY work." Oh, as opposed to my plan, which already worked?

:rofl:

That's a great response :)

For a few years, people that I saw infrequently did double takes- one woman actually told me that from a distance, she thought that my husband had brought another woman to a neighborhood party and that she was out of the gossip loop :o

Now, having maintained my weight loss for six years, very few people even remember how I used to look, and they are quite used to how I eat. The only comment I've had lately is from a friend who saw me eating some foods that are definitely NOT on my plan and she just commented "I didn't think I'd see you eating THAT!". I chose to interpret it as just a comment rather than a judgment since she, although slender, eats horrendously and knows it.

The flip side is that I get annoyed by people who assume that I've always been this size and couldn't possibly understand their struggles. It is the people who are trying to lose weight who look at me cross-eyed when I say that I do understand because I used to weigh 65 pounds more, and could very easily put that weight back on with a few friends in tow if I weren't hyper-vigilant about what goes into my mouth and the amount of exercise.
that I do.

Glazed over doesn't begin to describe the look when I lay out "my plan."

But back to the original post :) There is NO reason to feel bad about not wanting to talk about it! It's your body, your plan, your life. If it is a partner with whom you live, eat, cook and shop...yeah, you need to talk about it. But not with friends or acquaintances if it makes you uncomfortable.

Mel

I'm not at maintenance yet, but I experience that type of thing a fair amount as well. I don't mind talking to people about my weight to an extent, i.e. if they ask me one on one I don't mind giving a response; if they ask me in the middle of the board meeting of 25 people why I'm not eating the cream cheese stuffed chicken that was catered, then I'm less likely to tell the lot of them that I used to be 250 lbs.

The only people who are actually interested in finding out how I did it are those who are really trying to make a commitment to living healthier - and those are few and far between.

I actually got into a fight with someone yesterday, when he attempted to tell me that if he exercised for a half hour a day he could eat whatever he wanted and lose / maintain (he's currently about 100 lbs overweight). I tried to be polite about explaining that no, if you go for a 30 minute walk that does not cancel out the double big mac meal and large milkshake you had for lunch, but he just got very angry that I wouldn't agree with him.

I think that in reality he just wanted confirmation that if he wanted to, he could lose weight without making any significant changes or having to give up the things he wants - and that's what most people want. But he is the epitome when it comes to easy answers, if something requires him to put down the tub of ice cream and get off the couch then he doesn't want anything to do with it (and again, at the same time he criticizes his wife for not losing weight...)

And then you get people like my gyn doc (who I saw yesterday) who gives me a handout she's written with her "tips" for weight loss (she's quite skinny). Nothing that I hadn't heard - smaller plates, lots of water, yada, yada. But, then she tells me that WW and similar plans are too slow, that to be more effective, I need to eat 800-1,000 calories and exercise 2 hours every day! (on 800 calories??) and that those calories should come primarily from protein and fats.... Good thing I only see this woman once a year.

OMG, Pat, what an irresponsible doctor!!!

Whoa, Pat, what an idiot!

I think it's silly when very skinny people offer weight loss tips. Most truly (as in naturally) skinny people have never been overweight and therefore shouldn't be talking!

I also think it's strange that I haven't had too many of these experiences. Most people I know have just been supportive of my weight loss, commended me, and figured I must be doing something right since I've lost so much. Everyone *does* want to know how I did it, and when I tell them, they *do* usually get disinterested pretty quickly (if it's not a miracle drug, it must not be worth it!), but they don't shove ridiculous alternative cures to obesity down my throat.

Sadly, most doctors know far less about nutrition than we do. I've had doctors quiz ME about weight loss, but at least I have some sound knowledge from all the reading I've done, not to mention personal experience.

A friend of mine had her doctor - a MD, mind you - hand her a mimeographed copy of the so-called Mayo Clinic Diet ... the one with hot dogs and ice cream. It's one of the very worst fad diets out there, but this doctor saw "Mayo Clinic" and assumed hey, it must be OK if the Mayo Clinic endorsed it! :rolleyes:

I had somebody the other day kinda whisper to me, like it was top secret or that I could "confess" to her, "So did you did it with Weight Watchers and a little extra help?" By "help" she meant surgery. And who ever said anything about Weight Watchers? Certainly not me, not that there's anything wrong with it, but it's not what I did.

And then I had somebody at work no less, yes the gym and where I run a weight loss program, ask me if I took medicine. I went into my usual song and dance, "You mean I could have done this with MEDICINE? Gosh I wish somebody would have told me about it earlier."

Pat your doctor sounds scary. But it IS scary, the fact that doctors are very ignorant on the matter of weight loss.

What did you tell her? haha

:rofl: That is too funny! Unfortunately too many people want the easy way out.

So I was looking at this handout again, and to be fair, much of it is good information - it's just not original! But there are a few way out things too:

Women in mid-life need 1200 to 1600 calories a day. To lose weight, you need to eat less than this. Most diets recommend 800-1000 calories per day.

and

Regular exercise can help boost your metabolism, but only if you keep it up for six months to a year.

Ack. As I said, I only see her once a year, and I may switch before then anyway!

I guess this is the lesson: don't take diet and exercise advice from your gyno!
:dizzy: