...do you see your former self when you look in the mirror? I do. Apparently, my weight loss is drastically noticeable, as every single person I know has commented on it However, sometimes, I wonder if I see a single thing! I see my former self when I look in the mirror and still think everyone views me as someone who is a little overweight/chunky/a few extra pounds.
When I looked in the mirror, I never saw how big I was when I was heavy. Now I can't see how small I am. I can pull on a pair of size 4 pants, look in the mirror, and think "chunky". Intellectually, I know I'm not still fat, but dang it -- I still see it.
Photos surprise me because I look smaller than how I "see" myself in the mirror. So I'll stare at myself in a picture, trying to figure out who I really am.
I wonder if anyone has had this improve over the years? I'm five years out from goal and still have the disconnect between the mirror and reality, but maybe it's gotten better for others?
SusanB: I always owned mirrors. The difference is that now I like them again. And there's nothing wrong with looking at yourself in full length mirrors or shop windows; I do the same damn thing!
Meg:
"When I looked in the mirror, I never saw how big I was when I was heavy. "
That is something I believe rings true with me also. I looked in the mirror and said, "175? h-h-how? I look pretty average...HOW could I POSSIBLY be this BIG? I'm just USED to being THIN!" I even denied the fact I weighed 175 and thought the scale must be 30 pounds off. This made me tell everyone I weighed 145 instead!
I'm the same way with photos AND seeing myself on TV camera as well (which adds 10 pounds, but my self view is so warped that I've probably added 30). I always decide the photo must have been taken from a really great angle if I don't look jinormous.
Last edited by NightengaleShane; 09-19-2007 at 09:51 AM.
Oh man, I totally know this feeling. I still have thoughts of how fat and disgusting I am, even though everyone around me tells me how beautiful and thin I am. I think, for myself, that I'm scared that if I ever accept that I am beautiful or thin that I will stop trying and become fat again. Weird huh? I also feel that if I don't remain thin that people will stop liking me. My entire esteem is tied up in my appearance... it sounds super shallow but I can't seem to shake it.
Not alone, nope. It seems like it takes a little bit of adjusting time, in both directions, too. I myself am getting over this veeeery slowly (but maybe it's also because I've been fat since childhood, so 'fat' was part of me just like 'blue eyes' was part of me? I don't know).
The odd thing is that I actually like full-length mirrors. my sister has a thinning mirror, it's lovely. If you feel fat, you just have to step in front of it, and voilą, 5 lbs dropped.
Thank goodness I saved some of my old clothiing. I have to put it on from time to time to see just how gigantic and tablecloth like it is on me now. But it still doesn't show me my real size now.
I'm wearing mostly size 2's, the occasional size 4, and even a 0 (obviously a loose cut) every now and then. And I tell you, I still think it's a fluke. That the clothing MUST be mislabeled. But time and time again, that's my size. It still doesn't show me just how small I must be.
People don't recognize me on the street or at a social gathering. Just this morning I ran into a good friends mother. I've seen her from time to time through out the course of my journey. I've probably lost another 30 or so lbs since I've seen her last. I had to literally introduce myself by name to her when I bumped into her. She said something lightly - "So, that's what it's come down to , you need to introduce yourself to people you've known for 20 years." And she want on to apologize. It still doesn't help me to see my true size.
I don't know what it will take for me to see my "real" size. Pictures just don't do it for me. I always thought I looked heavier then I was in pictures when I was 287 lbs. I now look at pictures of me, and I swear to you, it doesn't quite register. I can't decide if I look, thin, fat, different, the same or whatever.
The mirror, also doesn't tell the whole story. The only time I feel somewhat small is when I see myself naked in the mirror right before/after my shower. It's my shoulders and collar bones. They're real boney. My daughter tells me when she sees my upper region that I look like Nicole Richie. But then I start thinking that just because they look a certain way, doesn't mean the rest of me looks that way.
I just don't know if I will EVER feel thin. Well as long as my numbers are good, cholesterol, sugar levels, blood pressure, body fat % I suppose I should be happy - and I am. But ........
A ZERO, rockinrobin? Girrrrrrrrl, you should feel like the tiny chick you ARE!
I understand, though - I'll never feel thin, either. I was thin from the ages of 15 through 19 but STILL thought I was fat, even though my runway model girlfriend and I wore the exact same size of 2-4 when we first got together! The difference between then and now (besides 25 pounds ) is that I *knew* I really *was* thin - now, I just think I'm ...still chubby.
I agree that hauling around extra pounds for years can do a number on the image we have of ourselves. I think I see myself fairly realistically when I look in the mirror. My problem is more of how I "think" of myself when I'm just moving through my day. I forget that I'm thinner and look different than I used to, especially when I get busy with a project and am not thinking about food/exercise and weight related subjects. Then I'll catch a glimpse of myself and feel kind of surprised, or go shopping for clothes and be amazed that I'm actually wearing a size 6. I wish I could start picturing myself in my mind's eye how I really am because I think it would help me stick to my healthy eating because I would feel good about how I looked, instead of feeling fat and frumpy all the time. I suppose it's the same with the mirror. If you can try, try, try to see yourself as you really are, Shane, you would feel great! But how to do that? I wish I knew! Maybe time will be the answer because the longer you are at your thinner your weight, the more you will get used to it and the days of being and looking heavier in the mirror will fade.
Pam
Last edited by MileHighMama; 09-19-2007 at 11:26 AM.
Shane, those zeros are in some, not all Lord knows, skirts and those new wide leg pants. They run VERY full. They just don't make them small enough for some people I guess. I think I'm wearing such a small size because I am practically hipless and buttless. Something I never was in the past when I was a "normal" weight. I had curves back then. My curves are gone. History. So, I'm very narrow.
I still have some chub on my calves. And on my tummy. And I just can't feel thin because of it. I almost feel guilty wearing such a small size, that I don't deserve it and I have no right to, because I still have some fat on me.
I think the way I'm built, I'll never really feel skinny, regardless of what I weigh. I inherited my dad's pot belly and no amount of exercise will get rid of the pooch. When I sit, the rolls in my mid section are more obvious--the one reason I will NEVER own a bikini!
I can't say that I feel much different than I did 30 pounds ago. Sure, at 173, I felt frumpy and sluggish. I love that I'm less "hippy" now but I don't see much change other than that.
Sometimes I wish I hadn't gotten rid of my skinny clothes from 10 years ago--I am totally convinced that the sizes 8 and 10 that I wore then are the SAME as the sizes 4 and 6 that I am wearing now. Vanity sizing is ridiculous.
But I'd like to know where I can buy one of those "skinny" mirrors they have in department store dressing rooms. Anyone experience those? You try it on, it looks fabulous, you come home, try it on to show hubby and WHAT?!?! This looks horrible! I've even taken things back!
at the trick mirrors in department stores. Been there, done that too! I think you're right that it's about a two size difference in the past decade or so with vanity sizing. I posted in the Clothes Shopping thread about trying on pants that are only five years old that are significantly smaller than ones I just bought, despite being the same size, same manufacturer, and identical cut. Sheesh, you really have to wonder where it's going to end!
I'll second, third the vanity sizing. Just after college I weighed in the mid-130's and I remember buying a pair of jeans that were a size 12! Now they'd be an 8 I'm sure. Same with dresses - I always wore a 10 then, which again would be an 8 or even a 6 now. Wish I'd saved some. I had a pair of jeans - a pair that were all little squares, a fad in my much-younger days - for years that was always my "yardstick" as given the way they were constructed they never stretched out. Somewhere along the way they've disappeared.
I still think I'm chubby! It is so hard not to. I try to think about other positive things to remind myself that I've done well by my body (I'm in much better physical shape and all those workouts are helping prevent the heart disease and cancer that runs in my family, those fruit & veggies I eat have lots of antioxidants, I have more energy, etc.), rather than just think about how "I'm just not as fat as before". I am a pear shape and still have curves, and always will (I honestly think I'd have to have an eating disorder to be skinny enough to lose my booty). At my desired maintenance weight of 135-140 I wore size 4(brands that run larger) to 6("normal" brands). And my hip and rib bones stuck out a bit - I couldn't wear a smaller size because my bones were there, and they aren't moving! I'm battling a little bulge and wear...8ish, I guess, right now. But I couldn't wear juniors sized pants in say, a 7, at my thinnest b/c they aren't cut for hips and a butt. I'm sitting here right now looking down at my hips and leg flab - you know how when you sit on a chair it pushes your leg flab up? But I'm trying to get back to my maintenance 4/6 and would like to just stay there.
I hate clothes shopping! The mirrors, going from store to store and being totally different sizes in different brand due to vanity sizing, or juniors/misses sizing, etc... and then trying to contend with shopping on a tight budget is just too much for me.
I wish I had a pair of the size 18's and more pictures of me from when I started my weight loss journey at age 15. I think that would have helped me visualize it better, to see a bigger change in myself. I still think I look chubby even in current photos. I'm hoping time will help me "correct" this self-image, um, difficulty.
I want to say congratulations to all of us, though. We have all come a long way and deserve a big round of applause.
I do find it hard to believe that I once weighed 30 pounds more. During my "heavy" times, there were periods in which I didn't see myself as overweight.
Even though you're smaller...
However, sometimes, I wonder if I see a single thing! I see my former self when I look in the mirror and still think everyone views me as someone who is a little overweight/chunky/a few extra pounds. 
It seems like it takes a little bit of adjusting time, in both directions, too. I myself am getting over this veeeery slowly (but maybe it's also because I've been fat since childhood, so 'fat' was part of me just like 'blue eyes' was part of me? I don't know).
I'm hoping time will help me "correct" this self-image, um, difficulty. 
