My DD mentioned to me yesterday that she does not remember me ever being overweight. She said that in the picture of the four of us that hangs in the living room that I look like a stranger. Hmmmmm, we asked my son and he said "I never thought of you as being very big". How strange. I'm wondering if anyone else's family doesn't remember them being overweight/obese. I definitely remember it myself. I asked DH (not expecting he'd give me a true answer) and he said "I figured you lost about 20 lbs." Why can't they see what I saw? I guess this goes to show that others perceive us differently than how we perceive ourselves.

I haven't ever lost as much weight as you two, but a few months ago my bf and I stumbled across some old photos of ourselves. My bf looked at me with wide eyes and said, 'you used to be *that* big???'. Must be 'eyes of love', because I knew exactly how big I was.

When my little brother saw a picture of me in 6th grade, he started laughing and he didn't believe it was me at first. My friends said that they don't remember me ever looking like that. I thought that it was because I was only overweight for a short period of time, but surely they noticed when I went from 120 to 180 in a little over a year .

I just thought this was interesting because I see many, many threads here on how we perceive ourselves.

Meg, let me know what your kids have to say. Like you, I pretty much avoided mirrors and photos. But, I do remember once taking a long look in the mirror at my highest wt. when I got out of the shower. It was heartwrenching. I even thought at the time that losing wt. wouldn't help, that my shape was so bad that even massive wt. loss would just cause horrible skin sagging and I'd still look gross. I just felt that my body was hopeless. I couldn't fathom that I'd grow to love my new body and how it looks (esp. with clothes on). I know that part of my poor body image comes from all the surgical scars that will be there forever. But, these don't even bother me anymore. I've had a virtual complete turnaround on how I look at myself now. Now I look at my body as strong and much healthier and very capable and functional. It serves me well and I am trying to treat it with respect.

Baffled, I had a similar experience! My fiance and I were looking through some pictures from a trip we took when I was at my highest weight. He was shocked! He even said "You must just be sitting in a bad position, or wearing bad clothes or something, because I don't remember you being THAT big!"

I think part of the reason our families don't notice is because they see us every day. My fiance never said things to me about how much thinner I looked because from day to day the change was small, but people who I only saw every few months (like my parents) saw a much bigger change. The only things my fiance noticed were things like the fact that I could go for longer walks with him without having to stop and rest, or that when he picked me up it was easier.

Today, I've been working on my PowerPoint presentation for next week's art quilt conference (you can see my artwork at http://www.clvquilts.com). One of my slides has a photo of me in front of the 2005 world cruise quilt. DH saw it and said, "Who's that person?" He was kidding. I still don't think I look much different - just smaller, but people tell me I do.

Hmmmm.....interesting question. My son who is 16 has no recollection of me as big. He didn't recognize a picture of me taken when he was 8. I've been at goal or below for about 5 and a half years now. My husband remembers, as does my 24 yr old daughter. I was heavy or obsessed with dieting from the moment I knew I was pregnant with her until her sophmore year of college, so she really never lived at home with a normal weight mother.

But my extended family won't seem to forget! I still get clothing gifts from my father and step-mother in size large (down from extra-large) when now most smalls are too big. I really don't believe they are knowingly doing this since they usually look shocked when I try on the sweater or whatever and it's huge. They always exchange it for me. I see them regularly. Same thing happens with my siblings. OK, there may be some malice there But I really think some of them still think of me as "the fat one" when I'm really quite small.

I don't remember what it felt like. When I'm having a "fat day" now, I have to take out my one pair of before pants to prove to myself that I'm really not back where I started. I hardly recognize pictures of myself. Maybe because like Meg, I really tried hard to NOT look at anything between my neck and my knees.

Mel

Mel, I totally know what you mean about the siblings. My sister bought me size XL pajamas last Christmas. But, she didn't offer to return them for me. LOL.

That's awful, Lily!! That's another good topic for discussion -- how losing weight upsets family dynamics and how family members want us to keep playing the old fat role.

LOL, Meg, my sister had always previously been the smallest of us 3 girls, so I take it with a grain of salt. She sometimes seems resentful of my wt. loss and even told me "why do you put yourself through that, you'll just gain it all back". LOL, just one more great incentive to keep the wt. off (to prove her wrong). LOL. Awwwwwwwwww, sibling rivalry. Yep, I was always the "fat" sister.

My MIL has a hard time guessing my size and body style when she gets me presents. They always seem to be ones that would fit her narrow/straight body rather than my curvy body.

A year and a half ago she got me two sundresses to go on the world cruise. I couldn't even get them to go over my hips. I should have tried them on last summer because they might have fit then. Now they're way too big in the shoulders and the arm holes show off my bra.

It's best when she sticks to shirts or sweaters as gifts.

I get that from people at work, friends, family, folks at church. Half of them say they can't remember be being all that big and the other half keep saying, "You're wasting away to nothing." I assure them that I am at the low end of my ideal weight range. They look at me with a glazed over look on their face. Kind of the same way folks look at me when I describe my lifestyle change to them.

Oh well...I think once people get used to the way I look, they will forget the old me and move on. I'm still Liz, but smaller. People, in general, have no concept of health or what a healthy standard should be.

My "young adult" kids (ages 22 and 19) always chafe when they see people who have known them since they were in diapers. Typical comments are, "I can't believe how much you've grown up/changed/matured...", "I remember you when you were THIS tall." or "It seems like just yesterday that you were little. What happened?"

The people who have a hard time making the adjustment to seeing my kids the way they are now also have a hard time relating to them at their current age.

Perhaps the same thing holds true with our families and friends - both those who have seen us frequently during our weight loss journey, and also those who haven't seen us in a long time.

Perhaps we should follow the advice I've given my kids on how to handle the situation:

Be gracious, smile, and gently tell them, "Well, that was THEN, and this is NOW." Then...act in accordance with the person you want to be. Eventually, people will see the YOU that you are today and the old perceptions will fade away.

Bethel, my kids (ages 15 and 21) hate it when some older family member says "oh my you've grown , I used to change your diapers". LOL.

Of course I don't mind if my immediate family thinks I was never Obese. I have plenty of other family that constantly remind me of it. LOL.

Fascinating thread people.

When I was anorexic, certain members of my family whom I know love me dearly (my family tease to show love) said 'You were never fat'. Well ahem, that wasn't what they were saying at the time!! Also I have an uncle, he's diabetic and v.thin, who when he sees me at my current healthy weight of 105lbs and 5"3 goes back and forth between saying 'ohhh that's fattening' every time I'm going to put something in my mouth and saying 'You could do with putting some weight on'. *Shrugs*. Well, I know this is just their way of showing love/concern/trying to make me laugh about the whole weight thing. Part of it is that food is sooo central to Iraqi culture that all our gatherings center around bringing food, preparing food, eating food, talking about food, the women bemoaning 'when I was thin'... lol...and I guess people don't know what to say to me given my history.