We've all heard the dreadful statistics: 95% of people who lose weight gain it all back. So I've been wondering what makes us different? What keeps us in the 5% who are maintainers?
I'm not talking about the 5 or 10 pound rollercoaster that seems to be part of maintenance. I'm talking about gaining it all back and I'm guessing most of us have done that in the past ( me, for example!)
Is it something you do? How you think? What you say to yourself? What keeps you from being part of the 95% of regainers?
Something I do: I am more aware now of my body and what it needs and most of all what I DON"T need.
How I think: I think of how uncomfortable I was in my own skin when I was heavier. I think about how shy I WAS-now I can't keep my mouth shut in social situations.
What I say to myself: THAT I AM WORTH ALL THIS HARD WORK. I also say to myself that I have spent a heck of a lot of MONEY on new clothes...
I believe that each individual is a complicated mix of everything they've done, seen, heard etc. It may be reprioritised, remixed, layered under more pertinent things but it's all still in there.
We don't forget how we did that. We don't forget how good it felt. We don't forget that an apple is a better choice than a bag of chips. We don't forget that walking is better than sitting.
So maybe it's the ability to keep those things floating nearer the top of our complicated mix. I'm skirting perilously close to the notion of a lifelong commitment aren't I?
This is a great question! I don't know much more about diet and exercise now than I did before. I also wasn't any less motivated back then, since being obese was psychologically and physically painful. I also had a decent amount of self-esteem, being pround of my accomplishments and having a decent social life, and eventually a good marriage. So for me, some of those factors which some experts consider to be all important turned out to be largely a myth.
What did change for me was a couple of personality quirks, which I attribute mostly to maturing. I developed more patience, no longer needing instant gratification all the time and willing to wait a while to see results. I can now apply a long term perspective to my body, as in "Will this choice help me be in a happy place next week/next month/next year/next decade?" I also developed more of a tolerance for, let's call it, hmm, mediocrity. Things didn't have to be perfect anymore as far as diet, exercise and body image went, and better is quite often good enough. There are many happy places between model thin and morbid obesity, and once can make suitable compromises to be at one of them, balancing the body I want to have with the lifestyle I want to lead. Once those two things developed, I was able to apply the self-discipline I had shown in other aspects of my life to my body.
My brain is still miswired and wants to eat 4000 calories worth of Doritos every day. I just have better mental tools to fight those urges most of the time, and a willingness to pick myself up and try again on those occasions when I choose not to.
I weight myself regularly. I didn't have a scale before, but now I'm aware of my weight and its fluctuations.
I'm too cheap to buy new pants! The old ones have gone to the thrift store, so I'm working to stay in the new, small pants.
Fear of failure. So many people (friend, family, co-workers) continue to comment on my weightloss even 2 years later, that I'd feel like sucha a failure if I gained it back. And ths ties in with the pants - going out and buying new, larger pants would be admitting defeat. I'm better than that.
Great idea for a thread, Meg. I'd say for me the keys that keep me from re-gaining this time (yes, I've lost and regained it all back plus some before) are that I've learned a lot about about nutrition and exercise. I also took the weight off more slowly this time and followed a plan that I could live with in maintenance, so maintaining looks a lot like losing. I always used to think that I'd diet and get down to my goal weight and then I wouldn't want to overeat with my new slim figure. Wrong! Clothes are also a huge motivator to keep me from putting on the pounds again. I LOVE my size 6 low rise Levis. I used to hate to have to find something to wear before going out to eat or to meetings or whatever because my clothes were always too tight. But most of all the biggest thing is the understanding that when I fall off the wagon, I have to get right back on track the next meal--NOT the next day or the next Monday or whatever. That's how I regained the last few times. I'd fall into a pattern of overeating and feel awful, stop weighing myself and just keep eating more. Not this time. It's SO, SO hard to get back on plan when I've gained a few pounds and feel awful and have to lose them again but that's what I have to do or else I'll go back to where I was and I don't want to do that. Ever.
Hope this helps!
Pam
Great thread. I loved reading all your posts. After 4 years, I have gained back some and lost some etc. But all in all, I have kept off at least 37 pounds at all times. I also have been accepted to the National Weight Loss Registry which is interesting, even though I am nowhere near my goal of 177. (You just have to keep off at least 30 lbs for a year or more.)
For me, I also, like one of you mentioned, enjoy the compliments that I still get after even 4 yrs. I think being noticed a bit instead of being invisible, as many of us who are overweight get to feeling like sometimes. I don't want to go back to that. Yes, it's been 4 yrs and I'm still 220+, but I have worked on and toned my arms and legs, etc. more now than I ever did b4 so I look a little smaller than that I guess. I was always very heavy all my life and for ppl who saw me very chunky forever, 4 years isn't that long I guess to see me 'almost normal'. LOL. Uggh!!
I hate that losing some weight makes us 'worthy' in some ppl's eyes. I get better treatment everywhere I go now. Friends, family, friends of the family .. lol.. who have always sorta just skipped past me at functions now want the talk to me every time I'm there. Why is that??? I just want to scream, "What's different now?" I am the same person. We are worthy at ALL times in our lives, even if they didn't think so. Sad that we are so judged by size and appearance. It's like it gives you this leverage you didn't have before. It's just plain weird and uncalled for but it's life I suppose. So whatever.
I'm not talking about the 5 or 10 pound rollercoaster that seems to be part of maintenance. I'm talking about gaining it all back and I'm guessing most of us have done that in the past ( me, for example!)
I'm so glad I'm not the only one on the "rollercoaster!" I'm still on the hill, anticipating the ride back down!
Although I haven't quite made a year yet, I have lost and maintained once before (maintained a 30+ pound loss for 5 years). In my case, my motivation to maintain came from memories of where I had been. I don't want to go back. I was (and am again) having fun looking good (and buying cute clothes is not a detriment!!).
Like Anne, I no longer need instant gratification and I understand mistakes I've made in the past that contributed to my weight gain. I've made many changes in the past year and doubt I'll repeat any of my past mistakes. I'll take it one day at a time and forgive myself if one day is worse than another. I won't throw in the towel just because my day wasn't perfectly on plan.
I'm not putting the weight back on because I'm a different person now. I've learned so much and the new me just doesn't like (and can't physically stomach) the foods and activities that the old me could.
F'rinstance old me would eat bacon sandwiches or fish and chips for lunch every day! New me would feel sick and not be able to eat for the rest of the day.
Old me used to go out drinking every Friday and Saturday night and go dancing. I never drank much, but I was out late partying. The new me CAN'T stay awake past 10pm because she's so tired out after all the gym time she's put in!
Old me used to "lie-in" till 4pm on a Saturday afternoon. The new me physically can't because she's bursting with energy and is desperate to go out and DO STUFF
Old me used to eat sweets ALL THE TIME. New me ate some sweets and crisps and cakes last night and felt sick until lunch time today!
Old me hated vegetables. I didn't even like carrots until last year! New me has just eaten SusanB's bathtub o' greens! I CRAVED a bowl of veggies for tea, so I had parsnip, carrot, courgette, soya beans, string beans and cauliflower for tea!
Old me used Diet Coke as a crutch to get through the day because she was so tired all the time. New me is only ever tired after a super-hard workout.
Old me thought that sitting in a cinema watching a film was a relaxing way to spend the afternoon. New me finds it very hard to sit still for that long.
On one hand I think that it would be easy to put all the weight back on. I think after a few weeks of eating cwap, you'd get used to eating doughnuts for breakfast and bacon sandwiches and chips for lunch Once you got over the initial sickness I think you probably could put the weight back on. But personally I think I'd find participating in the life I have at the moment very very hard without the proper nutrition. I couldn't function at kickboxing if I was weighed down with fish and chips and I couldn't go for long runs without throwing up.
Although I think if I stopped exercising it would be easy to put weight on. Now last year I thought that if I stopped exercising I would never go back to it, so I tried to keep it up even when I probably should've taken a rest. This past month or two I have been struggling with some head games re: eating, exercise and control issues. I've discovered that if I take a week or two off exercise then my body CRAVES to be back in the gym, and it's not just the £30 a month membership that I'm wasting!
Also I'm more aware of nutritional black holes like cheap cakes and biscuits. I know that stuff like that has trans-fats and spikes your insulin BIG TIME. When I was a child my mum always used to explain to me about the sugar crash that I was ALWAYS on! I don't know if I ever really took it in, but then I don't think I had a day without sugar or refined carbs when I was child.
Some more superficial things that mean I won't/can't put the weight back on:
I feel like people are watching me - when I go back home to visit I get the, "Oh you're STILL skinny..." comments. Well yes. I didn't like being fat all that much.
I don't want to buy a whole new wardrobe! If my trousers are tight, then I workout more and eat less.
I don't want to have to stop doing anything or not be able to do anything because of my SIZE. I remember being on an outward bound course when I was about 13 and I had to get the "extra large" canoe. I also got the XL wetsuit. I don't want to be last in the hiking group. Coming last in the running group I can handle - I'm still a slow poke but now I can at least run the course rather than walk it!
I don't want to stop running because my joints won't take it, I don't want to stop kickboxing because my fat stops me from being flexible. I don't want to be known as "the fat girl" any more. I don't want to be bullied by insensitive creeps. I don't want to be lusted after by chubby chasers. I don't want people to say, "You've got such a pretty face...". I want to fit in. I want to be light enough to manoeuvre my motorbike without it feeling like a chore. I want to be able to fit into cute clothes in the shops, even if I hate the fashions! I want to be slim enough, so that if we get pregnant I won't look like a beached whale! I want to know enough about nutrition and be in tune with my body so that I won't put on too much weight with a baby. I want to sort my head right out and be able to differentiate between head-hunger and body-hunger so that I don't pass on screwed up messages about food to our future kids.
Ok that was long... And possibly a bit off topic...
Frus, I am with you on a lot of what you said (but not all, the new me still loves all forms of dessert ). Also what everyone else said!
Once before I lost from 180 to 150, then regained back up to 185. It was a textbook example of how NOT to lose weight, or how to guarantee you will gain it back. I lost my weight by going on a severly calorie-restrictive diet over summer break by way of SlimFast and Special K (I was eating about 1000 calories/day), with no exercise at all. When I hit 150 on the scale I said "Yes! Now I can eat pizza and cake again." The only reason I kept most of the weight off for about a year was that the low-cal diet + slimfast had given me what was either a stomach ulcer or severe acid indigestion, and all I could stomach without getting terrible stomach pain for months was green beans. As soon as my stomach was better I gained it all back at the college dining hall.
What was the difference between that time and this time? At the start, not much except that this time I started exercising right away, and since I was out of college I was cooking my own food ALL the time. I did start off with SlimFast again for the first couple months until my stomach started hurting and I made the connection with my stomach problems previously. Then, I found the magic answer -- 3FC. I honestly think that this website provided me with the knowledge and support I needed to make the change from "being on a diet" to an honest-to-goodness lifestyle change. I didn't even know "maintenance" existed until I saw the maintainers forum here.
You know what the maintainers forum taught me? That even having lost the weight, I still really, REALLY need support from other people like me. Even if we're just talking about totally OT stuff, posting here helps me keep my weight problem in mind and never forget how much better off I am now.
But also like Frus, some of the things old me used to do all the time new me thinks are absolutely disgusting. I can recall many days in college where I ate hash browns, biscuits, and donuts for breakfast, pizza (multiple slices), fries, and brownies for lunch, and enchiladas, potatoes, ice cream, and cake for dinner. On top of that would be at least one additional meal involving candy, cookies, or pizza. Nowadays the thought of donuts at breakfast grosses me out and if I have pizza (1 or 2 slices only) at lunch all I want at dinnertime is a salad. If I go out to eat more than once a week I feel gross, when I used to go out for EVERY meal on the weekend.
Plus, the new me loves exercising. The old me hated any exercise, especially running. You know why I always hated it? Because I sucked at it. I wouldn't put in the effort because I thought "I suck at running, even if I do it all the time I never get any better." I discovered that not only can I get better at it, I can actually enjoy it. Having my knees get screwed up and having to lay off running was actually sad, and I am excited that I am starting to slowly pick it up again because it felt amazing to know that I could run for miles without having to walk.
And like everyone said, I am afraid of failure. I also feel like I'm being watched. I almost feel like a failure just being on the high end of the maintenance roller coaster. It feels great every time I see someone I haven't seen in years and they say "Wow!! You look great!" or "You're so skinny!"
It also feel great to eat food that is good for me. And you know what? It tastes great too. Mmmm, health food!
Frus, I am with you on a lot of what you said (but not all, the new me still loves all forms of dessert ).
Dessert? Where?
Jessica - yeah I forgot I did a crash diety thingy too! I skipped brekky and lunch and only ate dinner. Surprise that when I started eating breakfast and lunch again I started gaining again!
When I was a teen I hated hated hated running, but I'd recently got a rebounder for Christmas and I spent hours on that thing! Then one PE lesson we were running around the netball courts to warm up and I COULD ACTUALLY RUN!!!! I remember thinking, "WOW!!! Look at me, I'm overtaking sporty girls..." and I was amazed and told my teacher... But I never ever ever put two and two together and realised that my rebounding was getting me fit enough to run. I'm bummed to this day that I never connected it - it would've saved me YEARS of heartbreak!
Last edited by 2frustrated; 03-23-2007 at 02:55 PM.
It's all mental! The power of the mind is an amazing thing. Why do you think a lot of people say "if you set your mind to it...". I probably sounds so cliché now, but it's true.
Losing weight is hard, you struggle, you fight, you scream, and you cry. But for most of us, we eventually get to our goal. Then comes the "M" word... maintaining. Nobody ever tells you that in order to succeed you need to pick a plan that you can stick with for life, not for 2 weeks, 2 mos, or even 2 yrs. FOR LIFE. I think is the biggest part of the challenge, to make matters even more interesting the mind decides to start playing with you. Some days it behaves and says “look at you, you’re doing great, keep it up, you look awesome!”. And then there are those days where you hear “this is too much work, I can’t do this any more, just one brownie is not going to kill you”. And for 95% of us, we find that going back to old habits is easier, more comfortable, and heck we don’t have to work at it!
And for all you maintainers out there, you are the reason I come in here and read your posts. This is a training tool for my mind, I read and go “see that, that’s why I want, can you please make sure it stays in there!”. Honestly, you’re a source of inspiration for different reasons.
Unfortunately I haven’t managed to get off the rollercoaster of ups and downs, but that doesn’t mean I’m giving up. And it’s great to know that there is the 5% of you out there that show me that YES I CAN DO THIS!!!
I've just completed my first year of maintenance, so this is timely. To be honest, I was never sure I'd make it this far, and I'm still trying to work out exactly why I'm succeeding and how to keep that going, but this is what I've learned.
1. Exercise, and exercise related goals are key to me. I'm not motivated by physical appearance (as the state of my hair and my sadly lacking makeup ability often show), what I am motivated by is feeling fit and healthy, and being able to do stuff like running marathons. Obviously marathon training helps with keeping the weight off, but I know plenty of runners who do weigh more than they like so it's clearly not the only part of the jigsaw. Having said that, for me it's the most important part.
2. Food. For me, it's very much a bit of what you fancy (or in some cases a lot of what you fancy), but I'm constantly aware of how it will affect my body. So cake or flapjack is fine if I'm going out for a run later and need something to give me the energy to do it. It's not fine if I'm just bored and want something to munch on - something much lower calorie will do to fulfill that particular need. So far as I have a food rule, it would probably be "if you want to be an athlete, eat like one". So that means possibly higher calorie than some people, but quality food. I don't put junk into my body. OK, I do, but not as the main part of my diet, and only as the occasional treat.
3. Vegetables. I've been vegetarian for just over a year. For me, it helps me to avoid some of the less stellar food choices out there. OK, I still need to watch the cheese based vegetarian dishes, but it stops me being tempted by kebabs or pepperoni pizza or fried chicken. It's also made me far more adventurous with what vegetables I eat, getting an organic veggie box delivered has also helped with that - it's taken it being in the box every week since I started it in January, but I finally eat broccoli without complaining, and I'm discovering ways to cook vegetables I barely even realised existed.
4. Goals. I was worried about how I would cope when I didn't have the constant feedback of the scales going down, so it was essential to come up with some new goals. That's been races and PBs for me. As I said above, running isn't the only part of the solution, but it's an important part.
5. Friends. During all of this my relationships with my friends have changed. I've lost contact with some old ones, who I only really saw in trigger social situations, and I've gained new ones who share my healthy interests. People from running club, for example. They understand why someone would want to go out for a long run at the weekend, or spend time training, but they're not uptight enough to deny themselves a drink or two after a race or pizza on a club night out. It's a nice balance, and it's what I aspire to, so having them around me helps me far more than going out with my old friends who judge the success of a night on the size of the hangover the next morning.
6. Perspective. One part of this was realising that people who eat "normally" may be a normal weight, but that a normal weight is actually overweight. If I want to be at the weight that's most comfortable for me, then I have to go beyond normal. I have to put more effort in, and I have to work hard. But it gets results, and I prefer that to simply being like everyone else. The other part of the perspective was dealing with the "for the rest of my life" issue. As far as possible I've tried to make sure that the changes I've made are changes I can sustain. Even more than that, they've become things that I would actively choose over the old alternative. I always wanted to run, but couldn't (or didn't think I could, which to me seemed like the same thing). Now I know I can run, I do it because I want to. I never got any real gratification from junk food, but it was easy and I didn't know any better. Now I know how delicious and easy cooking for myself can be (not to mention cheaper!) I prefer it and seem to cart homemade food round with me pretty much everywhere I go. I don't want to go back to living how I used to live, so the fact that I have to do this forever is a bonus rather than a chore.
I'm going on 2 years of maintaining...(well...even tho I was trying to lose more...technically I've pretty much maintained :P) I think what has saved me is the exercise. Exercise was never a part of the old me's life. Now I love it, eating better is also key...but I can eat way more with the amount of cardio I put in. And if I ate less - I might eventually make it to goal...
Why Haven't You Gained The Weight Back?
me, for example!)
New me would feel sick and not be able to eat for the rest of the day.
Once you got over the initial sickness I think you probably could put the weight back on. But personally I think I'd find participating in the life I have at the moment very very hard without the proper nutrition. I couldn't function at kickboxing if I was weighed down with fish and chips and I couldn't go for long runs without throwing up.
I also got the XL wetsuit. I don't want to be last in the hiking group. Coming last in the running group I can handle - I'm still a slow poke but now I can at least run the course rather than walk it!
