Wife 1.0....an oldie - but it's making the rounds again
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed the new program contained the module Baby 2.0 which unexpectedly began child processing. This module requires significant space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run independently. When attempting to run the programs outside of Wife 1.0, the system crashes. How can I keep wife 1.0 in the background while running my favorite programs?
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but I cannot find the uninstall module for Wife. 1.0.
Please Help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User
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Tech Support replied with this:
Dear Troubled User:
What you are experiencing is a very common problem. Many users have upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
IT IS NOT...
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run EVERYTHING!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. Once the files are installed, they cannot be deleted.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 as Wife 1.0 is designed to block any attempts. PLEASE consult Wife 1.0 manual, Chapter 7 (Warnings) sec. 9 (Alimony/Child Support).
We recommend you retain Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation.
The background application “Yes Dear” has proven to be very helpful in alleviating software conflicts.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE, as ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal function. Please note the “Apologize” command does not always take effect immediately.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. If you haven’t explored the full benefits of Wife 1.0 we suggest you load the support package which contains; clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
Be very careful how you use these support programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to Purchase additional software. We recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
One final note:
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
I always love seeing this one. Ever since I posted it at a site years ago and the following discussion ensued:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wileec007
Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else.
One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus. Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything.
Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off. I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources. Any Ideas???
Quote:
Originally Posted by Char
Have you tried installing Husband 1.0? Generally it just lies around on the desktop and does nothing. There have been some that complained that when they tried getting Husband 1.0 to work, it would crash the hard drive.
There have been a few complaints as well that it sometimes ties in your television equipment when your computer is positioned to close to this device, and may cause erratic channel changes.
It has been known to completely strip Mistress 1.0 but for some reason, it will not even touch Wife 1.0. It is fairly tame however and does no serious harm as long as you point your internet browser to www.michelobe.com at least once per day.
Due to problems with Husband 1.0 emitting a loud raucous noise that sounds like snoring, it is currently being shipped complete with earplugs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wileec007
I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.
Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while.
I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system.
I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.
The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Char
The easiest way to correct the problem is to go ahead and install Husband 1.0. In past studies, Husband 1.0, installed with any version of GirlFriend, will immediately cause both programs to disappear together, leaving Wife 1.0 untouched on your system. Once this is accomplished, installing Divorce 1.0 will immediately wipe out the remaining Wife 1.0 program, and you can easily reinstall any GirlFriend version.
It is however, inadvisable to install more than one version of Wife at a time. End users that have tried this have quickly become embroiled in legal battles.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wileec007
I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented." A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend.
He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Char
I GIVE UP! LOL
But it was fun. ;-)
Hey, I'd sit here and do this all day, if I weren't busy with other stuff. Heheh...way out of it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wileec007
:-<
Guess all good things must end at some point. Is nice to have a little humor thrown in now and then. Sometimes laughter is the best medicine and this thread gave me quite a bit, hopefully for others out there too.
Just glad you quit first cause I was starting to run low on more, heheheheh .
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pat
Have cut n pasted and copied this thread to hubby and others in the field of relationships and computers for passing on... hope you don't mind... I think it is hilarious! ;-))
Thank you both for a good giggle!!! :-))
Quote:
Originally Posted by Char
Hey no fair! Those programs are copyright protected! Hehe
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul
Except when the copywrite fails, in which case the programs spontaneously self-reproduce.
I will need to transfer you to our Pest Control Department for handling situations that arise from our Offspring 1.0 and later versions.
Wife 1.0....an oldie - but it's making the rounds again
