Trips to Target
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1.. June 15: Took
24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's
carts when they weren't looking.
2.. July 2: Set all
the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
3.. July 7: He made
a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's
restroom.
4... July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3
in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from
her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
management to lose time and costing the company money.
5.. August 4: Went
to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6.. August 14:
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7.. August 15: Set
up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers
he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs
were called..
9.. September 4:
Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while
he picked his nose.
10. September 10:
While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk
where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In
the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using dif
ferent sizes of funnels.
13. October 18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK
ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal
position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not
least:
15. October 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled
very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of
the clerks passed out.
LOL I loved this! 
