Nursery rhyme bureaucracy
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.
Both subsequently died in the ambulance and their Regional Primary Care Trust set up an enquiry, chaired by Simple Simon, which came to the following conclusions:
1. The 50-mile journey to the nearest casualty department was in the couple's "best interests".
2. The fact that there was no local bed in which Jack could mend his head was "unfortunate" but no targets had been breached and he had been offered an "appropriate" choice.
3. The lack of vinegar and brown paper was not "material" to Jack's death as Government's (England only) quango, the National Institute for Clinical Excellence ("NICE"), [otherwise known as Drug-rationing In England ("DIE")] had not yet decided whether such treatment was cheap enough to be used in England (although it is freely available on the Scottish and Welsh National Health Services). In any case both the "brown paper" nurse and the "vinegar" nurse were away on diversity awareness courses and so were rightly unavailable.
4. Doctor Foster, Jack and Jill's GP, was most to blame and should be suspended and referred forthwith to the General Medical Council as he had:
a. Not reported Jack and Jill's lack of water to Social Services;
b. Failed to diagnose that anyone going UP the hill to fetch a pail of water must have "severe learning difficulties".
c. Had not involved the "Falls" Coordinator which resulted in no "Risk Assessment" being done for the risk of Jill tumbling after Jack. Dr Foster's GMC disciplinary hearing has been convened in Gloucester; he is setting off for it now and hoping for fine weather!
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