Hello, and welcome to the I-Think-I'm-Fat Club. Membership is free, equipment is donated by generous benefactors. The only prerequesite is to think you're fat. We are expecting our turnout to be mostly women, but gay(and daring straight) men are welcome, too! We have activities planned Monday-Friday. The events are scheduled as followed:
Monday - Free-for-all workout and check out/become envious of the hot bodies belonging to other members. Most of our members are fairly attractive, but they think they are fat, JUST LIKE YOU!
Tuesday - Today is the day to work out with OTHER MEMBERS! Pick out a workout buddy and get to the task! Burn those calories! (Note: the restroom is not a workout facility and members caught spending prolonged amounts of time in the restrooms together will be put on extra fat watch.)
Wednesday - Every Wednesday is FAT B
H DAY! Today is the day where you gossip about who's gained weight, who's lost weight, brag about your own weight loss, or b
h about those trouble spots. But, don't brag too much, or an envious member may start using repressed violent tendencies on you to burn calories!
Thursday - Thursday is the day we can remind ourselves that celebrities can be fat, too! This is the perfect day to indulge in the latest news - is Britney Spears' muffin top permanent? Do YOU want to learn how to eat like Oprah? Oh nooooo, you better stay FAR away, because you can gain weight just fine on your OWN! Plus, discuss celebrities who are FATTER THAN YOU! Today is the day to dish it hard at Hollywood - to friendly, confidential ears.
Friday - And finally, Friday is you're-so-not-fat day. Complain about your bodily flaws to other members, and get an ego boost. Oh, sweetie, your sides aren't fat after all! Who knew? Go reward yourself with a donut, girl-friend! Mmmmmhmm!
Can you relate? Does this sound familiar? Join our healthy new club today! Call toll free at 1-800-SONTFAT for details.
The I Think I'm Fat Club
