This is funny, but should be distributed with a disclaimer
Stella Awards
The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who
spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in
NM). That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous,
ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.
HERE IS THE AWARD BEING PRESENTED TO THIS YEAR'S DESERVING WINNERS
AND THE WINNERS ARE:
5th Place (tie): Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded
$80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over
a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the
store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the
misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
5th Place (tie):
19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical
expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of
the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
5th Place (tie): Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was
leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage.
He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic
door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house
because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he
pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found
himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case
of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the
homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental
anguish. The jury agreed, to the tune of $500,000. In my opinion
this is so outrageous that it should have been 2nd Place!
4th Place: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded
$14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by
his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its
owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury
felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by
Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was
shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson
of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft
drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor
because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier
during an argument.
2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the
owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the
bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth.
This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window
in the ladies room to avoid paying the $350 cover charge. She was
awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
1st Place: This year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-
foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home from an OU football
game, having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at
70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back & make
herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway,
crashed and overturned. Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not
advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do
this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The
company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit,
just in case there were any other complete morons around.
STINKS, DOESN'T IT?
Stella Awards
