Hello everyone =]
I havn't been posting much lately and thought I'd just spill my heart out a little. I'm still checking the site almost everyday.. reading through different posts and other peoples motivation. I love looking through the site but I realized inside I'm always searching for some miracle that will "change" me. I look through the posts searching but realize is all I'm doing is sitting here on my computer, doing nothing.
I constantly go up and down through the months with my weight, motivation, dieting not dieting, eating too much- eating too less... for the last few months I havn't been able to kick myself back into dieting, I moved to South Carolina from Cali 3 months ago, still job searching and living with a friend, we of course buy the cheapest food which is fattening (they don't have to diet) I just feel so helpless. I walk every night but other than that I'm bored and hungry all day (at least my mind pretends).

I go up and down with happiness and depression, I have so much stress from my bills and no family to help... I always see things that I want (Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, Gym Membership, TurboJam etc.) and know I can't get anything which just makes me want to eat more. The friends I live with also have the most junk food I've ever seen (cabinets and cabinets FULL).

I keep remembering after a few months when I'm working and caught (BILLS) up I'll start to buy my dieting tools again... but who knows how much I'll weigh by then. AHHHH so crazy. My clothes don't even fit now (tight) so I wear sweats/pjs basically everyday unless I'm interviewing.

SOmetimes it's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel!!! I havn't even weighed myself since I've been here, since they don't have a scale. SCARY.

Plus when I left Cali I was 165 and I'm pretty sure I'm back to 180-190.

Hey Jillnicole! I feel your pain and frustration and I really feel for you. You are in a tough situation because you are constantly surrounded by temptation. For you, it will have to take a monumental effort to avoid those things...but it CAN be done! You know what to do to lose weight beause you have done it...now, it's a matter of getting your head in the right place.

First, you say you walk every night. How much do you walk? Could you do more? Could you plug some jogging into it? Sprinting and walking is great for weight loss. Second....you can buy foods that are healthy and inexpensive. You just need to stick to it and for when the others are scarfing down chips and soda, you could munch on carrots, and frozen grapes (my favorite).

The thing I like about calorie counting (which is what I'm doing) is that nothing is truly off limits....you just have to make it portion controlled. Also, I would highly recommend that you keep a food journal...just for a little while. It might give you an extra sense of control.

Finally, if you're drinking any soda...I suggest you quit. It took me several attempts to quit Diet Coke, but it helped me get rid of many migraines and it helped me control my appetite too.

If your friends are really your friends, maybe you could talk to them about buying helathier items...or at least tell them not to give you any junk.

It's hard to give advice on these matters. You gotta make a decision that you will stop right now. Stop hurting yourself. I know how it is to gain weight back. I have done it, so I really do get it. I just think you need to switch things around to make this work and to know that it's never hopeless. You have the power of choice.

Hugs to you!

lucky mommy is right. It is about choices. Life always throws curve balls at us. The journey is about making good choices, even when there are obstacles. You can eat healthier, even on a budget. you can choose what foods you put in your mouth and in what quantities. You can choose how much exercise you get. You can make hundreds of choices each and every day that are smart and healthy.

Try to stop seeing the situation as something beyond your control that you can fix when your life changes, and see it as something you can control now, with each and every choice you make.

Hmm....that can be hard. I guess by your post, you don't live in an apartment complex that has a mini-gym?

Thanks Lucky for putting so much into your reply That was sweet and cheered me up.

CountingDown I definitley know what you mean by choices, but the thing is I live with my friend and her Dad... and since I spent the last of my $ driving across the country, I eat what her family eats (her dad buys) and he buys junk. I even go with him and I made suggestions about fruit and veggies, since they never buy them, and he said it was a waste of money because it's gone the first day. Weird for a parent to say lol but he just moved in a new house so we'e totally penching pennies. I do a lot here for him (cleaning etc) but until I get money I have to eat what is available (hamburger helper etc)

But definitley I COULD be doing more and I wish I'd PUSH myself to do more but I feel so worthless sometimes and just eat. (I'm a binge eater)

Right now I walk close to our house we have a block that is 1/2 mile around, depending on my mood I will walk 1, 2 or 3 times around usually 5 times a week. It definitley helps my mood but not my body since I need to do more... I've never been athletic, just started walking and exercising when I was 18 so running is so hard but I should try.

Maybe you should check out the No S diet, it works with EVERY budget and you WILL lose weight! www.nosdiet.com
I've been where you are, I did WW a few years ago and was able to eat hamburger helper and "budget foods" and I lost a ton of weight because on diets like that you can eat what you want, just count points or calories etc.. So I would say to you, either do something like the no s diet which is a no brainer, etc or count calories and then you can still eat whatever is available within your daily limits good luck to you!

Okay so today after I wrote my post and read some of your replys (thank you so much) I felt a lot better for getting some things off my chest today and tried to think of something that can help me kick into gear. I've had a few people tell me how great turbo jam is, exercise wise...

well Turbo Jam is $60 so that's not an option... so I started to look at Ebay and Amazon's used section and just ordered "Turbo Jam Beachbody 5 Rockin' Workouts", from Amazon for $6.77 with $2 shipping. So basically like $10 and I'm going to just get some weighted gloves from a friend.

I'm really excited, hopefully I'll like it. I'm thinking at least this will get me off the couch and feeling depressed, the more I start moving the easier it gets.. it's just getting to the "easy" that's hard lol

SPRYNG I did look at that link, once I start exercising and feeling better I definitley think I could stick to that diet, but I don't think I could yet. I'm going to start writing in a food journal, hopefully that will help me start cutting some stuff out!

Anyways thank you all so much for being my support today. I always want to write but sometimes I feel so bad I just decide not to hold other people back.