The Beck Diet Solution August 2007
 

To be consistent, I went ahead and made the new thread for August. Welcome to all.
Liannie has been so busy that I thought I'd save her the trouble.

So hello to a new month and a fresh, new month to achieve our hearts' desires.

I'm on day 4 of ACTUALLY following my food plan. It has gotten easier every day. Phew...I don't think I could have read my cards every hour for more than a couple of days. Today is the day when I get rid of my self-delusions around dieting, such as "it's OK to eat this one bite off plan," etc....

girly

Girly,
I am on day 3 of following my own program. You are right...it does get easier. you know what else...it actually feels better!

Happy August Everyone!

Michelle
day 3 w/o ice cream

Thanks for starting the new thread girly. And good to hear the food plan is going well!

michelle, good job on the ice cream!

I was finally down another pound this morning. I was stalled out for about a week. After being aware of what I've been eating for awhile I wonder if I don't have a slight wheat allergy. Any ideas for the meals that don't include wheat? I've always been a big carb person, I swear I've had cereal every day for breakfast for the last 5 years. I'm going to be lost without it!

Hey Everybody!

Thanks Girly for starting the new thread, and congrats on 4 straight days! I like the idea of a fresh new thread, a new month and a new beginning. And I'm with you on those self-deluding thoughts. That was exactly the chapter I reread this morning. "I'm upset and I don't care" is my biggest self-deluding thought. The fact that I made it through the day without eating sweets was like divine intervention. I was stressed out and craving candy so bad, I was nearly drooling this afternoon! But I made it.

MichelleChristine, 3 days without ice cream. YOU GO GIRL! That's one of my major comfort foods, but it really opens the floodgates. I have to make peace with it someday but right now I had to leave it behind too. It's great to have that sense of control, isn't it? And make sure to congratulate yourself. Your doing MAHVELOUS dahling! :)

Stacy, its funny you say that about wheat. I was thinking the same thing, so I got a food allergies blood test about 2 weeks ago. I'm not allergic, just addicted. Have you tried granola for breakfast? I think its all oats, no wheat. The South Beach section of 3FC has a lot of meal ideas without wheat. Go to the Fat Chicks on the Beach section and check under Phase 1 Menus. "Nessa's Oatmeal Bars" are really popular for breakfast. I haven't made them yet but others love them.

As for me, I'm on Day 5 of calorie counting again. I'm staying somewhat Beachy in my eating habits (lower carbs, lower fat) but not cooking as much as a hardcore South Beach dieter would have to do. I just don't have time for it at the moment. With the 2 closings and the move just 2 weeks away, I'm running around like a headless chicken.

And this is totally off-topic but....you want to hear something really stupid that has my butt just burning? The mailman put a "dangerous dog alert" card in my mailbox today saying they weren't going to deliver any more mail. Problem is, he's afraid of the local cat! I feed a big old Persian tom who sleeps in a chair a lot on my front porch. I guess I'll leave some glasses on the porch so the mailman can see!

See you tomorrow,
L

Stacy,
sorry....I do think wheat allergies are actually pretty common. My symptoms have gotten more dramatic over the last few years. If I were you, I'd not eat it for 2 or 3 weeks, and then reintroduce it (eat it a lot when you reintroduce it) and note if you have symptoms. THat way you'll know for sure, and won't be having to avoid it unless it's totally necessary. It can take a while for the symptoms to disappear, so it's best to eliminate it totally for a few weeks before reintro.

I'm still getting the hang of it. I found out not long ago that nearly every dish at Panda Express has wheat in it...there is wheat in most soy sauce, and in many sauces and thickeners. The ethnic foods, like Mexican, are the hardest for me because so many of them are wheat based.

I like eggs with salsa for breakfast. I used to love eating yogurt with berries and slivered almonds. There are some cereals, like puffed rice, esp. more available at health food stores.

THe great thing is that with eating a healthy diet, you can focus on meats and veggies and fruits, and avoid the bread and butter and cheesy type stuff anyway that might be with the bready stuff.

I have been eating on my plan for the last 4 days, which means no wheat, and I've felt horrible. I'm pretty sure it's just my body detoxing, maybe connected to the wheat.

girly

Good Morning
 

Good Morning Everyone!

Stacy- I think the health food section of our grocery chain has wheat free carb products. I am a huge carb fan too. I never met a carb I didn't like. :)

Liannie - In the winter, if we don't shovel out just so around the mailbox (lots of snow here in upstate NY) the mailman will not deliver either. It isn't like the mailbox is unreachable or anything. Our mailman is just a fusspot!

Go, Girly, Go! You are going strong.

My biggest sabotaging thoughts are "This isn't worth it....this is too much work" and "I don't want to have to do this....it isn't fair."

I am debating whether I should weigh myself weekly this time around. I wonder if I should just wait a month or something. Weighing myself often leads to the sabotaging thoughts....as in "I am not going to work this hard to lose one pound! I'd rather just enjoy life." But of course, when I am sticking to things, I do have that desire to weigh myself. It does easily derail me though. I am in a positive place and if I see NO loss, well, I am going to be annoyed.

I didn't get to squeeze in exercise yesterday and I notice it makes it harder to get backinto it today. I think it helps me when I do it every single day like clockwork. The problem is that is hard to do with a busy life. I do manage 5 days a week though.

I hope everyone has a positive, committed day. :cool:

Michelle
day four w/o the ice cream

Thanks for the responses ladies but after this morning I don't think it's wheat! I had a banana with peanut butter and a glass of milk and I'm getting the familiar upper abdominal pain and bloat/full feeling. I wonder if it's more of a sugar intolerance? That takes out sooo much, including fruit! Liannie, you mentioned a blood test, what all can they check for?

Hey Ladies,

Stacy, the test I had was called immunoCAP from Quest labs. It checks for allergies to Clams, Cod Fish, Corn, Egg whites, Milk, Peanuts, Scallops, Shrimp, Soybeans, Walnuts, and Wheat (according to their website). I came up negative for all. I really thought the bloaty gassy thing was an allergy but I guess it's the enormous quantities of food I usualy consume along with wheat. Upper abdominal pain and bloat after fatty foods (like PB) can be a sign of gallstones or acid reflux as well.

Girly, I felt crappy for the first couple of days detoxing on South Beach as well. I tried to modulate it by adding extra fat but I still went through it. And I'm sad to hear about all the wheaty foods in Panda Express! I love that place. I used to eat there every week when I worked across the street from one. Oh, the orange chicken!

MichelleChristine, I hear ya regarding the need to weigh when dieting. I want to be rewarded by the scale for all the minor suffering I put myself through. For every time I avoid immediate gratification with food, I want it on the scale. Someone on the South Beach thread said a while back that she forgets this is a "lifestyle change" and longs to be "done". I struggle with that too, and keep looking at the scale to find out "are we there yet?" :)

As for me, I made it 6 consecutive days under 1500 calories and without eating sweets. I'm going to TGIF for beers with a girlfriend tomorrow night so I know my count will go up, but I'm really going to try not to eat as stupidly high-caloric as last Friday. Having beers instead of frozen sweet drinks is the first smart step; I just hope I can pass up the Jack Daniels wings! I need to practice Dr. Beck's method of planning what I'll have and sticking to the plan. I've already decided about drinking, and I'm doing it.

Hey Sue and Karina, I hope you find us over here soon!

Keep kickin' fat the curb, chicks!
L

HI Everyone,

Girlythin and Michelle-great your are mastering your goals.
Liannie all that stress and staying under 1500 Yes!! On Friday try ordering lite beer-the most disgusting stuff I have ever had-it makes water taste better. I got a notice from the post office years ago when one of my kid's friend's 100 yr old dog followed him over and slept in our front yard. Now where we live we don't get home mail delivery-only mail delivered to "abandoned" P. O. boxes at the grocery store.
Stacy-hope you figure out what is causing the bloating feel after breakfast. I love coffee-just black and then one day I had to add milk to it and cut out orange juice-just could start the day with much acid types of food.
My favorite breakfast is low fat cottage cheese, frozen blueberries and a bit of splenda. I'm sort of south beachy also-I get my carbs from fruit and veggies and eat no processed carbs.-Then I don't excercise like you do. What is the right amount of carbs for athletes?

Back from three fun days in San Fran. Had a great time and really curtailed alot of over eating. I was able to watch my old habits crop up and really want to sabotage me. I have favorite treat places on the entire ride-Here to get coffe and sweet roll, next place-best ice cream, next lunch with fried foods. Really got the sense of the need to break old habits. I feel like I was one of Pavlov dog's. I am in this town, time for this snack at this place.

I ate more darn salads and had more grilled fish than I have ever had on a trip. It worked. 2 fish dinners were outstanding. I still had a blast. I do feel I can walk a bit better with the weight loss and every time I wanted the cruddy stuff, I said yep you can have it, but it will increase your difficulty in walking.

I understand that feeling after a really difficult day of resisting so much food, I am intitled to lose a lot of weight. The scales never work that way for me. I have so much weight to lose and at my age it comes off so slowly that I really focus on changing my mind set. May not even weigh tomarrow as my red snapper for lunch was grilled with a salty cajun mix on it, I bet I'll have a water gain.

not easy, but this beck stuff can work with those sabotaging thoughts
sue

Good Morning Everyone,

I am on day 5 of eating within my calorie count and NO ice cream. :) Today I am having those "tired of this" sabotaging thoughts. I am fighting back though, with "It will only be harder later" and "I have done other hard things in my life" and "Are you more tired of eating healthfully or tired of being unhappy with your body?"

I am trying to saty OFF the scale for now. The pull is strong, but I know that it is highly unlikely that I will be satisifed with whatever number I see, esp. after just 5 days of dieting.

LIANNIE - You are right. I guess my scale issue is all about instant gratification too, just like ice cream. I will try to think of it that way. Here's to long term gratification instead. :) Enjoy your beer. Tomorrow I get to have an ice cream, and I know I will enjoy that. I think planned indulgences can help us stick to our plans, over the long term.

SUE - You did an AWESOME job on your trip. Vacations are so hard. The car trip is always the hardest for me. I just want to chow. Most summers we drive 16 hurs to Myrtle Beach. It is an eating nightmare. I loved your Pavlov analogy. LOL.

Girly - Hang in there, through detox. It will be worth it.

Stacy - Good morning. I hope you are able to figure out your food issue soon.

Michelle

liannie, I may just end up goin and doing the test. In the past when I first started dealing with the symptoms they checked my gallbladder and liver but nothing showed up. My husband says it's an ulcer. I guess we'll see. Good job on the 6 days straight and good luck at Friday's. I'm a sucker for a strawberry margarita, you have more willpower than me!

sue, what an amazing job in SF! I know the Pavlov feeling all to well. Whenever I head back t Pittsburgh to visit family I have like this mental checklist of all the food I want to have.

michellechristine, good job on 5 days!

Dieting hasn't gone as well for me the last week or so. I think I've just been frustrated with the issues I've been having. I've only lost about a pound in a week and a half which I'm definitely not happy with since I've been busting my butt with the exercise. My sister and nieces are coming to visit next week, and I'm hoping I won't go totally off plan. I really need to make a plan for when they're here!

Hey ladies!

Welcome back Sue! Great job in dealing with "vacation eating"! Don't forget to congratulate yourself over and over and over. It's this kind of self-dialogue and behavior modification that will add up over time to great losses AND a new lifestyle. You did so much better than me! I should have looked at Friday's menu and preplanned an entree so I wouldn't have just randomly ordered stuff after I was already tipsy (can you say woof woof, Dr. Pavlov?). I did eat way too many calories yesterday but I'll live with it. I got on the scale this morning and was 3 lbs. heavier. Talk about a salt overdose! Next time I will plan.

And I read somewhere that 55% of total calories is the right amount of carbs for athletes.

Michelle, good job on 5 straight days! I know how tempting it is to get on the scale. I've been doing it about every 2 days even when I know I shouldn't. And then it's hard to avoid the letdown when you haven't lost as much as you wish. I hope you were able to talk yourself out of your diet-fatigue yesterday. It IS hard to break the eating habits that made us too heavy, but as long as you have more "good" days than "bad" days over the long term, you WILL weigh less eventually. Enjoy the ice cream!

Stacy, have you had the H.Pylori test? That's the bacteria that causes ulcers. As long as you're getting stuck with needles, maybe you should try that one too. My husband had it and after he took the antibiotics, he was able to eat without pain again (but he's naturally thin so the weight gain that followed was welcome). I really admire your exercise too!

Good morning, Girly! I hope your wheat detox is getting easier. It really helps with the cravings to go "lower" carb overall, but those first few days are a little painful.

As for me, the plan is to return to my <1500 calories plan, get an hour's worth of exercise in, and then pack. Hunger tolerance will likely be the lesson I'll be working on today.

Happy weekend to all!
L

Howdy,

thanks for the encouragement. This change in eating pattern has been a hugh improvement for my health-both psychologically and physically. As of today I have lost 50lb. I now am 25% done with losing my excess fat. My next goal is to get under 300 lb by Christmas. This sure beats being near 400 lb. Hard to believe that I can even have one monent thinking like a thin person, much less some hours and days. Thanks to everyone for all the support. It all helps in this world which has such disdain for the obese. To bad my anti-fat hairdresser gave me the best cut I have in a decade and he is only 2 miles away.

I have removed about all processed food-particularly carbs and/or fats. But I love my wine and occassional cocktail. Liannie, really understand the both the draw and relaxing side benefit to social drinking. Love your sense of humor in your positngs. We didn't purchase any more wine when in S.F.- all wines are about double in our area stores, either this will help me break the habit, or we will be driving two hours to reach some cheaper wine outlet.

Girllthin- you mentioned feeling terrible-hope you are feeling better and things are going well.

Stacy-also take care of yourself and hope that you find out and cure what is causing your stomach problems. Showing family around is always fun.

Michelle- I keep repeating the same mantra-that reinforcing a bad habit will make it harder to change in the future. I had 1/2 cup of ice cream(my major comfort food) a couple of days ago after 2 months of having none-That stuff is really rich and now a bit too sweet. Now if I could get that way about wine being too acidic/bitter.

to thinking thin
sue

Hey Sue,

I love wine too! Big bold dry reds (especially the ones I can't afford like Brunello de Montalcino), delicate bubbly champagnes (that I splurge and spend $35 a bottle once in a while) and an occasional Pedro Jiminez sherry after Spanish tapas. But anything alcoholic makes me want to EAT. I haven't found a way to psych myself out of it yet. Someone I worked with once went to a hypnotist for weight loss sessions and he gave her all these really gross post-hypotic suggestions to make her not want food, like ice cream would look like frozen dog vomit. Do you think we could come up with something like that? :)

L

HI Liannie,

I think wine will remain my vice-no desire to picture it as dog vomit ick. -your poor friend-I have given up so much-all baked goods, all additional fats other than olive oil, all products with added sugar, all fast foods. Everything else is measured- low fats meats, chicken, fish and veggies and fruit. I preplan about a 1400-1500 cal menu and then the wine is an addition up to a daily max of 1550-1600 cals. But I am not familiar with the wines you mentioned-Dh is familiar with the Port though. Port is so great next a fire on a cold night.

We enjoy all strong wines and champagnes. We live closed to the Sonoma and Napa wine areas so those are wines we tend to get. Since I never drank until my later 30's, I don't have such strong emotional ties to it as to some of my old comfort foods. Wine is one food that I never drink/eat alone, always with other folks. I seriously hope that I am not delusional about not giving this up also. I have used the fact I want to be alone with a food as a sign that this is very addictive food. I really prefer to overindulge with sweets and peanut butter in private-hated to share or stop at a reasonable amount.

I think the price of good bottle of wine does more to limit me than any thing else. Cheap wine is boring so don't use it. Got any Cal favorites?

thinking thin
sue

Hi everyone,

I relapsed again....sigh. I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to do this. Only if the moon, stars, and planets are aligned, and if I stop every hour to destress can I make it.

This time my trigger was $. I havent been paid in 2.5 months for my summer work at the state university where I teach. Can you believe this? I don't work my night job during the summer, so I've only got the income from the uni.

It's always late in the summer, but this is way, way beyond late now. I didn't go shopping last Friday (10 days ago) b/c I had no $, and didn't want to put something else on credit. I had enough food for a while. Then I was getting pretty low, they had promised last Monday, and still no. So I kept saying, I can do it, I can make it, I'm not going to charge stuff. So then Wed I had a dinner planned, the very last bit of stuff I had, but the brussel sprouts were iced over and the chicken didn't turn out and I just got so frustrated and ate out. And now since Wed night I've been eating crap again.

I guess I need to get to the part of the book where it says to get back on plan immediately. ha ha. It triggered this really low point in me b/c I'm so frustrated with where I'm working; don't want to be there any more. I've been pissed and feeling in rage all week b/c of the injustice of things. And I still haven't been paid.

Again somehow I've managed to maintain around 177, and I've kept up exercise, and except for that one night, stayed away from wheat. So those are improvements, I guess. I also did my planning and shopping last two days ago.
************************************
Sue, 50#s!!! Congratulations. THat is fantastic. Can you feel momentum building up?

Liannie and Sue, I loved reading your conversation about wines. I think it's great...it's really not bad at all on a low calorie plan. I do know what you mean about overeating with wine, though. It definitely can let down the guard on night duty for eating.

Stacy, I'm envious even of your pound, but I do know what you mean, since you've been exercising furiously. Maybe you are just putting on some muscle...do you evaluate yourself in inches, too?

Michelle, good job on your success.

...girly...

Hey Everyone,

Girly, I'm SO sorry to hear about the job stress. That is what undoes me about 90% of the time and I share your struggle. That weak and desolate moment triggered by job crap that's not your fault and that you can't control but is pretty much killing you--that moment when you reach for the food--is the moment we have to learn to stop. I wish I had an answer for you. Unfortunately, I'm still working that out myself. How about changing jobs? There is a Beck lesson on de-stressing your life.

Congratulations on staying away from the wheat though, and on planning and shopping. And you're here posting, still working hard. You haven't give up. These all deserve big kudos and are strengthening you for the long haul. You will become stronger from this!

Sue, I haven't drunk many California wines. It's ironic but I was introduced to wine by my dad who lives in Cambria, which is pretty much wine country, but always drinks Italian reds. I've had some merlots and zinfandels from California that I like but I don't have a particular favorite vineyard. I belong to the Bottlenotes Explorers Club and they just send me 2 bottles of wine every month and so I drink what they send. Can you recommend something? For when I plan my calories and stick to plan of course!

Karina, Stacy, Michelle, here's a shout out to you all! Hope Sunday has been great and you're ready for another week.

As for me, I've stayed on plan 2 days now. Got an hour's worth of exercise yesterday and today. I've done too little packing for my move and I think it's going to be a big scramble next weekend. But I refuse to overeat over it! :)

More tomorrow,
L

Hi

Girlythin, What a stress finances can create-Take care of your self. It is very hard to feel in control when the way you are being treated is so out of control. It is outrageous not getting paid in a timely manner. The changes you have made-exercising, no wheat, maintain weight loss) are hugh in the face of such stress. Things will change,- the planets will re-aligne soon. hang in there.

Does any one get depressed and want to eat after hearing some info via TV or movies? I feel so bad about Katrina aftermat-love New Orleans, one of kids had a scholarship to Tulane prior to Katrina and had so much fun in that town. Just saw Sicko and felt for those who can not get medical treatments. We are such a rich county and I get so upset when some of our citizens suffer so. Me eating sweets will not give others health insurance, yet that is what I want to do to calm myself.

Liannie, do you have trader Joes around? Our favorite wine store. pretty decent wines for $7-11 a bottle. Take care of yourself between your job and a move-a lot of stress. staying on plan and exercising is awesome.

Michelle, Stacy and Karina-big hi and hope all is well.
sue

Hello Everyone!

Sue - I love the way you are looking at your weight loss as 25% done! I am going to try that.

Girly - I am sorry you lapsed. But as you said, even your lapse was an "improved lapse". That is still progress! GIve yourself credit, as the Beck book recommends. :) I am channeling Dr. Phil, and he says "Don't give your "power" away to your job. :) You are worth more.

I greatly enjoyed my ice cream on Saturday. Yum, yum, yum! I kept the rest of my day healthy though. And I did force myself to get right back on track, and not fall into the "had one treat might as well not stop" mode.

I still have NOT weighed myself. I do not feel like I have lost anything though, and usually I can tell.

Hi to Stacy and Liannie too!
Michelle

Hi ladies.

Ugh, girly, I'm right there with you.

I don't know what it is but over this whole process of losing weight I'd lose like 10-20 pounds then quit, maintain for a ridiculously long time, then lose another 10. Well I've reached about 18-20 pounds lost since Beck and I see those old habits creeping back up again. Snacking when I'm not hungry. Eating more than I need to. Not tracking what I eat. Today, for instance, I was nowhere near hungry and I was busy so it wasn't boredom, but I ate a pack of pop-tarts! Even as I was eating them I didn't really want them. Ugh. I need to figure out something to get back on track, fast. :(

Hi everybody,
I can't tell you how much your kind remarks helped. It made a huge difference to not beat up on myself. Liannie, working on the job thing. Change hopefully is soon.
I adore the people on this board--thank you!

Liannie and Sue, I know virtually nothing about wine, but I do like Clois du Bois (Sonoma Valley in CA)--Cabernet. I only like Cabernet. It's really nice; I would say on the sweet side but not "sweet," just no-hard-edge sweet.

Stacy, sorry to hear about the struggle. Were you able to figure out the trigger for the pop tarts? You said it wasn't hunger or boredom--maybe using it as a stress reducer?

Sue, I hear you about depression from the media. I can get into a real hopelessness and depression about the planet, the continual corruption of our politicians, the poverty, etc. In the last year I've made a conscious decision to not watch it. I do what I can to stay minimally in touch and that's it. It's just the nature of the beast. There is a lot of amazing stuff happening, but the media focus can make it all seem so dark, esp. the local news. And I can get myself into a sad place really fast when I watch it.

Hi Michelle and Karina,

have a great hump day

~girly

Hey Ladies,

Busy days here. Will check back later. Just wanted to say hello and I'm glad for those in a success pattern, and in empathy and sympathy to those who are struggling (as am I at this moment). 13-hour workday today. More tomorrow!

Keep hangin in there, chicks.

L

HI everyone,

This changing of my relationship to food can have certain highs and lows. Even tho I am post menopause, some dieting days feels like I have my period-hungry-like light cramps, crabby, nervous and rather out of sorts and gain no matter what I am doing. Others days it is easy to prerecord, measure food and the scales go down even if I had slight overindulgences during the week. I been working on the concept of forgiving myself when off program sort of Oh well and how you going to avoid this unconscious eating next time. When my thin friends overeat, they dislike feeling uncomfortable, but it has done nothing to thier self esteem. me- I become worthless, heck I didn't commit a crime, but in my mind it is "moral" crime. Any way stuff I think of on tough days.- It is a mystery why we sabotage ourselves.-I don't understand what head trips talked me into gaining so much weight in life. But I am making changes and have to let go of why didn't I do this earlier? At least it is now.
You all be kind to yourselves and your spirits.

Michelle glad you enjoyed your ice cream. Even More importantly not to have the treat trigger unplanned eating. I still can not have any sweet comfort foods in the house, but can plan an occasional treat when out. My one in home treat is a tiny wine glass which I can have 2 oz of wine and will refill. Hopefully only once.

Girly-yup I can not take too much info about worrisome state of our world and man's cruelty to each others. I do better reading the news than watcing it on TV, if fact we have stopped watching it-got too hypnotized by it in the evenings. Clois De Bois is a wonderful winnery. Our hobby to find good wines for around $10 or less. One of our low cost favorites is Alexander & Fitch Alexander Valley-Cab-can run about $ 7.00 some places.

Stacy hope you are back on track. 20 lb drops are great, Do you think it is physical or emotional sense that makes you plateau? Can you remove some of less healthy food from your sight or not so near by for awhile. This still is a critically important step for me.

L-Heck of a busy gal-Thanks for the hello

Karina-HI.
sue

OH YEAH! Like any birthing process, there sure are some labor pains involved in this re-birthing of our eating habits. I have used food as everything from a drug to a party favor, and it's hard to leave all that behind and just let it sustain my life. It's the consistency that will have us all winning in the end though.

Just a quick shout out today again. I finally closed on my house and now have to dash off to work in between packing.

Back again tomorrow,
L

HELLO.....Where is everybody?

Still here....was just hanging on till Friday. Now it's here and I'm free till Monday at 1. Yippee!

I don't have much news to report. I've made healthier food choices at times this week, I've read my cards, cooked at home more than usual, done some planned and some spontaneous exercise, but I'm no where close to doing what I need to do to lose. Someone brought me a homemade food gift (with wheat) which I ate yesterday, so now I've got the burning chest, and I don't have a scale @ the moment so I don't know, but I'm sure I haven't lost.

I've decided I can be
1. in limbo (limbo =****) frustrated, hating myself for wanting both to eat what I want AND wanting to not eat so I can lose, feeling POWERLESS or
2. accept my fat body or
3. accept that I can't eat like others, can't eat whatever I want whenever I want, and that I need to moderate and do the Beck type stuff till I lose.

I decided this week I'm going to try to let #1 go. It's my #1 reason on my reasons cards because limbo is so painful, so I think it's at the forefront of my mind.

I used to say that I was stuck in that limbo b/c I was never going to be happy being fat, and now I realize that it's time to let that go. That's BS...I can be happy no matter what. I CAN accept myself right now and 40#s over my ideal.

I'm not giving up; I just don't want to be in that place of self-hate and paralysis, and I have more power in accepting my fat or in doing the Beck stuff, but the limbo is for the birds.

I think I can do both 2 AND 3 and be a lot happier. Let's face it, it's going to take a while for me to lose anyway, so I might as well feel better during that time.

************************
Sue, I'll try the Alexander Valley-Cab--haven't noticed it before. Is that one they have at Trader's?

Hi to Liannie, Michelle, Stacy, and Karina.

girly

Hi everyone,

Girlythin-Getting out of limbo is so important. Self acceptance is one of the best and most powerful gifts to give ourself and only we can give it our selves. And you are so right that it is important to be happy on the journey versus thinking only after accomplishing the goal will we be happy. There is always another new goal "we should do", so we have to enjoy each day as it comes. I am so pleased to loss 52 lbs, that I find it a rude shock to look in the mirror and still see a 328 lb woman with 148 lb left to lose. But heck I am healthier that 6 months ago and I can move better.
I actually spent many months losing little weight, but making very core healthy changes-more nutrious food, reduced fat cooking, removing sweet treats from the house, and increasing exercise. Now I am finding it easier to live between 1500-1600 cal a day. Because of my years of obesity, I believe I'll being recording my food and stay around 1600 cal a day for the rest of my life as I don't want to regain any weight back and statistics show that it is so likely. Give your self time to makes the changes which will be the foundation for losing the forty lbs and keeping it off.

Like L said this is a birthing process- hard labor to change our relationship to food and make it's main force in our life to be nutrious to our body-it is my sabotaging mind that changes it role into a 'friend", a good time, and an anti-depressant.

Today is one of those days that I am so tired of the cal restrictions-We live very frugally here with little money left over for luxuries, now they are raising the monthly medical premiums $400.00 a month-it will be a lot of work to meet this new expense. We will do it, but it gets tiresome to always be watching it financially and calorically also. I want to overindulge because I feel sorry for my self about the all the restrictions in my life. Today I want to use sweets as anti-depressant. Once I write this, it sounds a bit silly of a solution to my problems. I have used sweets since childhood to cope with frustration and all it was really given me is painful arthritis in the knees and back.

Thanks for the posting, they get me thinking and help me change my sabotaging ways.

p.s.-Girly that cab is a TJ wine . Liannie I know nothing about other country wines-got any goods one which are under $10?

sue

Hey Everybody,

Just a quick shout to let you all know I'm still here. Packing has gotten down to the wire and I've had to cut out pretty much all else. I'm trying to eat small amounts of whatever junk comes through the door because we've stopped cooking in an effort to concentrate on packing.

Girly, what a great realization! Ending some of the inner conflict will definitely help with the weight loss tasks we have ahead of us. You deserve to be happy, whatever your size. If we could disengage our self-worth from our physical appearance, wouldn't we all be better off?

Sue, I've done the self-soothing with sugar just as you have (should we call it "mealsturbation"?) for many years too. The intervals between sugar binges have gotten longer as I've practiced the Beck techniques and posted here. Hopefully it will keep getting better and better as time goes on for both of us.

Well, back to the packathon. I've been blowing dust off books all afternoon. I feel like the big bad wolf! :-D

More soon,
L

PS: Hi Everybody Else!

Hi friends,

I've had such a fantastic weekend. Feeling great.
**************

I'm sitting here with a People magazine in front of me, and Valerie Bertinelli and Kirstie Alley are in it....you cannot believe how good Valerie looks...she's now lost 30 #s...since April...I remember when she started :( And I'm still basically the same weight. But kudos to her. Hopefully the internal progress I'm making will help. Kirstie pretty much looks the same--she's wearing the empire waist style dress that she seems to look best in.

It feels like this thread is dying...I hope that it will be resuscitated. It has been a good place for me. For selfish reasons, I need it!

I wish that I could report a loss, that I was doing great @ the Beck tasks, but not yet. I feel that I'm still committed, but just not at a big enough level yet. I will get there. I can do it. I'm doing a lot better in many ways, and I don't feel nearly as out of control. Altho I'm not perfect, I haven't really "binged" in a while.

Liannie, good for you for doing the smaller portions of what's available...it's not easy eating well during a move.

Sue, sorry to hear about your health premiums...that's a very big change in your outlay of cash. Very big. And congrats on recognizing the inner dialogue that goes along with feeling discouraged, and not caving because of that inner talk.

I hope that some other blessing comes your way to increase your income and make that cost seem not as big. Is there an option to switch to a cheaper plan, like an HMO, and would that be an option? I'm considering switching at the yearly opportunity to do that, in Dec., to Kaiser, away from my fabulous, choose-anyone insurance. The costs have gotten really out of hand.

Well tomorrow is a new day. The first day of the rest of our lives.....

HI folks,

Girly I agree, I enjoy this place and hope that it does get resuscitated. Heck it is my first on line exchange and have really enjoyed it. One thing is that it is not listed with the major forums at 3 fat chicks, I have a hard time finding it when we get a new link. Hey I think got my ticker to work.

so glad to here you had a great weekend. Heard a speaker on radio say, "life is short don't forget to wear your party hat". Enjoy.

Yea, this medical stuff is very frustrating. We have had Kaiser for many years and love it, rasied all of kids using their services, but now we are too far from the closest medical office. We need to change to different insurer who closest docs are over 1 2/2 hrs away. The town seem closer as the crow fly but we live so isolately that we must use over 35 miles of substandard roads that flood and ice in winter. It is quicker, safer and easier to get to Kaiser. But we must change.

We love this isolated, quiet coastal area, but it is very tough financially. We keep hanging on but there is so little job opportunities-we both do parttime odd jobs. Thanks for the good thoughts-appreiciated them.

L Geat sense of humor-loved mealstrubation. I just hate the work of moving. plus all the decisions of packing. Hope the bulk of work ends soon, at least so you can find most things-takes time to decide how to organize new places.

I have regained 2 1/2 lbs by slightly increasing my cals-just was getting so hungry. I should still lose based upon still running a 1000 cal deficit from maintaining a 328 weight. This is one of those Oh well moments. I know in the long run it will drop again. Not ready to drop the 100 cal a day of wine tho! I am proud of changing my eating habits even if the scales move soo slowly. Processed foods just don't have such a strong hook for me any more, sometime though I want the ease of them-tired of making salads and a low cal dressing, preparing most all meals at home to insure a low cal approach. But overall I have accomplished a major feat for me.

till the next time

sue

Hey Ladies,

We're not going to let this thread die! Even if it's just the 3 of us, it's still a thread as long as we keep posting.

Well, I just wanted to check in and say something. Keep hanging in there, you two. We'll beback at it full force soon.

Do you want to take the book one chapter at a time and work it from the beginning again? I could use it.

L

Hey Beck buddies,

I agree with you L to re-work the book-have not been using the book much lately. I feel successful up to lesson # 8. Where does the time go?
I only work out of the home occasionally. I should not have a time problem-actually it feels more like an energy problem. Someday I think I whine the time away. My arthritis has been unusually painful and I find walking uncomfortable. Still I could swim every day and I don't have "time"- I am sort in an emotional slump-being frugal both calorically and financially-plus constant discomfort in my joints I have started adding an extra 200-300 cal a day. I have regained an 1/2 lb and really want to stop that trend.

Most of my working career has been in human services jobs-teaching and social worker. I understand how stressed you two can become-jobs where there is a hugh need for services, little money to meet the needs and lower salaries. I remember being very stressed at time, but now I hate being so underemployed.

take care of yourselves
sue

Hi Sue and Liannie,

I'm on Day 19...haven't gotten further than that. I have done and repeated several lessons up till now, so I think if you guys rework the book, I'll join you when you are on day 19. I'd enjoy reading your notes, tho, as you do it.

I have truly gotten stuck @ day 15, following the food plan. I now shop, I now make my week meal plan, I read it and prep it, but then I don't follow it. I still read my cards every day but I wonder if it's ever going to sink in. I wonder if I'm one of the ones who can't do it on my own, tho there's no way I can financially swing therapy right now, AND it is so hard to find a decent therapist. I think they tend to be as messed up or more than their patients.

Sue, sorry to hear about the continued joint pain. This week I've had to fight w/myself to exercise, too. I think Im going to have to change my routine. Most days I get up, walk to a coffee shop, journal and enjoy coffee, and then go home and get ready for the day.

I think I'm going to have to start exercising in the mornings....otherwise I start debating myself, and I hate that feeling of fighting with myself, talking myself out of doing it even though I know I SHOULD.

So my next mini goal is to get up 3 days in a row and walk. Once I do it a few days, it'll get easier. I need to roll out of bed and just do it. I can't let my mind start talking me out of it. I remember when I used to exercise in the morning, and it's so great to just get it out of the way.

talk with you all soon
girly

HI Girly and Liannie

Ok girly I am going to use my exercise bike today!! Just finished cleaning the place, got company coming for a couple of days. Need to go to the grocery store and then I am going to do some time bike or else. I am on the hunt for low-cal and low carb snacks to serve with drinks.-martinis in flamingo glasses.

sue

Hey Everybody,

Good to see you are both still here! I'm finally moved in the new house and SO TIRED it's unbelievable.

It looks like exercise is an issue for us all right now. I know how you both feel--setting up exercise plans and then talking yourself out of it. I've done that so many times! I haven't exercised in almost 2 weeks now due to the packing and moving but I'm going to make myself get started again tomorrow, even if it's just doing some walk-run intervals outdoors, because STARTING is the key. Once you're on a roll, it's not as hard to keep it going as it is to get it started.

How has eating been going for you two? Sue, I hope you found some nice martini-friend low-carb appetizers. Girly, I hope you've found ways to stay closer to plan. I've pretty much fallen apart due to sheer exhaustion making it impossible to eat diet-sized portions.

As far as where to restart the book....I can't actually find the book right now because it's in a box somewhere. But we could restart at Day 8 if one of you would give me a recap or we could just restart at Day 1. Just let me know. I'll be checking in every day now.

I'm so anxious to get back on track!

L

Hi friends,

I got up and exercised. Didn't even let myself think about it--worked like a charm. It's 6:50 and I'm home, finished, nice and sweaty.

Yesterday I was trying to figure out where I left off in the book....I still haven't gone thru the whole book. I stopped at day 20, which is *get back on track.*

The day that I really hadn't absorbed was day 16. I think that I still didn't want to accept that I have to make a plan and follow it. Here are some things I highlighted yesterday:

*The internal argument can create tension, which is emotionally and physically uncomfortable.
*Just as deciding to eat can reduce tension, so can deciding *not* to eat.
*Firmly saying, NO CHOICE, decreases both the struggle and the discomfort.

I don't even like the "NO CHOICE" card b/c it makes me uncomfortable. I don't want that no choice idea to seep into my life in other areas, b/c we all have choice about everything, and I don't want to lose my power by saying no choice. But if I keep the idea in regards to food for right now, then I can deal with it. I'm choosing to have NO CHOICE in following the food plan that I CHOSE. I have less resistance to that. If I think of NO CHOICE as I'M COMMITTED, then it also feels better.

Liannie, Day 8 was "Create Time and Energy" (...I have underlined *It all takes fortitude and mental energy, especially if and when sabotaging thoughts get in the way.*) Day 1 is *Record the Advantages of Losing weight.*

girly

Hey Girly (and Sue...wherever you are)!

Sorry I didn't get to post yesterday; it got so busy here unpacking that when I finally finished I was too exhausted to sit at the computer.

Girly, GOOD FOR YOU getting the exercise over and one with early before you could talk yourself out of it. It really makes you feel good once you do it, doesn't it?

The "internal tension" and its resultant "discomfort"...this is what I've never totally conquered. When it's an ordinary day and I'm craving something, I can get past it most of the time. When I'm tired, mentally debilitated (usually because of my stupid job) or somehow otherwise miserable, I just don't always have the strength to fight myself. I end up giving in and then the tension is released. Temporarily. Until new and different tension is created by my feelings of regret, self-recrimination, disgust, and on and on.

I did make a NO CHOICE card and I remember using it from time to time. Honestly, I don't know where it is right now but I think I need to make another.

As far as "creating time and energy", I have made a plan for the week with menus and a shopping list. I will be going to the store in the morning. It is my goal to "get back on track" this week and stay there, now that moving mania is over.

The "advantages of losing weight" seem to evolve over time. As of today, the advantages seem like:
*less back, knee and foot pain when standing and working for long hours,
*less psychic pain when I have finally gained sense of self control, and
*freedom from the inner conflict that comes from feeling like a victim of my own out-of-control eating and all the damage it has done to my mind and body.

What are your advantages right now, today?

L

HI Liannie and Girly,

thanks heaven you both are here. I have had 3 days of debauchery (of food and drink) My cravings are way up, but the rest of my body is begging me to stop eating/drinking all this stuff. Today I ran around eating crap because I was not recording anything again until tomarrow. So it is good-bye to mindless eating and hello fitday again. Tomarrow it is back to menu planning and recording all the food.

My friend was a good sport and did go swimming for about an hour with me, but got so sun burned-even with sun screen. I really want to swim 5 times this up coming week. Why i don't do this is utter stupidity. It helps my joints, burns cals and acts like an antidepressant. Don't know what stuff becomes so "important" that I "forget" to swim or don't have the "time" to do it.

Girly real power to you for doing exercising 1st thing. L really understand working and moving being so time consumming. I sure you will get back on schedule again. I have no good excuses.-just laziness-with a manana attitude.

The tension factor. It is a very common feeling for me. Right now I feel tense while dieting but actually more tense and bloated when over eating. I think that is the nature of changing addictive habits, I get so tired of being making all the changes-the constant recording of each bit of food, all the home cooking to insure low cal meals, limited choices of food in order to keep the cal count lower. But when I eat with abandonment now I feel the tension of feeling very unhealthy. Plus I know that not only do I regain some weight, I am reinforcing habits which will make tomarrow harder. So not only does the behavior get me fatter, it make my brain more pig headed.-literally.

One of the hardest things in my life-joint pain becomes a daily reminder to lose weight. Thus the all time biggest advantage for me is to increase mobility and stamina. Also I feel more self confident when food is in control. I truly believe I pay more attention to myself-(feelings, mind) , others and environment than when I am absentmindly trolling around for some food or drink all the time. I feel much more alert and in control when eating wisely.

G- I like your I'm committed idea and understand your thinking. I am very committed to to staying at 1500-1600 cal a day. I do make changes during the day such as -less corn and maybe 2 more ozs of wine or no wine and 2 peaches another.

Hope you guys can hear the splash when I make the pool tomarrow.
sue

HI guys,

I did swim for 50 minutes today. I did much head whinning prior to setting off. There is a wonderful gaudy candle holder for $10.00. I will buy it next weekend if I swim at least 5 times during this week.
sue
P.S, The ticker is a bit wrong due to the current gain, but I have high hopes that it soon will be accurate again.

Yes, yes, yes!

My advantages are to numerous to write (I just accidentally typed numberous and that seems like just as fine a word as numerous)

The inner conflict is really big for me, so I'd put that as my most important one right now. I'm starting to read 4-day Win by Beck. It's really good, but it seems to contradict the Beck Diet Solution a bit. Right now I'm rereading the part about the inner adult and the inner wild animal. The inner disciplinarian tries to control the inner wild animal part of our brains, ourselves, and the inner wild animal runs away and refuses to do what the inner authority figure wants. The more we try to control it with diets, and the longer we've tried to control it with rules and restriction, the more it rebels and fights.

This feels exactly right. I make these frickin' plans and I almost never stick with them in regards to food. I'm so tired of this. I'm hoping the exercises in the book to help create peace in your mind will help. She said it helped her, and that when she first opened the fridge in preparation for a battle to eat everything in sight, the first time she didn't have that fight after working with the inner wild part of herself, that she was completely amazed.

Sue, that's big! Congrats on the swimming and you go for that gaudy candle :)

I got up and exercised Fri, Sat, and Sun. Each day I actually felt good doing a bit more. Today I also exercised with my mom when I went to see her; exercise for her and more strolling for me, but still another 40 min of walking. did more spontaneous exercise too--returned the grocery shopping cart, parked far 2 times.

Wouldn't it be nice if this got MUCH easier for us? Wouldn't it be nice if this became second nature? Wouldn't it be nice if this time next year we were feeling great in our bodies and at peace with ourselves?