First, thanks to all you wonderful people for pulling me through yesterday. I hate when I get like that.
I did get real with my therapist today. He wasn't shocked or disgusted. He talked me through some things, helped me see it wasn't as bad as I thought. Talking to him always makes sense.
I was feeling so guilty about not feeling anything for my husband. But when I went into the history of it with him, I could see all the times that I let myself believe dh, only to be hurt and disappointed again. I guess it happened one too many times, and now I don't believe him.
Also, he made me realize that I am not a bad mom just because I am not supermom. I always feel guilty about not doing all these things, crafts, extracurricular lessons, etc. But I love and accept my children just as they are, and I am always here for them. I never criticize or call them names. This makes me a good mom. They feel secure, loved, and cared for.
It will be a tough trip back to sanity, but I can and will make it. I am stronger than I think.
Aw Marcie I am happy that you are doing better...I understand more than you may realize, I have a warm spot in my heart for you...I am definatly not a supermom and am not a super maid either...taking celexa as well...got the ups and downs and the difficult husband too...feel free to vent thru pm is you would like...I will be here for you!
Good work! As someone who grew up with a mom who struggled with her weight and depression, I can honestly say your kids love you and just want to see you well and happy.
Good work! As someone who grew up with a mom who struggled with her weight and depression, I can honestly say your kids love you and just want to see you well and happy.
Marcie,
Glad you are feeling a bit better today! As I have said before..."Been there Girl!"
PM me anytime as well....I am on Lexapro...celexa's sister so to speak...had to up my dosage from 1/2 (10mg) to full (20mg) over the "winter"...seasonally I am worse with shorther, colder, rainier, days!
Girl we all need to move somewhere warm and dry and sunny!
Allie
Marcie - you are going to be just fine... I just know it. We won't let you beat yourself up - so when you do - we will all be calling you on the carpet for it... Keep going! You will notice yourself getting stronger every day!
I am reading "Goodnight, Nobody." Written by Jennifer Weiner. It's all about a woman who is not a supermom. Please PM your address to me & I will send it to you. I should finish tomorrow.
Marcie, I am so happy you are opening up and letting out your true feelings.
Everyone mother wants to be "supermom", doesn't work that way. Your doing the exact right things with you children, loving them for who they are and being supportive.....that is all it really takes to be a "good Mom".
Your alone without a supportive spouse, homeschooling the children, doing ALL the daily jobs plus hubby's while he is away...........Hey, maybe you are supermom!!!! lol But I do hope somewhere in there you are making time for Marcie??? Some time after the kids are in bed or getting out for a walk by yourself or with girlfriends??? Try to make time for you.
Marcie....I am so glad that your therapist helped you yesterday.
You know...sometimes as women...we want to solve everything and we can't. Sometimes just talking it out helps us focus on what is important.
BTW...as a fellow homeschooling mom, I can tell you...I don't do all those things with my kids either. You have to come to where you do not compare yourself to other homeschooling mothers. I realized years ago...many of those things are not in my nature. I am not a 'hands on' learner, so I don't teach that way. I am not crafty for the sake of crafts. Though I love to sew, cook, scrapbook, and do crafts when they have a purpose. Many kids crafts just seem to be time killers. BUT I want to encourage you...that my kids don't miss this "aspect" of me, because I never have been that way. I was always one of those "finger paints...playdough is only for outside" moms. AND "you make the mess, you clean it up". This doesn't bother them. YET, I want you to know that in the last two years...I have found mutual interests with my children. Oldest dd wants to sew, scrapbook, and cook....finally. Youngest dd wants to work with yarn and cross stitch. DS...haven't figured out yet. He is pretty easy going and just likes to watch it all going on.
ALSO...you have got to (and I need to take my own advice), make and take time for yourself. Even if it means giving the kids some books to read and say...."go read...and do not disturb me unless the house is burning or someone is dying before the timer goes off". Then go to another part of the house and do sometime for yourself...manicure, baking, craft, reading, work on a Bible Study. AND I find that I have to be really careful not to clean, exercise, work on school, etc. during this time. THOSE are not "down time", those need to be done on the "family time".
Trust me, there is NOTHING you can tell your therapist that will shock him or disgust him -- he's heard it all before. I was homicidal towards my ex-husband for 4 months (not that I would actually do anything, but the fantasy was great) and the therapist didn't even blink an eyelash.
We all know you can do this and we all believe in you. The hardest part will be you believing in yourself. You deserve to be loved because God made you and you've heard the old saying that God doesn't make junk. Of course, you've also heard the old joke that God made man first because you always make a test prototype and then you improve on it when you make your final product (woman). You have a purpose in this life and you just need to find it.
Keep up the good work and as Daisy said, we'll get out the whip when you need it
You are an amazing mother! Staying home to teach your own children! That's amazing to me! I cannot even tell you how often I have been feeling guilty over the last 5 years about working full time and not giving my children more time. But that is what I have to do. I would never be able to teach my own children the way you and other moms are doing! I wouldn't have the patience or even the skills!
When we go through a rough time, we often think we're bad mothers I think. But you know what? The fact that we're thinking about it means the opposite. It means we are wonderful mothers who care for them very much and worry too much! I like to remind myself I can't do it all. After all, there is only 24 hours in a a day, and to do everything we would like to do with them would take at least another 8 hours per day.
Therapy
