[LaurieM35]

Ok Ladies I am reaching out to you guys, I need some help. I am really been thinking about something lately. I have been able to stay at home for 4 years now and not work. BUT prior to these last 4 years, I have always had to work, at one time I worked 2 jobs and went to college and raisied my son on my own. I have always had to work hard and I finally got my AA degree in 2000 and the same week I graduated, I found out I was pregnant and at this time I was married to Keilyn's father and didn't have to work. Well he passed away and I have been able to stay home since then BUT I am at a point in my life that I am feeling the *need* to go back to work. I work so hard to get my degree and hate that I am wasted (or atleast I feel I am) all those skills I worked so hard to earn and learn. So here is my problem, Keilyn starts preschool in September, Steven starts school back on Aug 25th, I can go back to work part time but it wont' be in my field because there is no way you can do the paralegal work part time, so I am contemplating going back to work full time. IF I go back full time (more than 20 hours) I lose the financial support I optained when DH passed. Its not much but its something. I think I am scared to go back to work. KWIM? I haven't worked in 4 years and it scares me to think I will be going back into the working world. I have really started looking into my future and where it stands and I can't help but feel that if i want to have a good future that this is a decision I have to make. Make sense?

UGH What to do, What to do!!

[floridarusty]

Laurie,

I have been in your situation two times!! Widowed twice...once at age 28 and then again at 38. So I really do understand.

The first time I had two young children, 2 & 5...so I stayed home with them and didn't work....they kept me very busy and financially I could do it. I really needed to be with my children those years for them and for me.

The second time I was 38 and had 3 children and all in school so I decided to get a job and it was a very good thing for me. I joined a singles group thru a church and got active and out in the world. The group had meetings at a church and homes and went out to the clubs after meetings to have a drink and mingle, get to know everyone.

So that is where I met my third dh, at a nightclub!!!! He wasn't in our group but visiting from a neighboring state on business........well we are now married 18 yrs.

Maybe you just need to start part-time until all the children are in school and still have time for the football and all the other school activities. Ease back into it and then go for the full-time job.

I had 3 at home and it was a LOT & HARD to do by myself, as you already know.

Just look at the pros and cons....maybe make a list. It might be more important this year to be home part-time with your children....then go for the career, they will need to adjust also.

You will make the right decision, I don't know how much of a support system you have....I didn't have any family nearby either time and you can only rely on friends so much. I think I remember you have some family close by so maybe you could do full-time.

A part-time job could just be your stepping stone, don't look at it as a permenant position .... but if the inner you is really wanting that full-time job to be fullfilled....go for it.

Wishing you the best, Phyllis

[ladyinweighting]

Hi Laurie,

A couple of questions - is the "need" primarily social or financial?

What is your AA degree in?

Lynn

[Dory L]

Laurie & Phyllis -

I am so sorry about your DHs - I had no idea. I feel for you both, what challenges you have faced. You are both such beautiful, strong women.

Laurie - who says that you cannot work in your profession part time? Are you absolutely, positively, sure? It has been said that I cannot work in my profession part time either, but I HAVE done it very successuflly for over 10 years! Sometimes it takes some imagination. I see just about every profession out there with someone sucessful working part time. Doctors, Dentists, Accountants, You name it! All of those people need support, and often they do not need full time support.

Perhaps you can work "overflow" in you profession? Or work for someone who themselves works part time? Do temp work? It is a really big jump to go from SAHM to Full time. It could end up being very wonderful, OR just way too much. Especially if you throw in the single parent aspect.

The only advice I have for re-entering the workplace is DO NOT sell yourself short. Do lots of research to see what the salary is in your field. You may be really surprised. You may want to try out temp work to get comfortable in the work environment first and get your feet wet before deciding anything.

Best of luck and we are all here for you whatever path you choose to take