[KateRN]

Hey guys!

I'm new around here and just even reading these forums have given me so much encouragement! I'm so thankful that this is here!

I was a very skinny child until I was about 10 years old when i started to get chubby. I still remember my uncle poking me in the stomach everytime i would go eat a cookie and tell me i was going to grow up to be fat and no one would want to love me. -- bizzare i still remember that! Then, my mom got a gastric bypass surgery and my sister got married, and i started to feel the pressure when i was 16. I lost 65 lbs in 5 months through diet and exercise. i looked fantastic! then i remember my mom's friend commenting that i was starting to look too muscular, "pretty girls dont have muscles, they are just naturally dainty". so i freaked out and stopped everything when i was 17 and gained everything back and then some.

now, i'm 22 years old. i have a career, i'm living in california and im too uncomfortable with myself to go out to the beach, or out with friends at night. I need to get back in control of myself. I have had serious issues with binge eating and laxative abuse. im tired of wondering how i look when i sit down, or changing clothes 20 times before going to the grocery store because i cant be happy with how i look at all.

i have a closet full of clothes that dont fit that i would love to wear.
i'd really love to go to the beach sometime.

one of my big problems is i have such an addiction to food. especially fast food. i'm the queen of going to kfc and getting one thing, then taco bell and getting another, then mcdonalds and getting another, and holing up in my apartment and eating myself stupid. i got paid today and used my extra money on movies so i dont have any choice other than to eat the healthy food i have here at home and homefully that will be one step in the right direction.

i really would like to lose my weight before christmas, so when i go home and see my family again for the first time in a year, i can be happy with myself for the first time and hopefully sit in the airplane comfortably again. there is nothing quite as uncomfortable as realizing you are a bit too big for the seat and trying to squeeze yourself in while still trying to maintain your dignity.

i look forward to coming on here and working hard everyday. thanks everyone for being here and sharing yourselves - you have no idea how much it encourages me!

[srmb60]

Hi and welcome.
The corner store and it's stash of tortilla chips and ice cream has been calling me for the last hour or so. But I've been relieved of that respnsibility because my DH took my car to a meeting I'm not driving the company van for junk food!
Read lots, post lots ... make your self at home. You'll love it here.

[Abbeycat36]

A mind is a powerful and strange thing sometimes. We all remember those 'fatty' comments from others and they ring like a bell in the mind, at least in mine they do.

I remember once back when I was about 18 I lost some weight, and my brother said to me when we were in a mall one day, "See that girl over there, her butt is HUGE.. your butt used to be that huge too but look at you now, your butt is much smaller".

Years pass, I gained back the weight, lost some again ( I see a trend) and then my brother said to me, "wow, you're looking good. you lost a ton of weight. You used to be HUGE. Your legs are much smaller, they used to be REALLY REALLY big."

Ahh.. so fast forward into where I am now, bigger than I have ever been. Now I know what the people are silently thinking but dare not say? They think " wow, she's HUGE, huger than she's ever been". When I lose the weight, I know it will come... "You used to be HUGE, I didn't want to tell you then, but..."

Painful memories, and all distructive if you let it get to you. It does hurt. Try maybe to use the pain as a learning process and see if you can gain something positive from it. For me, I try not to be jaded about how people think. It really just IS the way some people think, and nothing you could ever say could change that.

Everyone has a different way of dealing with their emotional issues while losing weight but I'm trying to wear it like a battle scar, I guess. You can win the battle, but the scar will be there somewhere I think forever. I just try to keep reminding myself that some people have different scars than mine, and that I should always consider I might be thinking like the 'thin person' who has no idea what it's like to be over weight. Maybe I don't understand their plight, but try better to understand how to relate in general.

Whoa that was long winded... sorry! heheeh

[Misti in Seattle]

Hi Kate! So glad you are here. Welcome!

[MelodyL]

Hi Kate, welcome to the boards! I'm an RN as well. You look beautiful in your picture, keep up with the work on getting healthy and I'm sure you'll believe you're as beautiful as other people think you are no matter what your size.