[Sukisun]

Dear Ladies,

I am glad to have found your forum!

I have been doing a bit of reading, and I am trying to get to know a little bti about all of you here. J and so…. I thought I should share a little info about myself.

Amanda is my given name, although I have never really settled into that… I don’t hate it or anything, but I certainly think its boring and not much fun (cant speak for the other Amanda’s but that’s just how I feel.) Growing up so many people called me Sunshine that many people thought that was my name, during my more exciting years a couple of my girlfriends took to calling me Suki. (this, for more reasons than one is another story for another day.) Anyway hence the name SukiSun.

I am just 26, (16th August ) and Just married ( 21st June ). In a very dramatic and exciting way… It is my second marriage to the same man with no divorce in between. Short version he is British I am American. We had a civil ceremony (Nov 28 2003) because well … legally you have to do that… and then we had our “WEDDING” in June 2004. Married life is different. We are happy and most of the time very very much in love. (pretty inseparable actually….) And I have relocated to England. (moved Nov 2003).

I have a bunny named Pooki. We love her very much, but she is a pain. I call her very lovingly my rotten egg. She is very sweet, very friendly, and loves to give love nips. She seems to think these are kisses and we are having an awful time convincing her to stop. She only does it when she is happy, so it isn’t like a mean nip…. Anyway worse than that we have been trying (disastrously) to potty (litter) train her. I worry we are failing with our first ”child”…

My job/career is not exciting right now, except to say that I currently work with the…. Most awkward person I have EVER met or ever heard of anyone meeting. I used to run a business of my own stateside, and closed it to move here and be with G (hubby). So… career is currently a sore spot right now and am working on it.

I love to read, write, watch movies, and reality TV (although I dont get to see them that often.), and I love “indoor gardening” (loads of houseplants.) And apparently I love to diet, either that or I love my fat…. Cause I keep falling off the wagon and haven’t REALLY budged a pound in… oh lets say… 8 months. L

So my HW was 208 (us size 15/16 I think but may have bought one pair 17/18), and I had been yo-yoing for about three years prior to that going up and down, and then finally settling on that weight for about six months in the early part of 2003. On May 21st 2003 (weight 208) I decided to be serious, and was serious for awhile moving quickly in the beginning and slower the more time went on. I am now at 168 ish some days 166 or 164, but have been at this weight since February when in fact I had gotten down to 163. That is the lowest weight I have seen in atleast 5 or 6 years. Since February I keep losing and gaining the same 4-5 lbs.

I tried dieting with a friend, and working out I have to say does not help me near as much as just watching what I eat and doing some exercise…. My friend of course has totally not stuck to the diet at all, in fact not even for a day.

Calorie counting and moderate exercise have been my modus operandi.

Anyway quick breakdown:

HW 208
CW168
GW 128 (ish but would like to re-evaluate at about 135 140 and see where I think I can get to.)

5’4” medium build. Currently US Dress size 8 or 10 and pant size 10 shirt size 6. measurements: 35, 29, 40.5 (so I seem to have ok shape, but instead of an hour glass it’s an hour and a half!)

My weight loss journey is as long and fraught as I am sure most of yours…. It all started when I was say…13 and my mother and maternal grandmother decided at the size of 5/6 or 7/8 to let me in on the fact that I was a fatty… I stayed a 7 until I graduated and then just piled on the pounds on and off for about 5 years, and then just on. Weird thing is, I never realised how FAT I had gotten. For some reason when I looked in the mirror I saw pretty darn near close the size 7 me, when really I was looking eventually at a 15/16. So unfortunately, its done some weird turn around…. And NOW the more weight I lose, the fatter I look in the mirror. And the more worried I become that I was HUGE and OBESE and disgusting before and that now I will never look great. Ick… strange relationship with mirror. Unhealthy at best.

I really would like to find a support group to help me pull my head out of my butt, get some new motivation (I have lost all sight of a goal and seem to even have a lack of any motivation) and help me get back on track and hopefully do something again.

I have been down lately, frustrated with myself for not getting to goal and not even keeping a goal in sight. Meanwhile still weighing oh… about 10 times a day…. Ok seriously I have a dysfunctional dependant relationship going on between me and my scale… It’s sort of a love hate thing.. more on that later I am sure, but lets put it this way… somehow myself worth appears on that scale… and lately, it hasn’t been so good. Relationship with scale…. Just as unhealthy as relationship with mirror.

My challenge seems to be that my husband likes me this way just fine (so its hard to think of myself as doing it to be more attractive to him), and yes I know you are supposed to do it for yourself, but really that would be for myself to know I was more attractive to him. LOL (sick I know.) Anyway another challenge is… when I was REALLY losing, I had a trainer and was weighed (read HELD ACCOUNTABLE) by someone else once a week. I do not have a close enough friend here (who will actually be supportive and dependable and hold me accountable) and therefore find it hard to “weigh in” each week, if no one is there to share it all with me. … if that makes sense.


Anywho…. I think I have kept you all long enough, and that’s for anyone who had the motivation to read through all that. I want to say thanks for letting me join, and I cant wait to get to know you all, and hopefully I will prove to be a source of support for you all, and find the support I need.

Amanda

[Marie]

Hi Amanda,

I can relate with a lot of your post. The mirror thing rings true. I look in the mirror and see a not so fat looking chickie looking back at me. But then I look at vacation photos and think, who is that fatty. I think that's what bugs me. I see myself in both of those places but with the mirror, I can play tricks but the photos I can suck in my stomach, stand straighter, etc like I can with the mirror.

You've got to put the scale away. Especially since your day revolves around the darn thing. I really hope you were joking about the 10X a day, but even once a day isn't that good. But since you're addicted, weigh once in the morning before you dress and eat or drink. Use that as your weight and put the scale back in it's corner and ignore it the rest of the day. I challenge you to do that for a week. My support buddy made me put the thing away for 6 weeks. I gave it to my hubby and he hid it from me. That was a long six weeks, but the plateau broke during that time and I saw a weight loss. There was also something nice about not worrying if I had salty food the night before I'd weigh. I was obsessed and let it rule my moods. Don't let it do it to you. Scales and mirrors are the greatest friend or the evilest of foes. Ignore them both while you get accountable again.
Marie

[Sukisun]

Marie,
Thanks for your advice. The scale has been taken from work (yes the ladies here in the office used to weigh in off and on all day too.) So this week I have weighed in the morning, and have been away from the cale most of the day.

I have thought about your suggestion, and I will try to do just that and weigh only once a day.

I think the hardest issue with not weighing, is that I am scared I will lose control and put weight back on again.... I feel like if i dont weigh, I wont know completely how good/ or bad I have been... I feel like the scale never lies.

So thanks for your reply and I will for atleast a week weigh in only inthe morning.

[almostheaven]

Weighing in daily though doesn't have the effect that perhaps a weekly weigh in would have. You can't really see a loss on a daily basis. But if you weigh in once a week, you can see instantly a 1 or 2 pound drop.

[Marie]

Sukisun, I'm glad that you're only going to weigh once a day. Eventually try for once a week. I do understand your concern but as almostheaven said, you really don't notice a weight difference every day. If you think about it, drink a 32 oz bottle of water and you've gained 2 pounds. You know that isn't fat - it's water - but it shows up on the scale. So using your reason about weighing more often - mostly you'll see weight gain and that wouldn't be right. Not to mention it would be aggravating and discouraging if you ask me. So I'm glad you're only weighing once a day. Once a week would be even better - but we'll go for small steps here.
Marie