Less than Triumphant Return - Hello Again
I'm going to start this off with a well place (lite) curse: Well Damn.
I've included my original introduction from seven (SEVEN!) years ago and just..wow, my life has completely changed [not all of it for the better] but I find myself at a higher weight than ever and still struggling. Hi, I'm still Sarah but I'm now 29 (30 on 2/22!) who is now looking to lose the same 125 - 150 lbs as I was all those years ago except my starting weight is now higher (310) and I'm a smidgen wiser.
The good news? I own a house, I’ve married a loving, wonderful man, are both employed full time and now want to add some new members to our family.
The bad news? I have PMDD, anxiety and depression, may not be able to conceive and need to lose weight so I don’t become what I fear.
The last few years have been a ride I wouldn’t want to take again but this site has helped guide me toward success in the path with the amazing support and advice given by my fellow Chikadees so I am returning like the prodigal daughter looking for help, support, and, most of all, new friendships.
2011 Introduction:
And by amazing I mean "silly" and fantastic is code of "dorky" but pfft who really has to know? I mean, aside from everyone who reads this. I also apologize for the novel I am writing in here. *sheepish*
Anyway, Hi! My name is Sarah, I am a 23 year old who is looking to lose around 125 lbs (taking me from 265 to 140). I am 5'7 with a big frame so I will be happy when (not if when mind you) I weight around 160.
I have been struggling with my weight since I hit puberty and I grew up in a "fat" household with all three of us being overweight (father and sister). My sister and I basically raised ourselves in the afternoons since out father worked night shift so we never learned portion control or ate balanced meals (come on, what 10 and 13 year old would?!). So we ballooned and have been balloons ever since.
Last year my sister lost 100 or so lbs on her own and I am looking to do the same. Partially out of jealousy (YES, I am willing to admit that though I am so proud of her) but mainly because I am tired of being the "fat" friend, feeling ashamed while shopping and having to wear clothes that either A.) Look Horrible (cause really, we can have pretty maternity clothes but when you weight more than a stick we have to identify you by the ugly clothing made for you) or B.) is so expensive it breaks my bank (and as a recent college grad, that is not hard to do at all.).
I have recently joined the YMCA in my area. I go at LEAST three mornings a week for 45-60 mins and two nights for 2 hours or so. I am working my way up to five days a week but since I have to get up at 430, to leave my house at 5, to make it to my gym at 6, to work out until 7 so I can be at work by 8 it's kinda difficult.
I hope I make friends on here and I am looking forward to talking to people, gathering information and sharing my (limited) information, and supporting other people in their own goals.
Ta Ta
Background : Written 1.25.18 for Re-Introdution
In 2012/2013, I succeeded in dropping 75 - 85 lbs (265 to 180/190) and it was glorious but life led me down a dark alley and beat me senseless so I gained it all (and more) back. Here's a little [rather long because it helps] backstory on what happened to get it out of the way:
In 2012, I started dating a wonderful man (two years younger) who after 8 months of dating had doubts/cold feet/whatever and he ended our relationship in May 2013. Man, was that a kick in the stomach since he was my first real relationship. It was also that same month that my father's health took a nose dive [he was a morbidly obese alcoholic man who could barely walk] and my life went with it. My sister and I still lived at home because since 2010 when my father retired (and I graduated) his health was declining and we both felt trapped - neither of us felt comfortable leaving the other to care for him alone so the two of us stayed in the toxic, resentful environment.
Complications of my father's weight and alcohol problem lead to some horrible medical conditions, extreme pain, suffering and at least 25 emergency room trips [when we would need to call the ambulance, who would then have to call TWO fire companies to get my father out of the house]. For me, that repeated experience and the pity of the first responders was mortifying . After many of those ER trips, my father was placed into a rehabilitation facility to help care for him but he was a stubborn a**hole who always insisted on coming home before he was ready which turned it all into a vicious cycle. Everything I was seeing was a glimpse into a possible future, alone, overweight, alcoholic - it terrified me and I found myself sliding deep into depression. Risky behavior. Rapid Mood Swings. Not caring for myself.
In November 2013, I did get back together with the same man who had left me months earlier [He got over his own fears and we worked things out - we are happily married now and he has been my rock ever since.] so that was a bright spot.
My father finally passed in May 2015 after much suffering and pain and...well...he did not go gentle into that good night. My sister and I actually had to make the decision to put him on palliative care because that day he was non compis-mentis. It is still the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Sadly, his passing did not make life brighter – we drowned in medical bills because we were/are not wealthy people. Long Story Short – My sister refused to honor my father’s last wishes regarding his money and house. Because of this, I ended up losing the home I’d grown up in, any inheritance my father left behind has been pissed away in a futile effort and I haven’t spoken to or seen my sister in two years. Simple Truth? I miss her. I’ve made efforts to reach out and they are not returned and I can no longer put all the effort in, I’ve learned that at least.
I'm going to stop here...maybe I'll move this to a journal later and continue going there
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