Struggles in college
Hey everyone,
So I never in a million years imagined myself posting something on a website like this, or really even having the knowledge that something like this EXISTS, but i'm about one more spoonful of Nutella away from having a mental breakdown!! That's right..took me a couple of jars of that crack to understand that, yep, I have a PROBLEM and this site looks like a good place to start addressing it.
Alright i'm not really sure if anyone will take interest in this little thread I got going, but i'm at my wits ends for some support, and I am convinced that the users on here are some of the most genuine and caring people to ever enter the inter webs! So...hear me out...
I am now 20 years old, going into my third year of college on the beautiful central coast of California, supposedly having the time of my life, but really.. am struggling the most I ever have. I know my weight seems semi-normal I guess at 130 lbs, but this number has so much more to it than it seems. I have basically binged myself up to this from around 115 lbs, which I know could seem like a measly weight to some, but this is very average for my family, and let's just say...130 lbs does not suit very well for my frame what. so. ever. Y'all i'm talking about a 110 lbs older sister and a 100 lbs mom...like I am the youngest and fattest lol. We all are very passionate runners, but hey-o guess who fell of the family wagon a couple years back? This lady! I can't even talk to my marathon mom and collegiate cross-country/track sister about health anymore, why the **** would they listen to someone who struggles to even stay on the stationary bike for more than 30 minutes?
Please don't get me wrong, I am one of the least vain people you'll ever meet. I don't really care all that much about my actual weight, and I never paid attention to nutrition/fitness at all before my high school eating disorder, (which although was a good four years ago and only lasted about 6 months, sort of messed up how I look at food), but the tightness in my clothes, the sucky workouts, and the food comas... oh yeah, those are starting to get to me.
Pictures are a thing of the past, I barely look at myself anymore, and I hide the fact that I am having body and self-image issues from everyone I know (which also is decreasing in numbers, since I cannot help but avoid almost all social situations these days, making my friends question where the heck I even am...well here's your answer - in my room, crying over stupid granola bars and ice cream). Gosh seriously I am trying not to have a pity party here but I have become so pathetic!? Literally I am going insane from my addiction to food, and I am just so desperate for support.
Sorry that this post is so damn long, I just have so much bottled up inside that I never had the courage to share with anybody. I know caloric numbers are a fairly personal thing, but y'all i'm averaging about 3500 every. week. Sometimes more. This is for a small-framed, sort of naturally muscular ex three sport varsity athlete, with about half those calories from pure junk I was always taught to "eat in moderation" and not by the package, which is the only way I consume anything chocolate-covered.
I honestly am just looking for some friends on here who possibly are going through the same thing, or want some support from a good listener (well, reader). Do people post daily on here? Will I get annoying if I treat this like a little blog? If you've read all of this..one, thank you. Two, leave me a response! I'm always down to talk.
-Kendall
Last edited by paleyellow; 09-02-2016 at 08:31 PM.
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