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Hello, from the 'Great White North'!
Hi everyone! I really want this to work - I've been trying to build a support system here at home, but it's just not working. We pay for 2 gym memberships - he has never once made use of his (I've asked him to join me but i just end up going alone). I have offered the use of our second membership to quite a few friends and family members (cousins who have vocalized wanting to lose weight, get healthy, have a work-out buddy, etc) but *no one* will join me. A free membership! I'm starting to think the problem might be me...
Who am I? - 35 year old Canadian woman living in Northwestern Ontario. (It's a little isolating) - Mother to 10 year old boy, trying for more - 3 fur-babies, 2 cats and a dog. - I work as the Physician Recruiter for our regional hospital - Love cooking, reading, programming and webdesign, bike riding, hiking and binge-watching whole seasons of random (usually weird/non-north american) tv shows. - Come from a large-ish family (4 brothers, parents both from families of 8 or more children) and LOVE it. - Have been overweight since childhood - struggle with PCOS, Acanthosis nigricans (AN), and just discovered today through another 3FC poster that my other embarrassing and painful skin condition might actually have a name - Hidradenitis suppurativa. - Desperately want my son to grow up healthier than me, and happier with his body - Made my first actual attempt at weight loss at the age of 24 - got pregnant in just under 4 months (lost 50 pounds). Lost weight healthily during pregnancy, and ended up at a total 108 pounds lost one year after I began that journey by giving birth to my son. - It took about 8 years, but I have now gained all but about 3 pounds of that weight back. -have spent the last 2 years at the exact same weight, no matter what I do. no gain, no loss. Doctors lay out cause related to age, PCOS, and the fact that it's always harder the 'next time' you try. Oy. I think that's probably enough for now, though it appears I could write a book about this! Sorry. I just need a safe place to commune with others in a similar situation, and be able to join in support and encouragement of others. I'm off to drum up a few new friends! Oh! And just to mark the occassion (and perhaps do a little healthy-shaming myself into posting an improved photo in a few months) here are two recent, very rare, full-ish body picture from our summer vacation. These will serve as my before!!!!! http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e6...ps32d2ba56.jpghttp://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e6...ps892071f7.jpg |
We just spoke elsewhere, but i see we have a couple things in common :smug:
My Pre pregnancy weight was 140ish, but I've struggle to get it down and keep it avg there for almost 2 years. I too have PCOS as well as borderline diabetes. Im 24 and have a 19 month old beautiful little girl. I love out door activities but my confidence level is so low its hard to do anything if anyone else is around. We can go side by side and drop this weight! |
Thanks, Kelynn! Yes, you've hit the nose on the button there - it's really hard to do things if anyone else is around.
My family has hereditary high (only controllable by medication) cholesterol and I'm terrified one day mine will be bad. I keep having it checked. If I could just buckle down and lose some of this weight, I know that would improve! Borderline diabetes is also scary. The PCOS just makes it all that much more difficult though, because the very symptoms of it make weight loss harder. Thanks for joining me. I really think support is key! |
Hi Bardess :) I'm Canadian too.. from Alberta. I can totally relate how hard it is to change when no one else around you is, though my husband has gotten better. My step daughter cries about her weight, "works out" for half an hour then celebrates with a can of coke and a bag of chips. Of course step mom knows nothing about being healthy, working out or losing weight, although at one point I had lost 60 pounds. I hope your son listens better than she does LoL.
Good on your for posting your before pictures :) I've always been too chicken to post pictures! |
Hi Aunty Jam. A fellow Canadian, yay! My son has a lot of genetics working against him, including what they're calling 'early puberty' at age 7 that has given him what appear to be very real, round, breasts. It's heart breaking. He's been amazing about working on his self image and is proud of who he is - I still want him to be as healthy as possible, we're working on this together. So far he's been pretty great about listening and trying new things (though once in a while he says he's tired of salad and he just eats a bunch of veggies separately lol).
Posting the before pictures took some time, and if you'll notice I did it late at night when my cognitive functions were lowered a bit ;) . I figure though, If I'm going to start real supportive relationships with people here, then I better be real and transparent and honest myself!! (Also, at work I cannot see pictures, so I can return to this and other threads without worry of seeing my awful photos. Ha!) |
Im afraid of my daughter going through what i did. most of my family is over weight on both sides. She does how ever try to mock what I'm doing so I'm hoping the showing her that mommy does what she needs to will stick with her and prevent the issues I've had. I hope all goes well with your children! at least he's eating veggies!
Ill post pics as soon as i get a chance. I have to before i start insanity anyway. |
:welcome2: Bardess! Glad you found the site. You lost weight before, you can do it again! The comment about gym bullies is pretty sad. My gym experience - is everyone is into their own workout, so hearing this really bothered me. Glad you got through it, hope you just tell them to (polite answer) get lost.
Good luck to you!! |
Kelynn - I have the same fears for my son (and any other possible future children). You're totally right - being that great example is the best way to improve their health, and prevent some of the size-related nonsense we experienced.
Hi Mountain Mamma! Thanks very much for your encouragement. About the bullies - It could stem from the whole 2-degrees of separation in our small northern community. Either way it was a pretty awful experience. I actually turned to them, and said "Wow. Thank you both *so* much for your encouragement during a time when I'm obviously working hard to improve myself. It really means a lot!" In a very sincere tone, with a nice smile. Loud enough for those around us to hear, but not announce their rudeness. It worked. They were sufficiently sheepish about their behaviour and I never saw them again. It is, however, a very tough, daily struggle to get back out in public now. It's funny because I never used to even consider that other people would have thoughts about me at all - who in the world would be paying attention to me!? Now I'm absolutely paranoid that EVERYONE is watching, judging and just waiting to watch me fall. (Quite literally, i'm so scared I will trip or make myself look stupid somehow). Anyway, I'm working through it slowly. All I can do is worry about myself and work on being happy with myself. Right? |
Originally Posted by Bardess: Do you have a specific plan you're following? I know you mentioned losing weight before, how did you do it? We have lots of challenges here, very supportive & they are fun. Join us! |
Ha, unsolicited advice. I can just imagine!
I don't have a specific plan that I'm following this time. I'm not sure if that will be my saving grace (a way to keep this up forever) or my downfall (obviously a plan worked before). When I lost weight before (started at the end of November, 2003) I was doing Atkins with my Mother-In-Law. I did it to support her. She bought all the meat, so it worked out well for me! :lol: We had dinner and spent time at his parents house all the time, so it was truly very easy to follow. Plus, I was relatively young, and had never made any real weight loss attempts before. It just melted off. Literally. It was very easy, and I didn't change my exercise habits at all. (By that I mean, i did not exercise!) as the weight came off I was more active, of course. But there was no intention there. I sometimes toy with the idea of doing Atkins again, since it really worked so well for me. The only problem is - I gained it all back! Does that mean it's not the right plan for me? Also, I'm cooking for 3 now, and the other two will not be so gung-ho about the Atkins lifestyle. I'm not sure how to go about that either. And of course, there are many varied schools of thoughts surrounding Atkins, and it's actual redeeming health benefits. Perhaps I'll head over to the Atkins forum and chat to a few people who are doing it now. Challenges are a great idea! I'll have to take a look at those too. :) |
Hi Bardess
Oh I feel your pain when it comes to going it alone, my husband is small, actually my goal is to weigh less than him! He really doesn't care if I'm big or small (he said I married you, I love you I don't care how much you weigh, made me cry) its so hard to keep the momentum going. I have two wee boys and I really don't want them to grow up having the fat mum, at the moment the are to young to notice. You just want your best for them. So sorry about gym bullies what a bunch of loosers!! I admire you going I'm too scared, I just hide in my garage on the rower! I hope you find great support here there is heaps of info on different plans so I'm sure you'll find something that fits! Good luck |
Hi, Bardess!
I'm starting my own most recent weight loss attempt today as well! It's hard when you can't get anyone in your family/group of friends on board with you. I'm dieting on my own too, but I want you to know I'm with you in spirit. I'll be rooting for you too every time I drag my lazy butt onto the treadmill. :) I'm binge watching Doctor Who right now. Does that count as a weird tv show? |
We do have a lot in common. I love your honesty in your introduction. I will post a picture of myself today too.
I was 230 when I had my son and now I can't even believe that I'm still at my delivery weight almost 11 years later. I binge watch tv shows while doing housework : ) I live in a rural part of Maine at the end of two dirt roads and it's very isolating here too especially in the winter. The closest gym is a half hour away and I have never been able to make myself go for very long even when I have a membership because I feel like everyone is watching and judging me. I hope today is going well for you and you hang onto the determination you have today. |
Originally Posted by MissLoud: Thanks for stopping in. I'm so glad to hear that at the very least, your husband is supportive in that he loves you no matter what. That's adorable! My (boyfriend? Significant Other? Partner? Live-in-lover? :lol: ) has also said similar things that have brought me to tears. I loved when my son was too young to notice. He's adorable now (at age 9) about it all, and says I'm beautiful no matter what. But it doesn't change that I want better for both of us! I wish I had a garage to hide in! I'd be out there all the time instead of the gross gym. ;) A rowing machine sounds like a great workout. |
Originally Posted by Elpis: We are officially no longer on our own! :hug: Ahhhh Doctor Who is a great show! I used to watch it with my Da when I was very little. What do you think of the newest doctor? Do you have a favourite Doctor/episode/season? I don't know if it counts as a weird show, but I love it. ;) |
Originally Posted by Beth1000: Today is Friday and with my new job/position it finally means something! For the last 5 years I've done shift-work, lots of call-ins and overtime, and my department was open 24/7 so weekends didn't mean much of anything. Now working Mon-Fri and having the same schedule as my BF has been wonderful. Today is going very well, so far! It has taken me a very long time to adjust to gym-life and not worry. It really is true that for the most part (with the exception of my ridiculous bullies, but that was quite a while ago now) everyone else is there for their own reasons and really aren't paying attention to anyone else. I generally go in with a plan, plug in my headphones and keep my head down and just *get it done*. It works, but it's probably not as enjoyable as it could be. I'm sorry to hear your gym is so far away! But of course, you don't need a gym to exercise! I hope you're able to find some exercise time at home that really works for you. I hope today is going well for you too! |
Well, my friends - Wednesday was an interesting day for me!
I've felt pretty good about my food choices, managing to have breakfast *every day* this week, and getting some extra exercise in. It's a start! On Wednesday evening my BF up and decided to join one of his good friends (who is also extremely overweight) at the badminton night held at our local community centre. I was surprised, but really, really happy. You see, about 4 years ago after our second miscarriage and my subsequent gaining of a substantial amount of weight, we had this HUGE discussion which ended in him insisting that we would both get gym memberships and go *together*. It would be a way for us to get healthier, and it would also be something we could/would do together. This was music to my ears. However, after I lined everything up and we started paying for the memberships I could NEVER get him to go. Not once. It was very, very frustrating. So, I'm hopeful now that if he continues going to badminton each weak with is friend, he may also feel like including going to the gym with me soon. Fingers crossed! I will approach him with it in a few weeks, if he doesn't mention it first. On Wednesday we also bought a new battery for our fancy scale. (it's supposed to measure body fat% and etc.) I have listed my starting weight as 298 because that was the last time I looked at it - Sometime in late August when we were at a store that had a scale. It is possible that I was a bit higher than that when I started this last week, I don't really know. What I do know is that for the last 2-3 years I have stayed at the same very high weight. All doctor appointments and random scale usage always showed 282, no matter the time of day or how hard I'd been trying to lose. So, to all of a sudden see nearly 300 on the scale felt like my heart actually broke. Wednesday night I stepped up and the scale read 290. I don't know how accurate that is in relation to what I started at last week, but I fully admit it was a relief. Not at all 'yay I've lost weight!' but more 'Oh thank all things holy i'm not over 300!'. We have a little trouble with the scale because our house is either tiles, or carpet, so finding a very flat surface is next to impossible, but I'm glad to have something for a baseline, anyway. I think I will make Sundays my official weigh in day. If weekly seems like too much by the end of October I'll do every other week. Maybe even monthly! As much as I have to lose *actual weight* I do not want the number on the scale to be my big focus, or the reason for a happy/sad Sunday. The fit of my clothes, the reduction of skin-related issues, getting rid of the edema in my lower legs, and regulating my TOM so that i'm more likely to ovulate (thanks a lot, PCOS) are all improvements that I know will happen with a healthier lifestyle, even if one week the scale doesn't show much of a loss. |
I love reading your posts. You're very open about your life and activities and it brings me a sense of comfortability with you. That's the kind of friendly relationship builds (I believe) struggling people need with each other. I've had a bit to catchup on, I haven't been able to log on for the last day or so.
With PCOS, my doctor decided to do some more blood work on me to see where my hormones are right now (as well as cholesterol and other "fatty factors" that could be contributing to my hardship). Topping that off, I had to have an ultrasound to check my ovaries out and lone behold i have 3 cysts on my left ovary and a larger one on my right :(. As of now, they look as if they won't do any damage if they rupture but it will be painful (aren't they always). Good news is, my doctor thinks MetForman would be beneficial for weight as well as an attempt to stabilize hormones. Maybe you can talk to the doctor about trying that? Im not sure entirely how it will work on me yet, and everyone is different. Hopefully you have some luck. Funny you should mention getting all fact with the scales. I decided to go back old school, Bring on the non digital scales!! I had weighed myself using a couple different digitals scales and the weights differed by nearly 5 lbs. i was 284 right after a meal. I am making Saturday mornings my official weigh in days. As for edema in your legs, you can get compression stockings from a medical supply store to help prevent further swelling and will probably be good to utilize while exercising. Depending on if you have any underlying medical conditions that can cause edema, the change in diet and exercise should help reduce or in general get rid of the fluid pooling. (I work as a nurses aid and I'm a nursing student, sorry for the technicality) |
Ahh bless the men in our lives! My husband decided to go on an exercise kick a month ago when I started dieting and exercising, and hes been out on the rower about 6 times and on his bike once! In a month :) annoys me so much cos hes tiny!! At least he has no problems with me dumping the kids on him so I can go for a walk ;)
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Hi Bardess!
I'm also from Ontario! :wave: I hope you get all the support you need on 3FC, it's honestly an incredible community. I can't say I relate to everything you're going through but what I absolutely understand is the lack of support from your environment. I'm 24 and my mother is also overweight. There is a history of heart disease in our family and we're both concerned by it. My biggest advice is to find motivation on your own and lead by example. It's a really hard thing to do, but I honestly believe that it works. My mom has lost even more weight than I have ever since I've started paying attention to what I eat. I am incredibly proud of her and she motivates me more than anything to lose the weight! Oh and I also love non-North American tv shows (Korean dramas anyone?? ;)) Take care!! |
Ooh on the random tv show front, Outrageous Fortune from New Zealand is a great one, also Offspring from Australia is awesome
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Hi Kelynn! I'm glad you feel comfortable - you're totally right about needing that. I hope you're able to log on more often. :)
Try not to let all the blood work and cysts with PCOS get you down! I think the metformin idea is a good one to start with. You really have to commit to it, because it takes some time for your body to adjust. I have heard really great stories about it's effectiveness. I have a meeting with my OB/GYN in a week and a half. I guess we'll see what the plan is then! Thanks very much for the suggestions with regards to the edema in my lower legs. The biggest problem, really, is that it doesn't LOOK swollen, more just red. Anyway, we're working on it. :) Come back again soon! |
Originally Posted by MissLoud: I love that he's doing what he can to encourage your exercise. Yay! Originally Posted by MissLoud: |
Originally Posted by muguet: "Lead by example" is excellent advice. Thank you! This is incredibly important to me because of my son, as well as the rest of my family. Korean dramas!??! I gotta go look for these! They sound *awesome*. |
For all my talk, I'm actually having a really hard time with this scale thing! I didn't think it would matter very much, because I'm not going to weigh myself consistantly and rely on it, really. Apparently I was wrong. Our scale never gives the same information twice, which means I have no idea if I've lost weight or gained it!
Because of my size and the fact that I am simply overweight *everywhere* I don't notice a change for the first 30 pounds or so. And even then it's in my neck, wrists and ankles. Now THAT is disheartening. I feel like I need to know if there has been any improvement at all, and the weight is the only way to know for sure. It's a little frustrating. HOWEVER! It does not in any way mean that I have given up. I'm frustrated but this is probably a GOOD thing. I don't need a scale to make me feel better about myself, I just need to continue being ME and work hard at the things I wish to improve and I know that one day it will all pay off. Right? :lol: |
One month in and I'm beyond frustrated. I'm doing what the nutritionist wants, I'm weighing all food. I've gotten over the sugar-shakes (geez those cravings were rough!). I keep healthy snacks nearby, chew lots of sugar free gum, and temptation foods have not even entered our home (the boys have resorted to chocolate, which is perfect - i'm allergic!) I've fixed my scale issues. I'm drinking lots of water. I'm taking my prescribed medications as well as the vitamins.
This morning the scale says I'm back up to 301. My measurements are very close to the same as a month ago. This has been the problem for years, but I was so sure I just wasn't dedicated enough. I will continue to stick to this, but when I get in to see the specialist next I know he will refuse to help, because I haven't lost weight. Hello, rock - I'm already in a hard place! |
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time losing, Bardess. :hug: I know how that feels at times. :( Even though the scale may not be showing changes or goes up a little all the hard work you're doing IS making a difference in your body whether you can see it or not. Don't give up!
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Bardess -- I'm sorry to hear you aren't getting results, because you certainly sound like you are putting in the effort! Don't let it put you off from continuing to make the right choices, one way or the other things will start to change for the better.
Maybe the nutritionist can help you tweak your calorie level or otherwise shake up your plan and get things moving in the right direction! You have such a great attitude and you are making such positive healthy changes, don't give up! Whatever the challenges you face, you are up to the task! |
could we go back and look at one of your earlier posts? the one where you said that you'd be very successful at Atkins? I just want to suggest that you check out the MAINTAINERS forum farther down the list. Of course, you're not ready for it yet, but one of the main things those folks emphasize is that maintaining actually looks a lot like LOSING.
We can't go back to eating the way we did when we were very overweight. No matter how we lost it - calorie counting, carb counting, three meals, 8 meals, high protein, whatever - that's the way we're going to have to live for the rest of our lives. Just want you to know that it IS possible to lose and keep it off - but sometimes the solution is not what you expect. it's quite possible that the nutritionist will be tweaking your eating plan. At least, i hope so. Here's hoping you find what works for you! |
Originally Posted by Bardess: We have a similar starting weight! So that's neat. :) I think everyone around here is right in saying you kind of have to figure out what works for you. That said, I think it's more important to find an eating plan that is sustainable, rather than one that works well at first. Pretty much all the diets out there will make you lose weight, but you need to feel good and be able to keep it up even after you have reached your goal - I think that's the most important thing. Personally, I'm counting calories and generally following a whole foods diet (All the grains I eat are whole grains, all the dairy products I eat are full fat, and I'm not eating any fake sugars, and am avoiding chemicals by reading labels on the food I buy). I still eat out occasionally (I'm restricting that by restricting my access to money), so I'm not really disallowing myself anything... but I've managed to change my preferences - what I WANT to eat - instead of just changing what I "allow" myself. So far it's going great, and I don't feel hungry very often because whole foods make me feel more full. The other thing I'm doing is eating enough food that I am only losing weight very slowly (3 lb/month). This way I expect to lose mostly fat and keep most of my lean mass, so it's easier to maintain. Another way I'm maintaining lean mass is by making sure I eat lots of protein (chicken and fish). Is Atkins something you think you would maintain after getting to your goal weight? Would you keep eating that way forever, even if your family doesn't? If so, it might work for you. I think you just need to figure out how to make it sustainable. But, I don't think it would hurt to try some other methods and see how well they work for you. There are lots of ways to lose weight, I really think it's maintaining that will be the toughest part, and that it's important to have a plan in place for when you get there. Anyway. Welcome to the forum and here are all of my best wishes for you! :hug: |
Originally Posted by Bardess: Are you calorie counting, then? Or just tracking your food? How many calories are you eating? Just curious because it's weird not to lose unless you have low lean mass or something else going on. I forgot to mention I'm from Canada too (not that it's relevant). West Coast, though - Vancouver. :) I also watch geeky shows. And I play D&D and hike and read and write. |
I just saw this thread and the words Great White North caught my eye! I live in the Northwest Territories :D I've always wanted to travel to northern Ontario! (From Toronto originally)
How are you doing today? I'm sorry you've been having a frustrating time of it. i agree with faiora- can you give us some info on caloric intake maybe? We can help! :) |
Thank you Jesslan Rose, Mrs. Snark, jiffypop, faiora, and NorthernChick13 for your encouragement! It's really very helpful. I've never been one to get discouraged easily, but I suppose I'm pretty sensitive about this whole weight thing.
I will be seeing the nutritionist next week, so hopefully we can adjust a few things. And to my fellow Canadians, hello! Faiora - I understand Vancouver is gorgeous. The furthest west I've ever been is Calgary. But one day I hope to explore our west coast! NorthernChick13 - I have some family in the Northwest Territories (and the Yukon as well), but i've never been myself. What brought you all the way up there from Toronto? I'll give a better break-down of our whole diet plan after I see the nutritionist next week. I've been doing ok the last few days. I just keep on doing what I've been told and hopefully it's doing something! |
Originally Posted by Bardess: I've been to Calgary—I used to go every year back in high school, with band class (went to the Banff music festival but we always took an excursion out to Calgary for the zoo). My understanding is that it's also pretty, for about a week out of the year. Unfortunately I always missed that week. So my impression has always been of the dry, brown Calgary. I can see the tumbleweeds rolling through the city in my mind, but I'm pretty sure those are just my imagination. I think. Within Canada, I haven't been further East than Alberta (well, not unless you count layover)! I'm sure that what you're doing is effective, even if you're not seeing results on the scale right away. The way I see it, if I'm eating healthier food and paying attention overall, I'm doing better even if the numbers start going up. It's about health! |
Hi Bardess! Live to hear from a fellow canadian. I am in vancouver BC, the other end of the country. It's my first day in this group and I love that there are so many people out there that know what I go through.
I started at 221 and am down 12 pounds at 209。I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and crept back up to my top pregancy weight！ that was not ok so i decided to do something about it for the millionth time but this time i mean it！ What is your plan? |
For someone who has previously lost 100 pounds, I sure don't look like I know what I'm doing at all!
I'm just finding everything to be wholly unsuccessful, which then of course breeds discontent, which in turn creates bitterness and finally a blatant disregard for anything healthy. I'm not saying any of this to get 'you can do it!' posts, or solicit suggestions on how to improve or fix the broken plan I've got going on. I'm more just posting this now for: myself - I figure ONE DAY this will not be the case, and I can look back at this and see that eventually, it all made a difference; and for others - there's gotta be other people in my shoes who feel like they're doing all they can with nothing to show for it. All of my added peripheral issues (Asthma which often inhibits my exercise. Allergies to *everything* that cause unwanted reactions to things like cleaning supplies at the gym, the overpowering perfume/cologne on the person next to me, seasonal changes outdoors. PCOS, I won't even go into all the ways this messes with my life! My age - 11 years ago i was young and fit and 24. Now, not so much!) don't change the fact that I should still be able to affect SOME sort of change! I am not giving up. I have not given up! It's just really disappointing. |
Well you're right not to give up, because no matter how hard it may be, no matter the challenges, you know one thing for sure: nothing changes if you don't try to change it. So try you must. And keep trying. And you CAN do it.
And there is always someone who is older and worse off than you are, if that makes you feel any better. We can all find many someones who seem to have it easier, and many someones who definitely have it harder, for those moments when we need a little perspective. I'm sorry you are struggling, hang tough sister. Write it out, scream and yell, then keep putting your health first and just doing the best you can. <<<<<hugs>>>> |
I see that you have made some progress so far, congrats!! Keep at it and you will be successful!
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