Good morning ladies. My name is Lyn and after years of dreaming of a new me I have finally decided to put it into action. I will admit I can't afford all of the healthy foods (No I don't refer to diet foods just regular food you can get at the grocery store) or start a gym membership. To be honest I can't afford anything. Here is my story.
I am currently 30 years old, stand at 5 foot 4 inches tall and the last time I weighed myself I was sitting at 325lbs. I live in a lovely little tourist town with two room mates, one of which is the landlord and does all the grocery shopping (lunch meats, frozen pizzas, etc,etc..). I have a beautiful 11 year old son who lives with my mother because I moved from home to start a new life. Well long story short on that it didn't turn out to be like I thought it would. Two years ago I was arrested for stealing from Kmart so I could sell it to a "friend" to send money for my son. You see my step dad can't hold a job and the lights were cut off and I wanted to try to help her get the lights back on. Anyway I was caught and have a misdemeanor on my record. I was in the middle of going to school to be a Registered Medical Assistant as a stepping stone to my dream of being a nurse and I am happy to report that I made it through school. In the last nine months I have gone on a fair number of interviews and a month ago was hired to work at a long term care facility for children. I was up front and honest with them about my record and they said it would be alright. Well this past Friday I was "let go" because of that.
I have no job currently and until I can get that removed from my record no place is going to hire me. I have a court order to pay $200 a month in child support that I currently can't do and have no way of getting money to do so. I spend all my time online playing mmorpgs so I can escape the reality that is my ****. Yes I know it is bad to just sit around most of the day but I have no motivation to do anything else. That was until I met him.
He is 24 years old and lives a few states away. Yes we met on one of my games. I can honestly say I have not been happier. When ever I feel like crying he always knows how to cheer me up and in the few months we have been speaking I have fallen for him as he has for me. He is amazing and wonderful and just everything I could want in a man. He keeps telling me that I am beautiful and wonderful, yet I can't see it. All I see when I look in the mirror is this ugly blob.
I want to see the person he sees. I want for once in my life to be able to look at myself in the mirror and see myself as the world sees me. I want to be there for my son and to have more children in the future I can run around with and play with. I know I am out of shape severely and need to change, it just wasn't until meeting him that I actually wanted to do something about it.
Over the past three years I have been given many a workout dvd and done a lot of research on just how I can lose the weight. I tried to quit smoking but when I do I seem to eat more and as it is I only really eat once a day since the one room mate/landlord does not buy much food and I don't want to be a pig.
It's past time for a change and I realize I can't do this alone. I need help but have no one to turn to. During my search I came upon this website and immediately joined. Please don't turn me away, please help me to help myself. I want to change, I need to change, I just can't do it alone.
Nobody is going to turn you away. I've found this to be a very supportive group of people from all walks of life, and I'm pretty sure that most have come to notice that life doesn't always go as planned.
I can understand escaping to gaming, as I've done that myself. I was just overwhelmed by the world and needed to be somewhere else. Now I'm happiest when I'm present in the world and have found such inner peace and confidence that I'm rarely overwhelmed or exhausted anymore. It wasn't easy. In fact it was incredibly painful to finally transition from living in your head back to reality, but after it was done and I realized that I didn't die, it's been the best thing that ever happened to me. I also started changing after I found someone who loved me for me, and gradually it became this journey about self-acceptance. Right now, I'm perfectly happy with who I am and I show care towards myself every day in different ways. I enjoy food and wine and different forms of entertainment, but I don't use them for escapism, as I don't want to escape!
So, it is definitely possible to live a beautiful life instead of just dreaming about it, but it is a long journey and possibly even a scary and painful one. It's still totally worth it.
Now, for the practical aspects, you'll just have to do what you can with what you've got. There are a lot of bodyweight and isometric exercises that you can do at your home (or even while gaming, like the "stomach vacuum") and you can find information on them all over the web. Start small and build from there. Meditate. Just acknowledge the thoughts that come to your mind and then just let them go. This will help you clear your mind of all the junk that takes up energy and makes you feel overwhelmed and fearful of the future. It's something that will need practice, but over time, it actually is possible to just let go of the negative thoughts and choose to focus on the positive. It's also interesting to notice that when you focus on the positive and let go of fear, you'll all of a sudden start to realize all the opportunities that are around you. And there are possibilities and opportunities everywhere, but you might just not be able to see them right now, and so life can feel daunting.
Everything will be alright, but you will have to work on it.
Welcome, dreamingofanewlife! Love your username. There's lots of support here. I suggest looking around and finding a few places where you would feel comfortable posting every day. That makes a great focus for your new healthier life and you'll get ideas along the way of how to make the changes you need. It's a great way to take care of yourself and that can be the first step to so many things!
Life is rough and it bites when people won't give you a shot. I would suggest applying for unemployment if you can. Seek help wherever you can get it. But I also wonder how legal that was if you told them before hiring about what happened...if you didn't hide it, I wonder...
Hi Dreamingofanewlife Lyn! People are very accepting here, so don't worry. You'll find lots of support! Just as you have not given up on your dream of a healthier body and good life for your son, don't give up your search for a job. I truly believe someone is going to give you a shot. As long as you tell them up front that you have that misdemeanor and you're a different person now, if they need your skills, they are going to give you a chance. Don't give up! Good luck!
The landlord is complaining about money, my last check has not come in, Aunt Flo has been visiting for a month now and it is all making me consider meth. I don't answer my phone when anyone calls me and I am staying more in my room than anything. The worst though is I have a fever blister the size of a nickle on my lip making me feel uglier than ever.
I'm at my wits end. Diets don't work, diet pills don't work. I have no motivation to get up and do anything.
I am becoming a slob and getting bigger. I can't stand this anymore.
You know what. No. I am not going to take the easy way out. It is past time that I take control of my life.
I sat here tonight, well this morning, and wrote a letter to myself. Had a nice long and hot bubble bath, emptying my mind completely then read the letter. It pissed me off to be honest. So I have done a lot more research and have started my own diet using what I have. (Since the landlord only buys certain foods for everyone here which are not healthy.) I know tomorrow is Christmas Eve and even though I am more depressed around the holidays due to not being with my son or my boyfriend I am determined to start my new life.
Sadly tomorrow I start cooking for the room mates. I am a southern woman so its going to be a slow cooked ham, creamy mashed potatoes, cornbread dressing and deviled eggs. Man just thinking of that makes my mouth water. Anyway I am going to limit the amount I eat and use a salad plate. Just one plate though.
After that I am going to stick to a diet and start exercising 3 times a week to start off with. I know I am out of shape but one of the things I did enjoy before was the Sunrise Salutations yoga poses. it was relaxing and exhilarating at the same time. I realize I won't drop down to the size I want to be before Adam moves here but if I work hard and stick to it I will be down to the size I want to be before long.
Now that brings to mind some of what I have read about women who lost weight getting pregnant. Not that I don't want to have more children but currently with the unemployment I know it would not be economical for me to bring a child into this world.
I am so much happier now that I have fully made my mind up. I know it is going to take a while to get into the whole swing of things but I have to stick to it and I will be looking to all of you for support.
I just want to thank you before hand for being there with me and for the assistance.
Hello Lynn. I am originally from Pennsylvania beautiful state. Please go see a Social Worker they will help you sort thru everything there is hope for you. I think PA is one of the few states that you do not have to tell your employer. You paid for your mistake we all make them and you are deserving of a fresh start. Please go talk to a Social Worker I wish you the best.
Great turn-around, Dreamingofanewlife! That's exactly how it works. We all have moments when it seems too hard (and you have more reasons than most of us). Writing a letter to yourself and taking a hot bath were perfect ways to deal with that mood. I love that you are determined and that you have a plan. More than anything, determination and a plan are what worked for me. I can always find determination and I can always make a plan, no matter what else is going on. You can do this!
Classykaren, I am not currently leaving the house until after the fine is paid and the warrent is gone. Once I am assured that I wont be thrown in jail if something happens I will go see a social worker. Even if I would not have told them they would have found out when the background check came back. I just thought telling them before they actually hired me was a good idea. At the time they said it was not a problem then three weeks later it is one. Either way I will talk to the social worker as well as put the petition into the court to have it removed from my record since it is keeping me from getting a job.
Garndenerjoy thank you. Its not just the fact that I want to lose the weight I want to look good for when Daka and I get married. I want to have my dream wedding. Besides I am almost 31 years old and it is past time for me to get into shape.
EasySpirit, honey, I do want to have more children but I know Daka and I are going to play it safe. At least the first 2 years we are actually living together. I have my school loans to pay off and debts to friends that have helped me over the years. I know now is not the time to bring a child into the world with the situation I am in.
For now I wish you all a Merry Christmas. I hope your day is filled with happiness and joy. Yes this is the roughest time of the year as far as sticking to a diet but I know you can do it.
Also I found this link about Lipo G3 Carcia Cambogia & Green Coffee Cleanse and it is something I might consider. Not because it says you don't have to do anything to lose the weight but because it might benefit myself to have the extra energy at the start.
Hello, i can relate a lot to your story. No one here will turn u away. Please message me anytime. I have a long way to go too, I'm 5'6' 290 pounds. I can't give up this time, i need this for my life I want this for my life. I need support so I would love to be your friend and we can support each other through this. My name is angie, i'm 35 from Philly but live in Cleveland OH. Hope to hear from you. Take care and stay positive!
Angie you can message me anytime you want on Skype if you have it. I am doing my best to stay positive and have spent my morning looking up the information on the Department of Labor and Industry. If I do not receive my check today I am going to be filing a report against my old workplace and even possibly sueing them.
Hi and welcome Lyn. I used to be completely addicted to World of Warcraft so I totally know where you're coming from. I cancelled the account due to lack of funds and had to learn how to live in the real world again. Now, three years later I have no desire to get back into gaming.
You can do it. You can get your life together. I know you can!
Nervous in PA
People are very accepting here, so don't worry. You'll find lots of support! Just as you have not given up on your dream of a healthier body and good life for your son, don't give up your search for a job. I truly believe someone is going to give you a shot. As long as you tell them up front that you have that misdemeanor and you're a different person now, if they need your skills, they are going to give you a chance. Don't give up! Good luck!
