Hey, everyone! This is actually my second go-around on the weight loss wagon. From July 2011 to February 2012, I lost 59 pounds (went from 196 lb. to 137 lb.), but in May 2012, I began having chronic migraines that kept me from working out as often. In September 2012, I was diagnosed with a brain arteriovenous malformation, which is a congenital defect. My AVM is a level 4 out of 5, which means the doctors normally wouldn't even treat me (because of the risks associated with treatment) but because I'm at a higher risk of hemorrhage and am displaying symptoms they feel treatment is necessary.

I began gaining weight almost immediately after my diagnosis. Because of the migraines, I had to stay home from work, and my mom ended up spending her afternoons with me while my husband went to school. That meant more calorie-heavy food, but because of how rotten I felt, I was happy to have someone else cooking for me, even if it meant gaining weight. My husband doesn't cook, so his way of taking care of me involved bringing home fast food and/or sweets for dinner. In short, I was more concerned with the short term - because able to eat something when I felt too horrible to even get out of bed - than the long term - putting weight I had worked so hard to lose back on.

Now I've gone through one gamma knife radiosurgery treatment. I've worked with a neurologist to get my head pain from 7 days a week to 3-4 days a week. I had my first MRI checkup in May, and the AVM has not decreased in size yet. But I have another MRI in November, so I am hopeful that progress will continue to be made.

In the meantime, I find myself obsessed with my body. I miss feeling good about myself like I did in 2011-2012!

But I'm having a hard time convincing myself that I can make a lasting change if I can't exercise as regularly as I did before. I started keeping a food journal on October 1 (isn't the first of the month/week the best time to start?!), and I've made a promise to myself to record EVERYTHING, even when I "mess up" by eating something I know isn't healthy. But without exercise, this feels a little useless. (I know weight can be lost without exercise. 1) I just really enjoyed exercise. 2) Exercise kept my head in the right place during mealtimes. I'd think, "Okay, you just spent an hour and a half in the gym. Are you really willing to throw that hard work away on junk food?")

I haven't set a weight loss goal yet or a daily calorie limit. Instead, I've just focused on being proud of my food journal at the end of most days and drinking enough water (at least 72 ounces every day). I've joined 3FC for motivation/encouragement to work on my body even on days when it feels like the AVM is ruining my life and to exercise on the days I feel well enough to get out of bed. Thank you so much for reading.

Hi GrlRedBalloon! and I know you are eager to get moving and to lose weight, but just keep doing what you can do toward that goal as you can do it. I'm so glad to hear that you are proud of what you are accomplishing so far--keeping a food journal and drinking enough water--and I'm glad you've joined 3FC. I wish you the very best!

Thanks, Jacqui! I find the hardest part of dealing with chronic pain and illness is focusing on the things you can do instead of the things you can't. It's a daily struggle for me, but I'm working on it!

Welcome!

So sorry about your illness. I only have migraines once in a while and that is bad enough , I can only imagine daily! Good for you wanting to make some changes.

Food log is a great idea and a perfect start. You are right, you need to exercise, but don't stop doing one because you cannot always do the other. Everything helps!

My suggestion for what it's worth, work on the log and get your food where you want, then slowly add what exercise you can. Even a short walk outside is a start!

Welcome!

My opinion for what it's worth: Managing your food will be key for you, and you should ascribe successfully doing that with the same sense of accomplishment that you do exercise. For me, losing weight is 90% food management, 5% attitude management, and 5% exercise, anyway, and it may turn out to be the same for you. Maintaining a good healthy diet is hard work, and nothing to scoff at when it comes to achievements!

I know you are missing the endorphins and good feelings you used to get from exercise, but you you can achieve alot if you really take charge of your meals. Good meal planning and eating is hard -- just like exercise -- so you can say to yourself: "I just ate really healthy meals that were great for my body -- am I going to throw all that effort away on a brownie now?"

It will take some brain retraining, I know, but you can do it!

It is so hard to accept physical limitations -- we are in the age of extreme sports and hard-core exercise and Spartan races (etc.) -- and we are surrounded by those images and ideas and want to be a part of that. I have personally had to retool my entire approach to exercise now that I'm living with chronic back injuries. And while I have actually started running again, it isn't nearly the amount of running and exercise I used to do in the past, and yet I'm having success and losing weight.

I look forward to hearing about your success, I'm glad you found the forum!