My lack of discipline and motivation is the bane of my existence. I've tried this so many times before.

I want to lose weight, I really want to!! .... But not as much as I want that Big Mac meal. Or that 2L Pepsi. I'm feeling a little lazy today, I think I'll just order a pizza instead of cooking. I mean, if I'm getting a pizza, it might as well be a large. With fried chicken on the side. And the 2L, of course.

That has been me for the past year. I gained 70 lbs in the past year (!!!) and am now at 246. I'm 5'8. I look at myself in the mirror and, at just the right angle, with just the right amount of sucking in, I can still fool my brain into thinking it's not THAT bad. And then I look at my BMI, my clothes size, the way people look at me, and I experience horrible cognitive dissonance, because what I know to be true doesn't match up with what I see in the mirror. I don't see myself as fat. Maybe a little overweight, kind of chubby. Husky, if you will. Phat with a PH.

But holy ****, no. I'm fat. Like, seriously, almost two-tickets-on-an-airplane fat. Like, need-disclaimer-when-online-dating fat.

I feel so overwhelmed.

In theory, I should be golden. I'm a CNA and I work PRN (basically, as needed) so I have all the time in the world to exercise. I'm home every day, so I have all the time in the world to cook up healthy meals. I have a 4yo child, so I really do have a compelling reason to not sit on my *** in front of the computer all day.

And then, I manage to talk myself out of it all. I live in a bad neighborhood, so I can't really walk around outside that much. I don't have money, so I can't go to the gym. Sure, there's a FREE gym in my apartment community, but I can't go there with my 4yo. Sure, my boyfriend can be with her while I go and exercise, but, surely I can't go alone. I live on the third floor so I can't exercise at home, I don't want to cause too much noise for my neighbors. Excuses, excuses, excuses.

I really want to, nay, NEED TO change. For myself, and for my daughter. I'm 25, and I'm on high blood pressure medication. I have high cholesterol.

God. I feel like a failure.

I joined this website in the hopes of finding like-minded women who will virtually KICK MY *** EVERY SINGLE DAY until I get up and do what I'm supposed to do. I know I should be able to do that myself, but I've been trying to do that for the past year, and it's gotten me nowhere.

I know you guys want to change. I do too. Let's change together?

You can do anything if you put your mind to it.

Yes, I recognise the excuses and it took me a good few years to actually DO something. The choice was mine. I'm glad I made it and have decided to sort out my life and attitude towards food and exercise.

So it's up to you. Put your mind to it, and you can do it. Virtual kicks off the sofa are great, but you have to motivate yourself too.

Hey, I'm also new to the forum. I completely sympathise with the "if I'm going to cheat I might as well go the whole hog" mentality. At least you're recognising the need to change for both yourself and your family- you're already on track!

You've found the motivation, now find some determination and let's all push on together!

I relate to all of your excuses except for the kid. I used to live on the 3rd floor, and walking up those stairs always put me out of breath. I'd want to go to the gym.... but -- ehhh -- not safe to go alone. If I'm gonna eat unhealthy, might as well go the whole mile, right? I joined this site 2 years ago when I weighed about 34 pounds less :| I look at my old ticker and thing "damn it, I WISH I could start from there now."

A lot of times, for me to get inspired, I like to read people's quotes, success stories, and especially, see the Before and After Pictures. That is probably the most inspiring thing of all, because I would love to see a negative before picture and a positive after picture for MYSELF, instead of just seeing a time line of me getting fatter and fatter... and doctors cautioning me more and more about my weight, and the negative consequences of it. I'm 23, I shouldn't be borderline high BP or have prediabetes.

So, I strongly suggest you read success stories to keep you motivated You can still eat those yummy foods, just cut the portions in half. You can still eat all day -- just small portions all day. And remember, you can do this. A year ago you will be SO HAPPY you started today.

Good luck

I absolutely HEAR you & your excuses!! Its always something isn't it? yep..thats why Im back with no excuses!! But if YOU want it,YOU can do it!

I too love looking at Before and After Pictures. They get me so emotional sometimes, I get teary eyed! I want to be that kind of impressive one day. I want to look at my before and after pictures, myself, and just be blown away by all that effort and hard work that went into making me change.

But being here means you are on the right path, because we all have to start somewhere. Welcome, and good luck!