Hey everyone! I just wanted to start off saying that everyone here is such an inspiration and I’m excited to become part of such a supportive community. I know I’m a bit on the young side here (16), but I hope I can still receive wonderful support from everyone. I’m in my junior year of high school and I’m beginning to worry about my health in the future. Pretty soon I’ll be off in college and I need to make sure that I can make responsible and healthy decisions for myself so I can have good habits later on in life. My uncle recently passed away at the age of 40 from a stroke. My grandmother currently has very aggressive forms of liver, lung, brain, and neuroendocrine cancer and it is continuing to metastasizing. The doctors don’t know where it originated from and they don’t know what other organs may be effected at this point. It made me realize how fortunate I am to be relatively healthy. And also it made me realize how I should cherish health and live in a way that promotes it.
So here are my goals I hope to achieve through weight loss:
• lower my risk of illness
• physically feel better
• gain confidence
• learn to make healthier choices
If it’s not too much trouble, I could use your advice. I know this is a little like the whole chick and the egg paradox but… Do you think weight loss comes before valuing yourself more? Or do you think valuing yourself more comes before weight loss? I really want to be happy with who I am- both in terms of personality and physical appearance. Part of me thinks that losing weight will make me happy. But a bigger part of me thinks that being a certain weight or looking a certain way isn’t going to make me proud to be who I am.
I’m a bit of a perfectionist in all honesty. I always want to excel at everything. In school I always push myself to take the hardest classes, do tons of clubs, and outside of school I always push to become a better writer, pianist, and artist. Even when I achieve something I tend to tell myself that it isn’t good enough. My SAT score isn’t good enough. My math grade isn’t good enough. I should be able to play a more challenging concerto. I don’t think I’ll be able to achieve my weight loss goals with this sort of mindset. Self depreciating thoughts aren’t going to motivate me and even if they did, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate my accomplishments. Do any of you have confidence problems? Or problems with being to hard on yourself? If so, could you please give me advice on how to overcome this?
Anyway sorry to bother you all. I appreciate you reading this immensely and I apologize that it’s not eloquent or articulate as it could have been.
I think you are doing the right thing by trying to take care of yourself! I am a strong believer that being skinny won't necessarily make you happy. However, I do think that knowing you are doing good things for yourself and your future (eating healthier, exercising, etc.) will make you happier, and the bonus is that it will probably make you feel more attractive. The confidence you get from knowing you are taking care of yourself is something that others will see and appreciate, as well. I hope that makes sense!
As for confidence, I can only say that you shouldn't push yourself too hard at weight loss/exercise. I think that when I have done that in the past, I have felt like I've screwed up and then just become defeated. This time I'm hoping for "slow and steady wins the race" and am allowing myself treats and cheat days so that I don't feel deprived. If you make it more of a lifestyle change than an "omg I am going to starve myself so I can be x number of lbs by x date", I think you'll be much more likely to succeed AND to be happy while doing it.
bubblybarrister- Thanks so much for your kind words of support and advice! You make a very good point. Working hard for yourself can make it feel more like you really matter. And it’s another thing to be proud of. As for the confidence you pretty much summed up my general thoughts right there. I tend to do the “omg I am going to starve myself so I can be x number of lbs by x date” sort of approach to a lot of areas of my life. I have to that the slow and steady method has got to work better. It’s much more reasonable. And achieving small goals is a great way to stay motivated and of course, be happy.
Jez- That’s a difficult thing to do. I guess that’s something that I’ll learn more about when I really get going with this. And I’m glad that you think it’s okay to feel that way. I definitely agree with you. It’s always nice to want the whole package. It’s always nice aspiring to be good at everything, look fantastic, have a bubbly personality, etc. I know it’s silly, but it’s nice to have my feelings validated.
Thanks so much you two! Your responses really helped me. Best of luck to both of you in the future!
First let me add a big welcome to my post. I am so glad that you found us here. If you check in regularly, you will receive the encouragement and motivation you need to help you succeed at your lifestyle change...and it has to be a lifestyle change or you will be on the gain/lose roller-coaster. I am so proud of you realizing that good health is important for you since you do have family histories of both stroke and cancer. Eating healthy is the beginning of good health. Add in a sound exercise plan and the weight will naturally come off. I think it is healthy for all of us to love ourselves and want to be our best. You are headed in the right direction with your mindset. Know that I will be here cheering you on. Blessings, firegirl
I say valuing yourself comes first. When I was your age, I was about your weight, a little lower, in the 110s probably. I always thought I was too fat, so I dieted. Then I binged. Then I was about 140, and I dieted because I hated myself. Then I binged. Then again at 160. Then again at 175. Then again at 200.
Before you know it, I'm 31 and in counselling. NOW I've got it the right way round. I felt sorry for everything I put myself through, and decided I wanted to treat myself well. It took me about 20 years and a multitude of diets, and to be over 15 stone, and behaving like a doormat to everyone, to realise I couldn't go on like this. I've finally come around to valuing myself, and have kept up my increasingly healthy lifestyle for nearly 3 months. There is no end date, I care about myself and it's for life. And I've realised that the only way to lose weight perfectly, is to accept your own imperfections and work with them. If I were perfect, I would be very boring! I don't want to be perfect any more. That's what added 100lbs and countless other troubles to my life in the first place.
When I'm back to the size I was, I know I'll like what I see in the mirror, and I'll feel better for being healthier! But I love myself already. And that's what it took to be able to do this.
I wish I'd figured this out when I was where you are now. Yours are some brilliant reasons for wanting to be healthier, the kind of reasons that permeate every aspect of your life rather than just being something external, something separate from you.
Congratulations on your decision! You've made it so much easier on yourself in the future by doing it now
firegirl441- Hi to you too! I’m glad as well that I found 3fc. And thanks so much for your encouragement. It’s fantastic knowing that I’ve got that support. Hopefully I will be successful in my journey. I think I’m going to gradually make little healthy changes in terms of diet. As for exercise I’m not really sure where to start. Thanks again firegirl! Good luck to you as well.
Mozzy- you too!
the shiv- Thanks so much for sharing your story. It’s inspirational and it’s motivational knowing that you went through the same thing and are achieving your goals. All your points are dead on. I completely agree that perfection isn’t a healthy or attainable goal and, as you pointed out, part of the problem. What was it that helped change your mindset? How did you learn to value yourself more? Anyway thanks again. Your response was really helpful and it gave me hope that I can do this. <3
I had given up on losing weight. I was never dieting again (and technically, I'm STILL not - not going to extremes, but adding one healthy change at a time until it feels permanent, then adding another, and so on).
My original problem was codependency, where I derived my self-esteem from how other people felt about me, or how useful I was to them. I can't tell you the extremes I went to, to make other people happy at my own expense. We all have our own issues, but these are mine. I've been depressed on and off from an early age, and by the time I was 13 I just hated myself, and I guess I never figured out that that wasn't right. Some people do self-destruction through drugs, some through booze, other things like debt, crime or risky sexual behaviour. I self-destructed through food. I had an image in my head of how worthless I was, and subconsciously made choices that led to my reality reflecting what was going on on the inside.
Through the counselling, I learned to figure out what I WANT. And that I didn't need to feel guilty about wanting things for my own happiness, and that I didn't have to detract from anyone else's happiness by adding to my own. There's an infinite amount of happiness to go around, and I realised that if someone was miserable, it was how it was, not because of something I had or hadn't said/done. I learned to realise when I was letting people treat me in ways I didn't want them to. I had to tell people that I needed things to change, what I needed from them, and what would happen if they kept walking all over me. It was the hardest thing I have EVER done. After a few years of things being really difficult as I struggled to learn to be assertive, things settled into a new "normal". Still not perfect, but much better. That's when I realised I wanted to take care of myself. And my weight loss journey has branched out of that completely by accident. Now I know that because I've pretty much exorcised my demons of self-sabotage, all I need to do is get through being healthy most days, and the rest of my life is slowly falling into line. That's what I mean about doing it from the inside out. Trying to apply a diet while I hated myself was much like putting a band-aid on a broken arm.
Chicken or the egg? Advice, please
