[tmd22]

I am Terra, I am 30, and I am struggling to find peace with myself and my weight. It’s hard to even know where to begin. I’ve been chubby pretty much my entire life and if I’m being honest, I’ve been fat my entire life. I made a list before I started to write this and it was probably the first time I’ve been 100% honest with myself about my weight and how it affects me. There are words I’ve never said aloud, it was hard enough to type them, but hopefully someday I will be able to face them. I think that’s what I hope to gain most through this process. The ability to be honest with myself. I think I’ve always put on a brave front. But deep inside I have let my weight keep me from trying new things and lately it has kept me from things that I know I enjoy.

When I was in high school, an admittedly small pond of about 120 kids, I was an over achiever. Top of my class, varsity letter winner, clubs and activities, and a boat load of great friends. It was easy to be heavy then because I excelled at other things. Even in college it wasn’t a huge deal to me. But as I grow older it is harder to put these feelings of failure and inadequacy in a box anymore. My struggle with my weight has led me to figure out that I only try things I know I will be good at. Up to this point I have not seriously tried to lose weight because I know I will not be good at it. And that is step one for me. Realizing that weight loss is a series of small battles fought in a long war. It won’t happen overnight, the scale won’t magically change in the morning because I had a day in which food did not win. But I have to start learning to accept the small victories, because ultimately if I have enough small victories, I will win the war.

If I had to list the most preposterous thing about my whole situation, it would be that I am overweight and I have a bachelor’s degree in sports medicine and a master’s degree in NUTRITION!!! How ridiculous is that? I have literally study two of the most important subjects related to weight loss; human physiology and nutrition! And I don't have the gumption to put that knowledge to work for myself. I’ve done nutritional counseling for collegiate athletes, then go home at night and know I am a total hypocrite. It comes down to the fact that it’s not about not knowing better, it’s about being lazy. It’s easier to be this way because it’s hard to lose weight, it’s hard to look myself in the mirror (which I literally haven’t done in years) and admit that I am a quitter. I use food to cope with stress, sadness, and when I am bored. But hopefully this is the beginning of the end of all of those feelings and actions that have kept me in this place. I’m not harming anyone but myself. I am 30 and its time I started living.

[wannaskipandlaugh]

to you!

Funny how life is?! Glad you joined here! You will find alot of wonderful, knowledgable and helpful people here. Yeah.. you are starting your journey to a healthier and lighter you!

[firegirl441]

Welcome Terra! I am so glad that you found us and are joining us for the motivation and encouragement that you will need to face these fears and hang-ups you are talking about in your introduction. You summed up weight loss the best that I have ever heard when you said "Realizing that weight loss is a series of small battles fought in a long war." In fact, it you don't mind, I would like to use that in my signature. You are exactly right. Weight loss is a war because it is a lifetime endeavor for most of us. My daughter is going to AA and my neighbor and I were discussing our weight problems like an alcoholic except my neighbor summed it up when she said weight loss is much more difficult because an alcoholic can quit drinking for life but those of us addicted to food still have to eat to survive. You do know what to do you just need to find a plan to help you succeed. You will have difficult days, but as you go on, the good days will far exceed the bad ones. Have you thought about which plan you might follow? I succeed at low carb best because I can leave the starches alone but enjoy meats. It maybe that you prefer to put your own plan together with your extensive knowledge. I have found it easier to use a plan that others use so that I can stay motivated by them and their successes and failures. What kind of exercise plan are you going to put together? Due to a back injury, I do an hour of pool exercise 3-4 times per week. Looking at your picture, I am sure you will be able to do a much more varied plan. I can give you one piece of advice...I have found drinking 1/2 of your weight in ounces of water each day helps me lose weight faster. When I was over 200 lbs, the doc did tell me not to drink over 100 ounces of water a day. Good luck and I will be here cheering you on. Blessings, firegirl

[bethFromDayton]

Welcome. Have you decided what method to use to lose weight? Have you read any of the various books about dieting approaches (not specific plans, but rather how to think about eating and dieting?)

Hope to see more posts from you!

[Mozzy]

Welcome and good luck on your journey!!!