[Lakilaulea]

You know, and this gonna sound very vain of me... But I seriously stopped having my picture taken once I hit a size 10. I'm a 14 now. There are a couple of pics of me that other folks have gotten candidly; let me see if I can get those. I remember going on a hike in September (at my heaviest) and a member of my hiking group got a pic of me and my dog. I was crouching down giving my dog some water and didn't know she was snapping pictures. She posted them to our group website and when I saw them, I seriously cried. If I had not seen my dog there and recognized my clothes, I would've SWORN it was someone else. That image is seared into my brain now. I'll see if that one is still on the website. I use old pictures of myself for motivation. I have some pictures of me when I was 135-145 that I like to look at because it shows me that I can look like that again because at one time I did. I'm just hiding under all this. I'm still not taking pics of myself. I know a lot of girls here do to keep a log of their progress, but I can't bear to look at myself----gawd, I must sound so vapid!!! LOL

[coffeeshopgirl]

Hi Lakilaulea,

I'm a size 14-15, and i totally know how you feel. I got some engagement pics taken a while ago and it just wasn't me. Really, it wasn't the me i was used to seeing in pics, but it is what i look like right now.

My weight is NOT who I am, and your weight isn't who you are.

You've already lost 20 pounds and that is a great accomplishment! Keep up the good work, and keep your chin up. Your weight isn't WHO you are. You can change this, and you are taking strides to get back to the real you.

You'll get there. Hang in there.

*hugs*

[Kerilina]

JUST KEEP SWIMMING...Holiday Season can be extra hard ...I am new here too and seems like everyone is pretty fantastic...seeking professional help is something to seriously consider...breathe and realize just how lucky you truly are...count your Blessings and know you're beautiful

[moonkissed]

Welcome to the site

I have been there and it sucks but it does get better. I have found blogging really helps me. Just be honest with yourself & write and get it all out there instead of keeping it all locked up inside.

It also helps alot to see patterns and why you do certain things or what triggers your certain emotions.

This is a really great forum though, it is nice having others to talk to who are going through the same thing and just to listen and see others can do it & so can you!